37yo, 4 kids, explanted 1.5 years after MM. SO WORTH IT!

I had a "mommy makeover" in May 2014: TT with muscle repair, lipo on the hips, BA and BL (lollipop lift). I knew 100% I wanted the tummy tuck; I'd had 4 kids, including a set of twins, and my stomach skin and muscles were shot. I had a nearly 4-finger separation in my abdominal wall and a probable hernia. I wasn't sold on the implants, but I feared that I would regret not doing it, so I went for it. My implants are smooth, round, silicone: 371 in the right breast and 397 in the left.

Well, I should have listened to my gut feel! As soon as I saw them, I knew I had made a mistake. I went from a 30C (I was wearing a 32B, the sister size) to a 30G. FOUR cups sizes. I was totally mortified.

Everyone kept telling me to give it time. My husband told me to just wait and see. My mom (who has implants) insisted that I would love them and that I'd probably want to go back for bigger ones. The surgeon told me to wait 3 months before judging. But during those first 3 months, we moved out-of-state, so I told myself I'd give it 6 months. Six months came and went. I told myself I'd give it 9 months (since that's when all the healing is supposed to be done, according to what I've read). Nine months came and went. We bought a house, moved, etc. etc. Life just got in the way.

Here I am almost 16 months post-op and I cannot stand these things. I want them out YESTERDAY. At this point, I'm wearing nothing but strategically printed T-shirts and black. I don't wear solid colors, anything drapey or low-cut, nothing striped, not one shred of white clothing, no bright colors, no halters or spaghetti strap tanks, no cute dresses . . . Basically I don't wear anything I want to wear because of the size of my breasts. I avoid underwire bras because they enhance the shape and size. I can't find 30G bras very easily unless I want to spend $60 on a single bra, so I have to buy 32DDD -- which is still difficult and expensive. Forget finding something at Target! Buying bras, clothes, and bathing suits is a nightmare. I'm dreading the upcoming winter season because I can't wear any clingy sweaters, no vests, no solid colors, no cable knit, etc. because the only thing that stands out is my BOOBS.

I can't stand the way they feel, I can't stand the way they look, I'm totally embarrassed of them, and most of all I hate feeling like I'm living a giant lie -- like I'm hiding a shameful secret. That's not at all in line with my values.

I also don't want to deal with the long-term health ramifications and the financial upkeep. I don't want to keep subjecting myself to surgeries as I get older, either. I just want them out and be done with it once and for all. I have already mentally beat myself up for all the money I will have wasted on my breasts, but that shouldn't be a reason for continuing to live in misery.

Since so many of you have shared your stories, I want to journal my experience in case it helps someone else. Thank you SO MUCH to all you brave women who have posted on Real Self!!

I didn't want to make my first post too long but I left some other stuff or that might be helpful to someone reading.

I'm 5'3", approximately 130-135lbs. All four kids were breastfed for over a year. I didn't have terrible stretch marks on my boobs so the surgeon managed to remove them all during my original lift. Unfortunately the scarring from the lift and my tummy tuck incision is prominent so I'm just hoping it doesn't get worse with the explant :(

Implants are under the muscle. I really think that, as far as a surgeon's perspective goes, the doctor did a good job. My healing was relatively uneventful, although my right breast had some issues the first few months. It seemed to have had some capsular contracture early on? The surgeon prescribed Singulair. I took that and vitamin E internally for a couple of months and that actually seemed to help. The pocket on the right is more restricted though, so that implant sits higher and stays upright when I'm lying down (which I HATE).

As far as health concerns, I do have some odd things that I wouldn't have associated with the implants but now I'm wondering since reading other stories...my arms fall asleep if I have them bent when I'm lying on my back. I also developed a new set of eye bags shortly after getting the implants, which I had chalked up to hitting my later 30's -- I guess we'll see once the boobs are out. Something else odd is that my hair started thinning and falling out in the front a couple of months ago, the way it did in the post-partum period. And I get a lot of zits on my chest for no apparent reason.

My posture has gone to hell since getting my BA, mainly because they stick out like MISSILES, no exaggeration!! This drives me crazy because I was a dancer when I was young -- I developed excellent posture as a result and have always been proud of that. I have shoulder pain as well, probably due to the issues with having poor posture.

I'll update again with info on my first two consultations as well as some pics if I'm feeling brave!!

I've had two consultations for my explant so far. Both doctors are in Charlotte, which is a 2 hour 15 min drive from here.

1) Dr. Capizzi: I found him here on RS as a doctor who'd answered some explant questions. He was okay. He could do it under local and would not remove the capsules.

2) Dr. Bednar: Also a RS find, and I met with him because I was originally interested in a fat transfer. He has really excellent reviews but I was feeling extremely vulnerable after my meeting with Dr. Capizzi, so Bednar's more straight-forward approach just made me feel horrible. When I complained that my implants are just way too big, he said "Well, YOU chose the size, didn't you?" And that hurt. I'm terrible at defending myself with doctors, so I felt really, really stupid. Anyway, I was surprised that he said he wasn't sure if he could harvest enough fat from me. I'm not lean by any means....like, AT ALL. LOL. He was also very honest and said that the scar tissue from my previous lift could potentially pose a problem for the fat to establish a blood supply in my breasts. I did appreciate that honesty. For a straight explant, he would use an IV sedation, also not removing the capsules, and would cost $1,000 more than Dr. C. The fat transfer would run $11,000. Yes, that says eleven thousand dollars, and I'd only be looking at a cup to a cup-and-a-half of gain. For that, I could pick up a $50 VS bra and call it a day. I don't want breasts that desperately (even though some of the results are great).

All in all, neither doctor blew me away enough to have a nearly 5-hour round trip drive for post-ops and all that. So, I have two upcoming consultations in town. The next one is on Tuesday the 22nd and then another on October 7. It seriously couldn't come soon enough. Every day with these stupid implants is an eternity, as so many of you can understand!!

If neither of those doctors feel right, my next option is to look in Greenville, SC, which is just an hour-ish drive away and a bigger city than where I live. Hopefully the local doctors will work out, though. My hope is to have them out by the end of October!