Today is Thursday 5th May and in 18 days I will be...
Today is Thursday 5th May and in 18 days I will be having my 12 year old PIP ruptured implants removed. The silicone has emigrated to my under arm lymph nodes now because I cancelled surgery 2 years ago to remove my intact PIP implants. I put my love of having breasts over my health - crazy, hey?!
Prior to implants my natural breast size was 36AA. My love of sports particularly years of gymnastics meant breasts never grew - my body obviously thought they would be a hindrance!?! I chose 310cc implants which took me to 36B. I never wanted big boobs, I just wanted to feel feminine and have some shape. I felt I was trapped inside a girls and not woman's body. I had also been born with a large red birthmark covering my right cheek and dumbo ears so I'm sure many of you reading my story will realise why I had confidence issues and struggled with depression thanks to ignorant others in our society. I always put up a good fight but I'm human and have feelings too! I had successful laser treatment on my birthmark and had my ears put back....so of course my focus then became my breasts or lack of! It was my loving father, seeing my struggles, who suggested breast implants and offered to pay for them if it was what I wanted and if it would help me? I was 30 yrs old and this felt like a gift from the gods at the time!
2 years ago I learnt my implants were the PIPs. They were intact but I booked myself in to have them removed. But as the day grew closer I just couldn't say goodbye to having breasts. Yes I could have them replaced at a cost but ... At the time intense, debilitating depression had kicked in....over having breasts!?! Between then and last year I was not well at all and was regularly at the doctors. To cut a long story short it was discovered I had large ovarian cysts. I had surgery to remove them. Wow, life certainly changed for me once they were gone. I'm now feeling happy, happy! I totally forgot about my breast implants until one day I found a painful lump on my left breast, close to my breast bone a few weeks ago. My GP referred me to the breast clinic and this is where I learned the truth. At the time my world crumbled at the news. The nurse practitioner left me for a very brief time and it it was then when I knew what I had to do. I remember the strange but wonderful euphoric feeling when I said to myself " it's time to be who you really are and accept who you are!"
So today I'm excited. I can't wait to have my implants removed. I feel absolutely fine about what is ahead. I did experience a horrible 'wobble' after the appointment with my assigned surgeon....but then I discovered this site and read one ladies healing journey, then another....then I smiled again - thank you ladies for sharing your stories!
Yes I should have had my implants removed well before now....but all I can say in my defence was that I just couldn't...I just couldn't....but today I'm mentally in the right place to say I am 100%. Yes I have no choice, they have ruptured and the silicone is in my lymph nodes...this didn't need to be the case but I guess for me it did need to happen - what a crazy b* I am?!
The hospital have changed my operation date to 6th June :'(
So today I received the absolutely devastating news that the hospital have had to cancel my operation on 23rd May and reschedule for 6th June - almost 4 painful weeks away. There is a small chance I could have it before then but only if someone cancels. I don't hold much hope if honest. I've cancelled work, my boyfriend has booked time off work to care for our 2 large dogs, my mum has booked time off work to care for me. She lives over 200 miles away and has bought her train ticket....unbelievable...! I have no more tears left in me to cry....
I'm having my operation on Monday - WOOOOHOOOOO!
The hospital contacted me today and after a MDT meeting (multi disciplinary meeting) they agreed my case was urgent and reinstated me back onto Monday's list for surgery - thank you!
I can't begin to tell you how overjoyed I am. I can feel my breasts are changing and the lumps in my under arm lymph nodes are definitely getting bigger. It's become unpleasant to have my arms down now- in what feels such a short period of time. Hopefully I'll be able to pick myself up off the floor for my pre op assessment tomorrow morning - legs are like jelly! Not because I'm nervous- I'm HAPPY!!!
310cc PIP both ruptured implants before explant
So...these are my 'blobs' as I now refer to them before explant. The left is now bigger than the right although I do feel the right blob is smaller than it once was. I was a 36AA and the 310cc implants took me to a 36B bra size.
And finally they are OUT!
My ruptured PIP implant blobs are finally history! I'm home after 1 night stay in hospital due to drainage tubes. Feeling great. The only discomfort I have is under my left arm where lymph nodes had to be removed. I've seen my breasts and they look absolutely fine, I'm very very happy with the outcome and will post photos shortly. Yes I'm very flat but I'm fine with that - totally fine. My surgeon told me the left implant was significantly ruptured and the silicone was everywhere. He also told me the implant had been put in back to front - wow. So next week when I go for my check up I am going to ask for this fact in writing. He called the surgeon who did my implants a "cowboy'. Im going to take this matter much further.
Lymph node removal =PAIN
OOOOH my goodness (putting it politely!) the pain I'm having in my left armpit from lymph nodes being removed is off the scale. To any ladies who are considering explant but fearing the results like I did - please just do it! I'm now paying the price not having them removed 2 years. As my review title states, lymph node removal = PAIN! The radiating unbearable pain is like an Indian burn but 10 times worse - imagine it! Plus I can't put my arm down due to the swelling. I was at my wits end yesterday and was in tears. The pain meds were not touching it. I had to call the hospital who treated me for help but soon learned what I'm experiencing is normal due to so many nerve endings in the armpit. It may take a couple of weeks or more before the pain subsides....OOOF! :( Yesterday I also apologised out loud to my body for what I have done to it :(. Post op blues time!!
I just wanted to share with you what the consequences are of a ruptured implant and the silicone emigrating to the lymph nodes so that they have to be removed. The surgeon who put my implants in put the left implant in the wrong way remember. I had no idea of course. Some cosmetic surgeons sadly don't care what they do as long as they get your £. If I had let this surgeon remove my implants I would never have known as I'm quite sure he would never have told me! I'm taking plenty of photos of myself and keeping a diary as will be pursuing this cowboy for medical negligence! Im suffering quite a lot!
My new sexy bra!
I can't wait for the day when I can wear this very comfortable sexy bra by Bonds - I'll be a Bond girl!!! Fits perfectly and I highly recommend the brand. Bought it off eBay new for just £9.99 too then found 2 pairs of matching bottoms for total of £9.99 ....yipeee!
Post Operative appointment
So I had my post op appointment with my lovely Dr yesterday. Finally I can now put my left arm down by my side - He drained 2 fl oz from my armpit! I have numbness there which he said may stay or I might be lucky and normal sensation will return in time. From now on I can not have any injections or bloods taken from my left arm and should I get a cut or graze I must go to my GPs for a course of antibiotics as this arm is vulnerable to infection. I was sent home with a course of antibiotics because of the fluid drainage my dr had to do! As a precautionary measure I've ordered a red medical bracelet with the engraving, 'No needles in this arm' to wear at all times. This is to remind myself or others should I ever be in an emergency situation. I also contacted my GP practice and had my medical records highlighted with this new personal information.
I learned yesterday I had a very lucky escape. My situation was on the brink of becoming more serious based on what my Dr saw during the operation. The silicone in my left breast was EVERYWHERE and appeared to have bacterial growth but test results came back and very very luckily there wasn't any as he had expected. The right implant had tiny visible holes and was on the verge of rupturing. My Dr took photos of the implants and will be sending me a copy plus a copy of his post op notes in my medical records. He agrees I have a strong case against my implant surgeon for medical negligence. I can't deny that when I left the consultation I speed walked to a quiet area with my boyfriend and fell into his arms in floods of 'relief' tears! I feel like crying now as I type....wow I was soooo lucky!
Comfy sports bra
I've a few sports bras now but wanted to share my all time favourite by adidas. I bought it off eBay for £11.99. The reason it's my favourite is:
1. Very soft against the skin
2. Provides the best support than the rest I have
3. Has adjustable straps - fantastic for me as I have swelling under my left arm so can adjust accordingly -BIG thumbs up for that!
4. No seam under bust to rub on the healing scar - another thumbs up!
5. Despite being flat chested again this colourway appears to be giving me the appearance of boobies!?!
Medical Alert Bracelet
It's arrived, my medical alert bracelet to remind me and inform others I can't have needles in this arm. However I have also been recently informed I'm not to even have my blood pressure read from this arm either....hmmm well after my operation and while still in hospital all my blood pressure checks were done using this arm!?
Finally able to put my left arm down normally
16 Jul 2016
2 months post
It's taken some time with ups and downs but ....finally the swelling in my left armpit has all but gone now, the numbness too and I can put my arm down normally. The tightness running down my arm did go but recently returned. I still have some healing time to do and it's been suggested a nerve is being pressed on but this should go in time. That started just prior to getting the common cold which I'm still battling with so maybe the other lymph nodes are swollen and to blame?? Who knows! Also prior to the appearance of my cold I had a deep urge to get on my exercise bike and sweat, I just needed to sweat!?! After an hour I felt so much better and yes, lots of sweating...but down my left arm predominantly. There was such a difference between my right and left arm. See photos for yourself!
Feedback from bf, family and friends...
16 Jul 2016
2 months post
So apparently I'm the happiest my boyfriend has ever known me. We met 1 month after I had my implants put in. He cant believe how different I am and seem much more positive and not so stressy-headed! I'm smiling more!?! My family and friends have also commented that I have a different aura about me too. I'm glowing according to many. Just shows how bad these implants are for our health! Oh, and my mum said I'm much happier now than when my implants went in ;)
31 Jul 2016
2 months post
I've been feeling really angry and emotional the past few weeks. I'm 100% happy with my breasts and actual much prefer being flat chested truth be told - guess I had to go on this journey to finally be happy with my breast size?! The reason I'm feeling angry is because of the situation I now find myself in with having lymph nodes removed. So I had my operation and had my follow up appointment then was discharged. Why why why was I not then sent home with information regarding Lymphadenectomy?? The do's and don'ts - eg I didn't know I should keep my arm covered from the sun for at least the first 6 months then to always wear sunblock if wearing a sleeveless top - I fell asleep outside on a sun lounger one warm day during my recoup didn't I (with factor 30 sun lotion on) so my skin peeled like crazy after....so I've been told I may have caused some damage??? Then exercising my arm...no info on exercising it...how to help myself...ohhhhhh there's so much more...I just feel like I've been neglected now by the professionals...who I have to keep contacting repeatedly when a problem arises and when I do I learn more and more...and that makes me even angrier that if I had been sent home with the information I perhaps wouldn't be encounting preventable issues. The other day I cut my left index finger and treated it straight away...now I'm left with a puffy hand that hurts and the puffiness sometimes moves down to my wrist and forearm....
Almost 3 months post explant
12 Aug 2016
3 months post
Appearance wise my breasts look much the same to me but my boyfriend said he thought they were slightly bigger?? They are definitely firmer now than they were (fluffed?). I've not been exercising as much as I would normally due to work commitments but that involves walking dogs all day so...! Before my op I would go for a jog round a local park every morning and do some morning yoga to prepare me for the day ahead but... had dogs boarding that were big cry babies when left on their own. Nor have I been eating so well, just been grabbing something quick and easy as been soooo busy and too shattered to care or is that simply too lazy?! not helping myself there then! Sooooo the plan is to get back to the old me and daily routine. I've a quieter 2 weeks now so hopefully I'll get back into my more healthy living and see what changes happen to by breasts, lymph nodes and overall energy levels. I've also joined a gym with pool so I can go swimming and participate in aqua aerobics. Feeling rather positive again now I've got my life back for a short time!
13 Aug 2016
3 months post
Well I'm enjoying the Rio Olympics, are you?! Lots and lots of gorgeous, amazingly fit sporty ladies with little boobies just like mine :)) ! I've always been very sporty and growing up spent hours and hours after school doing gymnastics and athletics, even represented my home county too. Small breasts certainly don't run in my family so can only assume my tiny ones are as a consequence of being so into sports. I would certainly never ever swop those wonderful years for bigger breasts today - bigger breasts do, in my experience, inhibit breathing and certainly explain why I was finding running not so easy as I once did. I went for my first run since explant this morning and WOW what a difference it was from before!
Medical Alert bracelet #2!
17 Aug 2016
3 months post
My first medical alert bracelet turned out to be a pile of s*** quite frankly! Thankfully I recently made friends with a jewellery silversmith who kindly offered to make me a larger version of her children's christening bracelet and for the same price! This one is SO much better and comfortable to wear. The style of it means I can adjust to suit. I've had it engraved both sides. Outer side reads: medical alert Lymphadenectomy then she's cleverly positioned below on the second loop round my wrist : no BP, blood draws, needles or IV in left arm. On the inside of the bracelet I've had my name, D.O.B, no allergies and ICE number. ( ICE = In Case of Emergency). Oh well, something positive out of a negative I guess - a new piece of lovely bespoke jewellery!
17 Aug 2016
3 months post
So here are a small selection of the bras I wear. The main brand that is working for me is Bonds. They are so lovely and soft to wear and wash well too. I'm broad chested but the size 10 fits me perfectly. I also wear bikini tops so have added a picture of one I bought very cheaply off eBay. It's lightly padded and actually a really really good quality, well made top for under £5. The black bra is infact my mums which I've stolen just because it fits...and is a 36b!?! Not quite me but it's so comfortable and lightly padded. It's from UK M & S
18 Aug 2016
3 months post
This entry is really as a diary note to myself but I'm also curious if anyone else has experienced the same issue. Since approximately August last year my right knee has swelled up either the day before, on the day or day after my period. It just spontaneously began, I woke up with a swollen knee one morning. Before my explant I would have the painful swelling for about 2 weeks. Since my explant I have to confess this has still occurred but the swelling has reduced significantly in the length of its stay to just a few days nor caused me significant problems like it was doing. I started my monthly yesterday and no swelling! Hope I'm not celebrating too soon!?! And now to see what happens next month...
3 months post explant update & gorgeous AAA bras do exist!
So I'm over 3 months from my explant operation now. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I am pleased to report I remain exastic over my results. Any down days have NEVER been because of my breasts. I was a 36AA pre implants, 36B with implants and now 38AAA and couldn't care less I take a smaller bra size. Yes, AAA bras do exist! I've added a photo of my recent online splurge to prove it and they're not boring white or black cotton either! My breasts have firmed up quite a bit now and don't wibble-wobble like they did - seems a bit odd to say that given my small size but they have! I've not had any difficulties over the warmer summer months in finding clothes to wear nor ever felt self conscious when I walk out the front door, quite the opposite. I'm not looking forward to the colder months because I don't want to cover myself up!?! I've not experienced any negativity from anyone nor do I care if that day ever comes! My posture is the best it's ever been in years because the false weight has gone. My neck and shoulders don't ache anymore but feel relaxed. Strenuous exercise is more of a pleasure (!?!) now because I physically feel 10 years younger and can take in deep lung filled breaths once again. I've absolutely nothing negative to say about living my life today without implants...nope, I can't think of anything!! ;)