Ok, not sugar coating it: I am terrified of...
ok, not sugar coating it: I am terrified of surgery/anesthesia. My family and friends mean everything to me and I can't let anything bad happen to me bc I know it would hurt them so much. Still though, a girl only has one life to live. So after a bunch of researching and realself stalking, I just put my deposit down for a BBL with Dr. Hasan. I feel good about him. That means I'm now in this thing!
This is so important to me because I have never felt even a little bit of confidence about my body. I still look smallish at 5'3 and 150lbs, but I'm not shapely. My weight is concentrated in my abdomen and my butt is flat on the sides. I eat healthy and have a good relationship with food and don't really wanna make myself miserable dieting anymore bc even when I have lost weight in the past, I was not happy with my shape. Life is too short to be on a treadmill every day driving my cortisol levels up and STILL be unhappy with my figure.
I tend to wear baggy clothes and long sweaters. I haven't worn anything form fitting without a huge sweater or cardigan over it in my entire adult life. I'll wear a jacket even in the summer sweating bullets just because I'm that uncomfortable with my figure.
My goal is mainly just to feel more comfortable in my own skin and be able to wear form fitting clothes (and have my butt look good lol). Yes it's shallow and yes it's a little selfish and yes I know it's not going to change my whole entire life in a day, but even if it just makes getting dressed in the morning or buying clothes more enjoyable it will be completely worth it to me. People are always nagging me to dress better and dress my age and this procedure will help me get there. I can't even IMAGINE going into a clothing store and having an actual good time trying on clothes. That would feel so awesome.
I'm not telling some of my family bc I know they would freak out and be judgmental. I had been debating even telling my closest gf because she is somewhat against cosmetic surgery and I didn't want to disappoint her, but to my absolute surprise, she was very supportive and even like, "Let me go with you and take care of you." Originally I was going to hire a private duty nurse, but now that I have my best friend going with me, it really put my mind at ease because I know she is going to back me up if anything goes wrong. But my mother is a worrier and overly nervous so I can't really talk to her about this.
I'm kind of also a worrier myself and just hope everything goes smooth with the labs and that the appointment doesn't get rescheduled at the last minute after I made all the flight and hotel arrangements. I have not ever planned a trip on such a grand scale before and it just seems like there's a whole lotta room for error. Please send me prayers and good vibes.
back to the positive... I'm finally doing something that will have long reaching positive results in my life and I'm excited to return the favor of sharing the process with you ladies.
Hard to look at it, but this is what I'm workin with. I was not even sure I wanted to post these but to be fair I'm always looking at realself ladies' before pictures to see if any of you have similar starting points.
I'm about 5'3, 153lbs, measurements 40"-31.5"-41". I've always been a little bit chubby and I'm cool with it for the most part, but I still wish I did not have that back fat roll and that my stomach were smaller. My butt is totally flat on the sides too ughhhh. Help meeeee, Dr. Hasan.
Still working on my hotel and plane arrangements. I tried to talk to my mom about it but she shut me down. It's stressing me out but it will be worth it. You have to take chances sometimes to get what you want.
FINALLY bought my plane tickets. It was $300 including the checked luggage and extra roomy aisle seat for the way back. I'm leaving 2 days before the surgery so that I have time to buy groceries etc and make sure I wake up early the next day for the pre-op appointment.
I decided to use airbnb instead of a hotel because it is a waaaaay better deal. Some of the rooms are dirt cheap, but it would be kind of awkward to be staying with some family and have them try to make conversation with us like "soooo what brings you to miami" and we are like "we want to get dat ass" lol
So I booked a PRIVATE 2 bedroom apartment for my girl and me. It looks pretty nice. It's about 30 minutes away from the office so it's not as close as I originally wanted it, but it's still not too far either and at least she'll be comfortable there. How many people can say they have a friend who would drop everything, buy plane tickets, and go with them to get a butt? I am so blessed.
I just need to rent a car now and I'm not looking forward to it because I think there might be extra fees to add another driver and I think I have reached my money spending capacity for today lol. I don't know what it is but spending large sums of $$$ all at once that makes me anxious as hell. I am not a big spender at alllll. Most people would be shocked I am even doing this thing.
I was looking at the vanity miami website today and saw there was a mother's day special for $600 less than my quote and my heart dropped bc I was like "did I seriously just not wait another week to get this special?" but I called the office and it turns out Hasan is still at the same price I locked in anyways. The office is probably thinking I'm cheap as hell lol. But $600 is a lot of money to an out of towner planning all these arrangements.
Well it turns out my friend isnt going with me and she started saying how she thinks I should use the money on moving instead of getting my body fixed. She put her new boyfriend on the phone and had him tell me the same thing like it is going to make any difference to me. I wish she had told me this sooner. I canceled the 2 bedroom airbnb apartment I had gotten for us for a $100 cancellation fee. Now I'm back to square one.
I am also not feeling very supported. Ironically my mother who is the one person most against me doing this was even like "I am so sorry about your friend, I know how bad you want this." She would go with me, but she can't get off from work. I would ask another one of my friends, but now Im feeling really judged and I probably don't want to tell anyone else about it until it's done. Kind of wishing my friend had not told all my business to this random guy too.
So now I don't know what to do. I'm looking at recovery houses and praying for a solution. It's just good this happened now instead of 2 weeks before the sx
I'm looking for either a recovery house or private nursing service. I know not many people who've had this done come back here... it's us newbies who stalk realself but... if anybody has any advice on where to stay, pls let me know. My plans have really been devestated and I have a lot going on right now.
My mom is finally coming around to supporting my decision to do this... I do feel kind of guilty though making her worry just because I wanna look better. I pray to God this all goes well, this trip gets worked out, and nothing bad happens to me after surgery. I've invested a lot of money into this and I need to be here for my family.
recovery house woes and moral support
I told another friend about my BBL plans and she was like, "no judgment here, you work really hard and deserve it." so that felt good. I might eventually tell more people but I'm going to wait until after I get it done...
A kind soul here on realself PM'ed me some recovery house numbers, but I'm still having trouble finding somebody to take care of me for my sx date. I must have chosen the worst date ever bc it seems like everyone is busy. Kayla didn't respond to my voicemail, Moni is booked that week. I called Magda today but she says she has to call me back to let me know. I am really hoping Magda is free bc her voice sounded kind and I think I'm gonna want a really compassionate person with me to do this.
Ironing out the plan!
Magda said she could take me! Yaaaaaay. So now I can start putting my plan in place... I'm gonna be arriving a day before my pre-op appointment bc I'm paranoid about flight mishaps and I want some chill time beforehand to settle in. I'm staying with Magda for 7 nights 8 days from 7/13-7/20 for $120/night plus $250 on sx night for a total of $970. Expensive, but she has a kind voice and at least she knows the drill with Vanity.
Bc when I originally bought my plane tickets it was before my friend pulled out and I had based the whole trip around us getting an apartment together, I'm not leaving Miami until 7/23. I am going to see if I can book an airbnb near the airport from 7/20-7/23. Hopefully by then I'll be able to walk around and take care of myself.
Just started iron supplementation. I'm a big carnivore so I don't think getting more iron in my diet should be hard either. I'm looking kind of pale but I think it's just bc I'm indoors too much.
Still need to order the rest of my supplies, but I'm starting to feel better about the trip little by little as things fall into place.
I'll tell you girls, this kind of thing is what shows you who your real friends are and who is going to try to cut you down and dictate your life. On the one hand I want to be open with my gfs and tell them what I'm doing but on the other hand I'm an adult who doesn't owe anyone an explanation for what I do with my money in my private time. I'm going to take comfort in the fact that God understands why I'm doing this and the issues I have with my body better than anyone else could. I am going to find comfort and support within myself now instead of trying to reach outward to friends bc I don't need to justify or defend myself to anyone. (except maybe my mom lol)
summer plans taken over by bbl
My family wanted me to go with them to the islands and said it was all on them, which sounds like a great deal right? But the trip is 30 days after my sx and I'm not sure how I'm going to be looking or feeling or if I can be on a plane that long w/o them raising some questions about how I'm sitting. This kind of opportunity doesn't present itself every day for me so it kind of sucks lol. How sweet would it have been to wear a bikini for the first time in my life? I'm not sure what excuse to give them as to why I can't go. Sorry, no, I hate going to tropical places for free.
I've been eating a lot and telling myself it's ok because it's all gonna go to my booty, but now I'm wondering if maybe I should be losing some weight. My biggest fear is I get the BBL and still have a back fat roll or don't get the curvy look I really want. I read too that the smaller the fat cells, the more cells get transferred to the butt. I am not sure how much I can lose between now and July, but I'm putting myself on a diet tomorrow. I'm barely 5'3 so even if I lose maybe 10 lbs, it would make a difference.
I write this as I'm eating very bad Chinese food hehe.
I have been going through realself and other websites to come up with a comprehensive supply list for BBL. It's kinda funny bc when I search for information on BBL and how to prepare, I find myself ignoring what all the doctors say (usually boring stuff like "choose a good surgeon, ask your surgeon, listen to your surgeon, buy your faja at the surgeon's office where it costs a million dollars") and I just go straight to what you dolls are saying. Thanks for being so real with me, realselfers!
This is what I have so far but pls tell me if you have any other ideas or I'm missing something important.
-cut/taped pool noodles for sitting and using the bathroom
(read they work better than the boppy too)
-my diva cup bc I'm going to be getting my period a few days after sx. If you haven't heard of diva cup, YOU NEED ONE!! It's great.
-compression socks given to me by clinic
-compression garment given to me by clinic
-squeem for when I outgrow the compression garment
-3 lipo foams
-half a foam roller for thigh sitting on plane plus neck pillow and regular pillow to prop up my head against the seat so I don't die of discomfort or bad posture lol
-body pillow for sleeping
(but I'm not lugging that thing to FL)
-stool softener, sleep aid, rx meds, probiotics
-Tylenol extra strength bc I'm not taking the rx painkillers. Hydrocodone actually has no effect on me at allll for some reason. Lucky me.
-hibiclens soap and baby wipes
-gauze, neosporn, surgical tape
-make my own urinal since EZ pee has bad reviews
-3 maxi dresses, larger yoga pants (need cover those ugly compression socks lol), loose outfit for sx day, tank tops to wear under the compression garment, large loose underwear for new booty, robe
-easy slip on shoes
-old dark towels
-shower liner to cover bed the night of the sx
-protein powder and shaker cup
-measuring tape to record waist and butt inches after sx
Girls, let me know if I missed anything please!
Weighed myself today and my heart dropped. I have gained weight. I'm at 155lbs. I'm on period so I might be retaining water. My scale says my water percentage is 50%, which actually is on the low side, and my body fat is 30% which is the border of normal and overweight. Based on pictures, I think I look more like I have a body fat of 35-40% but I dunno. So my goal now is to drink way more water and to eat veggies every meal. If my goal is to be about 140 by July 15, then I need to lose 2 lbs each week.
Protein shake for breakfast. Steamed cabbage and lentils for lunch bc they have iron and vitamin c. Tuna with mayo for dinner. Walk for at least 1 hour.
also purchased some black tourmaline and quartz to keep the haters at bay
Sometimes I feel guilty about doing this. I think it was how I was raised bc the women in my family are self sacrificing to an almost destructive degree. Growing up, I saw them putting all their energy into husbands and kids, not taking care of how they looked, and feeling bad about themselves but refusing to do anything about it. They don't buy themselves new clothes or do their makeup or do anything really nice for themselves. They don't like to see themselves in photos and they avoid mirrors. They devote all their lives to husbands who look in other directions at other women. This is what many people think is the "good" mom and wife. It breaks my heart.
My mom complains about her wrinkles and says how she wants a facelift and I'm like "mom, just do it, life is short and you will feel like a zillion bucks after and I'll take care of you" but she would never actually do it because she refuses to spend money on herself or use credit. Maybe one day I will buy it for her and take away her excuse...
I always promised myself I wasn't going to live like them. So I'm not. I'm going to do things that make me feel cared for and pretty even if that means I'm "selfish." And I'll try to make other women and girls feel pretty and at their best whenever I can too.
My mom wants me to say that this will be the last procedure EVER EVER and that I'll be completely happy with my body after the BBL. I think I will be much more comfortable with my body, but I want a breast lift too at some point. I don't need to be perfect and I know that I have a soul that's more important than my body, but I am a living work of art so why wouldn't I want to change myself to my tastes? That scares her bc she sees it as self hatred, but it's not.
Self hatred is what I see when I look at the women around me who pretend not to care about how they look when they really DO care and feel terrible each day, only because they don't think they are important enough to invest in themselves. I feel like I AM worth it to invest in myself, but the people around me either don't understand or resent that. They like to say "just accept yourself" but in truth THEY never accepted themselves. They just internalized and stuffed down all the bad feelings they didn't want to deal with. I think I'm actually closer to self acceptance than they are in a way because I can be honest with myself about what I dislike about my body without blaming myself or feeling like it makes me inherently bad or something. I consider bodies just like shells you can alter if you want. I believe it's true how RuPaul says "you're born naked and the rest is drag" that every body is in drag in some way
that's my soap box speech for why I'm getting surgery haha
omg, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get a waist even close to that size, but DAMN!!!!!! I would be over the moon to look even half that good
paid in full
Ok so I paid in full today. Spending this much money scares the daylights out of me. I'm telling you, I get an adrenaline rush from spending thousands of dollars like this it feels like my brain is bungee jumping out of my head lol. Vanity was offering a special deal where if I paid in full by wire transfer now they would give me a second compression garment. So yeah that's done!!
Vanity office was saying I could prob lose 5-10lbs to improve my result and it wouldn't jeopardize the results any so I have been following a liquid diet and making myself protein shakes. Problem is I keep putting bananas in them bc bananas are so delicious. I think I should prob stop that though bc they're high in sugar.
I need a cold shower or something, I can't believe this is really happening ahhhh!! 48 days!!
Dolls!! That spatone and Nature's Made iron WORKS! I was nervous about my labs even though it's still early and I am gonna need to get blood taken again a lil later. I saw another girl on here went to "walk in lab" to get her blood taken and it was under $30 so that's what I did to put my mind at ease. I bought it at walkinlab.com. Just gotta maintain my hgb now.
I'm also down to 146 lbs, but I went out drinking with my gfs this weekend so I'm afraid to check the scale for damage now lol. I am eating clean today to make up for it.
to my chickadees wondering about weight loss, I started at 153 and want to get down to 140 before sx bc I'm a short girl and I have extremely stubborn back fat. I'm at 146 now and see some improvement in my belly but none in the back yet. I will post again at 140lbs
So I was having a really bad day yesterday and broke down in tears over some unrelated ish. Thinking of the bbl and looking forward to this is actually what pulled me out of it. I am so so so grateful I am on the road to doing this for myself. Thank you, realself.
shapes and sizes ???
I am always daydreaming trying to imagine what Dr. Hasan will do to me. I know high hips make the butt look square but I don't really like the super low hips look either. I don't know how to describe this but some BBL pictures I do not favor the results much. These are the ones where the doctor cuts all the hips off and repositions them EXTREMELY low and to the side so that the body looks from the back almost like straight tube that's attached to 2 balloons at the bottom with harsh angles. Also in this look I notice that sometimes the woman has a larger ribcage so her upper body looks bigger than her hips. I know many like this look, but it is not my cup of tea. Not even sure if I described it right, I might need to draw a picture lol. Example link to what I'm talking about from a quick rs search: http://www.realself.com/find/Florida/Miami/Plastic-Surgeon/Moises-Salama#photo-1540197
What I would like is that beautiful violin shape with the hips neither too high or too low and with silhouette that is not too extreme in any angle if that makes sense. I am gonna have to find a way to explain this to Hasan in understandable english lol.
What I am doing tonight is looking online for postop yoga pants but I am not sure what size to buy. I am right now usually size medium or about size 10-12. After surgery, I wonder if I will be a large? Not sure if it will be better to wear maxis postop or yoga pants bc yoga pants tend to attract attention (last thing you want coming off a surgery at the airport), but with maxis they won't cover the ugly compression socks and you have to wear sandals with them.
Another thing I wonder is how many inches smaller is the waist after sx? I am holding off on getting a squeem bc I am not sure on these things
My labs came back normal! Thank you, Jesus!!!!! Dolls, I'm not even kidding you, I teared up thinking about the possibility of abnormal results coming back. So relieved. All that is left now is pregnancy test, u/a, and hiv test at vanity preop appt. Only 1 month to sx...!!
My mother is having me feel real guilty now like my surgery is a betrayal of her bc I am her only daughter and she was on the phone last night crying and saying "what if something happen and I don't hear your voice ever again." I am a full grown adult but still felt bad bc I know to her I am still her child. Like I said my first post I am a scaredy cat and all about safety. This world is dangerous and I could list you many times something bad nearly happened to me or even did happen to me but I made it out alive so far through God's grace. Hate to say it but I have to kind of ignore my moms emotions right now bc there is no way I am going back on this after making it this far and having the opportunity to change my life in such a big way. I was even thinking of lying to her and telling her my surgery is the 16th so she won't worry on the actual day and I can call her up next day and say "guess what, surgery is already over." Sneaky I know but I am considering it...
I just confirmed my surgery with vanity. Based on reading recent problems with them overbooking other girls and trying to strong arm someone into changing surgeons last minute, I am extremely anxious... I still want to remain positive and hopeful but I'm getting jitters. I'm going out to a diff state meeting with a complete stranger (Magda) who is going take care of me and that alone has me a little freaked out. I am spending a lot of money on flight/accomodations/time off and need to trust vanity to keep up their side of the deal and not mess w my money. I am even afraid of flying on the plane lol. Afraid of the surgery/anesthesia itself and recovery too of course... The entire thing its just very nerve wracking. I'm not a trusting person by nature and this is definitely an exercise in trust. I think I'm gonna go do some om om oms for the next 48 hrs lmao.
Waited allllll day for this
Made it to florida 5 hours late bc my plane had a weather delay then the plane computer broke. Not reassuring lol. Waiting at the airport 5 hr not fun... Thank GOD I came here a day early. I originally almost scheduled my flight to come in tomorrow so glad I didn't do that. Tomorrow is the pre op appt.
Right now I am at Magdas and her daughter just cooked me some delish food. I'm a sucker for home cooked meals it was really delicious n I'm gonna steal her salad dressing brand lol. House is nice, room is good, magda and her family are very friendly and welcoming. Cute puppies in the yard...
Anyway after much obstacles I'm here!!!! Land of the backyard mango fruit trees and big booties!!!! Been up since 5am so I am probably gonna pass out soon. So scared and so hopeful at the same time
15 Jul 2015
Day of treatment
Ty dolls for all your support... So I was mostly calm yesterday I'm a little over an hour away from surgery now and not feeling so calm anymore lol. It comes and goes. I'm wearing a ridiculous huge $9 night gown from Wal-Mart bc I didn't want to wear my nice clothes and bleed all over them. I kind of want to hide from everybody walking out like this in public haha. You know what's funny I'm such a fat girl that not eating all last night and knowing I wouldn't be able to eat breakfast today made me dream I was eating a bunch of eggs and biscuits lmao.
15 Jul 2015
Day of treatment
Dolls I'm out of surgery. When I woke up I was flat on my stomach shivering like crazy. Worst part was the shivering bc I couldnt stop n every shiver hurt. Also I hate being flat on my stomach I have big boobs and I didn't think of how much this position is a PITA lol. I hated it so much I lifted myself to my knees and sat that way on the stretcher. The nurses were probably like wtf this chick doing hahaha. I also was doing some controlled breathing exercises to get through the shivering and pain and that helped a lot n made me feel more in control. Never underestimate the power of the mind over your body.
I am wide awake can't sleep bc I'm not comfortable on my stomach. Ate a juice box and crackers on the ride home then magda gave me a chicken soup at the house. I cant tell what I look like. I'm sore and my mouth nurs but my biggest annoyance right now is my position and boob crushing.
I will write more about what happened behind the scenes at vanity later. I ended up gaining back my weight went in at 153lb. Hasan was honest and like "you are a big girl and I can only take out 4L" kind of momentarily bummed me out but I have faith his work. We shall see. I cant tell what I look like yet... used a really good urinal per mgda called "flo tool" it is wider n loner than ez pee and $1 in the auto section of walmart. Google image It is the blue long thing.
Recap of sx. My appt was 10. They had me pee in a cup which was tough bc I had nothing to drink for hours. anesthesiologist came in, he was friendly, started iv, gave me valium for nervousness. Hasan was still working on prior patient but he came in to mark me up a little after noon. I told hasan my back fat bothered me the most and he said I don't have much back fat just loose skin that may or may not retract after surgery. Thats I guess my punishment for yo yo dieting n being an unstable weight since I was a teen. ]: bummed me out but I still have faith I can retract it. Also Hasan said my high hips were what was mainly throwing off my figure n I don't disagree but I didnt really want to remove ALL the hip fat but ultimately like I said I trust him n he is the expert so I said more or less do your thing. There was the "big girl" comment which scared me bc I was like "does that mean he thinks I won't have a good result??" asked if I exercise, asked if I have kids, said I'm too young to have a body like I do. He said nothing untrue but I still felt like he was negative a bit. Obviously somebody getting lipo knows that stuff. I don't know if hasan was tired from surgery /surgeries before mine or he just doesn't have a filter lol. but then he did say I would see a nice change in my figure. Still kind of freaked me out bc I put too much effort into this to have a mediocre result. I went into the operating room, got rubbed down in iodine, and can't remember the rest.
Dolls after the initial pain of waking up right after surgery I noticed the woman next to me was in even worse pain and I was kind of through my own breathing n discomfort feeling worse for her... she didnt have anyone coming to care for her but a taxi and couldn't pick up her prescriptions. Think maybe she was a tummy tuck pt but I'm not sure. I think vanity somehow scrambled to pick up her rx and I hope she is ok.
Magda came to get me and saw me on my knees on the stretcher and was like "lol you are strong." The car ride home SUCKED I felt so uncomfortable but I drank a juice box and ate crackers. When we were home it felt good to stand n walk, I had soup and then dinner later on. I didn't sleep at all and magda said she had Never seen someone w that much energy post bbl. I have a feeling it was bc my hemo was 14.3 and I had a faithful vitamin regimen weeks before. I felt hardly any pain and walked a lot.
Cut to last night, my abdomen was no longer numb and began to hurt like a beast. Did not sleep well, kept waking up, even benadryl couldn't knock me out. Magda stayed up with me n made me tea when I got cold. Then this morning its even worse. My first massage is at 10 and Dolls I'm terrified bc I don't want anybody touching this pain. I know I need to do it while my incisions are still open but I have a feeling today is gonna be hard.
Typed on my phone so couldn't express all I wanted but hopefully u get the idea
This is the best I could do for now, blurry dark mirror selfies. Keep in mind I'm swollen, have eaten a lot and very constipated, and my garment is stuffed with absorbent things. Hasan gave me vavavoom hips far better than my original hips, I'm already feeling happy. The massage made me feel better too
Took my first shower. I'm very swollen and lumpy and feel like I recently got hit by a car but still so happy already. I can't believe he got my back fat.
Woke up extremely stiff and sore after another night of barely sleeping. I had my second massage today. It felt so good I fell asleep while she was doing my back. Then the lady drained a HUGE amount of fluid from my belly. It shot out like a geyser and got everywhere including her clothes. I felt kind of bad I was exploding all over the place but I felt so so so much better afterward. I almost feel like a normal person again. Pain went down from about a 7 to about a 4. She inserted my lipo foams finally too and I'm wearing my ab board.
Apologies I still didn't get a chance to take a good frontal picture but my waist is very small. Those pictures didn't do it justice it is just unreal how small and flat he got my stomach. I feel like I'm looking at someone else, never been this tiny in my life.
Tmi been taking stool softeners but still no bm
So I finally had a bm. I had to take off my garment and exercise major will power lol it was not easy and took awhile. I took a shower afterward and cleaned my incisions. While I had my garment off I snapped quick photos still not the best quality. My left lower incision keeps busting out fluid. I'm bruised between the breasts and on the lower abdomen. There is swelling and a little hardness across the center of my stomach. I look different every time I see myself but overall still very very happy. I was a short high hip girl and hasan magically made my torso longer. I can't wait until the swelling goes down and I can get into a waist trainer.
Again i can't sleep well, I wake up every half hour. Last night I had a headache. Idk if its from fluid losses or antibiotic or I'm getting my period soon. It is rough. I am very grouchy at night and in a lot of pain when I first get out of bed in the morning. During those moments I think I might be insane to have done this. But then I get up, force myself to wash my face n brush my teeth etcs like normal, take pain med, walk around, magda brings me some good Cuban coffee, I drink water, and little by little I feel better.
I had my third massage today and again she managed to drain a lot of fluids out of my left lower incision leaving me feeling much better. My stomach has hard parts and soft squishy parts that feel like a water bed mattress. I have no massage on Sunday so I am thinking maybe I will try to do self massage. Other than that I am just staying hydrated and keeping compression on my stomach. Lipo foams feel good.
Going out in public is still awkward bc my garment is so stuffed lol I feel like I'm wearing a full body diaper. Sigh the cute dresses will come one day...
I gave myself 2 additional massages today in the hopes of evening out my stomach. I'm still draining heavily out of my lower left incision. The left side of my abdomen feels soft but the right side feels lumpy and firm. I forgot to say this earlier but the day after my surgery I switched to a much tighter garment. The one vanity gives you is too large and useless. I have a feeling that the tighter garment right away, getting my massages immediately, and the pressure from sleeping in my ab board is what is keeping the one incision open... I tried to copy the way I saw the massage therapist do it. I massages firm circles from right to left to move fluids from the right side of my stomach toward my left incision opening. When I was done I had saturated a pile of paper towels. Now I feel a bit weaker and have a headache... I seem to drain all night so maybe this is why I can't sleep. I am grateful my incision is still open so I can massage myself tomorrow too. Magda had said keyla sometimes drains Hasan patients I'm going to ask about it on Monday
I told myself I wouldn't be one of those chicks with booty moodiness who freak out about minor issues in the early healing process ... And I love my new booty... But the uneven stomach has got me concerned. Sometimes I look at it and think I just need to be patient and wait for swelling to decrease, other times I wonder if the fat itself is uneven which would mean its permanent. Sometimes I look at it and think it's not a huge deal other times it looks just weird to me. I'm doing all i can to compress my stomach and I'm still draining. I am feeling emotional about it. I need a booty psychiatrist lol. Vets please if u read this, did u have uneven stomach issues? Did they go away? And did your waist shrink after a few weeks or stay the same size as right after surgery?
My knees and elbow are killing me and I have my period right now with bad cramps. I thought mother nature might take it easy on me n skip due to the sx but nope. ],:
I keep shrinking and blowing up. Due to my period I looked like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters yesterday lol. I couldn't even fit the foams in my garment. I got my last massage at vanity and Maria drained A LOT of fluid out of me. They also confirmed I definitely have a seroma... I thought they were gonna use the needle on me but since I still have an open incision and they already drained me by massage they didn't use it. I am worried about how I'm going to keep draining when I go back home... I can self massage sorta but I never seem to get as much fluid out as she does. They also told me I need more stomach compression... I think instead of getting a third faja I'm just gonna start with the squeem over my ab board and foams bc it's not like my booty needs more compression just my stomach.
Oh another thing I wish I had known Vanity gives you a triangle for free thats way better than the crappy cardboard one I bought for like 15 bucks... I wanna make a post about things I wish I had known and stuff... Like what to buy and labs etc to help future dolls... Maybe later
I also want to say I am so glad I went with magda for recovery. Her daughter who is a nurse lives with her, helps her out, and cooks very good. She genuinely cares about girls that stay with her and only takes 2 at a time. When I was there the other girl in the house had a complication and magda noticed right away and stayed at the hospital with her. She was very attentive to me and when I left her house and moved to the apartment she packed me a bunch of food so I wouldn't be hungry lol. She also was familiar with all the processes at vanity and I just felt really supported and in good hands w her constantly by my side. I was telling her that she should make a website so more ppl know about her but she doesn't want to put her house on the internet so I just wanted to give her a word of mouth recommendation. She is also i think less expensive than some other rh around here if anybody is looking.
As for vanity I actually didn't have any bad experiences w them even though I was almost expecting to based on all the horror stories. They made me wait a long time for everything but that's pretty standard there. Some ppl in the office give off attitude and didn't seem to care but everyone I was directly involved with was really nice, remembered my name, and genuinely seemed happy to see my results n recovery. Hasans assistant keyla and the massage ppl were very very nice.
Also today I looked less lumpy and I measured my waist at 30... I'm thinking it may go down even more? I am sore and grouchy and covered in dark bruises n marks but every so often when I'm not having a super swollen moment I look at my shape and think hasan carved me a straight up goddess body... I cannot believe I'm looking at me... I'm not able to enjoy it yet with the cute dresses and such but I cannot wait!!!
Going home tonight. Should I be worried about tsa? I didn't get a letter from vanity so I'm not going on a wheel chair or requesting services anything... My seat is row 1 so I board early anyways. Should I wear my foams etc thru security? What will happen?
I woke up again today w swollen eyes then got swollen ankles. So tired of this fluid.
Really missing my family even though I'm hiding this surgery from them. I just wanna get thru this flight and be home already.
I took off my board and lipo foams before going through security. I had on a light cardigan that was long enough to cover my donk and tsa wanted me to take it off. I said no and a lady patted me down real quick then said ok. They didn't make a big deal or embarrass me. When I got thru security, I went and put everything back on in the bathroom.
The flight itself was more rough. It was mostly empty so I got to lay across 3 empty seats when the seatbelt sign wasnt on but it was impossible to stay completely off my butt. The seats were just too narrow and any way I positioned myself something was digging into me. When I had to sit up I had my booty buddy and a pillow behind my back but I still felt like I couldn't stay 100% off it. I dont think my butt looks any smaller, I just hope the trip home didn't do any damage to the shape of it. At the end of the flight my feet were hurting and I looked down and my ankles had BLOWN. UP. I had like elephant feet. I was even wearing the compression socks and everything. It looked so crazy I was high tailing it thru the airport so nobody would look at my feet lol.
I'm actually hoping my butt drops soon or looks just a LITTLE smaller while still staying round. It is just a force of nature right now n I can't hide it easily. I am overall very happy with it I just think it would look more natural slightly smaller and lower.
I woke up again this morning with swollen eyes. I'm wondering when this is gonna stop? I still have that seroma fluid mattress wave in my lower abdomen but I'm not draining as much anymore. The fluid my incision is draining is mostly a yellow to clear color.
I'm thinking maybe I just need more abdominal compression. I'm considering buying a third garment. I have a squeem for extra compression but it is too long for my torso... I can't seem to find any waist trainers that are short enough for me. If anyone has any tips pls let me know.
I remember when I would read girls being dramatic n obsessive after surgery and kind of roll my eyes bc they were usually the same girls posting cute booty pics a month or 2 later. Now on the other side I understand better. My body looks different every day and even throughout the day. I have a lot of fluid and inflammation. It is also just different when its ur own body its deeply personal and emotional as an experience...
It is hard for me to tell the difference between what is swelling, inflammation, or left over fat. I was thinking that I looked bigger today but I wasn't draining much so I was thinking maybe it is left over fat? My mom gave me a back rub and when I stood up a bunch of fluid poured out of my incision. So I am still draining... But every so often I have doubts about whether my final result is gonna look good especially when I see girls who didn't have fluid problems anymore at 9 days.
Anyways to those dolls I rolled my eyes at I'm sorry I totally get it now... Recovery is a b*tch
My butt looks smaller here than it does in person for some reason... Maybe It is shrinking after all. I love my front shape but I have fluid pockets in my lower abdomen and I am stiff and sore. It doesn't look that bad but if u could feel in person, it feels like a water bed. Monday I'm going to call around and see if I can find someone in my area willing to drain me. Hopefully it won't be too expensive...
I ordered a tighter faja size medium n a waist cincher for short torso... Will review it later
My booty has definitely started shrinking.. Maybe I should be careful what I wish for lol. I'm still having fluid problems. I wake up with swollen feet and eyes. My belly looks huge sometimes... It is such a mind freak. I'm like wasn't this stomach super small a few days ago? And I can feel left over fat in my upper abdomen and back but I think there's swelling underneath it too. Tomorrow I am having my fluid pockets drained w a needle... I'm not into needles but I would love to get this fluid out. I have no confidence when I'm swollen like this and I begin to doubt the results. Believe me I look much worse than the pictures I posted its like I am a huge water balloon. I'm drinking ensure shakes to keep my calories up for my booty bit but I got on the scale and saw I'm gaining weight... Now I'm 90% sure the weight gain is fluid retention but some part of me is like maybe it's the left over abdominal fat getting bigger, maybe it's not swelling? But I am pretty it is swelling because my stomach feels like a water bed mattress
I had my seroma drained yesterday. It is already filled up again today. I read that the more you drain it the more likely it is to go away but there are some stubborn ones that require bigger drains and surgery and I'm praying my seroma isn't as stubborn as I am... If it's not treated it can also form a capsule made of scar tissue that prevents it from being reabsorbed by the body and causes deformity...
So I had a major surgery and this was a known potential complication. All things considered I'm still doing well. My butt isn't really swollen anymore so it looks smaller but the shape is beautiful and natural. Love my back. My stomach looks a mess at times but sometimes I get glimpses of how it might look when healed up. All that said I would be lying if I said this didn't bum me out and make me worry. I'm about ready to get back to normal life and this is just one more thing.
I will say if I ever do a round 2 bbl... Which I said I would never do but who knows if I'm not happy with my stomach I might break down and consider it... If i ever did it, I would probably go to a doc who uses drains. Yes hasan is a great sculptor and yes my incisions are already healing subtle/beautifully but that's just my opinion, I would rather minimize seroma risk as much as possible.
To my dolls who travel out of state for this, have a back up plan. Know ahead of time what your options are in case you get seroma. Some docs in your home state won't see you or touch another docs patient due to liability, others will try to capitalize on your misfortune n overcharge you. I am fortunate I have some medical professionals in my family to help me... Just be prepared if u need help back home. I was too idealistic and naive to consider this before my own sx.
My credit card was stolen and had $500 charged to it fraudulently and I'm just kind of in a bad mood lol. I'm taking my pics down for now. I will put some back up later in a side by side before and after when I'm 100%.
I just want to say I love u girls, you are all so brave. Thank you for supporting me and helping me through this journey and i genuinely wish u all the best, all the confidence, that all your dreams come true. I'll keep u posted on my water balloon problems.
1 month postop
Not much has changed but I figured since 1mo is a milestone I would update.
I started to rapidly get less numb and needed ibuprofen for awhile because the aches were killer. It settled down and now I feel pretty good without pain meds. The only place I'm still numb is my lower back... some guy had his hand on my lower back the other day and I didn't even feel it or know it was there until I looked and was like NO SIR.
After surgery, I developed 2 seromas. One was smaller on my right side and has resolved on its own. The other on my left side was much bigger so I had to get repeat needle draining. Each time the amount taken out was less and less which is a good thing because it means it's at least not getting worse. But as of today I still have the fluid wave and the last few times we tried, we were unable to get any fluid out. It is hard to say WHERE whatever fluid is left in there is exactly without an ultrasound machine. Sometimes I feel depressed about it and worried that it's going to create a deformity, but I haven't gotten to the point of desperation where I'm going to doctor shop for someone around here to put a drain in. If the seroma still doesn't resolve within the next month and we still can't get more fluid out by needle then I'm going to go see a doctor and consider letting them extort me for another $1k for a drain. Until then, I really don't want to deal with anyone's bitchy office staff not letting me speak to a manager because they don't understand the word "seroma" or telling me that a doc won't see me because I had the surgery with someone else. Or dealing w a doc who doesn't know jack about seromas but is willing to wing it on my dime... and overall my strength to deal with ignorant office staff is about -100 right now for real.
Even though I have been depressed about the seroma, I am pretty happy with my results. I love my butt and pray every day it doesn't shrink anymore... it is natural looking and round and I love it. My back looks smooth and I look 10x better in clothes. The naked me still needs work bc the stomach is lumpy but the back rolls are goooone and I'm very grateful for that.
Thinking back to meeting with Hasan when he told me I was big I was kind of insulted, but when I look at my before pictures now I'm like... maybe I was kind of big. I never felt like a "big" girl but I had a lot of hip and gut going on. Hasan removed almost all my hips, but there's still a pad of fat around my waist that has become more obvious as swelling decreases. I don't doubt he removed the max 4 liters so I think that's just the way the cookie crumbled... To get rid of all my love handles, some fat was left on the waist. I would have preferred less waist fat even if it meant more love handle but I think Hasan is very anti-love handle as his main aesthetic.
Even while I am dealing with a complication, I have been thinking of doing the one thing I said I would not do which is getting a round 2. The thing is I don't have that much fat left and the fat that I do have left I don't want taken out (thighs and booty). I have been considering maybe having my arms done since they look proportioned larger than my body now and then getting the rest of my waist fat out. I am conflicted on whether I would go back to Vanity. On the one hand I don't feel like I could get a surgeon the same quality as Hasan or Fisher where I live and definitely not for the price. On the other hand having a complication as an out of state patient is horrible and now I know how risky that was to do because every other doctor will resent you and punish you financially for not doing the surgery with them if you develop an issue postop. I am also currently undecided as to whether drains would be that important of a factor for me in a round 2 since I wouldn't be getting as much fat out and so wouldn't have as much risk of a huge dead space like what I have now after getting so much stomach fat removed.
Soooo I think that's about all there is to update on for now. Crazy pumpkin is praying for a seroma miracle and considering round 2.
GOOD NEWS ABOUT SEROMA
Sorry I haven't been around, I have had a lot on my plate since taking so much time off. Still paying off my credit card and it has been hard. No regrets though
Good news, my seroma has started to reabsorb FINALLY!!!!! ATTN ANY FUTURE DOLL WITH SEROMA: aspirate that sucker til you can't get anything else out then wait a week or 2 or until you're a month or so postop. I had it drained and drained and drained til we couldn't get anything out but some old dark blood. I still had the fluid wave for a week and half or so after that so I was panicking thinking I was gonna have to see a PS in my home state. Everything I searched on rs was doctors saying basically "you are so stupid to go out of state" and "you are gonna have to do all these expensive procedures" and worst case scenarios to every girl who asked about it. I did read that seromas usually self resolve in 4-6 weeks if you drain them... so that gave me a little hope... then it happened for me! It went from being a fluid wave about the size of my entire hand to being almost nothing and now is maybe a quarter of that size. So any doll who is panicking now, just chill out til week 4-6 lol. Don't be like me and make yourself miserable and stressed out. Just get drained. And if youre an out of state patient... have a back up plan and find someone who can drain you.
I have to say it is suddenly like a dark cloud lifted and I feel good about the surgery again. I was feeling depressed before and... not exactly regretful but still kicking myself for going out of state for bbl. Now that I am better I feel good about it and I think 4k for BBL with an excellent surgeon was a pretty damn good deal lol.
Other than that: my booty has shrunk slightly I think and there are small dents now. They aren't a huge deal to me and I still like my butt. I think I do however have that classic case of booty greed. I have turned out to be the typical post bbl girl in every way. Now I am too superstitious to say "lmao" too LOL I have had to stop myself a few times because God knows I do not want to laugh this ass off.
My stomach has started looking much more even since the seroma has shrunk and I am veeeeery relieved. The lipo overall is even. I am just not happy with the fat left behind on my waist and that is why I'm still considering round 2. Outside my garment I'm not completely happy but in my garment I look pretty darn good esp considering my starting point. What I wanted was to look and feel good naked so I am still gonna be greedy and go for another round I think.
posting a few quick but not great pics for the pic hungry, sorry about my bathroom mirror lol. i will post more w before pics later too i'm just very busy and stressed but that's life. hope all u ladies are doing well