I began developing breasts in sixth grade. Not too...
I began developing breasts in sixth grade. Not too early compared to some, but once it started it didn’t take long for them to grow completely out of control. I literally went from completely flat-chested to a D-cup before I even knew what a training bra was. I never had the opportunity to wear cute, colorful, patterned bras–it was straight to huge and beige. By the end of that year I was wearing a DD, which I wore for a long time, but looking back it didn’t fit me at all. In high school I was measured again and it turned out I was not a DD, but a G. Before too long that didn’t fit anymore either. I’ve been wearing a 38H for a couple years now, but I’m spilling out of that as well. :(
This surgery is something I've dreamed about for a significant portion of my life, and I can only hope it will help as much as I need it to. I’ve never been comfortable with my body even at my smallest/healthiest point, and it doesn't help that I'm pretty overweight now due to some medications. I really want to better myself, but the problem is, my discomfort with my appearance makes me afraid to exercise due to perceived ridicule, and even if that wasn’t an issue, I am physically unable to do much of anything because of the ridiculous bouncing and the fact that my breasts are so heavy that they compress my lungs so I can’t breathe properly. Add those things to my years of neck pain, back pain, and emotional pain from people staring and oversexualizing my chest, and there’s the basic reason that I NEED this surgery.
In November 2015, after a lot of fighting with myself, I worked up the courage to schedule a consultation with a surgeon. There was a good chance that my insurance at the time would cover the cost because of their lax requirements, and since I would be changing insurance in the new year, I had to give it a shot before that chance disappeared. The consultation helped me put things into perspective a lot better and realize that I DO have an actual medical issue due to my breasts. It was so comforting to hear someone say that I wasn’t crazy or just complaining over nothing. But reassurance can only get you so far. Two weeks after the surgeon submitted the request for preauthorization, I called back the insurance company and learned that my request had been denied. They told me that appeals could take up to three months, and I just didn’t have that time available to me. I was devastated. I gave up, all of that hope and excitement crushed by some anonymous group of people who arbitrarily decided that the problems that had been plaguing me for my whole life were…not real.
About two months ago, my mother-in-law started talking with my husband about me getting the reduction done, and they worked out a plan so that we could pay out of pocket for my surgery. I…was overwhelmed. I still am. I didn’t think I’d be able to have this surgery for years to come, if I was ever able to at all. And all of a sudden, here it is. I don’t know what to think or to say.
Thinking about all this makes me so happy I can’t stop my eyes from tearing up. Finally I’ll be able to become myself. A healthier, more active, and happier version of myself.
Finally got around to taking some photos. I'm 5'3" and 209lbs as of right now. The beige bra is my best-fitting one, but still doesn't fit well at all. I tried to show the top spillage, but it's hard to take pictures of. The blue sports bra is the closest I've ever gotten to a sports bra fitting, but still gives me a pretty bad uniboob--the only reason it's not a full uniboob is because it has underwires, which is obviously not comfortable.
I deleted the pictures from my previous post because they were such a mess. To make things look nicer I made collages of my images. :) I'll be trying on these clothing items again after I've healed a bit to show the difference. It'll be very fun to see the change!
Getting so close.
I'm getting really nervous as my date gets closer. I am doing my best not to think about it too much because I'm afraid I'll end up second-guessing my choice and back out of it. Which I OBVUOUSLY do not want to do! I've been trying to distract myself with lots of crocheting and video games, haha! :) Just a few more days!
15 more hours...
And I'm kinda losing my mind with anxiety. Since yesterday I've been having anxiety attacks multiple times a day. Trying to remove my piercings and replace them with the approved plastic retainer jewelry was a mess as well. Couldn't get my septum ring out and had to bend it a ton, and one of my cheeks decided not to cooperate and swelled up so much I couldn't even see the hole. I found it eventually, but now with my normal metal jewelry in that side, I need to wait for it to calm down before I can try again. Just three more hours until I have to stop eating and drinking, but I'm really not hungry...I feel sick instead. :( I hope all this is worth it.
16 Nov 2016
Day of treatment
Today was a long day for me. Surgery was scheduled for 1pm, so I spent most of the morning worrying about it. I got to the surgery center with my mom and husband around 11, but was still scared (because of the iv, since I'm very afraid of needles and was crying and squeezing/scraping my poor sweet husband's hand :( ) until the marking-up phase out in pre-op when my surgeon, who I've seen just a handful of times in my life, asked if I was okay. When I said I was having pretty severe anxiety (despite trying to fight it back on my own) he asked if I needed some medication for that, and had the nurse go get it for me when I simply nodded. He is a very caring and compassionate man. The marking process was quick but precise, and I told him to go as small as he felt comfortable going. Then it was into the wheelchair and off down the hall which grew colder and brighter until we reached surgery. There, I, a little off-balance from the medicine already in my system, stepped on a small stool and then eased into the table, which was nice and warm. They gave me the warming feet/leg squeezers, and a blanket on my lower half. They then fastened my arms to the...arm rests? and other than that the anesthesiologist asking me what I do for a living and giving him my answer (I do freelance artwork from home) is all I remember.
I woke up with the nurse asking me to open my eyes and groggily did, through several blinks, to see my husband in a chair next to me. I was in quite a bit of pain because the topical numbing hadn't spread super easily around the sternum-area parts of my incisions. I said that I was hurting, and the nurse gave me something that would work well, but not for super long. While I was in recovery, my husband held my hand and told me about the updates the nurses had given him and my mom during my approximately 4-hour and fifteen minute surgery. They removed a total of 6lbs, which...wow. Hearing that made me feel great. I also got lipo in the bra-roll area and the little pooch by the armpit above my boobs, so those areas will look as nice as my great new ones once I'm all healed up. I did end up having to have nipple grafts, but I was fully aware and prepared for that option, especially since I asked him to go small. He expects I'll be around a B-C cup, which is EXACTLY the kind of teensy boobs I wanted to shoot for (but never used cup sizes during consults with him because it's not the most accurate way of measuring. I am so excited to be small!!
The ride home was a little bumpy even with all the pillows I brought along. Two on the sides kept me from sliding around during turns, and the one on my chest held them still for the worst of the bumps. We stopped and got me a vanilla milkshake which felt great because it was nice and thick and soothed my throat, which was sore and scratchy from the breathing tube.
I had a long walk from the car to my bedroom that had to be taken in two stages so I didn't pass out. I'm now in my bedroom where we pulled in our Perfect Human Zero Gravity chair. And it is the best thing ever, so comfortable!! I have my pillows at my sides again, one under my back so it's not as curved, and am using the headrest from the chair as my head pillow. All with my favorite quilt on top!
Anyway, I just woke up because my husband was giving me my medicine, so it's sleep time again. Please forgive any typos in this post. My armpits hurt from typing lol.
P.S. Changing my rating to "Worth It!" since I can breathe so much more deeply and my boobs aren't spilling into my armpits right now. :)
I woke up just now to go to the restroom and took a peek at my new boobs. I'm feeling very nauseous and dizzy, partially because seeing the small amount of dried blood around my incisions freaked me out. I'm on the edge of crying as well. This whole thing has just been so emotional and I don't know exactly how to handle it. I'm so happy to be on the other side of the surgery and have all these benefits that I've been looking forward to for so long, but I can't help worrying about all the scary complications I've read about. I'm trying really hard to stay positive.
A week later...
It's been a rough week, but things are finally looking up.
I've been lucky not to have had any complications so far, and am so grateful for that. Realistically, I understand that I've not had a hard time at all after surgery, considering some of the stories I've read here. However, I struggle with depression, and it has a way of throwing logic out the window. It is usually managed by my medication, but in the wake of my surgery, my brain has just not been able to produce enough "happy chemicals" to keep me stable. I spent significant portions of almost every day since my surgery crying and sleeping (to avoid crying and feeling horrible), not because I was unhappy, but because I simply had no energy left. Yesterday though, a really good friend visited, and seeing him picked up my spirits so much. It was exactly what I needed.
On Monday I had my nipple bolsters removed and my surgeon says they are looking very good. I'm keeping them covered with nonstick pads and bacitracin. The left one is seeming to be my "trouble boob" so I'm paying it extra attention in the icing and ointment.
The burning pain is still very intense and isn't touched by any sort of painkiller, so it's been tough to deal with, and especially when combined with the tightness of the swelling makes me feel very anxious because I feel like I can't breathe. Which is silly because I can breathe SO much better than before! I'm also getting occasional sharp nerve zaps, mostly in the vertical incisions, that make me squirm uncomfortably and take my breath away. Ugh.
I haven't posted any pictures yet because I'm grossed out by the yellow bruising and it makes me queasy to look at my breasts for any decent length of time, but I'll try to take some later tonight. Despite all the negative things I've written, I'm so happy I had this done and I am absolutely in love with my new TINY breasts. ??
I just can't get it under control no matter how much I ice them. My left breast has swollen so much on the outer side that I have three bright red new horizontal stretch marks (all my others are vertical). The skin on my breasts is so thin already and every breath makes me feel like it's going to explode. :(