I am officially 1 week pre-op for my mommy...
I am officially 1 week pre-op for my mommy makeover! I'm so excited and a bit anxious! I am a mom of four kids (11, 9, 8, 6) and at one point I had four kids age 4 and under! We didn't plan the spacing to be quite so close, but somehow it all works out! The pregnancies did take a big toll on my body, and having them when I was so young definitely changed me. I gained about 40 pounds with my first pregnancy (and a whole lot of stretch marks!), and about 25 pounds with the next 3 pregnancies. I managed to lose most of the baby weight over time, but eventually put about 20 pounds back on (emotional eater, anyone?). Through some big lifestyle changes, I have lost 40 pounds by eating a mostly plant-based diet and working out on a regular basis. Currently at 127 pounds, I haven't been this thin since high school. But I DON'T look like I did in high school :(
While I did have a big confidence boost by losing weight, I don't feel very pleased with the way my body looks. No matter how hard I work out at the gym, I will still have sagging skin on my stomach. I hate that I have to tuck my belly into my pants when I sit down :/ (Anyone relate??)
So, fast forward to about a month ago, and through some emotional ups and downs, my husband encouraged me to do something for myself that I've wanted to do for a long time, a mommy makeover. I have wanted breast implants since I was in high school because I have some asymmetry that really bothers me! I'm glad I didn't do it back when I was 17 because I definitely have a different opinion on what I want now. And, I'm definitely ready for the TT to complete the whole transformation!
I'm ready to do something for myself! I know I won't look like I did back in high school, but I'm excited for the changes that are coming. I hope to gain more confidence and feel more feminine and balanced.
I haven't told very many people in fear of their judgement/lack of support. But they don't know the challenges I've dealt with having asymmetrical breasts my whole life (that are now super deflated), in addition to the way my stomach makes me feel like a kangaroo.
I am currently a 34-B bra size, and I hope to end up around a small D after surgery. I am getting 375/400cc silicone implants with a probable aerola lift on the left side. I am not getting drains for my tummy tuck, and my PS says that the advancements in the procedure make the drains unnecessary. I hope my swelling isn't terrible. I'm also having a minor belly button hernia repair.
I look forward to your feedback and connecting with you!
What did you tell your kids?!? Plus, are you more or less critical about your body now?
I can't believe surgery is in 6 DAYS!!!
I am completely at a loss about what I should say to my kids. They're old enough (11, 9, 8, 6) to know that something major happened to me, but I don't really want them to know what I'm doing. I don't think I can get away with "I went to the doctor." I'm especially worried about my daughter (age 6). If she grows up and has a body like mine I don't want her to feel like she has to get surgery because she isn't good enough. Is it possible that my kids will NEVER find out? Even as they become adults? Probably not. But, for now I don't want them to know. I worry that they'll grow up thinking that they ruined my body and somehow it was their fault that I had to have surgery. Clearly it's not. The miracle of life is so amazing, and I don't blame them for how my body changed. What did you say to your kids?
I feel like my previous pre-op pictures make me look really out of shape. Here are a few with clothes on that show that I actually do have a decent shape... at least I think I do. I reached a weight loss plateau a few months ago, and I hope to lose about 10 pounds more by the end of the year (my fitness goal). My PS surgeon says I don't have anymore weight to lose, but I'm honestly not comfortable wearing shorts yet, so that tells me that I have a few more pounds to lose.
Does anyone else feel MORE critical of their flaws in light of surgery? I'm a little worried about that. I find that I'm more critical about my flat butt and the bit of cellulite I still have on my thighs. I'm also critical of my flat boobs and saggy stomach, but I'm thankful to be doing something to change that. Instead of appreciating the progress I've made and the improvements to my self-esteem, it seems that the better shape I'm in, the more I notice what I don't like. I probably have some type of unhealthy body complex where I still see the person I was 40 pounds ago in the mirror. I'm wondering if after surgery I will feel more or less critical of my body. It's something I need to work on, anyway.
CRAZY things I'm worried about 5 days pre-op
5 more days! So hard to believe I'm really doing this after wanting it for so long!
I hit it hard at the gym this morning and I was thankful to get some great tips from the trainer about exercises to lift and tone my butt. I definitely want to work on that once I'm given the green light to start working out again after recovery. I really don't like that I have to take so much time off from working out. I'm worried about gaining weight. It seems like I can just look at a brownie and gain weight. I know it's just a temporary setback, and I plan to really focus on healthy nutrition during that time to help with healing and recovery anyway. Did any of you gain weight during post-op?
Anyway, here are some crazy things I'm worried about at this point:
-MONEY. Spending so much money on my body seems so crazy. We could do quite a lot with $12k..like feed starving children in Africa. It's just a strange feeling knowing that I could make a difference in the world with money I'm using to get big boobies and a flat tummy.
-MY PERIOD. I'm supposed to start today or tomorrow. I hope to be done by surgery. It's just something I don't wanna deal with while I'm in surgery.
-NOT HAVING COFFEE. I know this one might sound super crazy, but I really enjoy my morning and afternoon cup of coffee, and not having it on surgery day makes me sad. If I skip it, I'm guaranteed to get a headache. Hopefully with the meds and everything else going on I won't notice my caffeine withdraws.
-MOISTURIZER. I have super dry skin, and I know I'll feel dry and itchy by skipping my lotions on surgery day. Not cool.
-SLEEPING. I love my sleep, and the thought of sleeping propped up in a recliner sounds dreadful!! I'm hoping the pain meds will make me so tired I won't mind. I'm a little worried about sleeping comfortably on my back for several months following surgery though. I don't wanna move the implants if I sleep on my side or stomach.
-BOOB SIZE. I'm worried that my boobs will be too big. Or too small. I wish I knew exactly what they're gonna look like when I'm done. I worry that I'll be disappointed with them in some way.
-ANESTHESIA. This is my biggest concern about surgery. I've never gone under the knife before and I don't like the idea of anesthesia at all. I'm terrified actually. I worry that I'll be one of those crazy people who can feel the pain during surgery but can't respond to it because you're paralyzed from the meds. I've heard about that happening and I sure hope it doesn't happen to me.
-PAIN. Obviously everyone hates this part. I'm worried that my pain will be so bad that I won't be able to take care of my bathroom needs. I don't wanna ask for help with that! Plus, I'm worried about taking so many meds. I generally avoid taking pills a much as possible and I hate knowing that I'll be on such strong, potentially dangerous meds.
-DYING. Yeah, I'm a bit worried about dying, too. It's not so much that I'm afraid to die, but I don't wanna leave my kids and hubby behind. Part of me feels like an elective surgery that potentially puts my life at risk isn't worth it. Another part of me feel like I might as well enjoy life and get the body I want and not let the risk hold me back. After all, there's some risk to everything, right? I'm choosing to trust that God will take care of me.
Obviously some of these things aren't worth worrying about, but the more serious ones weigh in my mind a little. I'm super excited about this mommy makeover, but I'll be glad when some of these things are behind me!
Such an emotional roller coaster 2 days pre-op
I imagine I'm probably a bit hard to be around lately. I feel like such an emotional roller coaster lately. I've done a ton of research and lots of preparing, and I feel excited about the changes coming. It's hard to believe it's really happening after wanting it for so long. But my emotional highs don't last long. They are quickly followed by nerves and frustrations. My in-laws didn't have very good things to say today about my choices related to the risks with the surgery. I wish people would talk TO me instead of ABOUT me!! I feel like my secret is getting spread all over and I'm already kinda dreading the upcoming easter holiday where it will feel like people will just stare at me and talk about me behind my back. I'm so happy for myself getting these much wanted surgeries, but I'm also very frustrated with feeling like everyone is talking about me. Anyone have any advice?
Anyway, I've done lots of deep cleaning, got my hospital bag packed, and my meds all lined up. I feel pretty prepared for the most part. I'm trying to keep my spirits up, even though I'm dealing with some unwanted frustrations with family. (Sigh...) I'm meeting a friend for coffee tomorrow so hopefully that will be the pick me up and support I need before heading into surgery.
I made it through!!
18 Mar 2015
Day of treatment
I don't hear angels singing so I guess that means i made it through! :) I'm sooooooooooo sore, but pain meds are helping a lot. The tummy tuck pain is worse than the breasts. I ended up getting 300cc on left and 375cc on right with moderate plus profile silicone implants. Asymmetry was more substantial than previously thought. Sooooo glad to be evened out and have nice full breasts now! I wanted to go a little bigger with implant size, but doctor said they didn't fit. I'm glad she made the call to go with something a little smaller because I definitely don't wanna look unnatural. Plus, if the implants are too big for my body size, then I image that the actual implant would be noticeable on the sides. I'm trying to be positive about the size being smaller than I wanted, although I am a little disappointed they didn't end up bigger. I can't wait to see everything, but I think I'll save that for when I feeling a little better... I don't wanna remove any of the compression garments right now. I'm so glad the procedure is over! The waiting and anticipation and nerves were so exhausting! I lost a few more pounds. The scale was down to 124 this morning. I didn't mean to lose more weight, but it was just hard to eat with all the nerves. I'll be glad once my appetite comes back and I'm feeling back to my old self again.
No drains TT seemed like a good idea but I didn't know it would mean MORE PAIN!
When my doc told me she does not use drains on the TT I was happy to hear that because I read that the drains are hard to deal with. Her method of suturing up the TT involves stitching the muscle to the skin tissues, which eliminates space for swelling. Anyway, my TT is hurting sooooo much more than my BA, and after doing some research it turns out that lots of doctors say that it really does hurt more than having drains. Oh how I wish I had drains right now! Walking is so incredibly difficult, and I'm really really hunched over. My PS made the drainless TT seem like a better choice, but she clearly failed to mention that it's the much more painful option. :(
Here is my new best friend: CVS Peas Therapy Pack
I was using regular frozen peas to put on my breasts for swelling but they sure start to smell bad as they thaw out. I found out about the CVS Peas Cold Therapy Pack, and they're so much better than stinky peas. They're not real peas (vegetables) but they're nice and soft and round like real peas. A good investment, I promise.
Progress has been slower than I hoped & breast swelling is VERY UNEVEN :(
My healing progress has been slower than I thought it would be. My husband says I'm doing a lot better. The first 2 days I couldn't even get in/out of chair by myself or walk by myself. Still feel really hunched over. Not as bad as first couple days, but definitely not even close to standing straight.
I'm starting to HATE my recliner chair. I feel like I've spent 23.5 hours/day in it. I'm thankful for the support It provides with sleeping and ease of getting up and sitting down, but I feel really stiff in my back and bottom from sitting in the same position for so long. I'm going to take a shower today for the first time with my husband's help. Thankful for no drains for that reason.
I'm not taking muscle relaxers very much at all. I don't think it helps much except makes me tired and nauseous. I'm trying to cut back on Norco. Have been taking 1.5 pills every 4.5 hours. Gonna switch it to 1 pill every 5 hours and hopefully I'll be able to handle pain.
I'm feeling VERY disappointed with uneven breast size. So much that I could cry when I see them. Dr said if you have asymmetry going into surgery that you may still have some asymmetry afterwards. The swelling is SOOOO MUCH worse on left side than right. I pray to God they even out as healing progresses. My number one reason to have BA was to FINALLY have symmetry after never having it my whole life. Anyone else have significant swelling differences?? Any personal experience/advice on this world be greatly appreciated. I'm trying to stay optimistic but I feel pretty sad and devastated about it.
4 Days Post-op: BM today was like birthing a baby :(
I know it's TMI, but for those of us going through major constipation problems from the meds, it's definitely worth reporting on. I have been following nurse/doctor's protocol for constipation with drinking lots of water and taking colace regularly and that didn't help. Was feeling super backed up, so talked to nurse and followed her suggestion to try milk of magnesia. Still no luck. After a failed 30 minute attempt to have BM this morning, I quickly realized that constipation was my worst enemy at that point and talked to doctor. She suggested dulcolax supository, and OH MY did that get things moving. Not gently or easily either. I can honestly say it was one of the worst experiences ever. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police thinking someone was dying in my apartment. Has anyone else had any more successful GENTLE things they've tried?
After all that, and since I'm running short on my constipation-causing narcotics, doctor called me in a new rx. Hopefully it's strong enough to keep the pain at bay. It's not a narcotic though. My pain is getting more manageable, but once meds wear off I get very irritable and sore. I look forward to when I can take ibuprofen.
A couple of other updates on my progress:
I started to panic this morning when I found a quarter sized fluid like sac by my TT incision. Was worried it was a seroma, and got in touch with doctor and she says it's a fluid blister caused by tape/ incision healing and it should drain on its own. My TT incision is getting a lot more sore today than previously. Probably from the healing process. A section of steri strips have pulled away and it looks awful. Does anyone know if we're supposed to put neosporin on incision? For some reason I can't figure out this answer online or in my paperwork. My belly swelling seems to be getting worse. Definite loss of sensation in area under belly button.
My uneven breast swelling is still pretty significant with left bigger than right. No bruising on right. Lots of bruising on left. I'm hoping that's a sign of swelling, which is why I'm still uneven. This has caused me a lot of worry but I hope to God as they drop and the swelling goes down they'll look more symmetrical.
VERY disappointed to have lost all feeling in left nipple :( I think the peri-aerola lift is the cause. I pray that sensation will return in time. I knew loss of feeling was a potential risk with the lift but I hoped it wouldn't happen to me. From what I've read, will likely slowly return within a few weeks to a few months as nerves repair, but it's not guaranteed to ever return. I'm worried about sexual response. This is definitely a big disappointment, and I hope so much that it improves.
Other than that, I'm back to taking care of kids and everything at home by myself tomorrow, which I'm nervous about and don't really feel prepared to do. Husband has been super big help, but unfortunately he has to go back to work tomorrow. I have doctor appointment in 2 days and I'm thinking about contacting a home care company to drive me there. I'm definitely not up for a long drive, and plus I think I'm legally not supposed to drive while on these meds. I have no idea on the cost though. Unfortunately I don't have family that lives nearby that can drive me. Maybe I can convince a friend to take me.
Well, happy healing to all the other mamas out there!
6 Days Post-op: Doc visit put my mind at ease
With all the sitting around I've been doing through this healing & recovery process, my mind has been racing with questions. I guess I worry a bit too much. I thought for sure my belly button was dying, my swelling was a seroma, my breasts will never be symmetrical, and blisters at my TT scar meant I was allergic to the steri strips. So thankful the doctor put my mind at ease after today's visit and it turns out none of those things are true. (Sigh of relief...) I love having online resources for similar procedures to mine, but it seems like the more I read about, the more I'm sure the worst case scenario is true for me. The doctor could tell I was anxious today, and reassured me that it's ok to ask questions rather than wait till I see her again.
Anyway, my pain levels have been manageable, and I'm now just taking Tylenol. I might want to take something stronger at the end of the day when my pain seems to be worse.
I'm not standing up straight yet. My back is really starting to hurt being hunched over so I'm gonna definitely work on that.
I'm also gonna try to sleep in my bed for the first time since surgery. The recliner has been fine til now, but my neck is really starting to kink from sleeping in the chair.
Other than that I'm making progress...although much slower than I want. I'm ready to get back to my old self again. I don't like napping so much. I look forward to getting my energy back soon. At least my BM are back to normal.
34D Bra Size! Yea!!! 8 Days Post-op
I'm finally feeling well enough to venture back into the outside world, so I did some shopping for a new support garment and sports bras (I probably over did it today with shopping, and I'm so worn out now). I know my breasts will change shape as they settle and drop, but I just had to try on a sexy new bra to see what size I am! Before surgery I was a 34B, and now I'm at a 34D. I'm so happy, and of course I had to take a picture to remember the day I fit into a D for the first time! :) I hope my size doesn't go down as my breasts drop. I didn't buy the bra because I know they may change, but I'm looking forward to bra shopping even more now!
2 weeks, 1 day post op. I'm ready to get off the emotional roller coaster!
Progress is slower than I hoped it would be, but at least it's progress. Left breast swelling and bruising is so awful, but right seems to be dropping. Incisions are healing fine, but still feeling pretty sore all over. I'm definitely tired of the emotional ups and downs, but I know my pms is contributing too. Here's hoping I'm turning the corner in my recovery!
3 weeks post-op: feeling so much better & TMI WARNING!
I'm finally feeling back to myself this past week. I'm able to go about my day pretty much like I used to but just a little bit slower pace. In the morning, my TT swelling is really low, but I'm still getting pretty swollen by the end of the day. My TT incision is healing nicely and my blisters are nearly gone. I've been pretty itchy all over though, which I'm sure is from healing and dry skin from being stretched out from surgery. I'm wearing my spanx (actually Wal-Mart brand, Cupid) during the day, but switch to my compression binder in the evening/night when my swelling is bad.
My right breast is dropping nicely. It's starting to look more natural in shape and not so high on my chest. The left isn't quite as awesome yet though. I REALLY hoped my swelling would have been better by now. The swelling is still making my left breast substantially different in shape than my right. I know it's come down some, but there's still fullness and roundness that doesn't look symmetrical. My bruising is getting better, but I'm actually getting NEW bruises! I've read that this can be fairly normal through the healing process but it does make me a little concerned. My ps says nothing looks concerning, so I'm hoping for a big change in shape as the left continues to heal.
Here's some good news: I'm regaining some nipple sensation!! So happy about that. I never lost it on my right, but lost it 100% on left. I'm regaining feeling around the sides of the aerola. This is so encouraging that I'm going to continue to regain feeling.
I'm planning to go bra/lingerie shopping next week. Even though I can't wear an underwire bra yet, I'm excited to buy new pretty stuff!
And here's a little TMI WARNING!! Can't say I didn't warn you!! When my dear hubby and I had (gentle, careful, non vigorous) sex this past weekend, my climax was very painful. I had muscle spasms and pains in my lower abdomen (right above my TT incision) that made me want to get the experience over as soon possible. I read that this is common and shouldn't cause any damage to healing, but it still makes me pretty nervous to have sex again. Has this happened to any of you?
1 month post-op bikini shopping!
It felt good to go bikini shopping today...something I haven't worn in about 12 years! Feeling confident and sexy while wearing a bikini definitely makes me feel like the whole surgery and recovery process was worth it! Now I just have to convince my husband to take me on a cruise to the Bahamas!!
For the most part I'm feeling a lot better in my recovery. I'm still pretty sore in my abs though. I find that I'm more critical of body now. Even though I feel pretty happy with my results, I still notice all the things I wish would have turned out different. I knew I wasn't going to look perfect from the surgery, but I'm still struggling with some feelings of letdown. Has anyone else experienced this?
Still not able to workout like I used to...not even close. I think part of my letdown feelings come from losing some muscle and shape from not working out. I still get quite a bit of swelling throughout the day, but I'm wearing my compression garments a lot less. It doesn't seem to make a big difference. Anyway, I told my husband that I'd try to stop being so critical and work on feeling more grateful and happy with my results. So I'm determined to put negativity behind me!
2 months post op
19 May 2015
2 months post
Feeling confident and sexy at this point. I love being able to tuck my shirt in without a belly bulge. Still have numbness below bb and get swelling from time to time mostly above my belly button. My period is off cycle, which is very unusual for me but I've read that it's fairly normal at this point post op. I've been using scar guard on TT incision but I tend to think the scar will probably heal the same with or without it. Workouts are back to normal which helps me feel more back to myself.