I have been unhappy with my breast size since the...
I have been unhappy with my breast size since the moment they started coming in, slower than the rest of my friends and stopping well before. Where I'm from initially, breast implants are NOT common and are 100% taboo. When I moved to Utah, I saw my first billboard for breast implants and was shocked! I let the fear of being judged by my friends and family keep me from making the leap to get implants.
Fast forward three years. I went through a devastating divorce and got into lifting weights at the gym. 18 months later, I have a muscular any healthy looking body, but find myself feeling unfeminine because of my small breasts (they're just fat, right :p). Then it just hit me. I'm living my life for me, for the first time. I spend 4-6 days a week in the gym to get the body I want, why not get the body I WANT? So here I am!
Consult was today, 01 July 15. Decided on textured, round silicone implants, 440cc to move me from a small 34B to a 34D. I'm a little worried 440 is too big, but I'd rather go too big or too small, and I loved the look of them on. Pre-op in three weeks and surgery in four! I'm ecstatic.
I do have one concern, though, and that's telling some of my family. My immediate family supports me, but I don't want the others to judge me. I care about the others and want to tell them before it happens, but I don't know how. Also, I am a high school teacher and I'm a little worried about the reactions from fellow teachers, but how does the quote go? Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter :) any tips on telling my grandmother in particular would be greatly appreciated.
Are you nervous?
That is the question that everyone keeps asking me! I'm not. I've done my research, made my pre-op shopping list, and am just excited. I'm hoping that because I am in good physical shape that my recovery will be no problem. My biggest concern is that my boyfriend doesn't know how to cook and I need him to take care of me for a few days :P On the pre-op list is buying easy-to-make things for him.
Once I get home and on the couch with my recovery station, I'll be fine. However, I live 25 minutes from the hospital and up three flights of stairs. A plastic waste basket is definitely on the list for the car ride home as well as a light snack, water, and ginger ale.
I'm also super blessed because time has seemed to fly by :) I'm definitely noticing it as a crawl as my pre-op appointment is three days away and my surgery is a week from tomorrow, though. Work has kept me busy until now and now I am off for 3 weeks before I go back (I'm a teacher and that's my summer vaca). Also, because I'm a teacher, I only feel comfortable putting clothed pictures up because you never know who your audience is.
I guess my only concern for the next week is what to do to kill the time.... one can only clean, research, and make so many lists.
Recovery Station: 4 days out
I have read so many articles about what to have before your surgery. These are the things I found particularly helpful and included in my recovery station:
- lip balm
- baby wipes (to freshen up)
- bottled water, sprite, saltines, yogurt, applesauce
- flashlight (for late night bathroom trips)
- pick prescriptions up early
- phone charger and alarms for medication
- pillows, blankets
- boyfriends sweatpants and zip up hoodie for day of surgery :)
Apartment is spotless, dishes and laundry done, meals prepped. Now what am I supposed to do?! I still have about 3.5 days to go!
Today was the day! Detailed post.
I'm finally taking the time to write this review about my actual surgery! I'm very fortunate because the time went quickly and didn't seem to drag too much. Before I explain the day, here are some things I did/didn't do that will help anyone in prepping for their surgery :)
1. I totally forgot to wear my glasses -.- I kinda hate them lol, so I put my contacts in until I left for my surgery at noon. Good news, it wasn't a huge deal. Because the surgery is so short, they didn't even sneeze when I told them about mistake. My nurse asked if I ever took a nap in them and I said yes, so she just smiled and said no big :)
2. I had some things in the car which were a god send! I brought a pillow for my back along with one to sit on my lap to prop up my arms while we drove. Don't tell the cops, but I didn't wear a seatbelt. I just made my boyfriend take it slowly. We had a 30 min drive so on ramps and off ramps were my absolute worst enemy. The drive will hurt. On a scale from 1-10 I'd call the drive a 6.
3. Also in the car was sprite with a straw (totally saved me from throwing up!) and saltine crackers. I felt nauseous, but made it home ok.
4. I had a recovery station on my sofa and just plopped right down when I got home. You can check out my recovery station pics in my previous post to get a good idea of what was included.
5. Don't wear tight yoga pants. I wore the kind I wear to the gym that make my ass look amazing. They were so painful getting off to go to the bathroom. I survived unassisted bc of my pride, but I immediately after had my bf help me change into one of his large button up shirts with just underwear underneath. Best. Decision. Ever.
5. Eat and drink until the last possible moment! I made a killer dinner of pulled pork sandwiches and homemade coleslaw and ate around 730 the night before. That's also the last time I drank anything. I could technically eat and drink until midnight, but didn't. I woke up at 2am with the absolute worst dehydration induced headache and I could hardly sleep. This headache did not go away until I woke up from surgery.
6. Have a written list of your med names, dosage, frequency, and their purpose. Alslo, leave space where you can record when you took them so you know when you can take them again. This was a god send! From here I put alarms in my phone.
Ok! So here goes about the surgery :) this morning I woke up, tidied up, rechecked my recoop station, meds, etc. I also showered, blow dried, and straightened my hair (I am not blessed with naturally straight hair, but I think it looks best and is relatively effortless as second day hair bc I really don't want to shower tomorrow :p).
I also made sure to have sex before I left bc I have to wait two weeks! Now ladies, use a condom up to five days prior if you or your hubby are not fixed. Because the antibiotics reduce the effectiveness of birth control and sperm can be all up in there alive for up for 5 days, don't risk it. TMI I'm sure, but maybe it'll help someone.
When I got to the hospital the nurse took my vitals, the doctor drew on me so that I would know where they should and would settle after any swelling/settling in the coming weeks. The lines were also for himself and he double checked them with this leveler which projected a laser to ensure symmetry. It was pretty cool and reassuring to see they marched up perfectly.
At this time I also got to take a Valium to chill and as a muscle relaxer. Then I waited about 20 minutes. During that time I saw my anesthesiologist and we went over a little check list.
When they brought me back I kinda hated it -.- when I have had surgery in the past, they put me on a gurney and I never saw the actual surgery room which was comforting to me. This time, however, I laid on the table and put both my arms out like rose from titanic :p one arm had a blood pressure cuff and the other was where they put my IV. This does not hurt one bit. They do a teeny tiny prick to numb where they put the IV so you don't even feel the big needle. There was no counting back, no anything. Last I remember we were discussing how nickel back sounds a lot like some other musician (bc pandora was playing) and then I woke up!
I woke up in a recovery room and they had gotten my boyfriend. My chest muscles were spasming which made my pain a 7-8. I didn't cry, but I felt close to. They gave me one pain pill which helped a little but it was still kind of awful. Bc I had a 30 minute drive and 3 flights of stairs when I got home, they didn't give me a second even though they do for most patients. They were worried I would fall asleep with two on the way home :p
They wheeled me out to the front in a wheelchair. I was like 80% coherent and remember everything. The drive home sucked, as I mentioned, but I did the 24 stairs like a champ. I wasn't especially tired. I had some saltines, water, and my other pain pill.
The exercise they told me to do was to row in my range of motion 4-5 times a day for 1-2 minutes. I did this as early as in the hospital. It hurts a little, but I can definitely feel of helping. I even sat up once on my very own today!
At first I couldn't sit up by myself, so I would text my bf in the other room if I needed anything lol. At first he was feeding me apple sauce, water, and we found to help me get up, he pushed on my back. Steady so that I didn't have to use my abs or arms. Then, I would scoot to the edge of the couch and use my legs to stand. This is easy for lifters; keep you back straight and use your legs. Toilet is the same way.
One downside I would say is that I have hardly slept, maybe I'm still just too excited :p
Please post any questions or comments below!
Lastly, and something I think is just ridiculous, is that my bf says he can't even really tell. I have included a picture of before (from this morning) and one taken a couple hours ago. What do you guys think?
Why is it itchy :p
Day two recovery: things I have noticed...
1. Waking up is the worst but you just need to get going. In my worst pain, I walked to the bathroom, gently brushed my teeth, leaned my head down to brush the hair I could, and washed my face with my regular face wash and a rag.
* I'm also taking spironolactone for my skin, and I was so worried about it getting worse. So far it has gotten better! Maybe it's the extra sleep and antibiotics.
2. It itches? Not my incisions or even my boobs, but my shoulder blades, neck, and upper chest. I suffered scratching and icing before my bf said one of the after care directions they gave him was to give me Benadryl when I itched. Luckily we had some on hand and about an hour later it's 50% better.
3. My ribs are sore? I'm going to do research on this after my post. They are like tender to the touch in some spots. Tomorrow is my first post-op and I plan to ask about it.
4. I got the ok to take two pain meds ecery 4-6 hours as needed. When I take one, I hardly notice a reduction in pain, but when I take two I feel as if I'm drunk. I can't text, keep my eyes open, etc. I'm in and out for a couple hours.
5. I'm kinda afraid to take my post op bra off. I lifted the left bottom to look at the scar, which looks good! Super thin, not red at all. When I went to lift up the other side I felt resistance as if the bra and my surgery tape were connected. I don't want to risk it, so I'll keep it in until tomorrow.
Today I gave myself a sponge bath so to speak with baby wipes bc, although I could shower, I'm not really feeling like it :p will give first post op details tomorrow :) for now, here's a day two clothed photo. The blue lines are where they will settle to.
The shower of hell... and all of the emotions
What I learned quickly is that yes, it hurts. "Morning boob" is a thing as it's a pain in the ass. I try and scooch back on the couch until I'm as upright as possible, angle my legs off the couch, and use a combination of leg and ab muscles to get up. You'll feel so much better after that immediate burst of pain . Do NOT just lay there in pain for fear of getting up. You can do it. It will sting but you'll be thankful.
After the act of getting up, I stand up and walk around a bit. Typically I pick up any pill containers I need opened and ask my sleeping boyfriend to give me the ones I ask for. I then write down which ones I take and go into the bathroom. Bathroom or not, that's where I do my exercises bc I can see myself in the mirror. Do rows like you're PS probably told you. Squeeze your back and hold it for a second and repeat the process. I try to go at least one minute, if not two. I then brush my teeth, brush my hair the best I can, and wash my face with a wash cloth. I put warm water on 1/4 of the cloth to moisten my face. Over the wet part, I squeeze a small amount of my face wash into the rag and rub together to create a small lather. I wipe this thin layer of lather on my face and rise out that cloth and lay out to dry. With an additional cloth, I get it wet with warm water and wipe off the residue and I use a towel to pat dry my face. I'm not sure if it's just my Spironolactone kicking in, but my skin does look great. I was expecting the worst after being bed ridden so long.
***Side note: have any of you ladies heard of Younique as a makeup brand? I invested 100$ in makeup today bc of an amazing vid I saw through a Facebook friend. Itncompletely erases acne scars for an air brushed look. It comes with a 90 day money back guarantee, so I don't mind the investment. I want to feel good and look good all over :)
I cried a lot today. This morning I was feeling on top of the world and I had my first post op. I wanted to take a shower. I went into my boyfriends room (I've been sleeping on the couch) and told him I needed him near bc I was going to shower. Through sleepy eyes he just suggested leaving the door open so he could hear me. I should have waited until he was awake. I got undressed and took s few first look snap shots of the rack. When I got into the shower, it felt good, but I was pretty useless for everything. I scrubbed my forearms and my abdomen and mostly just rinsed the rest. When I got out, I was so cold I was shivering. The muscle spasms were by far the hardest part. After several cries for help, literally cries, I went into the bedroom and said I needed him. He helped me get dressed again and then went back to bed. I was SO over sensitive. I wasn't crying from the pain as much as the embarrassment of needing help with my bra and even more upset bc he just went back to bed whe n I needed him to stay up with me and make sure I was ok. After crying hard for five or so minites, I felt fine.
The drive to the doctor sucked. I pray none of you are 30 minutes of stop a nd go, bumpy traffic away from your clinic. I wailed in the car until we got home.
Once home I relaxed. They gave me a bigger bra at my post op, made sure they were healing nicely, and we set up my 3'week apt. That was it. I forgot to ask about my rib sensitivty but he said any sensitivity was normal as my nerves are repairing themselves. They also told me that despite the pain, I can resume normal house hold chores and desk work. I think I'm being an absolute champ with all of this, but I don't see how people go all
The way back to work on day three. I feel like such a chunk going from a 38 band fonan40 band. I'm typically a 34.
Let me know your thoughts about the photos! Also, at my post op, they asked like ten times if I was happy with the size lol. Doc said ice was doing nothing sat this point and that I was maybe only at 5% swelling. Also, if you can see the blue lines, that's where they will settle to.
I've seem a lot of post op boobs ok this site, and I'm probably bias, but I think they look good :)
Any questions or comments are appreciated so I kmow someone other than myself is benefiting from the blog :p thanks!
Day Four: review
I have never felt so beautiful in my entire life. I think the antibiotics and hours of rest have even given my skin a sort of glow to it. I have struggled with my skin since I started Mireyna in January (and then off of it in June because I couldn't handle the hit to my self esteem ). I'm on spironolactone for my skin now on top of oral birth control. In 18 months I was too insecure to let my boyfriend see me without makeup, but now I dont feel like I need it (makeup).
I still feel like I'm drunk when I take two pain pills, but it really helps me to sleep and to heal. I'm still sleeping on the couch because I find it easier to get up from an angle. The muscle spasms cause the most pain, so I might try to wean myself off the pain meds by taking Valium and ibuprofen.
I am so blessed that my twin sister is coming to visit in one week! I live in Utah and see my family very infrequently. She is going to get all of the clothing I can no longer wear and also help me to to shop for new ones. My boyfriend has agreed to help me set up our guest bedroom for her and I think it will be a good project to get me moving.
My pain level is the worst when I am stiff for a while. I took my best shower today and how I did it was I kept one post surgery bra on and got my hair wet. My wonderful boyfriend lathered my hair with shampoo, then conditioner, then he washed my back and areas I couldn't reach, when finished, I rinsed off and was able to shave. I got out of the shower and dried off. I took off the soaked surgery bra and replaced it with the another I had been given. I found the lack of support was the reason behind the pain previously, and so I fixed that problem.
I'm getting tired and having a hard time typing my thoughts so I will try and add more tomorrow.
Please ask any questions you may have! Thank you.
Ha... so not a topic I am even remotely comfortable discussing, but to my large internet family, why not? I read horror stories about bloating and etc due to the pain medications, so I added a generic pill version of a stool softener to my morning antibiotics regimen. I never felt bloated. I never felt like a looked bloated. You can see my outline of a six pack in most photos, but today my body decided was the day. It wasn't painful, it wasn't an hour long endeavor, it was what it was and I'm glad to have that normal bodily function back into my life.
I slept in a real bed for the first time today. Had there been a fire I would have simply yelled man down!! It was hard to get up from resting that low. Once I did, though, and started walking around, I was fine.
I'm sick of my medication bc they make me tired. My boyfriend said I should just use them until they'll done bc why suffer if you don't have to, so I took two pain pills and really just slept away the afternoon. Don't get me wrong, the sleep is nice, but I miss my normal schedule.
I put on a tank top that required both hands above my head and I did this painfully. It was far too small... so I took it right back off, lol. You have no idea how excited I am for my sister to come take me shopping! I haven't been shopping since I worked in the mall in 2008 and I decided with 6000$ boobs that a 300$ clothing investment was appropriate.
I need to startgettng my guest room ready for her arrival.... without lifting more than 3 pounds at a time lol. I think I'll recruit my boyfriend tomorrow but he has earned a day off today.
I also have three meetings next week where I need to be modest but fashionable. Maybe I could do a little trip to Maurice's before Liz gets here
(It's the only store up the street,lol).
Like most women, I'm worried I went too small. When they were swollen I thought oh lord please get smaller... But I did get used to them lol. I wil blame the larger black sports bra that they gave me. I plan to get measured at a Victoria's Secret next week and wil let you know. My initial intention was full C... which developed into wanting to be a D, so we will see where I ended up. Bottom line. I realized I was beautiful before, I am beautiful after, and it is just nice to be pampered and do something for yourself.
As always, please ask any and all questions and I will try to respond as soon as I can. Thank you for your responses and questions! It made my offing feel worth while.
I should have just toughed it out
Night two in a normal bed, even though I have three large pillows to prop me up a bit. I slept from 12-2 like no ones business but woke up from probably the weight of my ice pack. You see... my PS thinks I'm crazy and that an ice pack will do nothing, but what I think it does is placate my muscle spasms as my nerves are healing (this reducing the amount of Valium I need) plus I just think it feels nice and cool. However, 2-3 hours in, an ice pack is just warm added weight and I believe it begins to hurt. I sat up in bed, which I am getting better at but it is still painful, and I stumbled into the kitchen. I sleepily weighed the pros and cons but not enough. I took a Valium and an icy and have guarenteed myself a beautiful nights sleep, however, as I type this, the words are getting blurry and I am beginning to feel unlike myself. I feel drunk. Not like the text-all-my-ex-boyfiends dunk, but the slur my words and feed-me-taco-bell kind. I'd rather just feel like me. I was determined to have a productive day tomorrow and I hope the effects of this choice don't bleed into the morning (I am a morning person). I spent today napping on and off bc of my medication, which sounds nice, but not when you have ambitions..
I apologize for the rant and for my moment of weakness -.- I look forward to a good nights sleep, but hope to feel like me in the morning.,
One week post op :)
Our bodies are wonderful things. So much goes on without our awareness. To those who returned to "desk work" after 3 days, I applaud you. Seven days in and I can sum up my day to day very briefly:
Step one: sleep 9-12 hours
Step two: agonize in bed for 15-45 minutes about how to get out of bed (I feel like a turtle stuck on its back)
Step three: experience great satisfaction at having gott pen up
Step four: consider nap as reward for your efforts, lol. Today I replaced nap with an updated blog post.
Your body is constantly fighting infection, healing, and adjusting. It's exhausting work. I have Lao discovered that surgery brain is a lot how I have heard people describe "pregnancy brain." I tell the same people the same stories over and over. I forget things from my keys to commonly used words. I can only hope that this brainpower is temporarily being diverted elsewhere, or I am going to look like a bumbling idiot in front of th 200 tenth graders I receive in three weeks.
Also. and this makes me so sad, I have begun to be over critical of my boyfriend. I cannot expect him to do every little thing for me, I know that it is unrealistic, but I have found myself for the first time in years, complaining about him to my girlfriends; who always take your side and now dislike him. But it's not fair and its not his fault. He is not a mind reader. This role of caregiver is not one that comes so easily as it does to me. I wish I could think of a way to make it up to him... But I will just try to be a better communicator going forward.
I start work again tomorrow on a reduced schedule. I'm excited because I love my job and it gives me energy. My twin sister is coming on Friday and I just hope we can get everything I want to planned into her short visit. A whole day of shopping is a must, I would love for her to meet all of my coworkers for adrink. I'd love to show her a little of the beauty of my state without OER exerting myself...still not sure how to do that. Im taking her to brunch in the mountains on a private gondola on Sunday. Maybe we could take a short walk after and that would suffice, I dont know. I'm. It used to playing host and I want her to have a good time.
I'm a list person... so I need to make a todo list, a to see list, a to clean list, and to purchase list. I'd better get on those.
Thank you for reading!
Ok, so I'm a week out at naturally at the notice-imperfections stage. I have comments and questions.
1. I think my right is larger than my left
2. I think my right is higher than my left
3. I am aware that they "settle" differently
1. Is it a huge, glaring, noticable difference?
2. Do you think it is possible they will even out when over time
3. Does it look bad?
Almost 4 weeks post-op :)
What I found so frustrating as I was doing my initial research were the lack of updates. I am going to try and keep up with this regularly :)
I had my three week post op last week and it went to be expected. I've had little things that I freaked out about and turned out to be absolutely nothing. At points I lifted more than 10lbs, I did a lot of over-the-head movement getting my classroom ready for the year, I went on a strenuous hike, I was worried the bra I had gotten was ok. In the end, I'm fine and on the road to being fully recovered.
My doctor always seems in a hurry. He's a busy guy and I understand, but he always seems like he's a little out of breath and has been rushing. Much to my disappointment, he was the first one to give the new girls a squeeze; my boyfriend is afraid of them still and afraid of hurting me. It's sweet, but annoying. I got these so we both could enjoy them!
I now got the OK to lift 20lbs as long as it wasn't for fitness (lame!) and also to do a light jog (as long as there's not a lot of bouncing) and I can do leg day! I'm trying to get my boyfriend's butt moving today so we can head back to the gym. Next paycheck I might buy more practical sports bra or two. I got some nice ones from VS, but I kinda think they weren't made for high impact.
I'm happy with my size and how I'm healing :) I got my steri strips off at my post op (it's like taking off a bandaged, no big deal). I can't even see my scars, but I can feel them. My doctor gave me a coupon for mederma and said to do it nightly for eight weeks.
I'll include a couple photos, too! Basically I just wish they were softer. The skin is tight and they are firm. He said that's a good thing, "they are filling and secure in the pocket" that he created during my surgery. I've read so many different things about massages and lotions, but he just says leave them alone and nature will take its course. He thinks so many doctors prescribe things and suggest things to make it as fast as possible, but that a good solid job is not fast. It's a healing process, not a race. I'm not complaining. I'm happy with my results and he was highly recommended in my state.
Please feel free to ask any questions!
Pics taken before my second post-op hike.
Settle and Fluff
Quick update :) not too much to report. However, in the beginning of week four is when my breasts started to settle. What was comical about this was that one happened before the other. The right one dropped first and, for about 36 hours, there was a significant difference in their height. I didn't panic and mostly just laughed about it. I was glad it didn't take too long for the left to follow. They are getting a little softer each day, still definitely on the firm side. I'm three days away from the 5 week mark.
I did go for a light jog yesterday and, to my dismay, realized I get tired very quickly. This is most likely due to a more sedentary life style. I just ran about a mile, biked a couple miles on a stationary bike, and did squats and lunges without weight. I have no soreness in my legs, but my chest is feeling a little tight, so I decided to not push myself today. I'm also finally sleeping bra less! Some of you may think I'm nuts, but it was just too painful not to sleep with a sports bra on for the first 3.5 weeks. I always sleep on my back. I've laid on my side a handful of times, mostly to get some cuddle time in, and it always leaves me stiff and uncomfortable after a short while. Is anyone else in a similar boat?
Thanks for reading!