25 Y.O., 275cc silicone, 5'7, 130lbs, Mother of 2

When I was younger, my mom always told me to be patient and that my breasts would grow. They were an A cup, then I got pregnant with my 1st son (who is now 5) and my breasts filled out, but after pregnancy were even smaller than they started! Fast forward, I got pregnant with my 2nd son (1 1/2 years old) and breastfed exclusively. After stopping nursing and after losing more weight than I wanted to, I ended up with deflated skin breasts that barely fill my bra. After talking with my husband and having much debate within myself (I am religious and struggled with altering my body to the extent of plastic surgery), I decided to start going for a few consultations. I have now found my doctor and set my surgery for July 30th (about a month away). I have times when I am very excited, and there are times when I am nervous and don't want to do something I will regret. I am looking for something very natural to give me the volume I had when I was nursing, because I felt very beautiful with myself at that time in my life, but i do not want to look fake/plastic. My doctor has recommended Mentor round textured 300-330ccs range (thinking moderate plus profile) but my breasts are not that wide so I don't want to go too big. I wanted the peri incision through the nipple to not have the scars under my breasts (as this is more for myself and husband so very important when I'm naked). My doctor said I can choose the gummy bears but only with under the breast incision of 2 inches and I don't want that. I am a very thin, athletic build woman and I want something with volume, but modest. I would be happy with a C cup. I'll add photos of my journey :)

so I watched a video of an actual breast augmentation and the amount of cutting a burning and pulling-- it seemed like so much trauma to the breast and my body. I am generally a very natural woman, trying to just fill the volume I lost when breastfeeding, but I don't want to hurt my body. It seems so many women get this procedure done and their bodies heal fine and they are happy with their results. I guess I'm just having a bit of anxiety. My pre-op is in 3 weeks, and then the 10-day count-down is on. Definitely not watching anymore surgery videos. I'm wondering how other women dealt with this anxiety/'cold-feet' type of feeling.

So my post op is on Monday, and the surgery is a shirt 10 days later... and I'm having cold feet. Every time I think about this surgery I literally start having anxiety. I am generally a very anxious person and I know some level of this is normal before a sugery! But I'm still a little freaked out. I have different emotions ranging from scared, to excited, to guilty (for spending $ and down time from ny kids for an elective surgery- not to mention that I'm doing this for a selfish reason, and my health is fine unlike some women who need this due to loss of their breasts). I think of my amazing body and how it nurtured and birthe two beautiful babies and my breasts how they fed them... and then I cry at the thought of my electing to cut this amazing body open for my own selfish reasons. I read horror stories how women got increasingly sick after their BA, or how they lost hair from anwsthesia, etc... Ive seen so many different before & afters I just don't even know what I'll look like and if I will like them. I wonder if every woman analizes this so much or if I'm just nuts. Oh well, that's it for my emotional BA rant for today. If you are going through what I am or are scheduled for a BA soon and wanna share how you are staying calm, please reply