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Hey Ladies, I've been lurking on this site for...

Hey Ladies,

I've been lurking on this site for some time. Not being creepy just didn't think I had anything to add to the conversation pre-surgery. All of your stories were really helpful and I was so so excited when insurance approved me. Like many of you I seemed to just wake up one morning in my teen years with 34F or (34DDD) breasts. The looks, the back pain, the difficulty exercising (I'm a runner and an amateur acrobat!) the trying on of clothes. I was just so self conscious. I had hideous posture not just because of my back pain but because I was desperately trying to hide the boulders on my chest.

My doctor was great through all of the pre-surgery process. Listened to my questions, talked me through the procedure and asked about what I was hoping to achieve. He was always a little brisk but I've found most surgeons and doctors are like that.

My surgery was scheduled and happened at the end of January 2015. Right before I went in my doctor and his team of residents marked me up and, even though we had talked about my desired size in our previous appointments, my doc asked me if I wanted to be on the "big side of boobs or the smaller side." I was a little baffled by the question but emphatically said SMALLER. My hope was to be a small C or B but my surgeon, like many of yours, dismissed any talk of cup sizes.

My recovery was easy. One thing to note, I DID NOT have any drains. Sure I was sore and that first night home was a little rough but I went back to work 1 week after the surgery. Disillusionment started shortly thereafter.

At my one week followup I got my first peak at the new girls. At this point I didn't really have any sense of how big or small they were. There was so much gauze and I was all wrapped in the surgical bra that I just assumed they were little and pretty under all the mess. After all of that was taken off, I still didn't panic too much since I knew that they would be bruised and boxy. Even with the unsightly nature of them, I was a little concerned about the size; however, just assumed that a lot of it was swelling.

One month went by, and then I was very concerned. My boobs weren't boxy anymore (or not much anyway, the tape had all fallen off, but my breasts just didn't feel different to me. You know what I mean. They LOOKED different. Super perky, very symmetrical and round. Pretty as hell. But if I closed my eyes and put them in my hands, they felt the same. I had not gone for a bra fitting at this point because I was trying to follow instructions to a T and he told me to stay in the compression or a sports bra up to one month. I brought my concerns to my doctor at my one month follow up and he assured me that my healing looked great and that I still had some swelling that would go down. I booked another follow up for 3 months.

2 more months go by and I'm pretty livid. at the 2 month mark I sense that they are DEFINITELY still big but I guessed I was maybe a large D cup, which, is smaller but I would have been disappointed. So, with my breasts now feeling less sensitive and me being mostly all healed up (no swelling, no stitches, no soreness, maybe a little itching from time to time) I went for a REAL bra fitting. None of the Victoria Secret nonsense. I went to one of those great very old Caribbean ladies in Brooklyn (where I live) that just look and you and KNOW what size you are. Then bring you bras to try on. I went and the lady didn't hesitate in telling me I was ---- 34 F! Just what I was before surgery. I even left that day with a great new sports bra since I wanted to start running again soon. Size 34F!

So, armed with my new sports bra, I went to my 3 month appointment and tearfully asked my surgeon, in so many words, What the Hell, man? He just kind of shrugged and said he wanted me to be proportionate, he had removed a lot of tissues and "there is no way you are anything but a C cup now" But he said if I was really unhappy, let's make a 6 month appointment (because that's the soonest he would consider a revision) and see how I feel then. And bring pictures of what I was hoping for.

I just had my 6 month appointment (I'm now running around and doing lots of headstands in my brand new 34F very supportive bra), took in photos (mostly screenshots of naked ladies from Game of Thrones, those are some very pretty tiny boobs) and he said, "OH! You want to be small" And launched into the risks and what he would have to with blood supply if we did a revision. I was mostly stunned. I've tentatively scheduled a second surgery for the end of September but I'm so so so torn about what to do.

On one had, I REALLLLLY want those tiny boobs. My back still hurts and I'm worried it will hurt more as my boobs sag again (as they will at some point). On the other I don't want to do surgery again, miss another week of work, lose even more feeling (I got to keep some but those numb patches are weird, right?) and honestly, my doc did an AWESOME job at making my breast look great but clearly didn't listen to what I wanted the first time. Maybe he [RS bleep] it up again? Goes too far the other way? Or maybe I just don't get so lucky this time in the complication lottery and something goes wrong? I lose a nipple or they are very asymettrical.

I understand these are risks of surgery but I'm just so angry because I feel like I wouldn't be in this position if he JUST DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

Thank you so so much for listening to me rant and any advice or words of wisdom or similar stories would be super helpful.

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