I Owe It to my Self After All I've Been Through! - Leawood, KS

I have taken the money from my savings this morning, and had my pre-op appt and all thats left is wait for Nov 5! How did I get to this point? Well for one I'm twice the age of most of you but have had the same feelings of my nose over the span of my 40 something years. It never really affected my outward confidence at least not in the traditional ways (careers, relationships) But inside - I felt invisible. Not to mention that I have considered my nose with every haircut, what I wear, make up, where I sit at social gatherings and various other neurotic afflictions... most importantly I DIDN'T LIKE MYSELF.

In 2008 I was suddenly widowed to unforeseen medical issue - My husband and I were young, active & healthy yet in 2 weeks time his heart stopped with our kids watching the whole thing at the park and I had a stoke at his funeral a total tragedy.

3 years later I found that I had breast cancer, had double mastectomy and reconstruction as well as chemo and radiation...

Now-- I want the nose I want. I have been through all of this and I deserve to have this one thing that I've secretly dreamed about since I was 14.

I have been reading all of your stories for months, some of you agonizing your decision because of what others may say. DONT hesitate. life is short and you dont know what tomorrow will bring. If a lovely nose will help you feel better than have it! I wish I would have done this years ago... at least thrown the dice on it! I don't know how this will play out I hope and pray it will go wonderful I am steeling myself for a wretched recovery- that way it can only be better than my expectations. I am no stranger to pain so I hopefully that will help.

thank you for reading this and coming along on this journey with me.

Laura

I like selfies because if I can control the angle of the picture when its taken I can make my nose look decent. Otherwise the truth is not so kind. here are two pictures taken at a brutally honest angel yikes! I'll dig up a few more...

First of all- THANK YOU ALL FOR THE RESPONSES!! it means so much to have the support!
well, I've been thinking about that last post- about selfies and not only how I take pictures to make myself look a certain way but how I have over time convinced myself that my nose doesn't look that bad based on those pictures! I know it's crazy but I have done that to survive my own insecurities as well as the losses I've faced with my stroke and the cancer.

Here are two pictures taken this weekend. One by my friend - she caught me off guard and the other a selfie I took for instagram.

When I look at them I think of one of them as a bad picture of me and the other a normal picture of me. Yet I now this is probably not true... so I asked my 9 year old which one looks more like me ( kids are so honest) and he pointed at the "bad picture of me". OUCH. I knew it- I mean I am sitting here two weeks out from my rhinoplasty but yet I had been kind of thinking my nose is not that bad. I don't think I need to revisit this with myself again. My nose is far from the dainty chiseled nose of my fantasies...I'll stay away from instagram for the next two weeks!

;) ~Laura