Explant on 5th October: 17 years of subglandular plus 5 months of submuscular.

When I say happy, I mean mystified as to why I could feel so accepting, excited even, about being so flat. I can't say flat 'again', they don't look too familiar, the tissue is all at the bottom of the crease and they look like tiny miniature boobs, with nothing on top of the nipple. I am wearing tight tops, I can't bring myself to wear the padded bras that almost fit. I think it might be because my partner told me before the explant when I was having second thoughts, "You need to stand by this if you do it - doesn't matter where you are or who you are with".
I have two out of five padded cupped bras from Victoria's Secret that actually fit; by that I mean they stay on, but I have nothing to put inside them and they just cup my breastbone. If I push the cup then it is hollow, but I am keeping those two, maybe I will wear them with blouses to give them something to help drape the fabric. But it seems inconsistent with wearing just my Gap bralettes. I have uploaded pictures of how I look when in a bralette (flat), and in the bras. What do people think of the cupped padded bras? I already feel like the blue 34A one is too big, but it is without underwires and is the smallest I could get in that style. The other is a 34AA and is still empty inside, but at least more modest.
The only thing I lament is that my breasts still have no sensation in large patches. And they hurt in those numb areas. I can't bear to be touched and my nipples have next to no sensation. This was all after the revision 5 months ago, I was hoping that the nerves were just stretched out, the revision PS said his surgery would not cut through the nerves. Clearly they have. As well as affecting my sex-life, they look strange when I am cold, as there are goosebumps in patches and smooth areas that don't respond, it kind of puckers me up in some places and not others! I can't really give a great idea of how I look, because I am very underweight, and my collarbones are protruding, so this makes me look pretty bad with or without implants.
My incisions are smaller than for the revision, and the surgeon excised the old scar to help make a neater one. On my left breast this has caused some puckering of the edge, which will apparently go down with massage. I think this has also caused some asymmetry, as the new scar lifts the breast up a bit, and makes it look pointier. These are all minor quibbles. I don't think I have any adhesions, although maybe I am not allowing myself to acknowledge them. The outer sides are very empty, so this sinks in a bit, especially when I lean over. I noticed that with the implants though. I am a very skinny old bird! The old revision scar that wasn't re-cut seems to be healing better and looks paler without the weight of the implants stretching them.
My candida is more or less the same, I had a week in Portugal where I abandoned my anti-candida diet, and I feel no worse for it. But I am continuing my treatments and herbs and anti-bacterials, anti-fungals etc.
It is like being given a new body really, and one to be excited by somehow, maybe it's the novelty just now. I do long for normal sensitivity in them, then I would be thrilled. But I can't describe how grateful I feel, I hope for every woman to get to where I am, it's like our bodies are saying "thank-you" as, if they have been waiting for us to liberate them again....

It is only day 2, so I have to not expect much, but taking these pictures gave me the anxiety again, as I can see how painfully thin I am. I always was, but perhaps less so, or my body was younger and my skin was thicker, so I looked a bit fuller. My breasts have rubbed away, and they are sitting how all explanted breasts sit, so I'm not too worried. But they are so empty and I am just bone with skin, so I look quite grotesque. I shouldn't use words like that I know, but I don't want to put any women off explant, I am unique in my underweightness, I see no women on here like me! I don't and never have had an eating disorder, I think it's two years of anxiety and maybe just some things going on in my body, like endometriosis, candida, IVF cycles, all of which have been or are being treated. I always feel the need to apologise for my state, as it isn't what I want, I don't starve myself. I can maybe just try to separate myself from my physical body to reach a state where I relax and weight will go on by itself. I didn't like touching my breasts with the revision, or even with the old implants very much, but now I can feel a hard, hollow circle in the breast area and I feel very fragile. I still can't have big bear hugs, I feel like I might crush my tiny chest. And of course my nipples struggle to assert themselves. I have a lovely friend who will make me imaginative and flattering clothes to wear, he will make some padded bras and corsets to wear on the outside of clothes, so that will make a fashion statement about my flat chest as well as adding volume! I have ordered some lightly padded bras, but I don't honestly think they will sit very well on my concave chest. I haven't seen the scars yet, they were big and messy after my revision, so they can wait a bit longer I think. I hope to use the Noogleberry at some stage to help, but I must just be patient and hope at best that I don't suffer from adhesions. As long as nobody looks at me naked, I am feeling okay, less like an imposter as I did with the last ludicrous-looking implants. My last loss of sensation has given me patches of numbness, which shows itself in the cold as large areas on the sides of goosebumps, and then patches in the middle of smooth skin. It all contributes to making my cold, erect nipples look very strained, some of the goosebumps pull it out, while the numb parts keep it soft. I'm being very graphic. The numbness does not feel as horrible as it did when I was stretched out like a drum, but sensation is still absent. I am happier than I have been for the last five months, and my partner says I have done the right thing, I am more me. I would like me to be a bit less of a twig though!