Removal of Cohesive gel anatomical shape breast implants

I had my first Augmentation at 19. Going from about a 34A to a 34C All of my teen life I wanted bigger boobs. My first implants were saline. Under the muscle. 8 years later my left side ruptured. I had lost feeling in the left breast and I could feel rippling and movement or a popping feeling almost when I touched my left breast. Approx a year later the implant ruptured. I went back to my same surgeon and discussed my options. A new cohesive gel implant was what was used to replace the saline implants. Though I did not go any larger in the size of implant my cup size increased to a 34D (Victoria Secret Bra's) It has been almost 10 years now since having them replaced. I have since had 2 children whom I expressed breast milk for with a breast pump for 15 months each time. After nursing I am now a 36C wearing a full cup style bra. For the most part I had not had any problems. However for about a year now I have wanted the implants removed. 6 months ago I was doing a self breast exam and noticed my left breast seemed very firm. The firmness has progressed and my breast is now very sensitive to the touch in the nipple region especially. Because of the cohesive gel being a gummy bear type consistency I am unable to tell if the implant has ruptured. I have tenderness around the side of the implant (under my arm) and the tissue feels bumpy around that area. I'm not sure if it's because I want them removed or not but now I physically HATE the way they feel in my body. I have want them out more then anything. My fear is that after having implants for almost 20 years and having nursed 2 children what will my natural breast look like. I was 19... And now at 37 I am no longer in that frame of mind where having a large chest is a priority of mine. I feel them inside my skin and I hate it. Every day I grow to hate them even more. I have numbness in my arms and hands and neck pain also on the left side almost all the time. In no way do I want to have the implants replaced with another set of implants and the thought of them cutting my nipples off and replacing them in higher position to do a lift makes me worry that I will lose feeling in both my nipples forever. I just want to be free from this feeling. I just want them out. I am angry at myself for having them done in the first place. I have considered doing a fat transfer using far from my other areas to create fullness to my breast after removal. But my research findings have been very mixed. Some women have had fantastic results and others have not. I am torn.

I can see a slight difference in the left side.

I honestly don't know if it's my mind playing tricks on me because I just want them taken out or what.. Today I swear it felt like they were burning the inside of my skin. I seemed to have a lot of discomfort on the left side where the incision area is. They are so uncomfortable to me lately. More so now then ever before.

Today has been awful. As I sit here at my desk I can't stop thinking about how awful these things feel inside of me. Every day the feeling gets worse. The left side that has capsular contracture is getting more and more tender by the day. They are even tender to touch them while showering. I have never wanted these toxic bags out more then I do today. I hate this feeling. I hate feeling them under my skin. I hate every single damn thing about them.

I don't know if this is more of a physiological thing because I want them out so bad or if it's truly because there is something more happening inside. I absolutely despise the way they feel inside of my body. It feels like they are pulsating. My breasts feel like they did when I was breast feeding. Like they are full and so uncomfortable. Tightness almost and it's making my skin crawl. I wear a cami style tank under everything. The tank has a built in shelf style bra. I'm not sure if it's the tightness of that with my bra straps that makes me so uncomfortable. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to wear a bra most days because the feeling drives me nuts. Did/does anyone else feel this way or is it just my inner feeling of wanting them out so bad that I'm imaging this uncomfortable feeling?

Yesterday was my surgery day. Bilateral breast implant removal with complete capsulectomy. I am a bit sore but only in the breast area and where the incisions are. I feel amazing.

I am so very pleased with my results. I was so scared of what they would look like after the removal. I pumped breast milk for 16 months for both of my children. My PS advised that I would likely be very unhappy without with the sagging if I chose not to have a lift. I remembered what my nurse said to me about having such good elasticity to my skin the day I went to have my stitches removed after having my C-section for my second son. I wanted to let my body heal after the removal. I didn't want to go thru something that wasn't necessary. I am not unhappy at all. I look forward to what they will look like after healing longer. I feel so good.