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It was my dream of long time but now my body and...

It was my dream of long time but now my body and mind is in ruins. I had a large tattoo of a bird done on my shoulder blade (black and browns) and it has taken a hold of me like the reaper himself. The past 3 weeks have been a nightmare. I weep like I have lost a dear family member, unable to feel joy, food is not amazing and every morning is a struggle to get up and not get upset.

I'm slowly taking the steps to get myself back together all though everyday is a new battle for me. I've researched all over the internet to learn more about the possible tattoo removal methods... But as I researched I also learned that my artist had used WHITE.

My whole world fell apart on that... I just need to get it out. I just simply can't live with it, there's just no way.

I'm desperate for any method at this stage but I'm still forced to wait until September to get started with laser removal.. I decided to join this forum after reading your writings and hopefully I'll get to where the silver outlining is with this whole fiasco...

Picture update

I guess I could just put it out there... So that's the bird that needs to fly away~

Also I'm still struggling on deciding which treatment to go through. All though picosure seems crazy amazing I'm not sure it's the right one for me since my browns are more reddish and warm... And solid black lines seems respond better with Q-switched. My options are nd yag Q-switched or Asclepion laser that has both q switch and ruby laser build in. Other option would be picosure that's in Norway... Other two I mentioned are in my country. I have consultation for the two places here in my country next month.

Struggling...

Hi guys... I had a pretty rough day today. I've done my best to get out and not let this thing cripple me... But it doesn't really help seeing all these beautiful people with their beautiful skin. I keep going back to the day I had my tattoo done, re-living it in a way where I walked out... But that makes me even more tired. I never knew I was so attached to my outer appearance...

The worst thing is I've lost myself. All this quilt that I feel has detached from the reality. I just don't who I am... I feel like I've been exciled and that there is no place for me to go to. Crazy, right? I'm still me but I keep having these up and downs and it's taking a toll me. So... If anyone out there is reading this I would like to ask you if you had the need to search for other kind of help in addition to laser treatments. I've started thinking about it and I'm positive that I need to do my best to not let this thing take over and destroy all the beautiful things I have in my life. So my question would be... Have any of you guys had to go through theraphy and/or medication to get yourself through it? Sorry for the gloomy question but it would be really helpful to here how you guys experienced it.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have the most caring, patient and gentle partner. He's pretty amazing for putting up with me. That is why I'm willing to take any road necessary to protect that I have and to not obsess over what I have lost. It is only skin, loving, caring and living skin.