I'm at the point where I need to sit down before I...
I'm at the point where I need to sit down before I hurt myself, but :ding!: I had an idea shortly after popping my sleeping pills.
When I was looking up surgeons, I was mostly looking for surgeons with experience doing ethnic rhinoplasty especially on those of us wIth African descent. It was quite a doozy! Why not post a review tonight and help someone out?!
So, I originally had 2 surgeons in mind. Dr. Kwak's staff were the most professional and the best communicators. I went in for my consultation and was immediately put at ease. The office is nice, the people are professional and the doctor knows his stuff. I, however, was a bit of a mess.
Dr. Kwak took my long narrative of what I wanted my nose to look like and made sense of it using less words. It was important that I stay true to my African and Native American ethnic makeup. I wanted to keep my not-so-perfect hump and narrow my nostrils just a tad-- all in all, I still wanted them to flare our when I smile. Dr. Kwak is super patient, he listens to what you have to say and doesnt push you to get acookie cutter nose or exta work on something youd never even noticed. The consultation went well and I left with quotes.
I had a second, more in depth consulation. This is when the fany imaging was brought out. What's that you say? My nose could look just like that? Sign me up! A date was confirmed and the deposit was paid.
Fat forward a few months aND. Surgery!!! I'm still within the first 72 hour bUT I knew I'd be happy with the results at firate glance. I'LLC be documenting this joined. More awkwardly cropped pictures to come
g to come.
4 days later
So far, so good. It looks like I'm healing well and I feel confident about everything. My cast comes off in 3 days. I know my nose will be more swollen and upturned on the day that my cast comes off, but when I look at it today it looks good to me. I even had an outside suture come off the night of surgery (one of many stitches, so no biggie) and that's healed well. You never would've guessed that my nose was sewn back down to my face just 4 days ago! Gross, but true. :) I had an open rhinoplasty. I guess I don't have that much to add today. I look gross in the pictures, but I swear that is ointment, not nose nastiness! I only iced 2-3 times after surgery instead of the like 10 times that I was supposed to. I thought I was doing it right, but then I realized that proper icing procedure is 15-20 minutes every hour. I was actually proud of myself until I realized I was doing it wrong. D'oh! But I think my bruising is going down anyway.
Cast removal later today
Today I'll have my splint/cast removed. This whole thing has been interesting (read: emotional) because the last time a doctor was talking to me about a nose job it was after an insane man had given me 2 black eyes. I struggled over whether or not to tell the plastic surgeon this, but I was asked by a nurse the day before surgery. I was a little relieved they asked so I wouldn't have to bring it up. It was a little traumatizing seeing myself with bruises, again. But I think it will be worth it.
After experiencing domestic abuse almost daily for years and then experiencing a sexual assault 2 years ago during which I had to literally fight a man, I've become a little jumpy. Not in business, not in art, just in personal interactions when I'm alone with a man, any man. He could be a saint and I'd still be wary. And I've always felt like I probably should've had nose surgery after a particularly bad night instead of declining because it seemed like my once "perfect for my face" nose became wider over time. I'm not even sure that can happen. But I couldn't figure out how to bring the subject up later, without making the people who couldn't help me the night my face was damaged feel guilty (the policy holder who did the best she could).
Now I feel like I'm sloughing off yet another reminder of the physical abuse I endured for years. And maybe I'llbe able to breath better. I'm just glad that an ugly, quiet, dumb thumbsucking kid grew up to be a smart, funny, beautiful, charismatic businesswoman who values kindness above all else and can afford to live life on her terms. But pray I don't cry when my cast comes off because I know it's going to be emotional!
So I got my cast/splint off and got a glimpse of my nose before it was taped up. I think it might be smaller and more narrow than I'd bargained for and the surgery might be obvious to my family. I just keep looking at my face and thinking, 'Oh my GOD! What have you done to yourself?!" Then I have a little panic attack and I make myself take a nap.
I haven't shed any tears yet because I think (hope) my initial reaction is out of shock. I really hope it doesn't look as small and narrow as it does to me to others who look at me. Either way I'm going to have some explaining to do when I go home to see my mom. At this rate, I won't be seeing her until 2017. But I think she'll still probably noticed immediately.
I think the final product will look just like the computerized image, but I could never really tell what it would look like in 3-D. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. I trust the surgeon and I hope I'm happy with the final results. Either way there's no going back.
Picture wearing tape
Oops, I forgot to post a picture. I do like the way that it looks in pictures, but I keep reading that it will look larger/swollen in pictures so I'm like, 'Agh! How much smaller will it get?" Dr. Kwak said that most of the swelling has subsided so I should see the final results fairly soon.
I also think that I'm probably just going through the normal post-op emotional recovery phase and am finally starting to feel unsure and sad. I imagine that this will pass in a few days and I'll be happy with the final results. I wish I had taken pictures before it was taped so that I could mentally get used to seeing my face now. Maybe I'm just surprised.
Or is it "el"? I don't know it's been a long time. It seems like I feel compelled to post after I have finally given in and taken a sleeping pill, when the autocorrect filters are low and the risk of saying too much is high. I'm going to try to be good, though.
So a part of the freak out regarding the small size of my nose has to do with what I will tell my family, especially my mom and niece. I'm not a woman who is like, "Oh my gosh, a hair is out of place. Whatever shall we do." Those roles are filled to capacity in this family-- on both sides. I'm the girl who jokes that I don't wear makeup because it wouldn't be fair to all of the other ladies who tried so hard to be fly today. ;-) Lean in, right? Tehehe Support each other's causes. No, I kid. I care but I don't care and my overall style is corporate boho (that means I dress like just might have an impromptu meeting with execs during the work week, but then I just look homeless when I'm freeeee on the weekends). My mom still can't get me to wear earrings-- and I just got a nose job.
I could dress it up or dress it down any way I want to. I was taking in too much air everyone I inhaled and it had to be fixed, dammit. I couldn't take it anymore. And I wanted to know if he could see that my nose had been broken, but I was too afraid to ask. I had the ability to fix something that was bothering me, so I felt like I might has well take it a step further and have the tip narrowed and refined while we were there. YOLO, you know.
However, my beautiful mom might hear that I don't want her nose. And my adorable niece who is literally Guinness record book material for *THE* cutest might start to wonder if she'll "need" her nose done or if a fat transfer is right for her. Or maybe a little restylane under her eyes and microblading?
I just can't have that. I made a choice as a confident, sure adult. I don't want my decision to make anyone in my family question if they're enough, if they should change something. If a doctor hadn't brought it up on a night in which I was beaten so badly I wanted to die I'm not sure if the thought would have crossed my mind. I was 17 then. Maybe I would've wanted a nose job at 19 anyway. I don't know. But my hope is that my niece and my mother don't notice my surgery at all.
Nose job on fleek!
Hot damn! I took my tape of yesterday and was like, "Oh my... hallelujah!!!! Gloryyy!" Thank you, God! And thank you, Dr. Kwak because everything is perfect for me. I look like myself, my nose isn't smaller or more narrow than I would've liked and I'm even breathing better! Yaaaay! I know the pictures look gross, but I promise that is just ointment. Better pictures to come!
Hi ladies! I'm traveling abroad but will try to continue to post updates. I'm still swollen from being on planes for 8-9 hours yesterday. I traveled with sunscreen in my purse but I forgot to apply it before stepping out to get a cab. I was super American and traveled wearing no makeup. I didn't even apply my BB Cream which has 30 spf. I hope my scars don't turn dark as a result.
I requested a conservative rhinoplasty and that's what I got. My roommate was out of town for 10 days and didn't even notice that I got a nose job. The guy I'm seeing didn't notice either (but I told him since I needed to explain why I put him off). I am so zen with everything else but I think I've been overanalyzing things with nose because it's so on my face. I don't have a reason to freak out, though. :)
I did get really sick because of the antibiotics. I got a super bug so I'm on antibiotics for that. I've been nauseous and have stomach problems. I should've informed my doctor much sooner than I did instead of trying to tough it out. The information packet specifically says not to tough anything out...
Listen to your doctor
Imagine that your doctor is Einstein and everyone else is Donald Trump. Your doctor is the genius in the room and no one else knows what he/she is talking about. Imagine this, because it is true. Afterall, your doctor performed the surgery and then sewed your nose back down on your freaking face! That's crazy...
Okay, so the day after surgery my doctor told me to come back and have my stitches removed on Wednesday or Thursday and he did not st-st-stutter. But noooo... I'd already made my appointment for Friday like a mo-ron. When I went to schedule my appointment, the coordinator reminded me that we'd already scheduled the appointment for Friday instead. I should've gone all kindergarten and thought, "But that's not what my doctor said." Instead I was like, 'Cool, see you then!' and I let the stitches stay in for too long. Like a moron!
Now one side has a tiny little hole because the thread was in the way as it healed and some light crisscrossing. The left side doesn't have it because those 2 sutures fell out shortly after surgery (and the doctor said it was fine). The night before my stitches came out, I noticed how indented they'd become on the right side. This was Thursday night and it hadn't been that way on Wednesday. But I wasn't about to cut it myself. For all I knew, it was just swelling.
I think I'll be fine and my scars will fill in and smooth out but it'd look better quicker if I had had the stitches removed when the doctor said so, not on the date I selected before I even had surgery. So don't be a mo-ron like me. Listen closely to your doctor.
I just wanted to post some pictures since I'll technicslly hit the 1 month mark in just a few hours. It feels like forever but 1 month isn't even long enough for the bones to heal. I can't wait until they do so I can go jogging and swimming! Anyway, here are some updated pictures. As per usual, I'm not wearing makeup. It's so humid and my pores are still clogged. I rarely break out but my skin is freaking out while traveling. I got 2 pimples right in the crevices around my nose... and I popped them with a needle then gently squeezed the surrounding tissue on my cheeks. Gross, but I didn't know what else to do! A pimple is temporary, but scars could be forever. Thou shalt not scar.
More pictures later
Welp, I feel like I should post more pictures but I'm healing from a bad break out. I got really sick from the antibiotics. Despite specifically being told not to tough anything out... I tried to tough it out before telling Dr. Kwak. Turns out I had a rare sickness from taking antibiotics. Dr. Kwak saved the day and called in a new prescription.
I feel so healthy that I sometimes forget that I have a slightly lowered immune system. When I arrived in Spain, I stayed in my little sweat box of a room for about 10 days... and emerged to discover that I had a few pimples, including the largest zit I have ever had in my life. I watched it slowly form day by day but there wasn't much I could do about it because it was in the crevice of my nostril and I was not about to push and press on my nose. Then 1 zit, became 2, 3, and eventually four. When I got to London, I was able to find products to dry it. Once it heals, I'll post more pictures.
I joke with my friends and say I must be the vainest person ever. It's like I walked into the doctors office and was like, "I'd like a nose job, but don't get too crazy, okay? Don't mess with perfection."
My worst nightmare was having a completely different nose. For some people, a completely different nose is desirable but I had nightmares about it. Small changes and revisions are more difficult, but Dr. Kwak gave me exactly what I wanted. A slightly smaller version of what I already had.