better chapters ahead ..

Since becoming a parent at the young age of 19 my life has been all about sacrifice , giving and others .. I work hard to be the best mother and provider for my son . As a single parent I focused on school my child and finally building a wonderful career . 3 years ago I met the love of my life . She is just amazing . And after 12 years I now have another wonderful baby boy . Carried by my wife . And yet even after all the wonderful accomplishments and beautiful family I don't feel complete . My body has me so insecure . Through highs and lows in my life I gained quite a bit of weight . In 2012 I decided I needed to love myself and take care of me and lost the weight . But even at my lowest weight I feel terrible . Can't stand to look at my self naked . My wife tells me how beautiful and perfect I am to her but she tells me I need to see myself how she sees me . And so she is supporting me in every way to complete my journey w a tummy tuck w lipo . The more I feel selfish spending that kind of money the more she encourages me and pushes me . Made me go to meet w my surgen ... Made me book the date and is taking 2 weeks to stay w me for recovery . I'm still working on myself w accepting such a blessing and stop doubting myself . I am so greatful for real self . It is truly helping me push through so much self doubt . I'm soo excited yet super scared .

Some before pics . In a week I'll build up the courage to post more detailed pics before the after pics .

So Monday Is my last visit w my ps before the big day !! And Tuesday is my pre op testing at the hospital . I have my questions ready cause I want to make sure all goes well and I am left completely confident . I can't believe I am going to post pictures here but reading the journeys of others which are very much like my own have inspired me . I can not wait for my post op comparison !!!

Pre op testing and payment complete !! Now to mentally prepare ..

Oh my gosh .. It's almost surreal that this will actually be happening .. I'm practically ready and doing whatever possible to keep busy and my mind preoccupied . I have a rush of emotions going through me . I am scheduled for Tuesday March 17 @ 6 am but sx will prob take place around 8ish .. I have all the support I need especially for the fist two weeks but just the thought I cant hold my 7 month baby is making me a bit emotional . I haven't even told my 12 year old . But they way I see it it is so easy to get lost when raising a family . When will it ever be the right time ? I am so lucky to have the support of my partner who balances me and talks me through my concerns and doubts. Well I will soon post my pre op pics .
Happy healing to those already post and best wishes to those soon to join xoxox

So here I am waiting for doc to arrive . My nerves are getting the best of me . So I am trying to keep positive . Good luck to everyone having sx today :) my prayer are w you all .

I am so thankful and greatful to be home !!! Like my hunny says if you can feel it means your ALIVE ! Going to keep this short since I am super drowsy and groggy . My first post op is actually tomorrow . Will try to update daily to share my experience in hopes to help anyone going through this like the many that surely helped me in my journey . To all the ladies who like myself had their life changes today hope you are doing well and to those who have upcoming sx will keep all in my prayers . Xoxoxo

I can't believe im adding these but here we go . These were taken this morning at 5 am before heading to hospital @5'4 and 162.5 lbs . Feelings of shame and embarrassment :/

So today it's 8 days post op and I am miserable . I can't complain to much about pain or anything really . I'm just feeling so down .. Depressed. Question my surgery , my progress my emotions . I'm so moody :/ I feel like anything sets me off . Visited my ps today and when schedule the next appt just started crying . As I write this o tear up . Wth is wrong w me ?!!! I knowing I'm just sensitive ... Tomorrow will be a better day ..

So I see a light .. Not the end of the tunnel but the light .. I have refrained from posting .. Because I believe that if i don't have anything nice to say then i won't say anything at all ... Well until I am confident and secure w my feelings and thoughts .. Ok enough of that now my update .. Today is 3 weeks exactly and I am feeling much better then post week 1 and even better than post week 2 .. See what in getting at?? I have been on a roller coaster of emotions . Is what I see in the mirror what it actually is . You see once we decided to go on this journey a lot of times regardless of our mental state we can not prepared for what's to come. We have expectations which sometimes are unrealistic and with all the research and prepping we can't help but compare what we believe what our body needs to look like rather than our reality . What we see and research are our doctors 3 to 6 to even a year out and at 3 days post we want to be there already . I feel somewhat liberated once I allowed myself to be rational and moved past comparing myself and picking at myself . It only took 3 weeks lol I'm learning to be patient and realize I still had a ways to go . real self was such a help pre op as it helped me build confidence in preparation but at this point I am following some amazing woman as I feel I can relate to their journey in order to continue w my healing of not just body but also my mind and soul . Ok after all that ranting lmao I love my cg . My swelling is down but still a ways to go . My prep weight was 162 and post op went up to 169 and today I am 157. I know I shouldn't be weighing myself but oh well the curiosity won over . I'm not so hung up on weight as I clearly see the difference in inches and that's what I love when I get dressed . I've always carried my weight in my boobs and tummy and now just the boobs lol . I am super curvy and I love it . My love says I'm a total package ???? I feel very good also . Besides normal stiffness and some discomfort I really can't complain . My scar is super low am I know once it completly heals will be nonexistent . My doctor took off the tape that was over it I believe post op week one and said not to put anything on it and we will talk scar treatment at week 4 . I'm totally fine w that and trust he knows what his doing . A stitch came loose on the bb and cause it to hbe a foul smell and look freaky I called the doc at like 10 that evening and he told me what to do and it is healing that was on a Friday and Monday was in his office . He said nothing to worry about and just remove the desolvable one that were left cause said that irritates it at time . No infection or pain . Other than that I feeling and doing just fine patiently waiting and seeing my progress week after week . My cg is great and my ps included an abdominal foam board which help w swelling ,skin irritation from cg and recovery . Just an fyi I've read some ladies using a towel then cg and then binder there a website that had awesome garments for after sx . Spanks is the worst As it is not a cg for the purpose and support we need after sx . I can't think of anything else.. Oh i am sales tomad mu post op and i promise i will once im comfortable enough to do so . Again patience lol thank you to whomever takes the time to read my rantings and happy healing to those in recovery and to those who have yet to cross over .

I drove at 3 weeks and it felt great :) ...Also forgot to mention the site for cg. It's interlink room.com there is a tab for post surgery .. If you search tummy you'll het options also look under abdominal board . I like the foam one makes the cg much more comfortable and helps with the muscles tightening faster . Hope this helps.

These are picks from post op week 2 or 2.5 . Notice the swelling more on the right side . Also the back is still super swollen from lipo . Lipo is no joke . Today I am 28 day post op and still have a long ways to go .

Soo I never in my wildest that my recovery would take so long. I am feeling better w each passing day but non the less it's been rough . I don't know if it's because I am so hard on myself or it just is . I've completly refrained from coming on here to read because it puts me in a bad place . Perhaps because I am comparing and then depressing myself . Despite all this I am hopeful and I do see an improvement . A great improvement. I have committed to being positive and patient w myself and with my body and look forward to every improvement week after week . I will be sharing pictures soon .

Wow what a journey .. I am still soar and achy in some places and def swollen but overall feeling 95 percent better. Mentally o have reservations w how I look. some things to me just don't look right . This operation isn't a quick fix . Emotionally it take its toll . I wear compression garment 23.5 hours a day w abdominal board . I have been getting massages regularly . About 3 a week . I will start the gym front his week forward . I've read a lot of women going right to the gym as early at 3 to 6 weeks . Well I'm not one of them . My heeling has been slow and I hope there is improvement still to come . I have a healthy diet and do plenty of excercises around the house especially w a 10 mo old lol . I see my doctor on Monday and hope to get down concerns addressed and some peace of mind . I also look forward to the gym . I am currently at 150 pounds and hope to lose another 10 pounds max. I want to tone up rather then lose too much . I'm going to be brave and post current picture .hope everyone is healing well .

So today was my 3 mo appt w my surgeon . Let me start off w saying that I feel so blessed to have the love and support I have gotten going into this . I also feel so blessed to not have had any terrible complications this far . Now w that said I get very frustrated that when you try to express your concerns or disappointment about what your expectations are and what reality is that you get shut down and in turn reminded over and over how much "fat" was lipoed and basically this is as good as it gets . And shown the before pics over and over as if I have no recollection of what was before going into this. I am very much aware . If it weren't for the before I wouldnt need to have this done . I feel like the art of sympathy or empathy is long gone . I feel like I have seen results in people in much worst shape before hand look much better . I didnt want in any way to complain but it's just so frustrating not to hear empathy or be offered some sort of revision as I have seen other surgeons offer to better their work and please the patient is so frustrating .. And trust me I in no way want to be back in the or but I am not happy and to know I spent this much money and feel I can not wear a two piece confidently or see myself better makes me crazy . Of course I see the improvement it's obvious but there are important details I believe my surgeon should be more sympathetic too and recognize this is not his best work .. Just some venting to help me cope . I hope that the next few months and time help . I guess i just can't see past the disappointment ... I will work on that ..

3 months 14 days .. Trying to love Myslef one day at a time ..

What a roller coaster ...

Well I was not going to leave a review but the depression this whole process has left me in is rediciulous . Rather than feeling good about my body I feel ashamed and embarrassed . I went in for a revision hoping for results I can live w . I was made to believe my scar was revised and that my belly button was actually revised . It's all worst ! I'm left w rolls ! And deformed belly button . I'm so disgusted I can't even look at myself honestly .