3 1/2 weeks PO and updated Pics Los Angeles, CA

Hi Everyone! I am having my MM with BA/BL, TT w/MR and lipo of flanks in just 8 days, on 9/18 at 10:30am. I have finally decided I needed to start sharing my experience, as I am so grateful for all that I have learned on this site and hope I can help others and gain some support, as I am not telling anyone about my procedure except my hubby, sister and 2 close friends! I am very open in general and it is really hard for me to not talk about it constantly, but really feel that it is best for me to share instead with this community versus having it get around the community I live in, as I am not up for everyone knowing.
Anyhow, I am a married 44 year old SAHM of 2 teens, ages 16 and 14. I went for initial consult for BA two years ago (this is when my PS talked to me about doing the TT in addition, as I hadn't really thought about it) .I had been contemplating doing it ever since that first appointment and then took my DH for another consult last year but just could not find the time to be "down" so I just kept waiting, but not really overly excited about doing it because I was also afraid. I then went again this past August and decided to do the MM because I realized that with two very active kids who are involved in a million activities, sports and competitive dance, that it was going to be either the Fall or wait again another year, so I scheduled it!

The funny thing is that after I scheduled it, is when I started researching what it was I actually had signed on for, which was a little impulsive on my part but overall, I knew if I was gonna do it, it had to be soon or wait and a small part of me was excited and didn't want to wait! I also want to just do this once, which is why I chose MM for the best overall outcome!

Here is my motivation:
1. I was a full C cup prior to pregnancy & breast feeding 2 children, 1 year each. They are now an deflated, uneven and mismatched in size 34 B/small C cup. My PS said I was borderline for lift, so I decided to do it because I am getting silicone gel implants, which are heavier and I read they can make you sag some and with the aging process, would rather not go back in anytime soon for a lift and didn't want to risk having them look saggy, which has been kind of my whole movitvation for a BA. PS is going to do the lift hopefully without doing lollipop vertical scar, but I gave him permission to do it if he doesn't like the result of the lift - doughnut style-during surgery, but I really don't want that vertical scar, so hoping I can get my lift without, especially because I was told I was on the cusp of needing a BL. As of now, I am getting 400cc on one and 425cc on the other, under the muscle, but am worried that will be too big, so I am going to call PS tomorrow morning to talk about it once more. It is so hard to understand how the CC's work; I am trying to trust my wonderful PS because he says they won't be too big on my body type but I am so nervous they will be huge based on all I've read and I don't want to look top heavy!! Just want to full C again, maybe ok with small D. I guess I have to figure that one out soon!

2. I am having a full TT with MR. I am praying for low scar, as I am scarless at this point in my life, but my PS's before and after pics have beautiful results and very thin & low scar lines & he says he will make it very low, so I am hoping for the best!! BTW, I am not really afraid of BA/BL; but terrified of TT. I often feel like I am gonna pass out & get light headed when I think too much about it, & if it were not for all of the posts here that generally say it is bearable, then I would have cancelled it. I am also going to have lipo on flanks and tummy and am so happy about the lipo part, as I just cannot stand the tire around my waist and want it gone!!

3. I never really looked at myself negatively except for my weight, which has fluctuated my whole life. I am 5'5 and weigh about 145, which is about 10 pounds from where I would like to be. I gain weight pretty easily and went up 60lbs after each pregnancy and have never been back to my pre-pregancy weight of 130. I have a healthy diet, work out regularly with trainer, pilates, yoga and running and am in really good cardiovascular shape and very strong, just can't seem to get some of the fat off, which I know will continue to require good diet and exercise. I am hoping that after my MM I will look at my body more positively and not feel so self-conscious about saggy deflated boobies and poochy tummy!
What I'm feeling:
I'm extremely nervous and feel sick when I think about it. Mainly because of the conflict that this is an elective procedure and I am choosing to do something that could have a really bad outcome and that conflict is wearing me down. I know many others have been in this place, but I just don't want to leave my kids at my own doing. I know the chances of not waking up are so slim, but I can't help but go there. I have a strong faith and am not afraid of dying, just don't want to leave my children without a mom. Then I think I am just getting all worked up and dramatic and need to settle down, so ultimately I think I should start taking the Ativan the PS prescribed to help me with my nerves this week and start praying a lot more for peace. I believe very much in prayer and hope that in this community, I will have others who will keep me in their prayers, as I am not willing to email all the normal people I would to pray for me because of my choice to keep my MM private. The problem with all this fear is that it is taking away the excitment that pops up now and again (mainly when I read a wonderful recovery post on RS!!).
Because I am so fearful of the pain, etc., my DH and I have decided I am going to stay at the surgical hospital in the recovery suites for 2 nights for sure and add a 3rd night if needed. I am then going to a very nice hotel for 2 more nights, where my sister will come and stay with me and I can continue to rest and not be "found out," hahaha, because my house is the go-to house for all my teenage kids friends and I am friends with many of the parents and just want to hide out the first week, plus knowing I am going to be able to completely relax and be cared for helps my worried hubby and I feel less stressed out! I am telling everyone I am going out of town and the following week going to say I am home sick. I will have to figure out week 3's excuse when I get there!

I am now going out to do some MM errands and will come back and list all the things I am doing and buying to be prepared for my recovery. I have taken some pre op pics and will try to upload them now too. I am really modest and it is super embarrassing to post these, so I will try my best to leave them up and not remove them, haha, but like I said, I am doing it because I feel soooo grateful to those before me and want to return the favor!!

Is it unrealistic to think I might be okay to attend a black tie wedding 11days post op?? I have been trying to find a dress in case I am feeling well enough to go & one that will work in case I'm swollen, but its so hard not knowing what recovery will be like, everyone seems to have such different experiences! Maybe I'm being too optimistic & unrealistic in thinking that i will be up for a dressy night out after 11days, especially since so many have said to not push doing too much to reduce set backs, i think maybe i should just decline; just feeling bad to miss it! I'm just not sure what "too much" is...??

I am always curious how all of the mommies do it....scheduling a lengthy down time for recovery when most that I know rarely sit down! My life as a SAHM is pretty much about staying flexible and being ready, on any given day, to have my plans completely change for a million different reasons that usually involve my kids, their appointments, school projects, managing their busy schedules, etc., etc., etc. Now that one is driving, figuring out my own plan for my MM recovery seems less stressful, I just remember so well those days when they needed so much hands on care & feel for the mommies who are trying so hard to rest & heal, it is so hard to do when the kiddos are small!!
Anyhow, I got involved in a school project that blew up two few weeks ago and I volunteered, even thoughthe crisis did not even anything to do with me, to help lead the fixing of the problem, nit really knowing the effort it would entail. After 2 weeks of stress and very little sleep, I woke up sick yesterday, burning throat and stuffy nose. Today sore throat is gone but still so stuffy and maybe sinus infection. I could just kick myself for getting so wrapped up in this situation, as i was really just trying to resolve it so no one would need anything from me after my MM date this Tuesday, 9/18, but instead I stupidly ran myself into the ground and am now hoping I don't have to reschedule my MM. I Cried all morning thinking about it & being mad at myself, so wanted to share that it is important for all of us to really take care for ourselves preop too! Or maybe you all know this already and I just was in deinal that i had a big surgery scheduled and needed to actually sleep and prepare! So, All my plans the past few weeks to clean, organize and get my recovery stuff & household in order just didnt happen. If I can still get my MM on 9/18, I will just have to accept that life will go on in our little household, maybe not as smooth as i planned & everyone will have to pitch in a bit more because i just couldnt get it all done! Instead, I am now in bed, 4 days Pre-Op, just hoping I can get better and go in on Tuesday & get this done already! I blew it and am now paying the price, just wished I would have learned the magic words, "No, I can't help/fix it/do it" when i decided it was my job to fix sonething that i didnt break!! O'well...my point being that I hope everyone rests up before their surgeries and can into their day 100% because it is nerve wracking enough when your well, let alone doing it under the weather! My PS says i should be ok if no fever, but not sure if i can be on an antibiotic 3 days before if i have a sinus infection and need meds! I will call in AM & find out, because i am getting that yucky sinus infection feeling tonight. O yea, and cramps too, so looks like my irregular period will also be a part of the plan week! Such an emotional & frustrating few days :(