40 Year Old Mum of 2, 5'4" and 126lb - TT with MR - Manchester, GB

So, after 6 years of being unhappy with my post pregnancy belly, I have finally taken the leap and booked in for a tummy tuck with muscle repair.

I'm 5'4" and currently weigh 126lb. I didn't put on an unhealthy amount of weight with my two pregnancies (probably about 35lb), but I was all bump and felt huge. My belly didn't go back to normal after my first, but then I got pregnant again a year later, and after pregnancy number two, coupled with a c-section delivery, it was clear there was no going back to 'normal'.

I knew for sure that I had diastasis recti, as I could literally feel the big gap between the muscles (by lying down flat on my back with my head lifted up). I also have wrinkly, baggy excess skin below my belly button, which hangs over the scar from my c-section. Ugh, I hate even just writing it down...

Part of me wishes I was the type of woman who embraces her post-baby body as part of the process, and a small price to pay for the gift of my wonderful children and all that, but I just can't do it. One of the great positives in getting a bit older is that I accept myself for who I am, and what I look like, and I have a generally positive feeling about my body, but this horrible belly doesn't even feel like it belongs to me! And I know that no matter what healthy eating and exercise I do, it can't magic that extra skin away, or put those muscles back together again.

About 4 years ago I got my weight down to 114lb, which is a couple of pounds under what I weighed as a teenager, but the ugly skin was obviously still there, and I suppose I didn't sustain that weight as it wasn't worth the effort involved to still end up with an ugly belly.

Apart from being scared, the main reason I haven't pursued this earlier is that I couldn't see how it was possible to look after very small children during the recovery from such a procedure. That is definitely still my main concern now, even though they are 8 and 6. My husband works long hours, and my girls are such "mummy's girls", I don't know how they're all going to get on while I'm out of action. My husband has assured me we'll manage though, and he's very supportive of me going ahead.

Anyway, once I'd decided to go ahead it all seems to be happening very quickly, which is what I wanted. I had my first consultation about 3 weeks ago, and my surgery is booked in for 26 May, which is about 3 weeks away. Bring it on!

I self-referred to my consultant - I chose based on knowing the hospital, and specifically her based on her amazing qualifications and experience. I now have to do the step before and get a referral letter from my GP. I asked for a female doctor - my appointment is tomorrow. I'll be glad to get it over and done with - the fewer people I have to "confess" to the better. I'm hoping it will just be a formality.

Right now I'm stressing more about losing a few pounds before the surgery. I want to be at 122lb maximum, although I have to admit it's been quite a few months since I was there. I've been so good with my diet and exercise these past two or three weeks, and I had come down from 130lb to 126lb, but this morning I'm up to 128lb again. It's so disheartening when I've put in so much effort.

On the one hand, I want to concentrate on being my strongest and healthiest to give me the best chance of a good recovery. On the other hand, I want to be my slimmest so that I get the best result, and don't end up with baggy skin again if I lose weight afterwards, so I've been skipping the odd meal and doing the odd fast day, which may not be the best way to stay strong.

I'm not a million miles away from my ideal weight, so I guess I just need to focus on eating healthily, and try not to get upset by the figure on the scales every morning - it's so hard though!