17 DPO and doing pretty well

Wow - I can't believe that my surgery is in less than a week. I am starting to feel extremely nervous - but also very excited. I am 35 and have three beautiful daughters; 4 year old twins and a 20 month old.. As a result of my twin pregnancy, I have severe diastasis (separated stomach muscles) along with a lot of excess "wrinkly" skin. I researched the surgery a lot after my twins, but after seeing the severity of the recovery/etc - I decided I would see what I could do on my own - also knowing that we weren't likely finished having children, it was not something I should be doing at the time.

Now, we are finished having children and no matter how much I exercise - I still look like I am 3-4 months pregnant if I don't constantly hold in my stomach. I started looking seriously into it in December and despite all of the challenges with a full time career, being a mother to three young children, and the fear of the long and painful recovery, I decided to take the plunge and have the surgery scheduled for Feb 21st.

I feel, like many of you have mentioned, a fluctuation of excitement and guilt. Excitement because I don't think I even realize how much this has been effecting me on a daily basis. I have always worked hard to stay in shape and take care of myself - and this is definitely not something that I can change on my own. I haven't let my husband see my stomach without something covering it since having my twins 4 years ago - which when I actually say that out loud or write the words, just sounds so wrong. The guilt is because of the expense of the surgery, the fact that I know that I am doing this for somewhat vain reasons, and because I have three young children who aren't going to get my full attention for the next 6 weeks plus as I recover.

I am very fortunate to have a strong support system and a job that is flexible enough for me to be out for a couple weeks. I believe I am going into this with eyes wide open - as I have done a lot of research and know how difficult the recovery can be. I am going to stay with my mom for at least 4 - 5 days following surgery, while my husband takes my girls to his parents for a long weekend. I think that should help a lot. I am hopeful that after that, I should be able to be able to spend some time with them at home as long as my husband is also around.

I have been told to rest as much as possible the first week - which I am going to try to do. That, I know, is going to be difficult as I can't shut my mind off easily and expect I will be anxious about missing my girls and worrying about all that is building up at work. On the positive side - I am so looking forward to wearing clothes again without having to worry about my stomach sticking and just feeling like my core is stable again. My doctor talks about me being bikini ready for the summer - which has never been my goal or even something I ever considered would be a possibility - but it would sure be wonderful to have that option. My goal is really just to feel put back together and to not be in fear that someone will catch a glimpse of my stomach.

I look forward to this site as I know I will have a lot of down time after the surgery and have really enjoyed reading other people's experiences and suggestions. I will keep you all posted on how things go on Thursday and with recovery.

Have a great week!