Been Wanting a Nose Job for 18 Years...at 30, I Think It's Time to Get Serious... - New York, NY

I find myself more excited than nervous but still nervous nonetheless. I go through the "i can't wait to have a smaller nose" to "please don't be a bad decision". Most of me feels that this is a good decision and one that I've wanted for so long. I do trust my surgeon and think his work on other's noses have been quite impressive. I guess I just fear that I will be the person where something bad happens. I may just be more of a worrier than others. My fear is that it won't look good at all and that I'll have to go back to work with my nose being botched. While I do feel anything may be better than my current situation, it's a scary thing. Will I be able to still breathe well? Was anyone else going through this scared/nervous/excited stuff too with their rhinoplasties?

When I was 12 years old, a boy started calling me "Gonzo", and I was forever changed. This kid tormented me and despite being younger, he had brothers and friends who overlapped with my grade and I remember constantly being nervous that I would run into him or his group where he would taunt and call me names. I used to have a knot in my stomach at football games, dances and just being at school hoping he would just leave me alone. What is crazy is that I was popular, a good athlete and an outstanding student-but I felt hideous. I assume I excelled in other areas because I felt I needed to be overly nice and work very hard in school to avoid conflict or draw negative attention to myself. I also began to obsess about everything else from my hair to my clothes to my weight in an attempt to overcompensate for my nose. Any reflective surface was used to ensure that everything else was perfect in spite of my nose. Plastic surgery was not a discussion back in the 90s because we didn't have the ability to research online as we do now and at 12, my mother would never have let me go through it. Plus, we didn't have the money and were from a small town and I'm sure as a teenager that would have been the new source of teasing. My father's whole family has large noses, and no one has ever had surgery- it makes me cringe to this day when people say "you look just like a (last name)". I know exactly what they are referring to when they say it.

Through my twenties I grew a lot more confident and had pretty much accepted my face as it was. I never had a problem getting dates or boyfriends and became much more outgoing. I didn't feel as held back as I had when I was a kid but the scars remained because I continued my need to ensure my body and hair were always as perfect as possible and that I dressed to the nines as often as I could. I feel like my appearance was always so important that I still obsessed.

I had a child last year and moved away from NYC. My priorities shifted and it is less about clothes, makeup and hair and more about providing a home and loving environment for my son. Even still, I often think that my son is focusing on my nose when he looks at me because of it's size and I think about his little friends making fun of his mom as he grows older. Kids really are so mean...but honest. That brings me to the recent situation that really made me start to think about being serious about getting a nose job. I met my friend from high school and her two kids for lunch. I was with my boyfriend and son too. We were having a nice time when my friend made a comment about how my son does not have either of our noses (this is also a friend who witnessed my bullying as a kid) and then her 7 year old practically yells out 'You have a BIG nose!'-I literally felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was mortified in front of an entire restaurant as well as my boyfriend. It took everything in me not to say 'and you're a fat little f*&k!' but I just stayed quiet-just like I did when I was 12. It made me hate my friend who I feel wanted to draw attention to me in a way she knows I'm insecure about and she obviously knows she has an obnoxious kid. For days following that, I was depressed and cried a lot. It made me realize that I don't want to avoid children or not feel that my exterior matches the way I have felt about myself. I know many would say you shouldn't let a stupid kid make you feel bad, but I'm really tired of worrying about being humiliated in front of adults; constantly adjusting myself in pictures to avoid my nose looking big and never being able to wear goggles in the pool (they don't fit!!)

At this point in my life, I have a great job, advanced degrees in my field and this is sort of the last piece of the puzzle. I have three consultations set up, 2 at the end of July and 1 in August and I'm hoping to see if they might be able to perform septoplasty as well for breathing issues. After reading about a lot of people's journeys on here, I feel more comfortable with the surgery and potential outcomes. I can't tell you how great it is to have found a supportive place where people seem to understand your feelings.