After having about 14 units of Botox in my frown...
After having about 14 units of Botox in my frown lines a month prior (the 11 lines) and with the result looking very natural (I could still frown, move, etc. it just looked softer and less wrinkly -- perfect), I decided to do my upper forehead. Doctor used only about 8-10 units (not sure but not more than 10). By day three, it looked fine though I was a little worried about slightly swollen eyelids. It's now day six and worse. My head feels too tight, my eyebrow position has dropped enough to lose my nice pretty arch and my eyelids seem hooded. My eyes look smaller. I feel nervous with my head this tight -- I hate how it feels. I regret getting the touch up in my upper forehead and should have just left it at the frown lines which looked great. I've been reading that some people just should not get their upper forehead done at all. Or, they should get maybe a couple shots of Botox and that is it. I have lost the lines, so the forehead looks fine, but it's the lowering of the brow and the change of shape in my eyes that is distressing. I feel really sad and down on myself. I'm only at day six and I am hoping this is pretty much the most change. I know it can peak at two weeks. I just want this to stop. A note -- I did this once before, about five months ago and the same thing happened. I actually went for LESS this time, and it happened again. This is why I KNOW I can't tolerate the stuff in my upper forehead. I feel dumb but I voiced my concern to my doc and I thought he was being extra careful. I will keep you posted.
One week post -- itchy eyes, tight feeling, eyes look werid
I wake up and can barely look in the mirror. My eye shape is still weird. I don't think I look any more swollen but when I glance in the mirror I make sure to open my eyes wider so I don't freak out because they're smaller and hooded. I think mornings are not a good time to look anyway and one should wait until their eyes are less swollen in the first place. I have itchy eyes, a leaden feeling and tight feeling in the head and feel anxiety. I'm sure the anxiety is just from me thinking about it, and not from the Botox itself (I know there are people who think it causes it. I don't. I think obsessing on something that is making your face relax is what causes it) but it's hard to not think about when I can feel this stuff. That's a large problem -- the tightness in the forehead (that really makes me anxious) and the itchiness. If I didn't feel it, I might just forget about worrying about what I look like. When will the tight feeling go away? I have read some people totally FREAKED out on here and I wonder if they're nuts. I feel for them because there is another problem -- if you scrutinize every little thing happening in your face, you're going to start seeing more and more and maybe stuff you never noticed before. When you wake up fearing the worst, you start having a warped perception. I know there is change. I didn't just wake up one day with dysmorphia. And this happened before (boy, I should have learned from the first time -- even with this conservative dose). But I also know I'm being way too hard on myself about something no one one the street would notice. If I get a zit or a rash or my eyes are swollen from being tired or too much salt, I laugh it off. I'm not someone who cares about that kind of thing. But that's just natural living. Having something that's you put in yourself that's gonna stick around for so long makes you feel guilty (who, other than those who've gone through this, are going to feel for you? And why should they?), trapped, and just counting the days. It's not like I look freakish. But I don't look like how I want to look and it's really distressing when your EYES change. That's your eyes! Your eyes are who you. I really, really hope this lets up and relaxes in a month. It took me about a month and a half last time but that time it was the reverse. I had touched up my 11 a month after having my forehead and it froze everything and my forehead dropped. This time I did the opposite, to be safe. Did my 11 line and frown lines a month and two weeks prior (as I said before looked great -- lots of movement -- maybe even too much for some people who do this). And then I touched up my forehead with just two units (!), or so he said, a month later, waited two and a half weeks and had about 6-8 more units. So, 10 to 12 total. I am literally counting back to the time I had the 2-4 units. That will be a month ago in a few days. I have no idea if that little amount will dissipate faster than the second injection and create some relief from this sooner, but maybe? Or does it just build from that one? I would think the latter and it's just two weeks. Now I know if I ever do the forehead again, which is highly unlikely, I should stick to 2-4 units total. Or nothing. I hear this peaks at the two week mark. Never sure what that means. Like it's just working all furiously or it's DONE? I have also read full effects usually, in one week, with everything all stabilized by two weeks. I really really hope nothing else changes after today, the first week mark. I'm not sure if I'm going to go to my doctor for follow up. I'm scared he'll want to do some extra touch ups and I do not want a needle near my face. I'm also afraid he'll wave me off like I'm overreacting and that will make me feel lousy. I think they, even the most experienced and nice ones, get so sick and tired of crazy botox ladies flipping about every little thing. I also think that's uncool because their job is to point out every little thing on your face they can fix. Sometimes problems you never even noticed yourself. It's their business to work on vulnerable women, so, surprise, now she's really vulnerable. If something was a big enough deal to spend money on and fix, it's a big enough deal to be upset when the outcome isn't positive, even if it's not a disaster. We don't spend money on this to have someone say "It's not THAT bad" we do so we feel pretty and refreshed and barely noticeable. I'll keep you posted of my progress. Sorry I haven't posted pictures. I can't deal with taking a photo of myself right now. I did take some yesterday, and I will post them when I'm feeling braver.
One week Post -- Looked
OK. Really looked. Eyes are more hooded today. And more on the right side where he injected a bit more. Very sad:( I hope this doesn't get worse.
Eight Days Post -- About the same, went to doctor
OK, I swear I am not going to post every damn day. Well, I might. Anyway, I went to my PS today and he confirmed I had ten units total (I wasn't actually sure). He thought I looked fine but that when you inject there, even in small amounts, it brings down your brow a little. I knew that, but I only thought when you seriously overdo it. I did the totally conservative amount. So, why the hell do people inject there then? And why don't doctor's really look at your face and think, this person might actually NOT benefit from that? I mean, yes, I don't look like a freak or worked on (god, completely the opposite actually -- maybe I should be grateful for that). No one is going to stare at me on the street. But I look sad, tired and my eyes are hooded. I looked in the mirror and just pulled on my skin a tiny bit and, there it was, my normal appearance (I feel like using those old lady straps). I looked happier and younger. Wide eyed! Ugh. Sadness. He reassured me that the dose was small enough that it would start to dissipate faster and I'd be back to that. Oh, god I HOPE SO. He said two weeks but I don't really believe that. I've read 4-6 weeks for my relatively smaller dose. Fingers crossed for the four weeks. I got my eyebrows cleaned up too. Not shaped or anything because dear god what if THAT went wrong? But she cleaned them up and put on powder to make them stronger and more arched. It looks nice. I only hope there is absolutely no more drooping after today. That this is the final result because I cannot deal with any more. Oh, the headaches have gotten better. So that's good. And the tightness in the forehead isn't as bad either.
11 line is back
OK. This is weird and I wonder if it's from the product relaxing even more. The 11 line I treated in mid May is back and I can make frown lines with absolutely no problem. It was harder just two days ago. My doctor didn't think I should touch this up just yet and to wait a month (Other doctors said that if I injected that area it might balance things out). So not only has this relaxed my brow, I have the 11 line back earlier. Or maybe it's wearing off (I only had 14 units there which is apparently not much for that line). Basically, by having a smooth upper forehead I've made myself look tired and angry and older than when I started doing this. This is ridiculous and scary. I mean, what is going to look like tomorrow? This is so scary. If anyone is reading my obsessive updates here, if your skin is slightly slack, are older or if you have even a slightly hooded eye naturally (or if they get that way when tired, etc), DO NOT get any more than 6 units of Botox in your forehead. Or don't get it at all. Listen to me on this.
Nine Days Post
So last night I was freaking out about more swelling. I put my finger on it and it's pretty stupid -- I had my brows done. I had them threaded, in fact, which was painful and added a lot of stress to my skin. I should have thought about that but I doubt that will actually break anything down the way Botox does. So this morning they are still a little tender and I'm going to assume last night's extra swelling was from THAT (I have incredibly sensitive skin). I'm trying to not have my mind wander into thinking that THAT could have made the Botox worse (it's not actually IN my damn eyelids and brows after all, it's just relaxing everything) so today I'm going to ice and just let those settle. She did where my 11 line is too (I didn't even know I had any hair there) so I think that's why I was seeing all of this raised skin and a weirder line and indent. It feels stingy and my eyes are watering. Odd because yesterday I went out, got my brows done, went to the MAC store and bought makeup. didn't feel as bad! It was a little upswing to all of this. So I didn't really look at my eyes today. I DID look at my forehead. Lots of movement in my frown lines -- I had those done May 15. Either the stuff is dissipating faster (which would be GREAT because that means the stuff in my forehead will start to move by month one) or the forehead descent has made it worse (which would SUCK). I have some lines in my upper forehead but very few. I have to strain to raise my brows and when I do I have this surprised look and these creases across my mid brow. That seems about the same as yesterday so I'm going to hope (HOPE) the Botox has peaked. I'm really tempted to talk to another doctor about re-treating the frown lines to see if that raises anything, but I should probably just wait the two weeks or maybe a month.
OK -- looked again. WORSE.
The newest is swelling in the corner of my eyes closer to my nose. It's swelled over the regular line where I apply eyeliner. It wasn't like that yesterday. This is one of the worst types of swelling because it's hard to put on makeup and it really makes your eyes look smaller. Also, like I might have an allergy. It's worse on the right side. I had decided that, fuck it, life is too short and I'm going to drive to the beach by myself and just enjoy looking at other things besides myself. I thought I could slap on some makeup and go. That's when I noticed the eyes. I'm so bummed. Why would my inner corners swell up so much? I had that for a few days from allergies. Guess I'm going to have it for weeks and weeks. PLEASE GOD let this be the last of it. No more drooping or swelling. I can't believe these change happen every day and at this late of a point. I thought I'd seen the worst by week one.
!0 days post
Still swollen like yesterday. Inner eye, upper lid. But it doesn't appear worse. One thing that's worse is the swelling from getting my eyebrows threaded. I have red marks and swelling under my brows! THAT was a smart move when I'm totally freaked out about my stupid eyes. Since I have such sensitive eyes, I'm going to assume some of the upper swelling is from that. There is actually a collection of red dots from where she pulled the hair. Dear lord. Getting my eyebrows threaded was more painful than the Botox injection. Anyway, just going to hang in. I hope this is the END of this. No more weird swelling, please. I can live with this if it just stays like this. I'm not happy about it, but there is not much I can do but wait... Time! Heals all wounds and... Botox mistakes.
11 Days post
Everything is pretty much the same. Swollen lids, dropped brow. I am noticing that my 11 line is still there. I think I had a low enough dose (14 units in mid may) that I could benefit from getting that re-treated. I'm scared though. Will that make it worse? Or, will just about five units in the glabella, etc. actually just make this whole thing go away? It could actually raise it. I hate this. I've had enough Botox in my forehead to cause this unfortunate brow drooping but I've still had a conservative dose and a really conservative does in the area that RAISES the brow. I think my doctor wants me to just chill the hell out for a bit before I start injecting more stuff in there, and at first, I didn't want a needle near my face. But now I'm wondering if I need a second opinion. Maybe another doc could just fix it all up. ARGH.
I was really bummed all day yesterday. My eyes were worse. It really is working a little more every day, bit by bit. Horrifying because each line that fades means my brow is drooping more and all that extra skin is sagging around my eyes. I keep calling it swelling but it's not -- it's drooping -- which is terrible because at least you can ICE swelling. I've been going out and not hiding -- I forcing myself to. I feel less secure but no one can tell other than maybe I look tired. Last time this happened I stayed inside for two months. I DIDN'T even look in the mirror two months. It was interesting to just never put on makeup. I just took care of myself in every other way, I even got really healthy and my skin was fabulous (I really improved my skin washing, moisturizing and no makeup) and just let time do its thing. I wore sunglasses when I went outside. It was more for me. So I didn't do what I'm doing now. STARE at myself every day and obsess. It was indeed gone by those two months and it was all like a long nightmare. I finally went out with a friend and just told them. They made me look in the mirror and it was all better. I even looked better than I ever had because I had taken such good care of myself. I'm trying to remember that moment. Two months is a long time but it can go by pretty fast. And faster if you stop obsessing and do something else. OK, so that was then. This is day 12. It's the same and dammit, it just can't get any worse! It can't. I'm still not sure about going to the doctor. I've made an appt for the 12th of July with an eye specialist PS. He'll at least know pretty much how long this will last AND if he can do any tiny thing to fix it.
11 Days post further in the morning
OK. Looked. SO MUCH WORSE. How can this be? It's not just hooded in the inner corner but all around my eyes and there's extra skin folded under my brows. The eye shape looks completely different. I tried to put on eye makeup and I had to pull the skin up from my eyelids. From 10 units of Botox. 10 fucking units. 10. I am not only remorseful this morning but fucking angry. At myself and my doctor who should have known better based on last time. This is WORSE than last time. Just three days ago, I was actually accepting the hooding. Not THAT bad. Hooded eyes. Some people have them. This looks like I have an eye allergy now. Can the Botox just please STOP working? PLEASE. I am so sad. I might actually do what I did before. Stop looking and do something else for the next two months. My eyes are my best feature. Well, they were. Again, anyone reading this. BE VERY CAREFUL about Botox in the forehead. I keep reading people on here getting 20 units. I had ten and this is what happened. If you have any eye hooding ever at all in your entire life from youth to adulthood. DON'T get Botox in your forehead. If I can do anything but feel like crap about myself, it's to warn others to study that area carefully before having that stuff shot up there. Doctors need to warn people too. My doctor is really experienced and he didn't explain this to me. And the good ones, they all know this complication. They just don't study the face enough to see if you're a candidate for that type of problem. If my doctor had, I would NEVER have done this again...
12 Days Post (I put 11 above on accident) WORSE
Wow. It can get worse just through the day? Because it is worse. Dammit! On July 2nd I was a bit sad, but I wasn't as devastated. I even took pictures and sent them to friends who knew nothing and they thought they were beautiful! I thought, OK, I am just rocking this Jennifer Lawrence hooded eye thing. Now, it's sagging. SAGGING. So by Monday at 4 PM, it will be a full two weeks. And then... GO THE HELL AWAY hooded weird lids. As I noted before, I have an appt on Friday. If he says to wait a month, I'm going to leave the city and stay with my parents. They don't care what I look like. I just can't be obsessing like this. It's bad for my mental health. God, Botox is not to be trifled with. A few units more, a few in the wrong place and months of insecurity.
It's my 14 day mark. They look worse, which is a real bummer. And it looks worse on the left side, which is odd since it looked worse on the right side yesterday. The inner eye swelling. And the upper eyelids hanging low. And my brows. I'm so damn sad about it. What a horrible feeling -- you cannot stop it. You know it's going to go away but everyone's different and how soon? As long as it doesn't get worse. Again, I have to remember last time, it was about two months. And it was better by six weeks. I have an appt. on Friday with a different doc. I am not sure what he can say or do. If he suggests any fixes, I'm going to be terrified to try them. Again, I may just go home. Here's one thing that might make some of you feel better. Look up celebrities with hooded eyes. There's a lot out there and they're gorgeous. We feel weird because we don't normally have them or they're worse, but I just saw a picture of Kate Moss without makeup and they were hooded like crazy. And Jennifer Lawrence is really hooded. The most famous model and the biggest movie star in the world have incredibly hooded eyes. God. They better never get Botox in their foreheads.
14 Days -- another update
Here's one nice thing, though it has nothing to do with how I look. I don't have that leaden head feeing anymore. And I don't have headaches. I don't feel quite as trapped in my head either (I was feeling panic) though I'm anxious and filled with dread every day. That's just based on regret and the fear of looking in the mirror and seeing something worse. My eyes DO itch, and especially in the corner closer to my nose where there's inner swelling. At least my head feels somewhat normal. Though I hate how it feels to strain to raise my brow. I can feel every muscle in my head and neck compensate to move them. That's not good. But I can move my eyebrows up and down. A doctor said to do this for like, five minutes every day, five times a day to work the muscle. That makes sense because if I started doing crunches every day, my stomach muscles would get stronger. However, I don't have botox in my stomach so many that's just B.S. Argh. I will keep you further posted. I do hope this is helping a few more people out there.
OK. I think this is pretty much what it's going to look like for a few months. I hope. No MORE! Hopefully the drooping around my eyes will get better through the weeks. I am not happy, but I'm going to accept it as best I can. I actually just looked at myself -- no makeup -- in the mirror -- not inspecting closely -- and I could see all of the problems, but I tried to focus on the positive. My eyes are still bright, my skin looks good, my forehead looks good (it damn well better given what I'm dealing with) and no one is going to REALLY notice anything is wrong. Maybe I look tired, my eyes aren't as wide and they look a bit swollen. They even look kind of sunk back in my head (this is the exact same thing I noticed at the two week point last time). I am going to live with this because there's not much else I can do. I'm going to try to not inspect too closely (though it's hard when you wear eye makeup). I will keep you posted on the progress. This might be a slight up moment for me, so who knows. I might feel devastated tomorrow. It's so frustrating... I'm not even sure if I'm going to see the doc on Friday. I kind of want to just pretend this isn't happening...
Day 15 -- a few more notes
It's interesting. I've been looking at doctor's before and after pictures of women who have been treated in their forehead and any of the women who are over 35, it seems, and especially older, have brow descent in their after picture. Almost all of them. It's slight and something I wouldn't notice if I wasn't dealing with it, but unless they are young OR if they've been treated properly between the forehead and the glabella, their (usually) already hooded eyes are even more hooded. It's not really a great look, but not terrible (not doctor is going to show someone looking like they need to use tape straps). Looking at women who only had their 11 line done, or clearly a super, super minor dose for the forehead along with the 11 -- they ALL look great. Eyes wider, forehead less frozen, lovely brows, happier. I honestly don't think women should even get the forehead treated and if so, NO MORE than maybe 6 units. I don't think it's worth it. If you have strong static lines there from lifting your brows (which I don't have yet), use Belotero or something. The fact that we have lines there from lifting our brows is what is making it drop because, we need that muscle! Man. Have I learned a lot about forehead anatomy. So, that's a positive. I guess.
So, I definitely noticed that my eyes are more swollen all around the upper lids. The corner are a little better, but the hooding and dropping is there Yep. The emotions and fear are all over the place. I went to my doctor for the two week assessment and he confirmed -- yep -- that's what's going on. He tried to talk me into treating the glabella and frown lines (which are quite active), that two months had passed since I did it before and it could lift my brows up. You know. I believe him that it would. But I was so scared to do anything, I just could not do it. He was trying to talk me into it -- that I would wind up feeling better -- but I was so nervous. I asked, maybe I should just wait for all of this to wear off and never do the forehead again? He seemed a little annoyed with me. I don't like being rushed. If he thought I was overreacting, I could understand his frustration with me, but he confirmed what he saw. He's nice and a pro and I know he means well by me, but I'm going to my second opinion on Friday. An eye doctor who does plastic surgery -- only for the eyes. I hate that I'm going to have to spend so much more money (my doctor's follow ups are free of charge -- as they should be) but I want to talk to someone who REALLY looks at my face, how my eyes move and what is the best course of action. If a doctor works on eyes all day, he's gonna know better. It's really like choosing a specialist over your GP. I'm nervous to see him too, but I'm hoping he can start a plan for me to either fix it, or just wait it out and give me a real time frame. His receptionist was really nice, talked to me for some time and assured me he is an absolute expert and will take the time to address my concerns. I know they all say that, but she said she'd never go to a regular PS for Botox if you're EVER concerned about your eyes and eye hooding. I wish I could go today. I'm eager to see what he says or does. I'll let you know.
I'm really sad today. They look worse. Is it still taking effect? The eyes are hooded for sure, but even worse they look kind of swollen and sunken in. The hooding was different, I didn't like it, but it was something I could actually work with by week one. I looked kid of sultry. This looks weirder and just... I don't even know. Not me. My stomach and heart sank when I looked in the mirror. And I waited until later in the day, not when I first get up and my eyes are always kind of swollen. I only had ten units total -- and four of them spanned from two weeks prior. Wouldn't he know six more would be too much? WHY did this happen to me? And why did I do this again? Well, for one thing, I thought he was putting in half as much. On June 2nd, he put in four units. Apparently that is all I EVER need -- EVER -- because I looked fine with that. I keep thinking about how I almost cancelled my appt, the last one. And I so regret that I didn't. I have a big event in two months and though it went away last time, what if it takes longer this time? I'm getting really low. I have an appt with another doc tomorrow but I'm now terrified of that too. I have a big meeting next week. I don't want to look in the mirror to put on makeup because it just makes me so down on myself. I actually went out twice earlier this week and I was fine. I spruced myself up and felt OK. How could it get even worse since freaking Tuesday? TUESDAY. Two days ago and one day past my four week mark. I'm crying right now. I hate this. I want my old eyes back:(
Day 18 -- Second opinion
I went to my second opinion. The eye expert who has been doing Botox for eyes for years. I left feeling nervous and sad and jus sick of all this. He said that, indeed, there had been some brow drooping. I showed him pictures of my face and eyes before I ever got Botox and he said the brows were lower, yes. He said I had a lot of movement in my forehead, which was good, but, and here's the bummer, that didn't matter. 10 units is conservative (he says he uses 8-15 today depending on the person) but if it's placed wrong, it can cause the drooping and that will take three months to wear off:( He said by month two it should be a lot better, but don't expect much the first month. Since I'm already heading into my third week, I would think he's probably correct. He DID say that he could inject two units each on the lateral part of my brows, closer to the temple, and that would lift things up. That my brows would look better and the droop would improve. I gotta say... in spite of his experience. I was terrified to do something else. I asked him questions about what could go wrong if we did that and he said the worse was it could make my eyebrows too lifted (at least he was honest). He doubted that would happen because it rarely happens to him. I told him I was nervous and he said, "then you should wait until September and we can treat you then. Just wait this out. But again, if you want a nice fix NOW, I can do this." I said I needed to think about it and made an appt for Wed. to get the treatment. I am so TORN, what should I do? I'm going to spend the weekend researching the type of lift he was discussing, and hear the absolute worst that could happen. I'm also going to my regular doctor on Monday as I am SICK with a cold and flu now, probably from all of this stress. I'm going to tell him and ask if he really see's any goddamn difference and if I should just leave this the hell alone. He'll be honest. I see what the guy is saying, I went into the bathroom and lifted where the Botox would lift -- it looked better. I drove home and looked at my eyes, makeup free, in the mirror and thought... they are not that bad. The doc said I didn't look worked on or over tired or shitty, he just said you def have lowered brows and hooding. But, again, even HE was surprised I would have this affect from just the 10 units and given how much movement and lines I can still make in my brow. You're supposed to drop because you're frozen. What is wrong with me? And where is my other doc injecting that is making this worse? Anyway, wish me luck as I wrestle with this decision.
Day 19 -- what freaks me out
This picture of Nicole Kidman. I like her. I think she's a great actress and beautiful when she chills out on the Botox. But I can see she did that lift to the lateral brow. And it looks creepy. It actually makes her eyes look more hooded too. My primary PS wanted to re-inject in my 11 line to do a nice lift (which worked well the first time w/out anything in the frontalis) this new person just wants to do the lateral brow. Oh, and, if Nicole is walking around the red carpet like this, I think we should all stop beating ourselves up.
Day 19 -- OMG
Dear lord, Nicole! Now that i've become an amateur expert, methinks she is FREEZING her forehead (and everything else) and then getting those lifts to compensate for the brow drooping (how could it NOT? She's in her late 40s now) and her brows become sinister. I know this is NOT what my doc wants and I've never looked like this, but I'm just trying to remind myself what Botox looks like when everyone KNOWS you had Botox. I think that would be more mortifying. No one would ever think I had a damn thing done. I have to remember this.
So... I've read good and bad abut injected in the crow's feet (something I never wanted to do before). Apparently, it can lift the lateral brow, but (oh boy) it can also cause BAGS under the eyes if over dosed or placed improperly. Oh yeah, that's just what I need. Now, the second opinion doc said that he'd only use 2 units each side, which seems like nothing, but then that's just in one little spot. If he was zapping out my crow's feet, he'd use four to six on each side (so I've read from other docs). So that might not be a good idea since they don't use too much there anyway. There's so many varied ideas about this with doctors. Either too much is places at the crow's feet or WORSE, if other places are relaxed it can just cause everything to relax creating the eye bag. So, um. No. I'm not doing it. The last thing I need is a damn EYE bag. Or, worse, waking up every morning for two weeks WORRIED I'm going to have an eye bag. I'm listening to Saundra below. I'm just being honest with my back and forth curiosity about treating this. It's like trying to fix a bad haircut. Just let it GROW. Let it grow...
Three weeks and two days -- I was almost bad
I went back to my doctor today. He actually charged me this time, I think he is getting so tired of me. I just wanted him to assess everything as it's been over three weeks now. He told me, again, re-treat the glabella as that's been two months and was under-treated in the first place, and a little at the lateral brow to even it all out. Oh god. OK. Now, based on everything I've read this sounds RIGHT. But I. Just. Could. Not. Do. It. So what do I do? Well, I remembered that last week, in my freak out, I had made ANOTHER appt with another doctor, to have him check it out. I decided, what the hell, it's no charge, he'll take a look (I have been lucky with the no charges -- and my doc only charged me 25 bucks for the visit). This guy said, treat the lateral brow. He could re-treat the glabella but if I don't want to, he won't. Treat more of the crow's feet (I told him I didn't want that). He also said my previous doctor did not properly inject me in the forehead and that the lines I have in the middle, are not natural looking (he's right, those are not how my forehead lines look.... but no else really knows that save for me or a doc). He said he would treat that. NO!!! I said, no effing way are you touching my forehead. I asked, will that raise my brow? He said, No, it'll just look better. I told him I don't give a rat's ass if I have some extra lines there and am glad to have them, even if they look kind of weird. So he dropped that. But he really wanted to treat the lateral brow. He insisted on 2.5 units per side. I said, what about 2 (hey, I'm fucking nervous you know?). He said, no, I only do 2.5-5. OK. That bugged me. I showed him pictures of me before I ever had this done and he said, you will look just like this -- I assure you. Your brows will be back to normal if I do this little tweak. He was so confident, I almost did it but... then I thought he was TOO confident. I didn't do it. And then I made an appt for the next day. Seriously. I need an intervention. Why do I keep doing this? I think I want a doctor to just tell me to GO HOME and chill. The only doctor who did was the eye specialist. He said he'd treat the lateral brow, but if I was tripping out this much, just wait it out and let it go... it's not a disaster. I almost want to go back to HIM and have him do it. He seems like the only sensible person. But I shouldn't do it! No! What is going on with me today? Oh, and update. The hooding is better. Not so terrible. I can look in the mirror and not freak out. I'm now just focusing on the dropped brow. I can deal with a little hooding. The brow, though. The brow! ARGH!
One more thing
That doc I saw today. In the shuffle of showing him pictures of me before Botox, and after, I showed him a picture from last week. I had makeup on and was in good lighting and a good angle and looked fine. I didn't say when it was taken. He said, "That's pretty!" And I said, "That was last week..." He then said, "Oh I can really see the hooding." Hmm... really? Could he? I mean, it's a damn picture on my iPhone but, still. I'm not going back to him.
Three weeks four days -- and counting!
Update. I'm really OK with the eye hooding now. It's improved already and when I wear makeup, they don't look tired or small anymore. I still have the hooding, but it's not like, hanging over my eyes or anything. It's just kind of hooded. THAT is pretty great. However, my damn eyebrows. They are just LOWER and shaped different and less arched and I hate it. I keep tugging them up a bit and thinking, there you are! That's where you should be! And then I get tempted to do the lateral brow injections, which the very specialized eye doctor said would help. But they SCARE ME. What if the brow goes up to high on one side or WORSE, what if they cause eye bags (I keep reading about eye bags, even from minimal doses). The little bit of hooding would look fine if my brows were nicely arched. I could deal. But since the hooding is already improving, maybe my brows will in the next couple weeks? I know. Leave it alone. If I can look in the mirror and not start crying like I was before, that is good. But... tempted. Still.
25 Days -- Things Not to Do...
So it's 25 days and this rollercoaster is quite the exhausting ride. I want off! I have an appt. today for the lateral brow possibility with the eye specialist guy but I'm going to cancel. Got to leave this crap the heck alone! Also, here's some things I need to NOT DO: 1. Don't look at your eyes right when you wake up. Seriously. Just don't. My eyes ALWAYS look tired and shitty when I get up, I just don't really care normally because once I have my coffee walk around the house a bit and all that, they're fine. But with this complication worsens it, making me absolutely MENTAL. This morning I looked and weirdly, the lateral brow seemed better (um.. OK... that's the whole lateral brow situation they want to treat today) but the inner lids were all swollen and only on the right side. Make you your mind, eyes! Which is it? The lateral dropping and the brow droop or the eyelid swelling? And, why pick on one eye? What is your deal, eyes? Basically, since the brow dropped, all of this is just worse, worse, worse. I've had inner eyelid swelling from probably too much SALT before, so this is just what effing happens when you've relaxes a muscle that will worsen something you already have a propensity for. Yesterday, no inner eyelid swelling but the brows were driving me up a tree. ARGH! So, again. NO MORNING look-sees in the mirror. 2. STOP making appts with docs. It will be four weeks by Monday. That's almost a month. If I've made it through this month, I can make it through another, and it'll be better after that next month and the last thing I need is another possible complication mucking up THAT month. It will just prolong this. I have to remember that the reason I got into this mess in the first place was from one little extra damn tweak. Stop tweaking! Stop! It's your face. It's not a chair you're refinishing, for heaven's sake. Leave it alone and just be glad you're not any worse. 3. Try, Try, Try to not obsess. Again, so hard. Clearly by my daily updates I'm obsessing like crazy. But what on EARTH good is it possibly doing? Nothing. It's eating up my time. I'm pretty much staying in all the time anyway save for a few meetings and driving to the store. I'm mostly worried about that upcoming wedding (which is why the tweaks) but, well, right now, no wedding. So remember it'll be a little better by then. it won't be any worse! 4. It's summer. You can wear sunglasses everywhere. Rather than obsessively look at the eyes in he rear view mirror (oh yeah, I do that, always great in the harsh light of day!) , put on your damn sunglasses and listen to some music. 5. It's been nearly a month. It's going to get better.
High five! I guess. I knew I'd just go in there and ask ten million freaked out questions, he'd say the same thing he said last time, and at that point, he'd actually charge me, even if I didn't do anything. I would not blame him because why waste his time? He didn't do this! My other doc did. My other doc is the one who should be putting me in the massage room, free of charge. So I cancelled. I'll just wait. What's gonna bug me now in probably a few weeks is the damn area I had treated that I LIKED the result of -- my frown lines and 11. They are coming back more and more, which reassures me that the forehead is coming back too... slowly. So that is good. But I'm so effing scared of this crap, I am scared to re-treat that with any overlap to the forehead. Anyway, I'm gonna wait. And once again, never in the forehead again! This woman talks about it how she did it once, hated it i her forehead, and now only does her frown lines -- and she looks great. She has exactly the same concerns and wants that I have. She might make some of you feel better about doing any of this in the future: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJrEOBhCvvM
Almost four weeks
I just read an interview with Stevie Nicks where she said she had Botox and her brows were so freaky, she hid for a few months and almost cancelled a tour! She said she didn't look like herself and she'd look in the mirror and start to cry. Oh, Stevie! I feel your pain! But she got through it. It went away. Cameron Diaz also said she did it once and she looked bizarre and just waited it out. OK, these are rich people who can just hang out in their mansions and binge watch The Wire for three months without any money issues, but they also have appearances , movies to shoot, HDTV and in Stevie's case, a freaking tour. Can you imagining canceling a tour because of your stupid Botox. Sorry everyone who bought tickets! My brows are awful! So... if bad Botox happened to them, it can happen to anyone. And it didn't ruin their lives. They're OK now. Though I think some of these celebs lie about it and it's none of our business (But, c'mon Jen Aniston -- you look great but we know you're doing something, albeit perfectly), I do believe that Cameron Diaz lays off of it. I saw her on a talk show and she was so animated -- smile lines, forehead lines, all the lines. And she looked beautiful! So, if she was where I am at one point, she sure isn't now. Anyway, just thought about it as I halfway looked in the mirror and went "UGH! Raise brow! Stop drooping, eyelids!). It'll get better...
OK. So just after four weeks, I have way more lines in my frontalis. Still less than usual, still have to strain a bit to make them, and my brows don't move up the same, but they are THERE. So this stuff is already starting to wear off. Proof, in my case anyway, that it slowly dissipates from your body AND that if you use less, it leaves the body faster. The brows look a bit lower still, and the eyes a bit hooded, but they are better. My 11 line is back where I can see it without even scrunching my face, something I was actually WORRIED would happen, as THAT is what I want gone in the first place. But I will just wait. So glad I'm seeing improvement!
It looks like this weird nightmare is pretty much over. I have lines, though not as much, in my forehead, and a lot more movement. I have a tiny lowered brow, but it is vastly improved, no eyelid swelling and I look in the mirror and see a normal face. Thank the lord! Thanks to those who have been supportive to me during this. No, it's not exactly perfect, but it's so minute that if I didn't know I had something done, I would NOT know the difference. I'm so glad I listened to Sandra and didn't DO anything and just left it alone. Today marks almost a month of this. In one more month, for the wedding, it'll probably be almost gone. I think the 10 units has made the difference. It doesn't last very long. My advice for anyone doing this, and I've said this before regarding anyone who might have a tendency towards hooded eyes -- DO NOT put Botox in your forehead (the frontalis). If you want a little, get a little. I would say no more than 5-6 units there. I'm not a professional, but I have now read too many sad stories and even many doctors saying they are so conservative in that area that some don't even use it there anymore. I'm not doing it again. I don't think in any part of my face, for a long time. I was tempted to do my 11 line again but, nah. I'm staying away from Botox. I do think some people can handle it fine but I'm not one of them. I'm just relieved this went away faster than I thought it would. Hooray!
I woke up yesterday after a solid week of feeling good and BAM! Swollen eyes. I'm sure it's due to many things, but this damn Botox. It makes it worse. I was thinking of how I would have handled this pre-Botox. I'd think, OK... what did I eat last night? How did I sleep. What a bummer. But post Botox, I become regretful, worried and sad because I KNOW all those muscles are weakened that raise my brow. Raising the brow and all that movement would help reduce swelling. So Botox. Ugh! I don't like you and will be glad you've left my system for good! I probably have another month and a half for it to be fully gone but will I be glad to say GOODBYE!
And... they're better
OK. OK. Thanks, Botox. So now I can expect any time I have any normal swelling issue from dust, allergies, salt, etc, you're going to make it worse. I get it. Thanks. Oh, my forehead looks great, btw. Barely any lines. Superb! Anyway, today I didn't clean, I avoided salt last night, I stayed inside and, I looked great! Thank you, Botox. I'm glad I can sit here, alone, knowing I look OK. You were soooo worth the money for this! So, update: I look a lot better. No swelling but you know, Botox can suck it.
Pretty Much All Better
I think I'm almost all better. Again, as above, I think the Botox makes stuff that already happens to me worse, but even that is improving. I really took a good look at my forehead today (haven't done that) and my lines are back. It's still a wee bit harder to lift the brows, and it looks smoother, but it's not a strain and I have a lot more movement. If I actually LIKED this in my forehead, I might be pissed it didn't last very long. Who are these doctors that say it lasts 6 months? Um, no it so does not. Try 2-3. OK, maybe 6 if you shoot your face up with triple units. So... Botox in the forehead: One month of smooth lines but drooped brow, sadness, freak out, wondering how long is this gonna last!?!! Second month, I presume, of watching it go away, improve, lines return, feeling normal, resuming somewhat normal thinking and activities. Month three I see as everything gone, back the way it was and ... nope. Not worth it. But at least it's better! My eyes are back to normal. What a ridiculous drama. Forehead? Never again!
Sept. 9 -- All gone!
The stuff is a goner. Ah, man. You should see my face. Animated city. A relief! The forehead lines are back in full force, which is fine because they make their appearance when I do things like say "What? Really?! and are not static lines (yet, that's what Botox is fighting the future of -- those "What? Really?" expressions becoming static.) I hate my furrowed brow and i'm tempted to get it touched up, thats' the only place (the 11 line) I'd want to do this again, but I'm waiting until I feel a little less freaked. But the forehead? It's all gone. I just wanted to update that it's not even been a full three months and that stuff is a goner. And, looking back on pictures, I was overreacting. Yes, a little brow droop, and I did have swelling (ugh -- Botox makes that worse -- and that was the most traumatizing) but nothing anyone would point out and notice (save for EVERY Botox doctor I followed up with who should have just told me to chillax and it would be OK in a month -- it was. Some even wanted to give me even more!) I had my event (I was bridesmaids in my friend's wedding) and I am SO GLAD I didn't do any fixes and just waited. It was ALL FINE. FINE! And we focused on her wonderful day and I didn't think once about Botox -- I focused on helping her day. Our pictures looked great (hello? Wedding photographer? Photo shop? Like they're gonna keeps a bunch of lines on your face anyway) and I looked like a normal person. Not lowered brow lady and thankfully, not SPOCK, had some of these possible "fixes" gone awry. So, don't fret, people! This stuff goes AWAY! I