I've been wanting to remove my implants for a...
I've been wanting to remove my implants for a time, but I was unsure if I wanted to replace them or just remove them. I was conflicted with the way they would look, but now I don't care with aesthetic as much as I want my health back.
I got my implants right out of high school, because I felt I had waited long enough. I became obsessed with wanting breasts at 11 and they never appeared. I would cry and have breakdowns every chance I got because I was so self conscious and hated the way I looked. I also grew up in Orange County and was very influenced by the cultural images at the time. I don't even know what size I was, maybe a AA? I used to just wear padding and inserts, I felt like a boy and I wanted to look womanly. During my senior year of high school I found a really great doctor and thought my dreams were coming true. I loved having breasts right away and they looked good, a full B cup (I think 300cc) I wanted natural since I was slim and a runner. I got saline, under the muscle, incision at nipple.
I had no trouble with the implants, but I did feel like I had a major secret. I didn't tell anyone except my mother, aunt, and best friend. I felt shallow and didn't want to be judged. I would at first deny it if boyfriends asked if they were fake. I was ashamed but I loved having breasts. By the time I was 29 I really though about having them out for good. I had adopted a healthy lifestyle when I was 20, doing lots of yoga and eating healthy and it didn't seem to match with having a foreign objects in my body. I should have taken them out once the 10 year mark had passed, but I blamed it on timing and money and inability to make a decision.
Then at 28/29 (2012) strange things started happening. First I started gaining weight and it was hard to lose, my skin was breaking out, and my stiff neck was getting worse, hair thinning, feeling fatigued. (Tests showed underactive thyroid)Then the worst... I got Bell's palsy later that year. The left side of my face became immediately paralyzed. The cause it still unknown, but it is said to come from a virus attacking the nerve. I could never say all this was due to breast implants but I'm willing to take them out just to see if I see an improvement. I on,ly maybe recovered 80/90% from the facial paralysis, assuming my nerves are permanently damaged and I will never see myself fully smile again.
Just very recently I knew I wanted them out and schedule an appointment asap. I hate how they feel when I sleep or do yoga, just cramping or pressing uncomfortably on my chest wall. I'm going in for my surgery March 30th and I couldn't be more excited. Strangely enough I am just as excited to get them removed as I was to get them 15 years ago. I wish I never got them, it's a regret only because I feel my health has suffered. There was no stopping my 18 year old self, but too young to decide the outcome of my future. I didn't think at the time of having to continually replace them, having children/ breastfeeding, what these could potentially do to my health. I was just very insecure and thought implants would solve the problem. They have served their purpose and now I need to move forward with my life as a 32 year old woman. This has been quite the journey of self discovery which I hope will lead to self love and acceptance.
I'm terrified of surgery and I hope I am doing the right thing, also using my original surgeon. I know there are holistic doctors who will remove all toxic substances but I am not going that route. Just hoping this will be it for me and no other problems arise. I will post more info post op.
It's amazing how much my breasts have changed over the years. I don't have before photos, those are at the doctors office.
Just a couple more weeks!
It's getting closer to the surgery date, I'm feeling really anxious but also excited to have these things out of my body. I'm noticing more and more how strange they feel inside my chest and just sleeping or lying on my side feels really uncomfortable like their jabbing me in the chest. Maybe because I made the decision to get them removed so many things are becoming more apparent to me . It seems bizarre that they will no longer be a part of me, but it also just feels really strange to have foreign objects in my body. I'm experiencing a lot of thoughts and emotions, because I feel like this is a huge step in my life. When I went in for my initial consultation, my doctor said the capsules do not need to be removed. I was so sure that they needed to be so I left not quite sure if this was the right decision. I also didn't really talk about getting bells palsy and some of the other symptoms that I've been experiencing. My main concern is the facial paralysis- Bell's palsy on the left side of my face, stiff neck and general fatigue. I was so eager to make the surgery date and it seemed to
Happen rather quickly. But through this website and doing some other research I think that the capsules do need to be removed for me to regain my health fully. I'm going to talk with my doctor again about removing the capsules, even if it costs more. I know he is a great doctor and I have faith that he will do the best he can. I am amazed at so much research I've been finding over the Internet, I have to ask myself that if this was accessible to me at the time I got surgery in 2001 I might have never made that decision. I really wish I could go back, tell my younger self not to get breast implants because it would be affecting me for the rest of my adult life. Maybe this is a 15 year journey I've had to go through in order to fully except myself, and getting implants was part of that process. It's somehow inspires me to help young girls with self-esteem issues, after all this to be really interesting to go back to school or help counsel others.
I had a full on break down this weekend. I was watching a lot of YouTube videos, listening to dr. Kolb and i became extremely nervous that I would never regain my health back and also was very upset because I thought I might not be able to breast-feed, or I'd be fatigued forever. It brings on a lot of depressing thoughts. I was overcome with guilt and worry for what I had willingly put into my body. I'm glad that I'm doing something about it and I will be positive that I will start to feel more like myself again.
Tomorrow I will start the vitamins I was given for pre surgery. I'm trying to stay as healthy as possible and keep my immune system strong. I'm continuing to eat really well, drink a lot of water, get proper rest, and exercise (But not extreme). The hardest thing is to stay calm because I get really anxious and prone to worrying a lot. Luckily my work schedule is extremely light for the next couple weeks, and then I am taking a two-week vacation. I want to be as kind to my body as possible because I know that surgery takes a lot of healing. I wanted to thank everyone for their support and comments. I have enjoyed reading others stories and experiences and I think it has really inspired me to make this change. I wish everyone well on their explant healing journey.
What are your thoughts on the capsule issue?
30 Mar 2016
Day of treatment
Just had my sugery today and i feel ok! Once the anesthesia wore off I felt pretty good. I'm wrapped in bandage but it's so strange to have small boobs again. I'm excited to be fully healed and enjoy my life again. I'll post more as the days go by.
1 day post op
So far I'm doing better than I have ever expected and now all i have to do is heal. I don't have much pain, only some slight soreness from the nipple incision and it kind of itches. I haven't taken any pain meds or Tylenol. I don't want to take any medication unless I have to. Sleeping was a little hard because I was elevated on my back and I normal sleep on my side.
The only medications I'm taking is antibiotics, last one today and I still have the blood pressure and anti nausea patch on. I'm mostly trying to rest even though I feel fine. I'm making sure I walk around every couple hours. I'm eating well lots of homemade miso but I don't have a big appetite, mostly just dehydrated. I'm taking the vitamins they gave me a few weeks ago, and also arnica for brusing. I just took some pics, I was so afraid to look, thinking they would be saggy pancakes but it looks ok, just back to my teenage breasts which is still so bizarre. I loved having b cups, but now I'm freeing myself of being attached to those breasts. That's not me anymore and I'm moving forward.
I have a great doctor and he did a good job. He told me not to remove capsules : since I have saline. He says they have to be removed with silicone. He was happy to do it but he didn't want me paying extra for something I don't need. There can be lots of bleeding while doing that. The only change I notice is that I feel lighter and my neck isn't stiff. I can't wait to see all the changes as I heal. I looked in the mirror and felt beautiful and I need to not mess with my body again. I'm ready to love myself again.
Love the support from this page, it gave me he courage to go through this. I'll make some updates as days and weeks go by. Much love!
1 week post op
I went in for my post op appointment and everything went well. I have to keep the tape covering the scars on for another week. My doctor said the surgery went well; the implants were intact, no leaking and the saline fluid was clear. I feel healthy and will continue to heal in time, I have hope my body will return to its natural shape as I have good skin elasticity. I'm so glad I decided to go back to my original Doctor, he is the best. I'll post photos when the tapes come off. I'm loving my little breasts and don't miss my former chest at all. I have another week off before returning to work.
2 weeks post op!
Today I got the incision tapes removed and a clean up of the stitches. I finally took some photos and I'm quite surprised they look pretty good. I can't wait to get back to exercising and even a little sunshine on my body! I still have another month of being extra careful not to exert myself which will be a challenge with work. I'm going to try to do some grocery shopping and cooking in a couple days and then officially start my work routine after the weekend. I still feel low energy and tire easily. The nurse told me the anesthesia could take a month to wear off, not to mention whatever medications I took.
All in all, it wasn't that bad. Everyone has a difference experience but I'm happy to say mine was a good one and I'm glad I did this. Why did I wait this long? I think the healing process has gone so well because I ate really healthy before, following the pre surgery guidelines and got plenty of rest. I'm still continuing to eat well but I want to stick to fruits and vegetables. I've been reading this book medical medium by Anthony William. Has anyone else read this? It's blowing my mind and explains a lot of things that have remained a mystery regarding my health. I'm still not sure my implants are linked to any illness, but I knew they weren't going to make me feel better having them in any longer. Rather than beating myself up for getting the implants in the first place, I'd like to think they served their purpose and somehow made me realize I don't need bigger breasts to feel good about myself. I'm that much closer to self love and acceptance. And that's the price you pay.
3 weeks post op
Yesterday was actually 3 weeks but I had to move! I had less than 24 hours to move out of my place, it was so hectic and stressful but I'm amazed I did it without lifting anything! Terrible timing, since I'm still healing. I threw all my stuff in trash bags and luckily had someone help me carry everything to the truck. Anyone else having a hard time not lifting anything over 10 pounds? I still feel like I'm recovering and I get some pains if I do too much, I want to make sure I'm not hurting myself.
So many of the changes I'm experiencing are all psychological. Even before the surgery, I was evaluating what I want from life. I starting clearing out possessions that didn't give me joy or was not consistently using, also pondering leaving LA and felt it wasn't for me. Well now I'm in a major transition with residence, employment, and identity.
I love my breasts, I feel so light and don't much think about them at all. I used to constantly think about my chest and I'm happy to wear tight shirts, not worrying about someone staring at my chest or having hard nipples. Wondering what is next on the horizon, but I feel big changes are in store. Feeling excited and grateful!
Small boobs rock!
19 May 2016
2 months post
I'm doing well since my March 30th explant. Scars are healing nicely and fluffing has taken place. I am all about the small natural look and it's amazing how I feel more confident. I don't even feel a huge size difference except I'm lacking fullness and cleavage but I don't even care. I found these adorable bralettes at Victoria secret with no underwire or padding, just some thin cup lining.
Things I love now: cute little bras, sleeping comfortably on my side, having the feeling back on m under boob, not having hard nipples all the time, and not having super sensitive nipples...oh and feeling like my authentic self!
When I saw my doc he said I was healing nicely, almost double time! He said the most improvement will occur at 3 months but it takes up to a year for things to settle in completely.
I'm still on this cleansing diet mostly raw, with some cooked plant based food. I think it's helped me heal quickly. Lots of fresh organic fruits and veggies, miso soup and small amounts of nuts and seeds. Love it!! I'm noticing I'm losing weight slowly and not looking as bloated. I'm hoping I'll get the interest back to exercise but for some reason I'm experiencing some stress from losing my job last month and having to move in with my mom on her couch.
I'm glad I got the surgery but the timing seems off. There is no better time than now but life would have gone smoother if I had done this explant earlier.
I hope everyone is doing well and I'm glad I found support from this site. Will continue to post updates from my journey.
2 month update
29 May 2016
2 months post
I can't believe how time flies. So many changes have occurred since my surgery but I feel as though I am in a huge transition. I'm starting a new job tomorrow as I'm happy for the change! I've been staying with my mom for the past month since losing my job and apartment! It's been emotionally distressing and I think it has shown in my skin. I continue to eat a diet full of fruits and vegetables and I've been exercising more-lots of walking and Pilates. Maybe I'm going through some sort
of detox. I wonder if all the medications are fully out of my body after this long.
I'm getting stronger everyday and so thankful to be my natural self again. I went through all my clothes and bathing suits and everything looks better! The bust isn't tight
like before and I look slimmer. I've been slowly losing weight and don't get bloated. I'm happy with how I look- I don't feel pressure to be perfect or look like a sex symbol. That's all I used to care about, but but I'm more interested in being healthy and authentic. It will be a busy summer with this new job but I think I need it!
3 months post op
14 Jul 2016
4 months post
I love myself! Feeling fantastic about my natural breasts. My doc said that at 3 months is when the most healing occurs. I think I've done quite well and try to massage them and put vitamin e oil on the nipple incision to heal the scar. The shame I've escaped from having the implants out has changed my psychological state astronomically. It's been freeing to share my experience and let people know what's been going on in my life. I had so much embarrassment keeping the secret or lying to people about my implants. I'm also finding my love for yoga again. I've also lost about 14 pounds since before the surgery. I guess I had excess weight and I feel good. Only downside is that I've been experiencing quite a bit of sinus and lung issues. I don't think this is related to the surgery. Could be viral or allergies. I mentioned that 2 weeks after the surgery I had to move, got let go from my job, moved onto my moms couch, got in contact with an ex boyfriend, moved around quite a bit staying with friends. It's been an intense 3 months!! I think it's stress related and I'm not sleeping great, especially not having a bed of my own since I moved! I'm doing the best I can but I feel like I've had a cold for a month straight! Every time I feel myself getting better, I feel myself getting a sore throat, coughing and so congested. I'm thinking I need a serious vacation, go to a beach spot alone and sleep and get some sunshine. I'm looking for steady work but one can dream!
6 months post explant. Happy&healthy!
30 Sep 2016
6 months post
My life has changed considerably over the past 6 months and I believe it all started with removing my implants. I love the way I look and feel and for once, am completely comfortable in my own skin. I can't even imagine having implants for 15 years. I don't feel like there is much to report on because I'm not experiencing any issues and feel completely healed mentally and physically. I wish everyone much love and support on their explant journey and enjoy seeing others progress. I'm happy to start my life as a confident adult woman, and start a family soon!
1 year since explant! Happy!
I cannot believe it's been a year and I am nothing short of grateful! I was terrified at the prospect of getting the surgery and didn't know how my breasts would look post op. Since the first day after my surgery l thought I looked even better than before. Now after a year, I have noticed so many changes. First off, I gradually started losing weight that wouldn't budge. After 6 months I gradually lost 20 pounds and have kept it off. I feel more body confident and even seem to feel taller! I love doing yoga and working out and even resumed some running which I gave up years ago. I love having little boobs and wouldn't have it any other way. My mind set on beauty and self confidence has really changed. I'm far from the 18 year old that was image obsessed and heavily influenced by society's idea of beauty and what it is to be sexy. Nothing makes me feel more sexy than being natural and free from toxic materials. I also just came back from a much awaited beach vacation and that was amazing to feel free in my body. I've noticed many of my suits look different, some I've started wearing more and some I've gotten rid of. Honestly there are times when being in a bikini has me missing having a little cleavage, but this is me now and I accept it fully. I've found myself more gravitated toward a minimalistic life and have started this journey since before the surgery. Getting rid of anything in my life that doesn't bring me joy or purpose has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm feeling better but I still have some lingering symptoms of low energy, and sometimes feeling depressed and anxious. I've also had a slightly elevated thyroid for the past few years. I recently went to a Rhumatologist because something came up in my blood test that needed to be further investigated. The tests came back showing lupus, my immune system is severely suppressed and something going on with my blood that I'm not quite sure of. I knew something was off, and have felt this way now for the past 5 years. I could never figure it out and everyone around me thought it was all in my head and it was making feel crazy or like a hypochondriac. My intuition was telling me otherwise, but I had nothing to support that. Could it be the implants? They were saline but the implant shell is silicone and made of so many toxins that likely dissipated in my body. Could it be genetic? I have no idea. I will be seeking out the help of a naturopath to find alternate opinions. I'm not giving up hope for regaining my health back and continue to eat a whole food vegan diet, daily exercise, sleeping well and resting when I need to and practicing ways to manage stress. Very happy about this decision and I'm grateful for the support.