New Tattoo and I Can't Stop Feeling Depressed and Lost. Help Me :(

Ugh, I don't know what the hell came over me. I...

Ugh, I don't know what the hell came over me. I turned 40 in October and had one tiny unicorn tattoo on my lower stomach.. literally and inch big that I wanted to cover up. Love unicorns but the tattoo was hideous. I considered removing it but went with the cover up. I also had on my side by my hip a lotus flower that sucked. Anyway went for the coverup in January and was regretting it before he even did the first line. I knew it felt to big but let him finish. Then he fixed the lines on my lotus and I felt uneven. felt I had these huge tattoos on my side and needed something to build up to under my bra line. added a beautiful bird there and then again wanted to even out so put one on the other side. well since all this was in color and was a fix of a fix of a fix I decided I would want a black and grey. Something I always though of. I wasn't 100% but booked an appt. the week before and even up to the day of, I was going to cancel it cause honestly didn't want anymore tattoos and if I had no idea where to stick it anyway. Well the day of I felt bad canceling and I end up going and put a large freakin rose on my chest. I felt regret before he even started and I kept going. there were parts he drew in that I made him take off and then they ended there anyway.. these parts you can clearly see with any v neck or rounded shirt and I feel like I can no longer wear a tank. the outline was all he finished the first day and I hated it!! Thought if I colored it in I would feel better. Boy was I wrong!! I have not left my house in 5 days and I am lucky if I get one snack in me a day. I can not leave my bed and I feel sick to my stomach.. I have 3 kids and am going through the motions of life.. I can't drive or do anything. I stopped going to the gym or doing anything that gives me pleasure other than read on here. My mom just perm straightened and colored my hair a few weeks ago I was feeling great, enjoying my kids, taking dance classes with my daughter and feeling great and now am ashamed of my body and feel like total trash.. I look and feel like trash!! I want this off and I can't stop reliving the day of the tattoo and why I went through with it.. now all of a sudden I wish my whole body was back to that small unicorn tattoo which honestly wasn't the worst thing in the world... I could have happily lived with that forever.. all I keep doing is trying on clothes and seeing how awful I look... I look at pictures of others and see how beautiful they look without a tattoo.. what have I done. This removal process scares the living shit out of me. I want it gone, but can I deal with this long expensive removal. We finally started putting money together and now this. I need to save for 3 kids college funds, but I know I will live in a whole with this. My tattoo is new, I have to wait 3 mos to start and I have to literally hide from the outdoor in fear of this tanning. I have a weekend planned with my husband in a few weeks and am afraid to go and waste my time hiding in our room. I can't wear a tank not just in fear of showing it, but in fear of getting tan and laser removal not working well. I called a place that I have been to in the past for spot removal on my face and they want 200 for a consult.. the do the yad 1060 q switch but do have an r20 In a office an hour from here.. I read horrible reviews about the dr who does it.. I can get it cheaper by his physicans asst.. but I want it done right. I also hear the yad can take forever. I then found this place that only uses the pecisure no other one.. I have a free consult set up for next week. I don't know where to go and what to do and am scared of the whole process and what this will look like while going through it. this is the place for the 200 consult. help me figure this out please. How long will this take.. how do I go through this having to cover in a hot summer I can't live like this and feel like I am dying inside

just called my derm about pricing.. omg this can't be real

Got off the phone.. they told me the dr would charge 1000 for the q switch yad and abut 2000 for picosure, but that is just an estimate.. could be more if I use his physicians asst it could be 5-700 a treament. Also said I have to wait 6 mos after tattoo being done to start.. is this true :( the other place I called said 3 mos.. I am so lost. I can't afford 2k a treatment.. that sounds like a crazy rip off to me. I need help finding a place in nj,,

my other tattoos

my other tattoos.. I would like for only my birds to remain...the big flower on my stomach is a cover up of a one inch unicorn.. and the purple one was tattood over to fix the lines of a messed up artist.. so same colors just touched up.. what do you all think.. will the picasure work on those as well

so down today I just can't take it

I started my crazy tattoo Journey in January and now have 5. not sure what the hell I was thinking. I have been locked in my room for a week in tears not able to function. All I do all day is wish I can have my clean chest back. I worked so hard on building great muscles and now I can't even show it.. I look and feel like trash.. I now want all but two of my tattoos gone..ugh. the one on my chest I am embarrassed for anyone to see. the artist did an amazing job on the roses but not what I wanted in size or anything.. it is way too big and I did not want the second small closed rose did not want all the leaves and also wanted something super lightly grey shaded. I hated when it was just the outline but something stupid inside of me said maybe I will somehow miraculously fall in love with it shaded in. during the shading I kept pleading not to go dark but he did and then added white highlight cause it was too dark.. Now I am hearing the white dots will never go away. I guess I will have to deal with black marks on me if we get this out one day. I am totally freaking out. \\ I was told it can take an average of 10-12 treatments.. maybe less maybe as much as 15. I am so discouraged and not sure I can live with this for 2.5 years of removal.. I am starting in Sept. He has both the pic and the yad, but said yad is better for black and pico for color.. so yad it is. please any advice or reassurance would help. will I have to live with this for over 2 more years being I have to wait three mos to remove.. I don't know how to do this. all I do is stare at someone's beautiful chest and shoulders in a tank now that it is summer and wish I didn't' ruin myself. I am driving all the way to PA to do this.. it is 200 a treatment and that includes all 3 of my tattoos.. this almost seems to good to be true. The place has crazy good reviews and thankful to someone on hear leading me in their direction. The guy literally spent just under an hour on the phone with me. Go! tat removal is where I am going in Sept. How am I going to do this and hide for 3 more years.. I wish I had my skin back

Feeling worse today :(

AT 18 years old I took pride in putting one little tattoo in a discrete place. Here I am at 40 now with this big hideous think across my chest. I had this apt scheduled two mos prior to getting it done.. I was constantly on the verge of canceling cause all though I wanted a realistic tattoo in black and grey I couldn't think of any place to put it that would be discrete and go since I had enough on my sides and stomach. the night before I was trying to quickly think and still couldn't decide where to put it.. the morning of I woke up and was going to cancel but felt bad on the artist booking it for me and then losing out on a paid day for him.. wth was I worried about the artist for.. I should have just cancelled knowing I was not too keen on getting it. well obviously I went anyway and hated this thing from the start.. I had to wait two weeks to shade it in and even then wanted it gone. did I make this removal worse by the shading.. the leaves are so dark.. something else I told the artist not to do!!! I screwed myself literally. I hate myself and hate everything I did. I don't want to go to the gym cause I don't want anyone seeing my tattoo. years of building muscle and strength to just lay here in bed for 10 days only getting up to use the bathroom or to force myself to drive my kids to soccer,, dance and then I just sit in the car and cry till they are done. I feel like I can't do this anymore.. I hate myself and hate what I did to myself. I want the one's on my stomach gone minus the birds but that doesn't make me sick cause it is not visible.. Why is removal such a long process.. will this really take 2-3 years of the qswitch to remove. again he is doing the yad on my chest and pico on the color tats on my stomach.. said yad is best for black. I mean seeing my chest piece what do you all think? I feel judged right now and can't feel proud walking around in my skin..I wish I could just rock this tattoo, but I know how most people including myself feel about chest tats on woman. (sorry just not for me, I am in no way judging others decisions and likes) I want to just fade away and hide. I feel so alone and lost right now and dumb as ever. Oh god help me.

someone tell me this will go away

Okay.. so the place I am going to in sept does pico and yad.. someone tell me that yad is the best for the black and not the pico.. they said they will use both on my outline and colored tattoo's but black doesn't respond well to pico.. yet I see so many on here where there black is fading crazy quick with it. Also what do you estimate on the time and treatments to get rid of my chest tattoo.. as for my stomach it can take it's time cause I can easily hide that. I can't believe how big my chest tat is.. ya that is totally dainty like I though it would be.. ugh

will my chest every look the same again

So the more I read and the more I research the more I go into panic mode.. I got out of the house 2x this week to the gym and here I lay the in bed again not wanting to move.. I am afraid my chest will never look the same again. Will I have a clear chest.. the tatt as you can see is mostly black and grey shading with just a few white speck highlights in the leaves.. I am so pissed about that cause I told him to make the whole thing grey wash and he didn't listen .. the leaves were black and then what I don't get is he put the white where my bare skin was exposed which is light already.. what was the point. I want to see my bare chest and shoulders.. if I put a v neck on the stupid leaves show.. tank the ugly rose on my shoulder shows.. I am so miserable I just can't seem to get passed this and move on. I have an apt with my primary today and I am afraid they will put me on meds that are photo sensitive which will make this lasering process impossible. All these stories on here scare me that my chest will look worse. I just wish by end on next winter after I start in Sept that my chest will be drastically faded.. I know it won't be gone by then but ugh.. can this really take 2-3 years on the yad and picosure if needed

White ink

So besides the few white spots he added onto the leaves which I don't even get why I told him I didn't want to make the leaves dark to begin with, And then he realize they were so we added a few dots of white on each, no big deal there small. But he added them on the bare skin area where area looks even lighter than the stupid white specks. Now I'm wondering do you think he mixed white and black to make the grey on my tattoo I'm completely freaking out here.

Current picture..little over two weeks since tattoo was finished

Does seem like the color is not as strong as it was any ideas now on the amount of treatments possibly needed can you see the white specks in the leaves

Pic

Before..shading..outline so u can all get an idea

Been a while since my review.. had my first treatment yesterday.. help

So I had my first treatment yesterday hurt like hell during but I made it through. It was over 100 with the heat index yesterday.. As soon as I walked outside to get in the car I blistered a bit(small ones).. the first picture will show that.. I came home and iced for 15 on 45 min off for hours.. then about 5 hours later I put aquafor on it and saran wrap as instructed. I was also instructed no gym for 24 hours.. but I decided no gym for 48.. then with the wrap on I washed my floors on my hands and knees.. we had workers in the house installing a new AC.. ours broke.. they left and there was mud on my floors .. my youngest always has his fingers in his mouth. I then vacuumed up and made dinner.. with dinner I opened the oven sevaral times.. I was told to not let my body tempm go up.. well with the saran wrap and doing what I did.. I did not sweat but all of a sudden I started to blister a bit more. Then before bed I washed the area and then more aquafor and more saran wrap.. woke up this morning was HUGE blisters. I washed area and accidently popped one(now I am scared of an infection) I called the place and he said instead of 24 hours.. no gym till all blisters are gone and dried out and to take it easy till them.. so hard as a mom of 3. anyway.. can this really take a whole week.. when scrubbing the floors I wasn't scrubbing hard.. more like when cleaning countertops.. I think it was a combo of no ac in my house.. the saran wrap, the oven etc.. again I did not sweat.. when did you all go back to the gym.. ugh this sucks.. I am such an ass.. 2 days of rest turned into a possible week and I am terrified of infection He sad no more aquafor or saran wraps.. to cover the popped blister with non stick pads and to wash about 2x a day.. what did you all use to wash the area.. I was thinking gold dial soap. so here are the pics.. please any advice you can give.. a whole weak out of the gym and doing nothing :( I don't sweat at all there.. when did you all resume normal activity

6 days post treatment to before treatment.. the before pic is from about 2 mos ago

what do you alll think.. will I need the 10-12 treaments.. next treatment is October 19th

2nd treatment of chest one and first treatment of hip tat(lotus)

So I went in yesterday to do my second chest treatment.. I was expecting massive blistering again and only ended up with a few small ones.. they used the nyad again and the areas that were highly faded already hardly hurt, but the outline.. ouch ouch ouch.. then while I was there I kept going back and forth on whether or not I should do the lotus on my side.. couldn't decide if I should say screw it and live with it.. although I hate both flowers.. or just get rid of that and all the line work connecting it to the bird and leave the lilly there with the green leaves alone.. after about 45 min I decided to go ahead and get rid of yet. now remember that lotus was touched up so essentially redone a second time :/ I blistered so so so so bad.. I am taking it easy at home mostly laying around for 48 hours and then going back to normal activity.. grocery shopping driving kids, and walking at the gym(waiting for most blisters to subside before weighlifting on Saturday morning).. so that will be 3 days.. you think that is okay? my hip blistered really bad.. he told me to let those are's dry out and use nothing but non stick bandages to cover the one's that are popping.. well my chest one's absorbed last time and my hip.. I keep banging into shit and they keep popping .. then as I was pulling of the dressing the tape landed on a blister and tore the whole thing off .. I am so afraid this will get infected.. he said use nothing but the bandages till they heal and stop using.. some of the one's that popped keep filling up and when I wash with dial and pat dry with a paper towel the ooze back out again.. omg.. I am afraid the hip one will never fully go away and will take me years on end. Yesterday the used the picosure on the hip for the whole thing, and in 6 weeks they will use the pico on the purple and the nyad on the black.. someone help.. the second pic of the hip is after 3 exploded this morning.. not of one I manually tore off.. original pic of hip is up top in my pics.. I was so more confident cause of the success of my chest and now am so down

wondering if blasting my hip was the right decision

man I have to stop being impulsive lol.. so I am beyond excited about the removal on my chest yeah healing sucks, but I am no longer upset that it is there and happy to be in the process of making it go away :) I don't even really think about it anymore until I get a treatment and have to care for it during the healing process.. when I was there for my chest I was wondering if i should do the one on my hip.. I was very indecisive .. heck I was thinking about it for the 6 weeks between my chest treatments and honestly the 3 mos before that when I was waiting to get my first chest treatment.. well with all said I done I was still unsure.. new I wasn't 100% pleased with it and said do it. at the same time in is on my side and unless in a bathing suit I decided what the hell.. well now i am worried it might not go away 100% or if I stop it will look like a blotchy mess and not as sharp as the others.. I kinda regret starting it and wish I would have left it alone.. I keep thinking about it and wondering if I would have regretted not doing it....I was definitely not 100% about it like I was my chest.. and I am not happy about the healing process of it either.. especially the one I tore open and it exposed and can do nothing but leave it dry and covered.. this anxiety is definitely not good for my fading on my chest for sure.. I am also so uncomfortable with both during the healing that I can't sleep.. how bad will my side piece look after first fading.. will it be noticible that I started treatment... I mean my chest is having such amazing progress.. really wish I left it alone.. wasn't happy but also was not in a spot that bothered me completely like my chest... oh also the other two blisters that popped that still have skin on it I keep pushing out with the non stick bandages to squeeze out the filling cause it keeps filling back up.. I didn't have this issue with my chest last time the blisters just reoborbed. also did you all wait to go back to normal activity till blisters were gone

day 5 and not getting better. .blisters on whole thing. .need some help

Ok.. so I had this done Wed and it is now Sunday.. as much as I wanted to go back to daily activity I have not been able to.. Moving around hurts so much.. sitting ouch ouch ouch.. and sleeping sucks. I can't do much cause seems like my pain is into my bones. so my tat is all blistered the entire thing.. big ones and if not big all little ones on all the black line work etc. Like I mentioned the pico was used for the entire thing. The one's that popped are still oozing yellow.. and it gets crusty but I am assuming that is the ooz drying up.. the tat is very dry but I am not putting moisturizer on it as instructed.. last night I put a little bacetracin in the open wound and that helped(although apparently not suppose to use anything but leaving it dry covered(.. not so pick looking.. when I wake I take off gauze to let breath for an hour or two.. i only have gauze on the lotus part since that is what is open.. these are really painful and did not last as long last time with my chest.. how long will this take to all go away and finally scab over. I am keeping dry.. washing once in the morning and once at night with dial antibacterial and changing dressing as needed.. I will attach a pic as I am quite worried about this one.

I have definitely decided to leave my hip completely alone.. maybe just remove dots.. the black doesn't look faded at all.. I am assuming I will have to touch up the color in the flower cause the purple has been hit good and is there in some and not in others.. as much as I want my chest tat gone I was unsure of my hip(lesson don't do anything unless you are positive lol) I already can't wait till my next chest appt.. but no no no on the hip. Please tell me this is going to go away and what you see is normal, and what the time frame may be..this is definitely hurting.. and aching inside my body(on the side where it was done)even into my thigh..

omg day 7 and am going nuts at home.. have a question hoping some of you can help with

Okay so I had to lance my blisters cause they were bad.. was told to by place I am having treatments by.. I was keeping them covered for the last two days and all though this is great it is keeping the skin of the blisters from drying up.. so this moring I said f it to the non stick pads.. do you guys this this is okay?? my chest I didn't cover at all and all blisters have dried up and are scabby now.. yet my side is still all mushy.. how many days do you think it will take now that I uncovered it.. only thing covering it is my shirt and blanket till it dries up?? I refuse to go back to a germ infested gym to lift weights and walk untill these suckers are dry
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