Looking Forward to Moving on - Liverpool, UK

I have a ruptured implant and silicone in my lymph...

I have a ruptured implant and silicone in my lymph glands, the right breast is much larger and slightly mishapen

I am due to have my 360cc PIP implant removed on...

I am due to have my 360cc PIP implant removed on 17th May 2012 by the NHS, I had the implants inserted in 2004 when I was 19 as I had low self asteem and hated my shape, I felt implants would make me feel more in praportion.

I only wanted to go from a 34A cup to a large C cup. I was booked in for my op with consmedical in Liverpool and a last miniute change of the implant size from 390cc to 360cc was made as the surgeon said I would end up around a D if they used 390cc.

I ended up a 34DD, I am glad they didnt put the larger implant in me but didnt exactly get what I had asked for, however, at the time and up until the rupture, I wasnt complaining. My mind has been consumed with my breasts since I discovered I was one of the victims of PIP and I had a rupture, I had no symptoms whatsoever and at the hospital I was queued with 7 other girls being checked who all had symptoms of swelling, redness, pain etc.. I had none of this infact, I thought I would be fine. 4 out of the 7 of us had ruptured implants.

Anyway, I think about how I will look and feel every minute of every day, I am consimed with it and want to move on from it so much. I am excited and embracing this as much as possible but I am terrified that I will hate myself but only time will tell.

Nobody other than my partner has ever seen my breasts, I dont wear low cut tops or show them off I enjoy the shape they give me and I wonder if I will miss that or be ok.

I will let you know how I get on.

Got my Pre-op on Friday. It occured to me the...

Got my Pre-op on Friday. It occured to me the other day how strange it was that as soon as I found out I had a ruptutred implant that the evidence of such was so obvious, my right breast seems enormous compared to the left, it stings constantly.

I cant wait for my thoughts to not be about myself, i feel so selfish and self obsessed, "what will this top look like, what size bra will i be, will i look like I have lost weight, or will i look chubbier, will i be able to feel sensations again, what will that dress look like"

Roll on the days after the surgery and when I have healed when I have the answers to these questions, Its just a shame that there is no sign of justice yet. Lets hope the lawyers put thre pressure on!

Had my pre-op yesterday, went through what to...

Had my pre-op yesterday, went through what to expect on the day of surgey. The Nurse asked me if i want to keep my implants, so I am taking them home after, I am curious as to what they look like? She also said I should expect to be very shocked at my appearance after surgery.

I have been counting down the days to the surgery for almost 5 months and now that It is a week away, I am starting to worry. I was so looking forward to moving on and hoping I will be happy with my body after the surgery and focusing on being positve.

I bought some small sports bras yesterday which made me feel quite sad, it is now dawning on me that I have a hard time ahead, emotionally. I just hope I feel like so many of the women who have posted thier images and stories.

Only a couple of days left for me now!! I am lost...

Only a couple of days left for me now!! I am lost in though nearly all day. Did i mention they are letting me keep the implants.... weird I know but I am so curious to see them and as I have solicitors on this case It will be good evidence.

I cant wait to go shopping, I have saved a bit of money so i can go and buy myself lots of stuff, retail therapy, I am looking forward to buying pretty little bra's and not the horrible DD's. But then in the same moment I am s frightened that I will become more insecure and hateful towards my image, which makes me angry for still being the person I was before the implant. But.. i am speculating on how i might feel and will not know until after the op so i just need to relax! EEEK!

Had my op 2 days ago, I am not in too much pain...

Had my op 2 days ago, I am not in too much pain but I have got drains coming from the wounds to drain out any fluids which i have t to keep in for a few more days. It doesnt hurt but i am quite uncomfortable, I cant get a bath until the drains are out and have to sleep on my back, plus i cant really go out with these too bags that i have to carry each side of me like shopping.

The doctor too pictures of the implants after removal. the right one was ruptured and my right breast is a little more painful as the doctor had to give it a thorough clean. I am on pain killers but I am not in terrible pain and I am generally more comfortable and less sickly than when I had the implants inserted. My mouth has a few ulcers which isnt helping but I am getting there. I havent looked at the breasts yet, I am waiting for the drains to come out before I have a look. But I will keep you posted, Thank you for your well wishes xxx

Had my drains out today, It wasnt as bad as i had...

Had my drains out today, It wasnt as bad as i had expected but I had worked myself up so much before that I was shaking a crying by the time they where done, but it wasnt that bad. I was so relieved to have them out, I couldnt do much with them hanging from me. I am feeling alot better, the pain is fine, still taking my pain killers on a regular basis but thats to control it. i have had a look at my breasts and they arent looking too great right now but i dont want to focus too much on it right now, i just want to recover first. I am not regretting the removal, but I am regretting the implants all togerher, If i knew what i would have to go through for the removal, I wonder would It have still been worth it.

I dont know how I feel emtionally yet, I feel numb in that way. Onwards and upwards is the only way.

Much more comforable now! getting a little itchy...

Much more comforable now! getting a little itchy and my sports bra I bought was a B cup and it seems too small right now, swelling no doubt. So I am wearing my pre explant sports bra which is more supportive on my back and sides. My left nipple is a little sunken and my right breast which had the rupture has a sort of shelf of skin a kind of fold in it but It is too early to know what they will end up like. I am almost fully mobile I just get a little tired and dont want to strain much so still relaxing for the next week or so. I had a bath last night and felt great to remove the DVT socks and have a nice wash but still keeping my breasts dry... roll on the day when i can have a full shower and wear a nice bra.

xxx
NHS

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
5 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
3 out of 5 stars After care follow-up
3 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
2 out of 5 stars Phone or email responsiveness
3 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
1 out of 5 stars Payment process
3 out of 5 stars Wait times
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