Pictures at 26 days PO on MM!

I am 33 years old with four young boys that pulled the tissue out of my boobs and deposited in on my abs when I birthed them. :) I am 5'7" and 125 pounds, but I still have a muffin top and tons of skin that I literally tuck into my jeans each day. I breastfed for almost 5 years straight and was in for the shock of my life when I stopped. I actually have a round indent in my boobs above my nips because they are soo empty!

I have been thinking about these procedures for a few years now, but I didn't even consider them to be a realistic option. I thought that Jesus would want me to be thankful for the body I had and to not wish for something different. So, a couple weeks ago, I surrendered this desire to the Lord. I said, "Change my heart if you don't want this for me or else make it really clear that you do want this for me. I surrender the whole thing to you." Well, that week, a girl came up to me whom I've only met briefly and volunteered (out of nowhere) the information that she had a mommy makeover and was gushing over the experience. I had never met anyone before that I knew had done this. The timing was so weird; it just felt surreal. For me, this was confirmation that the Lord was giving me back something I had surrendered to him. (I'm not trying to over-spiritualize this: the decision doesn't always have to come about in this way.) Then, I read this article about how people that struggle with forgiving themselves also struggle with extending kindness toward themselves. Self-forgiveness was something I had been working through in the past year, and I saw how I almost "punish" myself by not allowing myself to experience good things. It makes me feel guilty because it seems selfish, when in reality, it's a lack of self-forgiveness and taking care of myself. For some, this seems so simple, but for me, it was a major hurdle.

So after those two events within days of praying, I said, "Lord, there's one more thing. We don't have money for this right now." The next day, my husband told me we had tens of thousands of dollars come in to our business, and that we were suddenly very financially set, after a year of struggling to get caught up on bills. I couldn't believe it. He was completely supportive (although emphasizing repeatedly that he was satisfied with my current body) of this endeavor.

Another thing I've been praying lately is that Jesus would show me that he loves me, because sometimes I struggle with feeling not good enough or unlovable. When I don't feel loved, I'm not good at loving others. So, anyway, through all those prayers, I believe Jesus was showing me how much he loves me and that it doesn't matter how much money it costs (he has control of all the money in the world) or what people think (I used to run in very conservative circles), but that this is a gift from him, for me. It's hard for me to accept that; I almost cry when I consider it.

So, here goes. I never ever thought I would do this, so now I am insanely excited. I started to feel guilty for spending hours looking at this website on Sunday after making the decision and then realized - there goes that self-hate and self-condemnation again! I shook my head and told myself to enjoy this - the anticipation is part of the gift!

I have already chosen a doctor, and my consultation is on Wednesday, April 17. I have to travel in early June, so I'm hoping to get the surgery scheduled as soon as possible. I don't want to wait until mid-June as then I will be recovering for much of summer. So my next prayer is for the perfect timing of the surgery.