Here We Go!

Somehow, I have lost 104 pounds since November. That's about 30 lbs pre-surgery and 74 lbs post-surgery (almost 6 months post op now). It's crazy and exciting to see the progress. Everyone who hasn't seen me in a while is surprised and so far I've only had compliments when I've told people about the surgery. Some people are jealous, but I try to encourage them and answer any questions they have. I think a lot of people want to try this, but just can't afford it because it's not covered by insurance. I thank my lucky stars that I was able to get the funds together to do this.
I've been happy about my progress, but also a little sad. My husband has been supportive along the way, but he doesn't really celebrate any of my milestones. I get a verbal "congratulations" when I tell him I'm down a hundred pounds and that's it. I mean, can't he bring a girl some flowers or something? I just don't understand this and frankly, I'm really getting sick of it. This is a big freaking deal - like a GIANT deal - and I feel like I deserve more than just a "congratulations" after almost 27 years of marriage. It hurts my feelings. Deeply.
I am putting that pain aside and just continue to work on my health, take care of my kids and work and study. I've almost finished with my 3rd class this summer and then I'll have a week break and begin Fall term.
I think it's interesting how I've lost 104 lbs but my clothing size hasn't changed as much as I thought it would. I am down from a 3x in dresses/tops to a 1x and in pants from a high of 30 to probably 20 or 22 now. Sizing is just weird and varies so much based on where I shop.
I weigh 251 right now and my goal is 175, so about 75 more pounds to go. I hope it goes as quickly as the first 100 and I am at goal by this time next year! I have totally slacked on exercising this summer, but will get back in the gym routine when school starts up in 2 weeks for my son. It's just easier to have the routine of dropping him off and then going straight to the gym. I can be home by about 9:30 am so it doesn't interfere with my work/school stuff too much. I'll be sad to have to get up earlier, but I'm also looking forward to having a routine again.

Down about 57 lbs since surgery, 86 lbs since I started my pre-op dieting in November. It feels so good to know and see that I am close to losing 100 lbs!! I can't believe it! It has been incredibly challenging, but so worth it.

I have been feeling kind of down the last few weeks. It's been kind of a weird time for me work-wise and I have been trying to reconcile where I am now with where I'd like to be. I've done a lot of thinking about the future and my goals and what needs to happen to accomplish them. For the last few years, I had given up on a lot of things I wanted because I just wasn't healthy enough and certainly didn't have the self esteem to pull myself up and do things.

Now that I am feeling better and getting a grip on the weight loss/health goal, I have the confidence to work on another goal - finishing college. Like weight loss, i have attempted this goal several times. While I did finish my associate's degree many years ago, I have stopped and started my education a few times since then but never really pushed to just get it done. A part of me feels silly going back to school when I'll be 47 this year. Will anyone hire me when I graduate? Will it be awkward to be older and starting out fresh at a new company after graduation? Is the investment of money and time going to payoff? I have no idea. I just know that not having a degree is something I have regretted all of my adult life. Part of it is ego, but part of it is just plain practicality. I have very limited job options these days without having a college degree.

When I was younger, I worked as a secretary or executive assistant. I liked the work, met lots of interesting people and enjoyed helping others. These days, though, that job is not really out there much. Executives do their own correspondence, spreadsheets, calls and scheduling. I've spent the last 15 years in commission-only sales and that experience hasn't really translated into other opportunities for salaried positions, just more options to sell at commission which I really don't want at this point in my life. So, I really need to get a degree in order to have the types of opportunities I am looking for.

I started classes yesterday and the act of getting things going on this goal has really lifted my mood. I feel like I have a purpose again and it's nice to have an intellectual challenge. Let's face it, after 15 years of doing the same job I can kind of do that in my sleep at this point and it gets kind of boring LOL. So, I am welcoming the workload and appreciating my newfound health that allows me to take on this challenge.

One weird thing to report healthwise. I noticed some blood and pus coming out of my belly button yesterday. I was feeling sore in that area, but thought it was from exercise. When I got in the shower, I realized what was going on and it totally freaked me out. This happened several weeks ago and I contacted the surgeon who said it was not related to the surgery and to just keep the area clean and dry and it would clear up. It took a few days, but then seemed to go away. Now that it's happened again, I made an appointment to see my primary care doctor tomorrow.

From what I've read, it's probably an abscess that has burst in there and usually the doctor will give an antibiotic to clear it up. Of course, google can lead to other possible causes like endometriosis and fistulas but I'm not going to jump to conclusions. I am concerned that it's happened twice, but hopefully it's nothing serious and I just some water got stuck in there causing the irritation.

Some photos comparing 1 month post op to 3 months post op. Total of 52 lbs downs since surgery.

The past week or so has been really rough. I have a lot of nausea and have been eating more than the 50 carbs recommended to help reduce the nausea. I am having a really hard time eating all of my protein and falling short on liquids, too. I have also been extremely stressed out, tired and fatigued. I'm sure it's all connected but am not sure how to fix this. I just forced myself to eat 4 oz of rotisserie chicken for the protein and I hated every bite of it.

At least I am still slowly losing pounds. I am going to try to drink a protein shake again and see if that goes any better. I see why my doctor wants me to have one a day - there's no way I can eat the correct amount of protein with just food. I was excited to learn today that My Bariatric Kitchen is finally starting the monthly meal plan and support service on June 1st. Can't wait for that!

On a positive note, i cleaned out my closet and gave away a TON of clothes. It's weird to open the closet and only see a half dozen things of mine. My husband looks like a mega shopper compared to me now! I bought a few new things - not much since I know I won't be able to wear it for long. Just enough to get by for now. It's an awesome feeling seeing all that old stuff gone. So much shame and disgust with a lot of those outfits. I never could really find things I liked when I was wearing the bigger sizes. It's still a little challenging now, but I definitely have more options and things just seem to fit better.

Hope you all have a great week!