2 Weeks PO - Mommy Makeover- Full TT with Significant Diastisis Repair and Implant Exchange

I am a 33 year old mother of two wonderful children, a 4 year old boy (c-section) and 2 year old girl (vbac). For the last year I have been staying at home with my kids. Before that I worked for six years as an attorney. I am a little over a week away from getting a full TT with major muscle repair and will also be exchanging my saline implants for silicone. I have been on RealSelf for more than 2 years reading everything I could about these procedures, trying to come to peace with my stomach, or getting it fixed. After many consults, thoughts from people on this website, and many of my own sleepless nights I finally decided to get it done and am scheduled for June 8th.

I have a huge diastisis, the result of having two very large babies and have felt abnormal for years. I am 5'8" and hover between 145 and 150lbs. With my son I gained about 60 lbs. He weighted 9lbs 12 ounces at birth. I was determined to do things differently the second time and gained less than 30lbs, but still had a 9lb 8 ounce baby. I carried both of them straight out in front, as if their feet were on my spine and their heads were at my belly button. Despite working out hard (very intense cardio, weight training and running) five days a week for two years, I feel like I am in great shape but still look very pregnant.

For some reason, I am terrified of this surgery. I had implants when I was in my early 20s, but I think because I didn't have kids at the time I maybe felt like I didn't have as much to loose. I am worried I will not wake up from surgery, worried I will have complications that will make it hard to be an active mother, worried that I'll hate the way I look with such a huge, prominent scar. I could go on and on. Oddly, I'm not really worried about the pain. I know it will be difficult the first few days, but after having a c-sec, impIants, and 45 hours of totally natural child birth, I think I can get through the pain!

I finally decided to go through with this for a couple of reasons. First, the long term consequences of not getting the surgery started to weigh on me. My PS said my diastisis was the worst she had seen; partly because of the size of the gap in my muscles, and also because she said I don't have a lot of fat tissue on my belly to cover it up. I have scoliosis, and although right now I can mostly compensate with other muscles to protect my back while I workout and even go through normal life, I know I won't always be able to. Second, at my last consult I saw the pictures of myself standing there letting everything go and I was shocked at what I saw. I don't feel like the person I saw in those pictures. I am tired of having to look at the clothes in my closet I can't wear. And I'm tired of not wanting to plan beach vacations or go boating because I don't want to wear a bathing suit.

I chose my PS because I really like her as a person, she is very well qualified, and also because she does the progressive tension/drain free TT. She said it will take between 5-6 hours and the surgery plan is as follows: progressive tension TT, muscle repair with possibility of needing to do umbilical hernia repair (PS said if I have one it's small and she can't tell for sure if I do until surgery); PS left open the option of maybe needing to use mesh to help hold everything in, but said it's not likely; will do some lipo of the flanks if she feels it's necessary but again said not likely and if so, only a little. I am also going to switch my saline implants (330cc filled to 391cc) to silicone (haven't decided yet on size, but will go a bit bigger to help with lift). Will be doing a capsulorrhaphy to get implants closer together and a bit higher on my chest. Right now the implants have fallen too far towards my arm pits. PS said if I feel like I need a small lift a year after chaning implants she'll do one then. And now after writing all of this, I am about to talk myself out of it! It seems like a lot to do and a HUGE surgery and HUGE risk. I have until Tuesday to make any payments to the PS and hope I can stay as sure about doing this until then so I don't back out! She usually requires a portion of her fee to hold the date, but because she had an opening and I am able to get it done so soon after deciding she said I could just pay in full at my pre-op on Tuesday. Not sure if that is a good idea for me!