So Nervous and Scared but Want the T.T. Done and over with

I DID IT! MY GOD IS GOOD! THANK YOU LORD.I HEAR alot of people talking about how scared they are but I think i have been the scaredest person on realself to have a TT. i had a tough, tough time going through with this. I almost fully cancelled 4 times. I even cancelled 2 hours before the procedure and did not care on how much money we were about to lose. had it not been for my husband who encouraged me to head on to the surgery center. Once we arrived, I was seriously terrified. and again, could not go through with it( TRUST ME, I WOULD HAVE CANCELLED AT THE SURGERY CENTER) had it not been for the anesthesiologist who made me feel VERY, VERY comfortable. thats when I gave the ok to proceed with the surgery.I DID IT!!!! WOW I STILL CANT BELIEVE I DID IT! I am 1 week post op and looking forward to some of the swelling to go down so i can see a more firm result.

Today is august 18th and my surgery is scheduled for august 20th and I may be the first one on realself who cancels their surgery and lose 25% of their money because of fear. it just does not seem right to me. i am running into people who i have not seen in a while. people out the wood works calling me to say hi. the recliner came today and i asked my husband to fix the remote and he said( come here and let me show you how to do it just in case something happens to me.) yesterday my mother- inlaw said are you tired... I said yes!!!! from running around with these kids and taking my mother to her appts. she said ( dont worry one day you will be at peace.) NOW is that something you say to a person who is about to go under the knife. i am soooo confused because my husband is gone be upset from losing 25% of his money and more importantly i really do need my ventral hernia repaired because it really do bother me. i just keep thinking of negative things in which i am trying to think positive but these thoughts just keep coming. i am not sure what i will do at this point. i am trying to leave it up to my higher power.i am on my knees praying that the lord makes the right decision for me!!!!!

here is my update. my surgery is friday august 20th a general surgeon will be coming in to repair my ventral hernia and my PS will then do the TT. I am still feeling mixed up. one minute I am excited, and the next minute I am terrified. The outcome better be worth all of the stress I am going through right now.this has been an awful journey so far because of the depression and mixed emotions I am putting my self through and i have not even had the surgery yet.I just PRAY that all goes well and smooth.

With that being said i ordered a lift recliner that lifts you up and down from the floor i rented it from rent-a-center so my husband would not have to help me everytime i need to get up. he is gone have enough on his plate. i got the idea from wacole who is also a realself member. ( THANK YOU SWEETIE) since i hear a lot of people complaining of back pain i got me a walker and tomorrow i will be getting one of those elderly toilet seats you know the ones that sits up high so you dont have to bend down so low to use the bathroom. i got me some button down shirts and some drawstring pants.

My mother will be keeping the baby for the first three days and then she will keep him in the mornings all the way till the evening (which will be about 8:00am till about 8:00pm.) my husband will pick him up in the evenings and attend to his needs at night. i got the baby on a firm schedule so he has been sleeping through the night since he was 1 month old. my mother-in law will be helping out prn also.

I have had other surgeries but this one is taking me through a loop mentally.... I am still just scared..... was anybody else experiencing extreme anxiety?