Finally ready to explant. 37 yrs old, 18 years of implants, NZ

Hi everyone, I have been reading through the amazing reviews on here and am overjoyed to feel like I am not alone! You are so inspiring..thank you! Here is my crazy story..I took a long time to learn my lesson!! I was 19 years old I got my first set of implants( 325cc over the muscle) I had a 1.5 year old daughter and weaned her the same week I went into surgery ( basically wasn't producing any milk at that point so it was time). I was a very late bloomer in the bust department ( small frame too at that time 5ft 3" and 48 kg) but to my relief ended up with a lovely small C cup breasts which I had for a short time before falling pregnant at 17 and very quickly becoming a DD by the time I was 3 months pregnant!!! This left me with awful livid, deep red stretch marks over my entire breasts, I was devastated I was only a teenager, had only just got boobs and now I was never going to be able to wear a bikini. After a year of breast feeding they had literally turned into empty wrinkled D cup bags but with a B cup filling, my skin had stretched so much and the skin was so damaged it couldn't shrink back again. The surgeon told me that the best thing I could do was to fill the space so implants went in but I had too much excess skin and not enough breast tissue and they tore away from the chest wall, freely moved with obvious ripples and edges within 3 years. I replaced these with 400 cc textured teardrops over the muscle and had a lift to try and hold them in place- I said to the surgeon do I have to replace them? Can't we just cut of the excess skin even if I end up with no boobs? What about under the muscle to hide the the edges? Was told "no you can't go under the muscle after going over and it would be awful without an implant you would have terrible scarring, you can't do that" The day after the surgery I had to go back into surgery as left one had rotated, within three months I was back into surgery as the right then rotated, then the left rotated again I had to just live with them like that. By The time I was able to actually afford to replace them 10 years later they were both horribly kinked and out of shape there were rippled and dents AWFUL! During that 10 year period I developed a myriad of health issues none of which I ever considered could be linked to my implants.This time (2012)I went to a surgeon in Thailand with a great rep , he had done several friends and he did a fantastic job of replacing my implants ( turned out one was RUPTURED???? In hindsight Possibly for several years judging by health issues ) with 450cc mentor silicone under the muscle and they finally looked decent. Sadly I quickly developed capsular contracture on my right breast but instead of a revision I want them out!! I also have chronic fatigue, constant colds and sinus issues, shitty immune system, joint pain, random allergic reactions to an unknown source , chemical sensitivity ( according to doctors) sore shoulders, back and neck always along with breast pain in right breast..finally I am sick of being sick and tired of spending hard earned money on these ridiculous breasts..I want them out and I just want a healthy body again and small boobs again( albeit scarred). I dont tend to tell anyone about this because I'm so embarrassed! I am researching doctors, am emailing and making consult appointments so the journey to explant has begun..thanks for reading!

Today I received my 1st consultation ,well as much of a consultation as I can do via email sending photos etc..I live a long way from the surgeons that I have been looking at using so I'm getting as much info as possible before I fly up to see them. His thoughts were to do the explant by local anaesthetic and then do the lift in 2-3 months once they had settled he felt it would be beneficial to get a good result and let me gives me time to decide if I want to put in smaller implants instead. (I don't want that but I do want the breast lift to have a good result.. I'm Sick of breast surgery this will be number 6) He also didn't think that the capsule removal was necessary but he would be happy to do it if I wanted that...which I do.
I am very nervous especially about having the explant done by local anaesthetic.
I would be interested to hear about others experiences regarding this and about two procedures.. First explant then mastopexy later so I imagine I'll be doing a lot of reading tonight!

I am still looking for a surgeon but am feeling so impatient. Now that I've decided to explant I just want to get it done now! It is so expensive in New Zealand so it looks as though i will need to combine explant and capsulectomy With the mastopexy at the same time rather than break it up into two operations unfortunately as I was hoping to do so things could settle before doing the lift. I'm so nervous but so excited also. I keep noticing small breasted women everywhere and am constantly wondering how it going to feel and look after surgery. Will I regret it and be devastated or will I be happy and have regrets ( obviously hoping for the later!)
I am looking forward to hugging people properly again because for years I only gave one armed hugs so that the other could shield my uncomfortable breasts.
I am looking forward to running without wearing two sports bras at a time.
I am looking forward to looking like myself, as I should be which is more athletic than curvy.
Trying not to be negative but I Have to admit I'm scared because I desperately want this to be my last breast surgery. I don't expect miracles but I just want to be happy with my little breasts afterward.
I am Feeling so grateful for the women on here who are so positive and focused. Seeing so many good results really gives me hope xx

Obsessing as per usual and reading too much ..that too as per usual but I am playing with the idea of not getting a lift or at least doing the explant and waiting for a while to let them settle and just see how they go.
I keep seeing all these great results after explants and they are without lifts and I am so happy for them..and just a bit jealous I am ashamed to say. I want to be that woman who removes her implants and has small but lovely breasts...but mine were big beforehand but nothing inside and they say they will look similar to prior Breast augmentation but mine were genuinely awful big empty sacks that slithered out of my bras every day whenever I leant down..I could actually ROLL them up..no word of a lie..like a scroll.
I am covered in stretch marks and I'm pretty sure that they can't retract??
I know I'm being a negative Nellie but I can't help it..must vent my fears and frustrations somewhere..sorry to all you reading!
I just want little breasts..Not roll ups!..definitely have my self critical pants on at the moment.
The other frustration..I want my capsules out but have been quoted almost the same amount each time for explant and capsulectomy, mastopexy alone and explant , capsulectomy and lift so to wait and see will cost me double if I decide on the lift( which is the most likely)...unless I skip the capsulectomy to make the explant cheaper.
I have been trying to get different opinions from different surgeons so hopefully I find the right person for me.
Consultation in 2 days so will update then!!

Thank you to all of you! To those whose reviews I read, updates I follow and pictures I have viewed it helps so so much..the support it truly a godsend you are all so brave , honest and inspirational!!
A month ago I thought I was making a simple decision to remove my implants to stop spending money on them, not need to have keep having surgery, feel better and be physically healthy, feel more comfortable, look more natural and get rid of these embarrassing asymmetrical boobs..all of those reasons are great, in fact it was simply the chance ( not even a guarantee) of better health that I initially made the decision based upon but I instead find myself questioning and thinking a lot about where I am truly at with my self acceptance. I have put my poor body through so much due to my low self esteem and poor body image but after a lot of changes in my life and self beliefs I feel like I'm nearly there..I'm a work in progress and thats okay..I no longer seek perfection.

I had a face to face consultation with a PS in the city closet to me today and I feel like it went really well. She was so friendly and straightforward , she made me feel really comfortable and was so easy to openly talk to. My poor right breast definitely has capsular contracture and that is what is causing all the pain in my right breast ( it is quite bad at the moment I used to wear a padded soft sport bra pretty much 23 of 24 hours a day to keep comfortable and to protect me from contact but a month ago they got so sore and the crease under my breast has become so uncomfortable I can now only wear soft crop tops as the pressure hurts and it throbs afterwards. She said that I have made the right decision for myself and that I am better off without them. She recommended that I get them explanted and then wait and let them settle and retract for a minimum of 6 months before having a lift.(.if I decide to have a lift)-this was exactly what I was hoping she would say and when I told her I wanted to do that but the it cost was the issue..she then told me that in NZ, we can have our implants removed for free through the public health system, even if they are in perfect condition..what the??.. yay!!!! I thought they had to be ruptured or infected for public healthcare to cover it. That will save me the estimated $7-12,000 for the explant and I will only have to pay the $12-15,000 for the lift! ( if I opt for it) I am so relieved and excited, there will be a 6 month plus wait but I've decided to take that option anyway.
I will have to try to be patient!!
So now just waiting to get a date for my mammogram and the date for my explant surgery- I am 100% confident this is what I want to do and I can't wait!
Sending and sharing my positive happy vibes with you all!! Xxx

My right breast which has capsular contracture is so sore. It throbs..maybe because under muscle? This has been steadily getting worse but I find even just the pressure of my my arm rubbing against it is painful. Bras hurt too so have been wearing soft crop tops but they offer no support or protection at all!
If anyone has any suggestions for pain relief, bra to wear, treatments etc please let me know I would be so grateful!!

So it's been a wee while since I have updated as still no word yet regarding my surgery date although I have had an phone discussion/ questionnaire for the anaesthesiologist and have also had my mammogram which was uncomfortable and quite painful but staff were great and made it a stress free process. The results were good..no signs of rupture or leakage and lymph nodes are normal. A couple of fluid filled cysts which are apparently very common and nothing to be concerned about but also some calcification probably from my previous surgeries.
All in all I'm feeling very excited about my impending surgery..my friends and family are supportive. I do worry about how I'm going to feel afterwards, I'm scared that I will hate it so to be completely honest in the back of my mind I have not ruled out reimplanting if I feel it's necessary and that makes me feel safer and less scared but I am still hoping that after 6 months I am happy with them and stay as I am or worst case I have a lift done ( likely scenario) I am feeling very unhappy with my body at the moment so that's contributing to my thoughts regarding afterwards. I need to relax and just go with it...and maybe work out like crazy beforehand!