The Most Emotional Journey of my Life! - Lubbock, TX

I had always been the "big" kid in our family. We all have emotional stuff from our past, I am no different. I was the "fixer", I just didn't know how to fix me... I had maintained 450lbs for several years; to me this was "normal". With in the course of 6 months my father-in-law(who I had been caring for) and my younger brother both passed away. I had spent so much time preparing my husband for his fathers passing that I neglected to prepare myself. I began to fill the growing hole inside me with stuff; we bought a house, I started a business...FOOD. Everything was great for 2yrs. The business thrived the home was full, yet I had this growing darkness inside me. On December 31, 2007,I was put into a medically induced coma,I had double pneumonia. My lungs were so filled with fluid that I could no longer expel the carbon dioxide. It saturated my body, I retained 100lbs of fluid weight with in the course of 1wk; from what I was told, my oxygen levels were in the 40’s and the CO2 levels in the upper 80's,I should have died. After three days, and successfully “blowing” off enough Carbon Dioxide to bring my O2 back into the 80’s they brought me out of the coma. My parents, who were visiting my brother and his family for the New Year holiday, were called home to say good bye. I woke up exactly two years to the day of my younger brother’s death, which hit my mother extremely hard. I remember her leaning into me and whispering “you're not allowed to leave me!”, as she kissed my forehead. The look on both my mother and my husband’s faces as the doctor explained what was going on with my body,is a site I will never forget;I was dying. We were told that I would not make it to 35yrs old.

Over the next year along with vastly increasing in size, I was in and out of the hospital, put on oxygen, put in a hospital bed at home and a mask (similar to that of bi pap) 12hrs a day because my brain no longer told my lungs when to breath in deeply. As my body shut down, mentally I continued to withdraw into an agoraphobic state, trapping myself in the walls of the fatty prison I had created and away from the world I longed to be part of. At that point I was okay with dying, thankfully God had other plans for me and wasn’t ready for me to come home yet. On November 14, 2008 I completely gave it all to God, asking him to take control! He did just that! September 14, 2009 I had RNY gastric bypass surgery. I was 668lbs! Within the first month I lost 95lbs!

While Surgery seems like it should be a straightforward decision, it has been carelessly viewed as an easy answer to obesity. However, it is the hardest decision someone who is morbidly obese will ever make. Bariatric Surgery is not an easy answer to obesity, because the surgery itself is highly complicated, there are several risk factors to consider, because it is not just a surgery but a life style change that affects one’s physical and mental self. It was not always easy, and yes there were difficulties with learning how to retrain my body and mind on when and what to eat.

The biggest thing I learned early on is this, Protein sucks! hahaha But it is necessary to succeed. You have to find the right one for you and USE IT! I became malnutritioned in my third month because I just couldn't drink it any more. hmmmm "couldn't" Yes I could! I learned to OWN IT! Yes, I do live it... I OWNED IT! What ever "it" was, whether I lost 5lbs or didn't get my water in. I began to finally hold myself accountable. I have had 5 more surgeries since then. 2 hernia repairs; yes I OWN those too! I did it...what ever "it" was I felt great with every pound that left my body! I released my inner SHE-RA! However I neglected to listen to my surgeon, and take the time needed to adequately recover and heal...I OWN IT!

I had a gallbladder removal, which is common in RNY's. I have had 2 emergency surgeries; 1 for an infection (my body rejected the sutures), and the 2nd because my bowels decided to wonder up into the mesh and current hernia. So has it been easy...NO, has it been worth it...HECK YA! I am 375lbs lighter! I am off all meds other than for fibromyalgia and thyroid. The Diabetes is in full remission and no more high blood pressure. I still have xanex for anxiety but very rarely use it. No depression or agoraphobia! I am currently still recovering from the last surgery, this recovery has been longer. My surgeon wants me to heal completely, with out SHE-RA taking over. lol

I have also started my BA in Psychology and will be Graduating next winter, I am my first patient! I love life! I am no longer a prisoner, I am free! I still have about 65lbs until I hit my surgeons goal for my, but I want to go another 100lbs... I CAN DO IT! I refuse to be negative, I spent 2yrs locked away inside myself, I refuse to allow it to happen again. Some say I am a little to happen and optimistic...I OWN that too!