A Long Time Coming...- Longmont, CO

I've been a silent *listener* for several weeks here, reading updates of fellow BRs as the come in, and I am so pleased with how well you are all doing. FitGirlNow, you are my hero. :). I love your positive attitude!

I've been feeling pretty good, and the healing continues. One the upside, I stopped using the BioCorneum cream, and switched to Bio Oil. I think the BioCorneum was irritating my skin, and worsening a persistent rash area on my right side. I really like the Bio Oil, and even after just a month, I can tell a real difference in the scars. As of this past week, I can now stretch for things. Like *really* stretch. Before I could lift my arms up and reach up high, but not to the point I was really stretching to reach something, because that would cause immediate pain. It is another milestone in my mental map of recovery. Another good thing is that the area of numbness is decreasing. Before, if you imagine the breast as a clock face, I was completely numb from 3 to 9 o'clock, extending from the areola to the base of the breast. Every week or so I take an object, like my tooth brush handle, or a comb, and run it along the underside of my breast to test for sensation. It isn't possible to do this with my fingers, because I get confused about what I am really sensing. After 5 long months, the area of numbness has finally decreased, down to more like 4-8 o'clock. It really does take some time for the nerves to reconnect, so if you are some of the unlucky few who have lost sensation, don't give up hope! My right nipple does have sensation, but it is more painful then pleasurable. The left side is numb. Also on the upside, I've finally received all the bills that were outstanding for the surgery. I paid $79 to the surgery center the day of the surgery, $16 to the anesthesiologist, and $130 to the PS. All the rest was covered by insurance. What. A. Blessing!

On the downside, I still go back and forth between being happy with my size, and feeling too big. I went bra shopping at 16 weeks. I was getting to the point in my recovery when I had a bit of spring in my step, but bounding up and down the stairs in just a Genie bra was a more bounce then I could comfortably handle, so it was time to get a more supportive set up. I went to Kohl's, and spent TWO hours trying on THIRTY FOUR different bras. Thirty four is just f*€king ridiculous. It shouldn't be that difficult. I'm not an idiot. I know how to measure myself, I know what I SHOULD be able to fit into according to the numbers, but my body just doesn't see it that way. I tried on different models, sizes, shapes, underwire (groan), sports bras, and it seemed like nothing fit properly. The problem is that the left side is a bit bigger then the right, and the side boob on both sides is causing fit issues. I really regret not opting for lipo when I did the BR, but it would have been out of pocket. I am now back to seriously considering it, because the bra shopping was just ridiculous.

The hard truth was difficult to swallow:

My 'before' bra was a 40 DDD minimizer with spillage.

My 'after' bra?? 38 DD. (wire)

I cried some *serious* tears in the dressing room. After all the pain and recovery, it is hard to stomach that I didn't have the boobs I really wanted. I wanted the kind of boobs that looked good in any outfit, and that could fit into any style of bra with ease. That being said, when I look at them in the mirror, they don't 'look' like the size my bra label says they are. They look a good deal smaller, to me. And then, whenever I see a picture of me from before, I am always shocked at just how huge I used to be. So if you are feeling down, just whip out some old pics... good therapy!

I also still have some discomfort. Occasionally my boobs ache. A deep, incessant ache. Like an internal squeeze. It goes on for awhile, then relents, then comes back. I think it may be tied to my period, but I haven't gone through enough cycles to be sure. Before my BR, I never had any discomfort in my breasts due to my period, so this is new to me. My scars are still very tender, and wearing a wire bra is no picnic. I'll take that discomfort, though, over the discomfort of not enough support. It still hurts to go without a bra, since the weight of my breasts pushes down and against my still-tender incisions.

Wishing you all continued healing in the coming weeks...stay positive!

I am continuing to feel better and the weeks are just zooming by! Three months already - and it feels like a lifetime ago, now. I feel absolutely terrific. The only discomfort comes from when somebody hugs me too hard or if one of the kids settles on my lap and leans against me with their full weight.

I ran a 5K last week! I ran an evening run on NYE. I wore my new sports bra, an Enell bra that I ordered from Amazon. This bra is *amazing*! Absolutely no movement, whatsoever. I have also seen recommendations for the Juno bra, from Moving Comfort, on mother runner forums. My PS had told me that a high-performance sports bra was the key to keeping saggy boobs at bay, so it is totally worth it, to me.

So how do I feel? Great! My energy is good, my skin feels good with the exception of one spot that feels like sandpaper. I don't know why it's there, but I am guessing it is a residual thing from the paper tape. My nipple sensation is more pronounced in one side versus the other, but the sensation is minimal. I still have the same numbness on the underside of my boobs. It hurts to squeeze or push them around very much, but they can take more 'abuse' as the weeks go by. By 'abuse', I mean the everyday stuff like seat belts, heavy grocery bags, accidentally bumping into someone, that sort of stuff.

Incisions: they are 100% closed, and mostly flat. The incisions on the underside are very red and a bit tender. Occasionally they still get itchy. The incisions the run vertically up to my nipple are hard to even see at this point! The junction areas where the vertical incisions meet the nipples are red, wide, and still tender. The lines around the nipples are healing nicely - a bit red still, but disappearing gradually. I am back to using my scar cream, BioCorneum, 1 or 2X day.

I still have a dog-ear on my left side, and a small bump on the right. My PS will revise them at my six month appt. Both are gradually diminishing in size, though.

Feelings about size: My right side is definitely a C, and my left is a D. Things have not changed much in that regard in the past month. I am still going to wait until 4 months to go bra shopping. My nipples are a bit uneven, but I am not too upset about it. Some days they look 'off', other days they look fine. I didn't go into this expecting they would come out perfectly symmetrical, and things may still change in the coming weeks. I do still feel 'big' from time to time, otherwise I don't even think about it. I am not finished with my weight loss journey, either, so I am hoping that further changes are in store.

Happy Healing to you all!

It's been a good two weeks, and a lot of healing has happened. I went to see my PS last week, and he was very pleased with the way things were looking/healing. I was given full clearance to do anything - push ups, heavy lifting...whatever, as long as I eased into it. I still don't think I feel quite up to lugging around big heavy objects, but I think I may be ready to start doing wall push-ups. He also cautioned me to get a very supportive sports bra to wear while running. He advised me to get something that really mashes them flat (that doesn't sound so comfortable right now) and holds them as tight as possible. I know it sounds silly, but I asked him if there was a chance that my boobs 'could grow back'. I am thinking about the upcoming hormonal changes - like menopause and such. He said that it would never be to the extreme that it was, but, YES, breasts do tend to continue to grow (downwards, lol) as women approach their later years - different for every woman, but that change will continue to happen. He said that it could be easily revised with a lift. They also took pictures again and then presented me with some 'before & afters'. Wow! They are quite amazing - what a difference!! My husband was actually shocked. He said some things that sort of strayed into hurtful territory "I didn't realize they were so saggy!!", but it is true. They were absolutely saggy - and then some.

So how does nine weeks post feel?

My sides are still very tender. There must still be a lot of stress on the incisions in that area. I don't typically wear a bra to bed at this point, and the moment when I first sit up in the morning, there is an initial shock of pain as my breasts settle and drop down, pulling against the incisions. It lasts only briefly though. I don't go without a bra, otherwise. I don't want to stretch out the ligaments that are holding them high and tight all over again! Hugging still hurts, as does carrying something while it rests against me (like a large box or something...). Otherwise, I don't feel much discomfort anymore. My boobs are no longer the first and foremost thing on my mind anymore, which is very nice. :)

My incisions: The base of the right is now completely 100% closed and healed. There are still rough patches of skin and a little peeling, but it is looking good. The left has just a little bit more to go. It went from completely scary (when it opened up two weeks ago), to just a small scab as of today, at the T junction, and at the beginning of the incision under the arm. There is still some itchy spots here and there.

Sensation: still no change in the numb parts. Not too many zingers, but on occasion I'll feel something akin to a 'tittie-twister'. Holy hell that hurts. But I suppose feeling at least something is a good thing. Otherwise the numbness prevails, but I am okay with that.

Feelings about size: I measured a week ago, and I dropped below 40" on the bust line to 39.5." Band size is 36". So I am somewhere between a C and a D. My right breast is heading in a good direction, my left just needs to catch up. It is still swollen, as I can still see a bra imprint at the end of the day. Even if the size difference between the two is noticeable, I am totally good with that. After seeing my before & afters, the change is so phenomenal, I don't care about the imperfections. My left nipple is not even with my right, but I think it is tied to the swelling, and they were also never even in the first place.

All in all, I am just over-the-moon with the whole experience. It's been a long time to deal with some pretty serious discomfort at times, but it continues to improve with time. I have not, and WILL NOT go bra shopping until at least the 16 week mark. Since my left side is still so out-of-whack, that would just be setting myself up for disappointment if I went any sooner. My PS cautioned me not to, and I've read enough sad stories on here that I know to save myself from an unpleasant experience. I am happy with the shape and support from the Genie bra and Fruit of the Loom sports bra, so that is good enough for me. The front closure Fruit of the Loom bras that I wore right after surgery are not fitting so well at this point. I now have little 'muffin tops'. That's a bummer. Those of you that are in those first couple weeks of post op - enjoy the high and tight, because it won't last long!!!!! Lol. I haven't gained any weight, in fact I've lost a couple of pounds, so I know that it is just my breasts settling and softening. I am 42, after all. I can't expect to have teenage boobs forever...

I am very pleased with my PS, the aftercare and so forth. I haven't adjusted the cost of the procedure yet because I haven't received all of the bills, as several of them are still pending. I did pay the patient portion of the anesthesia, which was about $140, I think..

One last thought. I've noticed two extremes in some reviews lately... Either ladies upset with being too big or too small. I've seen others comment, and I will throw in my two cents as well. Give. It. Time. I'm at nine weeks and the dust is still far from settling. Give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally. You've already spent years beating yourself up over the way you look - it's hard to stop, isn't it?? Your breasts are going to change an amazing amount over the next few months.. You need to let your body do its thing, and give yourself the emotional space to adjust to the new way you look.

Happy healing to you all!