Hi ladies! I thought Id share my story here as Im...
Hi ladies! I thought Id share my story here as Im having my breast implants removed in a few weeks.
Me: 30 years old, no kids. Got silicone implants above the muscle when I was 19.
Why I got them: As a teenager I was very conscious about my breasts, and as they never grew beyond a small a-cup I decided early on that I wanted a boob job. I cant actually remember how they felt or looked like before the surgery, Ive spent all my adult life having fake boobs! Its a funny feeling, I have no idea what to expect...
Issues with them: Up until now Ive never actually considered taking them out. Ive not paid much attention to them in general really (now that they are going I feel that I should have appreciated them more, lol).
Looking back however I see several little issues; ever since the surgery my nipples have been very sensitive and prone to going stiff/hard randomly, meaning always having to wear a bra with enough padding to prevent the nipples poking out. And then there are the common issues with lower back pain, and with lying on my stomach or even on my side, as well as running/exercising.
Besides, wearing anything low cut or tight fitting feels vulgar and attracts unwelcome attention.. having a big cleavage wasnt as fun as I thought it would be!
Theres also an odd feeling of never being comfortable, both physically and mentally. I dont know how much the breast implants has to do with it, but Ive seen it mentioned in other peoples explant stories, so who knows?
Recently I started having stabbing pains and general discomfort in my left breast. Ive spoken to a plastic surgeon and she says this a good time to have them out. She seems positive about my chances of recovering nicely, apparently I still have some breast tissue left, but Im almost too scared to hope for anything remotely pretty, haha..
My surgery is booked for the 8th of april, and Im part nervous wreck, part sad and part excited..
Thank you so much for all your comments and support! :) (And good luck to all who are doing this too!!)
I feel that lately I do nothing but read explant stories, look for bras and watch video blogs about implant removal. I havent thought this much about breasts since I saw an insecure teenager, haha. But I think this time Im doing it for the right reasons. Its comforting to hear about other peoples experiences. However, the list of pre-op tips FREAKED ME OUT.. Im sure its not ment to be scarying people, but I didnt know blod clot was a realistic danger, and thats one of thinge Im most scared of (I dont know why, but the thought of that just freaks me out so bad), so now Im feeling rather scared again. But Im still going through with it. Im young and healthy so its probably gonna be ok.. I hope...
Apart from the issues I mentioned in my original post, I also have a few other vague sort of problems. I havent been diagnosed with anything, but just as an experiment I started following the AIP diet (auto-immune protocol paleo diet) last week, where you eliminate all foods that can contribute to leaky gut and autoimmunity. A few days after I started this diet I actually read online that breast implants have been linked to autoimmune problems, so my explant and this diet together will hopefully relieve some of my little, but persistent and annoying, problems:
-NO sex drive (for years now, ever since the surgery really)
-Mild bouts of depression and anxiety
-Underarm odour/sweating a bit more than what seems normal
-Occasional tingling sensations in my left hand
-Brain fog! My brain is a constant chaotic mess, I cant remember things and I cant focus
-Acne on face, neck, shoulders and back
Next week I'll be boobless, ohmygosh, its so weird... I actually havent thought much about it lately, since the pain/discomfort in my left breast disappeared a while ago, but now that surgery day is getting nearer my head is all boobs again.
Im 3 weeks into the autoimmune paleo diet, and while my skin has cleared up a lot and my energy improved a little, I cant say I feel that much different. Still lots of brain fog, no sex drive and this weird deflated mildly-depressed mood that Ive had for years and years. However, Im gonna continue with the diet anyway, because its a super healthy and healing one, so it will be great for recovering after the surgery.
Its gonna be so weird seeing myself with tiny breasts again, Im kinda nervous about what family, friends and colleagues will think...
To keep things positive, Im trying to focus on what Im looking forward to:
- Not having people (aka perverted men) stare down into the depths of my cleavage instead of looking me in the eyes when speaking to me
- Wearing long necklaces without having them disappear into said depths, or wrap around one boob and hang there awkwardly
- Wearing shoulder bags without them too burying in between my breasts (seriously, clothes and necklaces are tricky stuff, lol!)
- Wearing low cut tops, tight fitting clothes, bikinis etc without feeling vulgar/sexualized
- HOPEFULLY feeling lighter and more comfortable in general
- Going braless with no boobs getting in the way/pain/annoyance
- If the removal can help with any of my vague mysterious health issues, that would be amazing, but tbh that seems too good to be true so I dont know if I should even hope for that
Kinda nervous and restless today, Im worried about what my colleagues will think. My current boobs are definitely quite big (judging my the number of customers at work who stare at them at least... ugh!), so going from that to almost-flat-chester, which is what I fear/expect to end up with, will be quite a striking change. Might have to start wearing my hair down at the front to hide that whole area, haha :|
Still worried about possible complications. Ive had quite a few surgeries throughout my 20's, and I imagine the risk increase with each times youre under anesthetics. Ive read too much about this stuff I think. Sometimes ignorance is bliss...
On a more positive note, I keep seeing clothes in the shops that are super cute and will look much better on a small-boobed me than they would right now. 10 years ago I felt like clothes were made to fit bigger chests, I dont know if that was just me being silly or if things actually have changed, but nowadays most clothes actually seems to be designed differently. Or maybe Im just better at seeing what looks good on different body types now. Either way, I find myself drooling over gorgeous Freepeople dresses like I was a bohemian 19 year old all over again, lol
Capsules - to remove or not to remove
Ive been thinking about whether or not I should ask the doctor to remove all the capsule. If the capsules is thick, she said she'll remove it for free, but I think if I ask her to remove everything, even if the capsules is thin, I'll probably have to pay more. Also Im worried that this might damage what little breast tissue I have? Any thoughts/experiences on this? Ive read on various breast implant illness websites that its recommended to get it all removed, but Ive also read about people not doing it and ending up feeling better anyway. But yeah, I dont think I have much natural breast tissue going and Im really scared of ending up completely flat, so thats a big worry for me...
Gonna call the surgeon tomorrow, bit nervous and stressed out today
I havent heard anything from my surgeon since the consultation some weeks ago, and the operation is on friday, so tomorrow I'll call her and ask if I should take any special supplements or something, ask what bra to buy, and, most importantly, ask if she is willing to remove all the capsule. I know doing that will be more expensive, but if she is willing to Im just gonna go for it. The deadline for cancelling the surgery is up, so if she refuses I guess Im stuck with the capsule in. I wish I had thought about this sooner, ugh, my brain really isnt working the way it should...
Tomorrow is the day, byebye boobs
I have no idea how to feel today... sad because my teenage dream-boobs are soon gone? Scared because Ive already had several surgeries and my body might have had enough? Worried because I might end up with misshaped or non-existant boobs? Happy because I know Im doing the right thing for my long term health? A little bit excited to soon be able to wear certain types of clothing that I havent felt comfortable in while having big boobs?
I think Im feeling all of the above, all at once, + more, lol. Seriously though, what a weird mix of emotions, I'll be glad when this is all over and I'm safely on the other side...
I've applied for a couple of jobs these last few weeks, so on top of all this boob stuff Im stressed the heck out because of that too. Im super worried I might not get any of them, because my current job doesnt give enough hours to support myself atm. Its gonna be a GOOD DAY when/if I finally can sit down, healthy and small-boobed, at my desk at my new job... Phew!
Ok, deep breath, one thing at the time, right? D: Boobs now, job later.
My current boobs are pretty, I think, although lately the left one has started to look a bit strange. I suspect it might have ruptured because it looks flatter and saggier than the other. In my head they are a too big, though. Surgeons and others have said they are not that big, but to me they just feel and look too big, even though ofc I can see they are not in the boobzilla category. Anyway, soon they are gone, so today I took a few more pictures to honor their memory.
Tomorrow is the day, at 10.00 in the morning, nice and early! Today I need to make a few meals ready for the weekend, do some housework, buy groceries for the next few days in case I wont be able to drive much, etc... I think its a good thing that I'll be busy, otherwise Id just sit and worry
Aaaand they're out!!!!
8 Apr 2016
Day of treatment
Just popping by for a quick update! The surgery is over and I just got home. The whole thing, including me waking up and getting ready to leave, took around 3 hours in total. The nurse and surgeon and anesthetic doctor were all wonderful, very friendly people! When I woke up they even gave me some food! Never had that happen before after a surgery, lol
I feel quite normal in the head, but I imagine there are still lots of medicines floating around in my body. Luckily theres no pain yet, just soreness, nothing a little pill cant fix! They gave me a prescription on some strong painkillers to take if it starts to hurt, but thats all. No antibiotics or other stuff, luckily. The less medicines the better, is my theory!
As I suspected, the left implant had ruptured. Pretty badly too! The surgeon showed me a picture of it, and it looked like jellyfish porridge.. a complete mess! The right one had ruptured as well, but was much more intact. Apparently my implants were 350 cc, and of a very low quality type. The capsule is out too, and Im so glad its all OUT of my body.
I dont know if its swelling or actual boob, I imagine mostly swelling, but so far I do seem to not be completely flat. So thats nice. Atm Im just focusing on not worrying about complications and pain. Looks will be an issue I deal with later!
Good luck to those who are going in for surgery today/tomorrow, and I'll see you soon! :)
8 Apr 2016
Day of treatment
Ok my personal first impressions are a bit different than from what I expected. It hurts a lot more than thought it would. Not as much as when I got the implants put in, but more than what others here seem to experience. Im able to brush my teeth and stuff, but it definitely hurts. Ive taken a few strong pain killers now before bed (12 hours now since I got out of surgery, its midnight), I need to learn how to go to bed lol. Dont think I'll get much sleep though, unless the painkillers work properly.
Also I had a little look at my boobs and both of them are kinda folded under the nipple, if that makes any sense. I have double boobs! I hope that will go away...
Not regretting it though. I had to get this toxic stuff out of my body at some point anyway, and now is a good a time as any
Post-op, day 1
Thanks so much for all your lovely comments and support, ladies :) What a wonderful little community this is :D
Last night was a bit rough. The night before I had only slept a few hours, and both in the days before and on the operation day I ate lots of sugar and other bad stuff. I also stayed up much too late! Silly me! The odd things we do when we're stressed... Before bed I took some heavy duty painkillers and got extremely dizzy and almost passed out on my way up the stairs to the bedroom. Started suddenly shaking and feeling really cold as well, and my throat felt sore and weird. I think it was a combination of the medicines and lack of sleep/rest, but it was kinda scary. I ended up not being able to sleep much that night either, despite being pretty knocked out from the painkillers. So, I wasnt off to the best start haha
The good thing is that the double boob phenomenon looks better today! :) I have strips things over my incisions, but other than that Im only wearing a post-op bra. They strapped me super tightly into it, I guess instead of using bandages. Feels like its pressing down on my incisions really bad, which is why I couldnt sleep very well last night.
After all this whining I have to add that Im a PROPER WUSS when it comes to surgeries and pain, so to anyone considering an explant, DO NOT let me scare you off. The majority of people here seem to tolerate this process much better than I have so far haha. And its a small price to pay to get this nasty stuff out of your body anyway :) A few days of discomfort or pain is nothing when your long term health is at stake!
Today I feel much better! Been having a nap to catch up on my much needed sleep. Ive put down the biscuits and chocolate, and instead Im eating bone broth, vegetables, lots of meat and other healing things, to help my body repair. I feel amazing after every meal, at least when I remember to top up my painkillers lol. I think eating paleo, like Ive done today, is the best thing for my body. The difference in how I feel compared to when I eat grains and sugar is crazy
Still no pictures Im afraid, I dont know if I should remove my bra yet? Since I dont have anything else holding my sad empty little boobs in place, it feels kinda scary to let them out of the bra! Ive got permission to have my first shower on tuesday, so I'll take some pictures then at least :)
Take care all! My painkillers and lack of sleep is making me pretty swirly in the brain, so I should probably go back to the sofa now :)
Post-op, day 2
I slept pretty much all through the night last night, and Im feeling so much better today. I even ventured out on a tiny walk! I go crazy if I cant get out of the house and see some sunshine and trees on a regular basis, so I braved it and had a 10 minute expedition lol. It was very tiring, but wonderful!
Ive only taken one painkiller today, and I even have some energy to do stuff, so this is going much better than what friday night seemed to promise! :)
Still too scared to take my bra off, but I took a picture with the bra, in case anyone is interested in that (and also to keep as a memory, in case it all turns out to be swelling and I lose it all again lol). They are small, and with my curved back and general body shape they look extra small, but I expected to have much less volume left than this, so I cant complain! Ive had to loosen the bottom fastenings on the bra because its really squeezing down on my incisions and hurting me, but even with this its so uncomfortable that I feel like Im walking around hunched over. Cant wait to get it off! :D
The surgeon was right though, even though the pain at first felt similar to when I got the implants put in, its really nothing like it at all in terms of how -much- pain you feel. At least in my case. This is much much easier!
Im trying not to use my arms much, but I have no issue carrying a kettle with water, a full soup bowl, and stuff like that. Not gonna try push ups anytime soon, though..
I wonder how different recovery will be for me, compared to others on this website. Almost everyone seem to have/have had their implants under the muscles, whereas mine were above. As far as I understand, theres no damage done to my muscles.
One annoying thing is that I keep getting tiny little strange pains in different parts of my legs and arms. This is nothing new, but it seems a bit worse now. Especially on my left side, but I do have a weird left hip. My left arm is feeling weird too, like a slight pain/discomfort. This has been going on for a few weeks, but after the operation it has gotten worse. Rather than freaking out and suspecting a month long heart attack, Ive chosen to believe its a nerve in the arm that got damaged when the implant ruptured, and that this has been further disturbed by the surgery. Time will tell!
Have a nice day everyone, I will go read your stories and updates now :)
Post-op, day 3
Hello darlings! :) Im sat here with donuts (diet eh..? well at least I was good yesterday...) , earl grey tea, sunshine coming in the windows and tiny tits and I feel fabulous, hehe :D
Just got home from the doctors, he couldnt find any signs of blood clots whatsoever, so he said its probably just muscle or nerve pain. My legs, especially the left, felt kinda painful today too, so before the doctor appointment I was freaking out and almost ready to order a coffin for myself. I seriously need to stop reading about these things online... I have been sleeping in some weird positions due to the extra pillows that Im using, and Im a stressed person by default so I tend to tense my muscles randomly even while trying to relax, so I guess Im fine :)
I feel more awake and clear-headed today (though I still cant remember whether Ive taken any painkillers today, so I do have a good while until my brain is actually working properly it seems, haha), and my energy level is going uuuup! :) Getting out of the house today and be out in the sunshine, and get good news at the doctors, undoubtedly helped, but I also know that I'm actually healing up nicely now, and that fills me with hopes for the upcoming summer!
Of my weird little symptoms listed in my earlier posts, I think it is still too early to get my hopes up for most of them. I imagine I still have lots of chemicals in my body, considering the left implant was SOUP, and I dont think they were removed en-bloc (they did remove the capsule, but after taking the implants out.. I think!). But still, I do feel better than I have done in a long time! :)
One happy change is my skin My hands and legs are no longer dry and cracked, and I have no acne or oiliness in my face. So thats a definitive improvement!
Its interesting to follow all your journeys here (Im bad at commenting, but I am reading what youre writing! :) ). People have such different ways of dealing with this. And there is no one "correct" way, and I like that. For me, this whole process has not been as emotional as I thought it would. I fully expected to cry at least once over my precious teenage dream breasts, but so far theres just been a calm feeling of doing the right thing. This continues to increase now after the surgery, I no longer hate my body or myself, like I used to. :) I am grateful to have had these implants, they helped me through some rough times where I felt really, really shitty about my body and mind, and now I guess I was just ready to let them go! :) Before making this decision I was afraid Id might regret it, or that my old low self-esteem might come crawling back.. but no. This has confirmed for me once again that self-esteem comes form your mind, not your body.
Post-op day 4, shower time!
Good morning ladies :) Its still morning here, but so far the day seems promising. I woke up feeling rested and good, theres no need for painkillers anymore, and then I could finally take a shower! Im so used to having daily morning showers, so these last few days without them Ive felt pretty nasty lol.
Took some pictures too :) My strange double boob has disappeared, and I am amazed at how much volume I still have left. From what I can remember they're bigger now than they were before I got my implants. But I have a feeling some of it is swelling.. Time will tell!
The left one, where the implant was completely ruptured and liquid, still has a different shape than the right one. They didnt use to be different, but the implant rupturing so bad made the left one a bit saggier. Nothing I cant live with though, Im still happy! :)
Post-op day 5
Thought Id write a little update every time I notice improvements :) Thank you so much for your kind words and support btw, youre too kind! :)
These last 2 days Ive noticed huge improvements, I have much more energy and I feel more comfortable and normal every day. The bra Im wearing still squeezes down on the incisions, but its not really painful anymore, just uncomfortable.
Ive had some shooting pains on the top of my left boob, not so much today but a little yesterday, but nothing painkiller-worthy. Other than that, its fine!
Today I had a little walk, 15 minutes or so. I can definitely notice that my body has been through a surgery, I keep taking little breaks to avoid getting dizzy, and I walk super slow, but it feels sooo good to get out of the house. Sunshine and fresh forest air! :)
My right one was a little cone shaped, I think because of the plaster thing (not sure what thats called in english?), which I removed yesterday. Now I only have the tape covering my incisions, plus a post-op bra. There seems to be more fullness in the right one today!
Post-op day 6
Quick little update: :) Im feeling a little bit worse today, I think Ive might have overdone it for the last few days. Been playing with my dogs, driving cars, planting seeds and stuff, so today Im a bit sore. I also woke up sleeping on my side, so thats probably not good either.
Whats worse, my nipples are soooo sensitive. This is an issue I had ever since I got the implants, but after the explant it seemed to have gone away. Today though they are worse than ever. I hope this will go away, faaast...
Other than that Im doing fine, got more energy and feel quite good. Been eating bad today too, so I could probably have felt even better if I bothered keeping up my diet, but thats for another day :P
Hope you are all doing good!! :)
Post-op day 7 - Nipples, anyone? Im done with mine.
Anyone else having crazy sensitive nipples? Its driving me mad, they keep aching/feeling sore all the time lately... Does it normally go away after a while? They were sensitive before the explant too (ever since I got the implants), but not this much. First few days after the surgery I couldnt feel them at all, but I guess the nerve is healing or something because now they're all over the place now, and they are ANGRY
Other than that I feel fine. Was washing my post-op bra again today so I had to spend a few hours wearing a "normal" bra (without underwires and other hard bits ofc), which felt easier on the nipples, but I was surprised by the amount of jiggle! Natural boobs are so soft, I never knew... The post-op bra squeezes everything together. I changed the tape over the incisions today, as my surgeon told me to, and that went well. The incisions still feel sore, but they look clean and nice, nothing bad going on!
I do have some weird feelings in my boobs, a bit here and a bit there. Hard to describe, its not pain, but I can tell something is happening inside them. Its the feeling of healing (If I ever become a smooth jazz musician, thats gonna be the name of my first song), I guess. Its strange.
Happy healing to all, I hope you have nicer nipples than mine, and good luck to everyone whos having their surgeries!!! :) :) :)
2 weeks post-op
Time for a little update again!
The booblets are healing up nicely, but there is not really much change. They look slightly smaller than last week I think. Im still wearing the post-op bra for another week, which is ok by me because whenever I run/jump/drive on a bumpy road my boobs jiggle all over the place lol. Need something to strap them down, even though they are small?!
My pain is mostly gone so Im back to doing housework, to my boyfriend's great relief. He has a physically challenging job, so having to walk the dogs and do the dishes every day while Ive been recovering hasnt been fun for him. I dont much like to be dependent on people anyway, so its ok with me to going back to doing my half of the chores.
Ive gone back to sleeping like I normally do as well, on my side. Soo much nicer than trying to sit!
And next week Im going back to work - not looking forward to that though... Still no idea how to deal with the fact that my colleagues will obviously notice and talk behind my back. Oh well, Im leaving soon for another job anyway, hopefully.
The only things Im still careful about is working out, running etc, which still feels a bit uncomfortable. There is no muscle pain or anything, but its that jiggle... not a nice feeling!
The nipple sensitivity is more back to normal, thankfully! There are still some funky random sensations on the left side, but nowhere near like a week ago.
As fas as my vague little issues and problems goes, I havent noticed much difference. My energy level is still low, I still have weird little aches and bad moods, etc etc. I have been stuffing my face like a pig though, with lots of sugar and other unhealthy things, and that always make me feel bad. Havent been able to convince myself to eat as healthy as I was hoping to, for some reason. Trying to stick to healthy food is such a struggle!
All in all Im still satisfied with the results, and I dont regret doing this at all. I do hope they will fluff up a bit, and that I will be able to stick to a healthy diet for some time to help my body get through the last stages of healing though
See you next week :)