POSTED UNDER Mommy Makeover REVIEWS
I Want to See the Me Within the Mom!
ORIGINAL POST
I Want to See the Me Within the Mom!
MomEto3December 7, 2020
Hi ladies! I'm a 39 yo mom of three (a nine-year span from oldest to youngest), about 5'2" and 120 lbs (usually 110-115, but 2020 made its mark). I'm scheduled for my MM Dec. 22. It will consist of hernia and diastasis recti repair, tummy tuck, some lipo in the back of my upper thighs just below my rear, and a breast augmentation. If you'd like to read my origin story, feel free to do so below. I'll be posting some questions at the end of this entry if anyone has feedback, as well, so skip on down if you'd like. Otherwise, feel free to look forward to my next post and photos coming soon! I have my pre-op tomorrow, so if anyone has any last-minute advice for that, do tell.
I've always been a naturally petite person and was always pretty happy with my body. But kids, and stresses and age, oh my!
I had my first baby in my late twenties, and though I had no stretch marks and stayed in good shape, I ended up with a hernia, mild-moderate diastasis recti and some stretched skin in my lower abdomen that could be disguised — if I never bent over, that is. Overall, though, I snapped back quickly, could still wear a higher-waisted bikini and felt confident in my physical appearance. I still felt like me.
In my daughter's infancy, I experienced extreme devastation in my marriage and developed eating-disorder issues, which caused the excess skin to become more of an issue in my underweight state. I breastfed for a year, and once finished, I lost a lot of breast tissue, as well.
Sadly, after a couple years, I became a single mom and continued to struggle with maintaining a healthy weight. However, fast forward a couple years beyond that, and I started dating again and found my current (second) husband. Along with God's grace and regular therapy, my husband nourished me back to a healthy state and did a lot to help me heal. I've never doubted his unconditional love for me or his unwavering attraction to me, despite the fact he's younger (by six years) and fitter (he's a firefighter). He makes me feel desired, pursued, lovely and worth fighting for. I'm doing the surgery with his support and am glad he'll benefit from it, too, but it's not for him.
When my daughter was about 6 years old, we had our son. I'd had a crisis pregnancy with him (hemorrhaged from a torn placenta and in the first trimester and multiple other complications), and after seven months of bed rest — yes, s-e-v-e-n m-o-n-t-h-s (who knew in the future the confinement would help prepare me for COVID!) — I had an emergency C-section and delivered my 9 lbs., 14 oz. giant baby. I remember visiting him in the NICU (he had initial breathing problems and jaundice), and the grandmother of preemie triplets said, "He's so big! How many weeks has he been here?" I was like, "five hours."
My muscles had all basically atrophied, and I had stretch marks, a worsened hernia, severe diastasis recti, a bellybutton that appeared to have barfed up another bellybutton, and a lower abdomen that looked like a collection of elbow skin. I breastfed him for about a year. I had a hard time feeling like myself, as I didn't recognize my body anymore after the wreckage.
After my nightmare pregnancy, we thought we were two and through, but three years later we found ourselves with a surprise baby. I have Dysautonomia, which is an autonomic-nervous-system disorder I developed before my very first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and that diagnosis, plus a history of seizures, carries a high-risk level. So that, in conjunction with having a "geriatric pregnancy" (come on!) in my late thirties and having a dangerous prior pregnancy that destroyed my muscles and ended in an e-C-section, dictated a scheduled C-section for this baby. I breastfed her for two years. Aaaaand my husband got a vasectomy!
I feel like my body is done in, and while I've learned to make accommodations for it, it's not how I feel I'm designed to live, especially when I know there's a medical solution (with challenges, certainly, but I'm up for them). The double C-section scar developed a pouch over it that never resolved, and due to the way they sewed my uterus and lower muscles back but still had open muscles on top where my innards flop out, I've got this weird shelf-gut despite being relatively slim elsewhere. Nothing fits me right or comfortably. I haven't worn anything that sits directly against my stomach in the six years since my middle kiddo was born (other than during my last pregnancy), because if I eat anything, I bloat out to second-trimester rotundness, and if I don't, my bellybutton looks like a third nipple, and I still have a skin apron. I hate wearing bathing suits, and I dread summertime, because I feel the need to layer my tops so no skin or bulges show. My boobs got bigger with each pregnancy and subsequently deflated, so while they still have a trace of fullness on bottom due to a little extra weight I'm carrying in the wake of COVID, I definitely have the sad bra gap no matter what bra I wear.
Women should be rewarded for putting their bodies through the trials of pregnancy, but instead, we're left with ... whatever this is! Gah! My children are blessings, and they are worth the physical sacrifices, but I think this surgery will improve my quality of life greatly in so many ways practically, physically and emotionally. We aren't merely superficial beings, but it's natural for a certain degree of appearance to be linked to our identity, and I'm excited to have my outside reflect more of who I am inside! I have a lot of mom-guilt about putting a chunk of money into something that's so me-centric; the last big purchase I made for myself only was my wedding dress! Fortunately, I'd started saving for some restorative surgery several years ago anticipating it may be necessary, and I didn't want money to be the only obstacle should the opportunity arise. I've had some great encouragement from loved ones, though, and here we are!
By the way, of all things, I found my surgeon some time ago in an in-flight magazine listed as one of the top-10 PS's in the country. I don't totally know how she got that distinguished status (she could have paid for it for all I know), but when I finally got around to getting serious about things and looked her up, I saw she has impressive credentials, and I liked her online portfolio. I also liked that she's a woman, because it fit my comfort level a bit more, and I feel like she's more understanding of a woman's body. After meeting with her, I felt confident in her professional abilities; she's a little brisk in demeanor, but I can deal with that if she's good at her job and is still pleasant in general. Her assistant was fantastic and spent more time with me; she's even texted me to keep me updated regarding my surgical clearance (I need more than average due to my preexisting health condition). I did have to pay a hefty, nonrefundable deposit just to reserve my surgery date, which I get but wasn't what I was hoping to have to do right off the bat. What sealed it for me, though, is that she uses an actual anesthesiologist at her in-house surgical center and has all abdominal surgeries stay overnight at her recovery facility with a private nurse. I feel safety is a huge priority for her, and that puts less pressure on my family that first night, and I'll be sure to get more rest knowing I'm where I need to be if I experience any difficulties.
Now for my QUESTIONS, should anyone be willing or able to answer:
1. Is there anything vital to bring up at my pre-op appointment or prior to surgery that most people don't think of?
2. How did people decide on their final cc amount and projection? After my consultation, I'm thinking 375-400, but I'm worried about either not seeing enough change or feeling like I look ridiculously big for my body size. I want to look ample but natural. I am not into the stuck-on-circle look or the obvious-BA look, though the surgeon's nurse said I don't have a lot of tissue, especially up top, so it may not look completely natural. That scares me a bit. I've always been in the 32-34" range for my bra-band size. I was a full B/small C before kids, a large DD while breastfeeding, and I'm a small/deflated B now. I'd like to be a full C or small D, as long as either looks appropriate. I'm curvier on the bottom of my bod than I was before, so I want to balance nicely but not be top-heavy. I'm doing Mentor MemoryGel (round cohesive silicon) under the muscle but haven't discussed projection yet. Does submuscular require larger implants due to compression of the implant?
3. Did anyone have periareolar incisions? I was surprised to find at the consultation this surgeon only does periareolar incisions. I'd completely planned to do the intramammary-fold incision, so this took me aback. I'm super paranoid about losing nipple sensation, because that's very important for me intimacy-wise, but she assured me the nipple nerves are actually supplied from a different area and are not at any increased risk than the intramammary-fold incision. But I'm still really nervous about this and would love to know how others with the periareolar incision have done with sensation.
4. What did you tell your kids? My oldest daughter is almost 12, my son is 6, and my youngest daughter is almost 3. I don't want the details of my surgery broadcast, especially to my ex (his wife just got a BA, so my daughter isn't ignorant to the procedure), so I'm not sure how to explain things yet still maintain privacy.
5. How did you prep your kids, especially if you have a toddler? My youngest has a rare chromosomal disorder and autism. Her disorder makes her very tiny, and she has some developmental delays, so she still requires more help than the average toddler. She's in several therapies, so we've asked the therapists to help us in certain independence/autonomy exercises, but I'm not sure what things I can do at home to safeguard against instinctively trying to help and extending myself. I also don't know if she'll understand she can't jump on me and sit on my and cuddle or have me hold her, and I don't know how to prepare her (or myself) for that.
6. How much time did you take off of household duties, and what did you resume when?
7. How much time did you take off work? I work part time; I do most things remotely from home but go into the office for certain meetings or to provide in-person assistance once a week, give or take. I manage weekly and special communications, graphic and publication design, website adjustments and a host of other computer-based tasks. I never take time off (didn't even take maternity leave), but I've heard from docs it's very important to take time to recover from this, and I don't want to screw up results. I also want to be able to take pain meds if necessary and rest without having to be lucid for interactions and obligations, etc. What's a realistic timeframe for being completely off vs easing back in?
8. Are there any essential supplies I should get now? My surgical cost includes one or two zip-front bras and ab compression garments, but I don't know if those will be adequate. Is it worthwhile to get a drain lanyard or robe with inner pockets, or does that part go by quickly anyway? Should I get something to make the car ride more comfy? Do I need a body pillow? I do have a Temperpedic mattress where I can control the angle of the head and feet. Open to any suggestions!
Thanks, ladies! Until next time!
I've always been a naturally petite person and was always pretty happy with my body. But kids, and stresses and age, oh my!
I had my first baby in my late twenties, and though I had no stretch marks and stayed in good shape, I ended up with a hernia, mild-moderate diastasis recti and some stretched skin in my lower abdomen that could be disguised — if I never bent over, that is. Overall, though, I snapped back quickly, could still wear a higher-waisted bikini and felt confident in my physical appearance. I still felt like me.
In my daughter's infancy, I experienced extreme devastation in my marriage and developed eating-disorder issues, which caused the excess skin to become more of an issue in my underweight state. I breastfed for a year, and once finished, I lost a lot of breast tissue, as well.
Sadly, after a couple years, I became a single mom and continued to struggle with maintaining a healthy weight. However, fast forward a couple years beyond that, and I started dating again and found my current (second) husband. Along with God's grace and regular therapy, my husband nourished me back to a healthy state and did a lot to help me heal. I've never doubted his unconditional love for me or his unwavering attraction to me, despite the fact he's younger (by six years) and fitter (he's a firefighter). He makes me feel desired, pursued, lovely and worth fighting for. I'm doing the surgery with his support and am glad he'll benefit from it, too, but it's not for him.
When my daughter was about 6 years old, we had our son. I'd had a crisis pregnancy with him (hemorrhaged from a torn placenta and in the first trimester and multiple other complications), and after seven months of bed rest — yes, s-e-v-e-n m-o-n-t-h-s (who knew in the future the confinement would help prepare me for COVID!) — I had an emergency C-section and delivered my 9 lbs., 14 oz. giant baby. I remember visiting him in the NICU (he had initial breathing problems and jaundice), and the grandmother of preemie triplets said, "He's so big! How many weeks has he been here?" I was like, "five hours."
My muscles had all basically atrophied, and I had stretch marks, a worsened hernia, severe diastasis recti, a bellybutton that appeared to have barfed up another bellybutton, and a lower abdomen that looked like a collection of elbow skin. I breastfed him for about a year. I had a hard time feeling like myself, as I didn't recognize my body anymore after the wreckage.
After my nightmare pregnancy, we thought we were two and through, but three years later we found ourselves with a surprise baby. I have Dysautonomia, which is an autonomic-nervous-system disorder I developed before my very first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and that diagnosis, plus a history of seizures, carries a high-risk level. So that, in conjunction with having a "geriatric pregnancy" (come on!) in my late thirties and having a dangerous prior pregnancy that destroyed my muscles and ended in an e-C-section, dictated a scheduled C-section for this baby. I breastfed her for two years. Aaaaand my husband got a vasectomy!
I feel like my body is done in, and while I've learned to make accommodations for it, it's not how I feel I'm designed to live, especially when I know there's a medical solution (with challenges, certainly, but I'm up for them). The double C-section scar developed a pouch over it that never resolved, and due to the way they sewed my uterus and lower muscles back but still had open muscles on top where my innards flop out, I've got this weird shelf-gut despite being relatively slim elsewhere. Nothing fits me right or comfortably. I haven't worn anything that sits directly against my stomach in the six years since my middle kiddo was born (other than during my last pregnancy), because if I eat anything, I bloat out to second-trimester rotundness, and if I don't, my bellybutton looks like a third nipple, and I still have a skin apron. I hate wearing bathing suits, and I dread summertime, because I feel the need to layer my tops so no skin or bulges show. My boobs got bigger with each pregnancy and subsequently deflated, so while they still have a trace of fullness on bottom due to a little extra weight I'm carrying in the wake of COVID, I definitely have the sad bra gap no matter what bra I wear.
Women should be rewarded for putting their bodies through the trials of pregnancy, but instead, we're left with ... whatever this is! Gah! My children are blessings, and they are worth the physical sacrifices, but I think this surgery will improve my quality of life greatly in so many ways practically, physically and emotionally. We aren't merely superficial beings, but it's natural for a certain degree of appearance to be linked to our identity, and I'm excited to have my outside reflect more of who I am inside! I have a lot of mom-guilt about putting a chunk of money into something that's so me-centric; the last big purchase I made for myself only was my wedding dress! Fortunately, I'd started saving for some restorative surgery several years ago anticipating it may be necessary, and I didn't want money to be the only obstacle should the opportunity arise. I've had some great encouragement from loved ones, though, and here we are!
By the way, of all things, I found my surgeon some time ago in an in-flight magazine listed as one of the top-10 PS's in the country. I don't totally know how she got that distinguished status (she could have paid for it for all I know), but when I finally got around to getting serious about things and looked her up, I saw she has impressive credentials, and I liked her online portfolio. I also liked that she's a woman, because it fit my comfort level a bit more, and I feel like she's more understanding of a woman's body. After meeting with her, I felt confident in her professional abilities; she's a little brisk in demeanor, but I can deal with that if she's good at her job and is still pleasant in general. Her assistant was fantastic and spent more time with me; she's even texted me to keep me updated regarding my surgical clearance (I need more than average due to my preexisting health condition). I did have to pay a hefty, nonrefundable deposit just to reserve my surgery date, which I get but wasn't what I was hoping to have to do right off the bat. What sealed it for me, though, is that she uses an actual anesthesiologist at her in-house surgical center and has all abdominal surgeries stay overnight at her recovery facility with a private nurse. I feel safety is a huge priority for her, and that puts less pressure on my family that first night, and I'll be sure to get more rest knowing I'm where I need to be if I experience any difficulties.
Now for my QUESTIONS, should anyone be willing or able to answer:
1. Is there anything vital to bring up at my pre-op appointment or prior to surgery that most people don't think of?
2. How did people decide on their final cc amount and projection? After my consultation, I'm thinking 375-400, but I'm worried about either not seeing enough change or feeling like I look ridiculously big for my body size. I want to look ample but natural. I am not into the stuck-on-circle look or the obvious-BA look, though the surgeon's nurse said I don't have a lot of tissue, especially up top, so it may not look completely natural. That scares me a bit. I've always been in the 32-34" range for my bra-band size. I was a full B/small C before kids, a large DD while breastfeeding, and I'm a small/deflated B now. I'd like to be a full C or small D, as long as either looks appropriate. I'm curvier on the bottom of my bod than I was before, so I want to balance nicely but not be top-heavy. I'm doing Mentor MemoryGel (round cohesive silicon) under the muscle but haven't discussed projection yet. Does submuscular require larger implants due to compression of the implant?
3. Did anyone have periareolar incisions? I was surprised to find at the consultation this surgeon only does periareolar incisions. I'd completely planned to do the intramammary-fold incision, so this took me aback. I'm super paranoid about losing nipple sensation, because that's very important for me intimacy-wise, but she assured me the nipple nerves are actually supplied from a different area and are not at any increased risk than the intramammary-fold incision. But I'm still really nervous about this and would love to know how others with the periareolar incision have done with sensation.
4. What did you tell your kids? My oldest daughter is almost 12, my son is 6, and my youngest daughter is almost 3. I don't want the details of my surgery broadcast, especially to my ex (his wife just got a BA, so my daughter isn't ignorant to the procedure), so I'm not sure how to explain things yet still maintain privacy.
5. How did you prep your kids, especially if you have a toddler? My youngest has a rare chromosomal disorder and autism. Her disorder makes her very tiny, and she has some developmental delays, so she still requires more help than the average toddler. She's in several therapies, so we've asked the therapists to help us in certain independence/autonomy exercises, but I'm not sure what things I can do at home to safeguard against instinctively trying to help and extending myself. I also don't know if she'll understand she can't jump on me and sit on my and cuddle or have me hold her, and I don't know how to prepare her (or myself) for that.
6. How much time did you take off of household duties, and what did you resume when?
7. How much time did you take off work? I work part time; I do most things remotely from home but go into the office for certain meetings or to provide in-person assistance once a week, give or take. I manage weekly and special communications, graphic and publication design, website adjustments and a host of other computer-based tasks. I never take time off (didn't even take maternity leave), but I've heard from docs it's very important to take time to recover from this, and I don't want to screw up results. I also want to be able to take pain meds if necessary and rest without having to be lucid for interactions and obligations, etc. What's a realistic timeframe for being completely off vs easing back in?
8. Are there any essential supplies I should get now? My surgical cost includes one or two zip-front bras and ab compression garments, but I don't know if those will be adequate. Is it worthwhile to get a drain lanyard or robe with inner pockets, or does that part go by quickly anyway? Should I get something to make the car ride more comfy? Do I need a body pillow? I do have a Temperpedic mattress where I can control the angle of the head and feet. Open to any suggestions!
Thanks, ladies! Until next time!
MomEto3's provider
Welcome to the community! I wish you much success on your journey and hope you find lots of support here.