Now or Never - Indianapolis, IN

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I just had my 50 birthday. I have always been self...

I just had my 50 birthday. I have always been self conscious of my breasts. I have considered breast augmentation for years but I have always talked myself out of it. Trying to convince myself that it was a silly waste of money and it didn't matter. I wear 34 A but the truth is its probably AA because I don't fill out the A. But with a padded A it looks a little better. So I think I look worse as I have gotten older. I was embarrassed at my age. I got it in my head that I was too old to care about this, after all I have lived with it this long. But recently I decided that I still have a lot of living left to do and I want to feel good about myself. If I think of not going through with it this time, it makes me sad. I know that if I keep putting it off I wont do it. After all, Im not going to have implants when Im in my 60. So I feel like it's now or never. And the more I research it and the more I talk to others about it the more excited I am. Before, it seemed like this unattainable thing, but currently I know 4 gals who have had it done and love it. So why not. The journey begins. Due to financial reasons, I probably wont schedule the surgery for some time. Maybe about 6 months. But, I have waited this long, right!!! I'm now in the process of looking for a good board cert. plastic surgeon. Easier said than done. My first consult was a huge disappointment. I went to a dr with very high reviews and I felt rushed and that he wasn't that interested in helping me :( I'm going to be picky! I have waited so long for this. I know that this time, I'm going to go through with it. I'm so excited at the thought of having nice breasts. I hate the way they look. I probably will not be able to post pics on here. The thought of it stresses me out! I'm so embarrassed of them. I have never wanted large breasts, just nice full round boobs. My breasts are barely more than a nipple. My husband of 13 yrs is so sweet about it. He knows how much it means to me, but he is worried that someone might think I'm doing it for him. This is not the case, although I'm sure it will help our relationship because it has certainly affected my self esteem. I wish I didn't care as much as I do. But, I want to feel good about myself. I have 2 adult daughters and much of their childhood I was a single mom. So I feel like it's my time is now.

Found a sugeon I like

I had another consult this week. It was so different from the first! The first was aweful! The one this week was with such a nice dr, He was all that I was hoping for. No need to look any further! What a relief I found my dr! Unfotunely I have to wait to get my finances in order, blah. Now I want to get on with it

This might actually happen!

I figured out the financial part of it, found a surgeon I like, set my appt for the preop mammogram, All goes well I think I can set a date in March. When I think about tis actually happening I'm nervous,excited and I keep thinking that its almost surreal.

So close!!

I have the financing now! Kinda makes me nervous because before it was just a "hope" now it can be a reality! I was thinking I want to talk to one more Dr just to be sure, But my plan is still March :) The Dr I last spike with wants to do an transaxillary incision and since then I have read that this type of approach increase the chance of double bubble and other complications so I'm not sold on the idea :(

anxious/ terrified!

I'm going to talk to another Dr in 2 weeks. Not feeling good about the last one, I hate waiting 2 wks though I just want to get on with it. I'm afraid I will change my mind AGAIN! But I suppose its good that the doc is that busy :) I'm very nervous about the surgery but Im sure we all are. I'm more nervous about the outcome. I am not in a position to "redo" anything. I want to get it right the first time!


In 2 days I'm going for my 3rd consult.3 rd times a charm I hope. my hubby surprised me by telling me he would go to the consult to meet the Dr. Honestly I'm not sure how I feel about this. he wasn't interested before because he didn't want Dr assuming he had anything to do with my decision. I'm not sure what changed his mind maybe when I told him that the last Dr told me his wife had implants :) Anyway, I'm thinking with him being present I might be. more nervous. The weird thing is after 15 years with this Guy I still don't like for him to see my breasts. weird I know. I'm excited about the possibilities of having nice breasts but still nervous about all the stuff I have to figure out to get there :)

3rd time is a charm :)

Went to 3rd consult today. I feel pretty good about the Dr. My hubby went in he was really impressed with her. She put my mind at ease about the possible complications. I feel so much better about it, hubby think 300 is
perfect. sizes
sizes. I wad worried that it would be too big b

Finally made some decisions

I have decided on the Dr, the size do now I just have to wait until I can take time off. I teach fitness classes so 2 weeks will be a must. It looks like I will have to wait until June. That's the earliest I could get away for that long. It is going to be very hard to wait. I'm getting pretty excited about it. The Dr completely put my mind at ease about complications too. I wad starting to chicken out! I know that there are risks. As a matter of fact, she has to lower my crease. so I'm aware that this will put me at risk for double bubble, but I decided that I can't not do this because of fear, everything has risks. And almost anything would be an improvement for me :)

June cant come soon enough.

I'm ready to get the hard part of this over with. (recovery) I decided on 300cc under and inframammary incision. I had originally thought I wanted to go with the arm pit approach, but after reading that this can result in implants riding high and its more of a risk for less desirable results. I want to go with the least amount of risk possible. Besides the dr prefers this approach. My last consult the dr agreed to that approach but he said "whatever I want" well, I don't know what I wanted.... Im not the surgeon. I think he was just trying to "make the sale", really I want their expert opinion. So after much consideration I think the crease is right for me. And I need to have my folds lowered so it only makes sense to have the IMF approach.

Set a date!

I set the date for surgery today! June 4! I finally pulled the trigger :) After I have spent countless hours researching a BA and worried about everything I could think of LOL This is the closest I have ever been to making this a reality. Now I'm nervous and worried about stuff that I thought I had the size going to be right or too big?, how long am I going to deal with pain, am I going to get a good result? well you get the idea :) But I'm not getting any younger :) I feel like I will regret it if I don't go through with it. I hope I don't chicken out!


pic "finally" Pretty pathetic I know I'm not gutsy enough to post topless. I'm just that embarrassed of them :(

I really need breasts!

I am beginning to realize that I need better breast in the worst way!!! Im completely obsessed with research and viewing pics. Today, I thought I would even be ok with a lot of the "before" pics! Sad, right? It wont be long now. Who knew that boobies could take over my life!!! lol.

All details worked out.

Its hard to believe soon Im going to have boobs! Hopefully that I can be proud of. My surgery date is June 4. My emotions are all over the place about this. One day Im excited and cant wait to get it over with, the next, Im getting anxious about the surgery. I suppose its normal to worry about the surgery and outcome. I just wish I could stay excited and stop worrying!

I must be crazy?

I don't know what my problem is lately....I have the date set, money in the bank hubby excited about the BA and I'm freaking out! I keep thinking of how I'm going to feel afterwards not I forever going to worry about possible complications or a failed implant? And am I going to like the way I look with boobs? CRAZY I know. Does anyone else go through this? OS this just cold feet? I'm starting to doubt if I should go through with it. Any suggestions?

So frustrating!

So went to the dentist today and come to find out I have to see a specialist for a root canal! Yuk. I have never had one before. But the kicker is. My ps told me if I have dental work, it has to be done 2 weeks prior to surgery. So Im hoping I can get this all worked out for my June 4 BA. I just got a letter from my ps yesterday with preop instructions and I was surprised to discover that the next time I will be seeing my dr. is just before surgery. I was expecting a preop appointment. When I inquired about this I was told if I wanted to I could come in and meet her, (if I requested it) And if there is any blood work that needs to be done it will be done on that day pre surgery. Is this odd? I told my husband and his thoughts were. What would be the point. Basically we covered a lot of ground in the initial consultation. If I think about it that way he's right. I also discovered that the surgery is going to take place in a Surgery Center. Should I be worried about this? Lots of stuff to think about. And my hubby thinks I "over think everything" That may be true but I have waited a long time for this, I want things to go well. Has anyone had their surgery in a ASC ( Ambulatory Surgery Center). I would love to hear your thoughts and how did you check the facilities credentials? Should I assume that their surgeons are board certified that he facility is safe?

Canceled my surgery appointment today!

I had hoped that I would have this dental work all wrapped up in order to keep my June4 surgery appt. Something I didn't realize that after a root canal I will have to have a crown placed on the tooth. Well, I know from past experience that this also takes time. So when all is said and done I wont be finished in time to be ready for the surgery. My dr said 2 weeks prior . I had an active infection in the tooth. So I don't want to take any chances. I will know more in two weeks after my second root canal appt. Ugh! I just want to get on with it!!!!

on hold and frustrated

Yesterday was a weird day for me. Yesterday was my supposed surgery date. I would have boobs right now if all went according to plan. I have had an ongoing issue with one of my teeth. I had a root canal and it has a resistant infection. the dentist that did the canal wants to see me in 3 months to check it. I don't know if they will have to do something else. My PS specifically wants 2 weeks after dental work before a BA. So here I am waiting...... I don't want to take any chances of developing CC so I'm trying to put this dental work as the top priority right now. I just don't know when its going to happen.Its interesting to me though that my hubby has insisted that he didn't care if I had it or not but lately. it seems he was hoping I would get it done sooner rather than later. He did tell me after my last consult that he understood why I wanted it. Should I be offended? LOL. And is it weird that the longer I put it off the more I wonder if I should give up on the idea. I suppose at some point I will get this all worked out :)

Another Birthday

So just had another Bday. Yeah they just keep coming :) I suppose that's good considering the alternative lol. So I'm going through the thoughts of " why should I care, getting old "51" now. But I remind myself that many women older than me have went for it. Never too old to care about looking good, right? This decision was made last year when I hit the big 50, and so many obstacles got in the way. I think Im resolving the dental issues that made me cancel my surgery. So now its looking like I may be able to set something up for August. So hopefully nothing gets in the way. When I consider surgery Im still very nervous about it. I suppose that's normal. Im actually more nervous about afterward. not so much the pain as the results, complications, will I like the way I look with boobs? hummmm. :)

Date is set again

So, I have my dental issues resolved. I go back to the specialist in August to recheck. Im praying that everything is ok and I don't need any more work done. Just in case I requested a date 4 weeks from then for my ba. My ps wants 2 weeks after any dental work before the surgery. So im playing it safe. I want to make sure I don't have anything to interfere with an awesome result. I also considered where I will be in my cycle. My periods are heavy so I didn't know if that would negatively affect anything? All this waiting is driving me crazy though. Im ready to get on with this!

getting stressed.

So Im wondering if I have too many issues to be going through this. The 8/17 I see the endodontist for a 90 day follow up on my root canal, Im praying that im infection free! So I have a new concern ....I had a infected bartholin cyst last month. I knew what it was, I have had several in the last 15 yrs. They usually drain in about 3-4 days. So it lead me to wonder if this would be an issue for my ba. I know that I can have the actual surgery with an active infection. but this things drains, Im fine for about 2 yrs then it will show up again. So when I set the new surgery date, the dr wants to meet with me about the dental issues, so Im def going to mention the occasional cyst. Today, I decide to make an apt with my gyn to possibly talk about some solutions for this. After google today, it seemed that there weren't many good options and recover is 4-6 ba is in 7 weeks!!!! So Im trying not to panic. Im just trying to wait and see what the drs say. Im scared my surgeon is going to deem me high risk and tell me I cant have the surgery. And maybe I shouldn't if possible these
cysts put me at risk of complications. So now what? I know Im jumping the gun....I should wait until I talk to the drs. Im going to be sooooo upset if I cant do this. Does anyone else deal with reoccurring bartholin cyst and did you have the ba anyway? I am getting really worried. I would love to hear from anyone who has been though similar ;)

good news! ( sorta)

So my follow up on my root canal was today. All looks good no infection! yay! So here is another set for sept17. I have no vaca time until Oct. hubby says heck with it just do it we have waited.....and waited..... That would be fine financially we can swing it but I doubt they are going to let me take off 2 weeks. ummm. As Im typing this Im thinking postpone AGAIN! And I have a meeting with the ps Thursday Just wish I was tired of waiting :(

Yet another delay

Dental work checked, done no infection! However, Cant take off 2 weeks from work for the Sept 17 surgery date. I called today to reschedule. I have more vaca time in late Oct. So I scheduled the surgery again (third times a charm),Set for October 28. Already put in for my vaca. So God willing that's the big day ! I'm hoping that I will be feeling pretty good by Thanksgiving :)

talked to ps yesterday.

I talked to my ps yesterday she wanted to make sure I got the all clear on dental issues. We talked about size again and I think I have decided not to go with the 300 because my crease would have to be lowered. And she said my scar would probably be visible, So I said I really wasn't interested in large breasts just a bit bigger than what I have but a better shape. So she said she is bringing in 3 different sizes. 250,275 and 300. Does this mean she is going to try these sizes in surgery? Im leaning more toward 275 im hoping I don't have to have the crease lowered for that size :)

Getting Real!

Today I got my preop instructions. Yikes! This is it, God willing October 28 it will be done. I am super nervous, excited to finally get it done and trying to get mentally prepared. I think I have decided on 275 silicone unders. The ps is going to bring in 3 sizes So nothing definite yet. So with my paperwork there is no mention of preop antibiotic. Should I expect that? Im hoping that darn tooth is all clear. The dds said it was but I figure some antibiotics wouldn't hurt right? Isnt it typical to have that prop? I drive myself crazy trying to think of all the details to have the best possible outcome :)

22 days!

It's almost time! I thought I should find the courage to post a before so anyone who's interested can see what I'm working with :( This is hard......I have spent years(since I had them). trying to hide them lol. But pics have been so helpful for me, I'm not sure what I will end up with. but I guess no one ever is :) Im considering 275cc silicone. I toyed with the idea of saline, but realized that would be a mistake due to so little breast tissue. So the dr is bringing 250,275 and 300. There going to be unders mentor moderate plus. 250 may not be much of a change and 300 too big. Just want a nice shape. And 300 she would have to lower the crease so that tells me they're too big. I would like to avoid crease lowering if I could because I know that it can increase double bubble risk. Way more than I intended to write. Very nervous. Thoughts?

No turning back now!

Today, I paid for the procedure! So now I'm committed. Good thing. I cant help but worry about something getting in the way to delay it. As Im typing this I'm thinking of course I'm reluctant to get excited I have had 3 surgery dates in the last year and a half! I have had all the dental issues, etc. So fingers crossed and prayers that this time its really going to happen!19 days! But who's counting?! LOL

16 days!!!!!!

I cant believe just a bit over 2 weeks. I find myself really worrying. Not about things that you would think. I think I went through all the concerns in my head for post op. I'm worried that something will delay my surgery. I know this is ridiculous. But like I mentioned before I have had to change dates 3 times! I want to go through with it as planned. So..... I just got to get through16 days with no problems!! I can do this :) My hubby tells me that my reaction to being nervous/stressed is I worry.

finalizing the plans

Talked to the ps office this morning. The coordinator even made my post op appt. Post op?!!!Its a week after the ba. This is getting REAL! 15 days! MY reaction surprised me I thought I would be freaking out and a bundle of nerves. Well yes I am nervous, but I felt a sense of relief, and excitement.....finally. I really hate my boobs. I'm ready to say goodbye to my underdeveloped body and feel like a grown up :) On the down side. I'm really struggling this week due to the no ibuprofen pre surgery. Got my period this week. I have really bad cramps, so typically ibuprofen is my best friend. Tylenol just isn't as effective. Anyway, I know I HAVE to deal with it. Bright side to that is I wont have to worry about having it on ba day :) I find that the closer I get to ba day the more I want to update on here. I'm trying to enjoy the journey and this forum is a safe place to do that :) I appreciate all that share on here. I know I wouldn't have had the courage to keep moving forward without this! So helpful.

So close.

About 11 days. I still go back and forth between "am I really going to do this" and excited about it. Maybe this is just nerves and normal. I don't think it helps my nerves to not be sure of what size I'm getting. I know I'm going to get either 250 or 275 cc mentor moderate plus. Maybe it doesn't make that much difference. I know I don't want to be big. I would prefer to be a little too small than too big, so I nixed the idea of 300.Im pretty sure that would be too big for my taste. I felt huge when I tried the 300 sizers on. I have forced myself to stop researching complications, ect. I decided I have already done the homework on that, for the last year and a half!!!!). Now all it is doing is freaking me out. So I'm trying to stay positive and look forward to this! So feel free to tell me how much you LOVE your new and improved bod!!!!!!!


So getting so close! My emotions are still all over the place! I'm sure its just cold feet. As a matter of fact, last night I was thinking...."Do I even want this?" OMG what the heck is my problem!!!!! I have wanted better boobs for most of my life. My hubs says " Why would you not want to do something that will make you look better"? Good question......I suppose ( I hope) these feelings are normal? This is major right? I'm afraid I'm not going to like the result. I'm wrestling with 250cc or 275cc. My hubs says 275.I don't want to be too big though. I teach fitness classes and run. So I've been thinking 250. My concern with 250 is will it give me a full round result? And since most women wished they had gone bigger will I feel that way? Although, I never wanted to be big just full nice shaped boobs. So that's where I'm at right now. My ps is bringing in both sizes. So I suppose its going to be her call anyway :)

So Close!

1 day! I have already started prepping. House cleaned. I think I have all the supplies/groceries that I need. My ps prescribes a mouth rinse to be started 2 days before surgery and continue 2 weeks after. I started that this morning. Tomorrow I use the hibiclense and start the fast at midnight, I won't lie, I'm freaking out a little. I am thinking this is going to be painful afterwards. Weird I haven't given much thought to the pain. All my obsessive worries were things like size, complications, etc. Tonight Im thinking this is going to HURT! The pain wont last too long though. And I'm sure its manageable, right? Yikes!


Day one. Yesterday was a surprise for me. was not nervous but ready to put it behind me. My dr is wonderful today no bruising. BUT very sore and tolerable, really the only thing that came as asurprise was I don't remember going out. It happened so fast. Im in the OR and the next thing I know Im in recovery. weird. My hubbby said I was in for @ hours. MY dr said she got 6 ppl opinioms we talked about different sized pre op. I told her I didn't want 300 I felt like that would be too big . Because I have asymestery she wanted to use 2 different sizes, as opposed to lowering the crease. I didn't like the idea of lowering the crease because that puts me at risk for double bubble/bottoming out. So she went with 250 and 275 cc, IIm worried about this I don't look very different I wish I would have stuck with 275.......I know its early but Im afraid this isn't going to make much of a difference, Is it ossible I have Boob greed already? I keep reminding myself that the goal was never to be large but a nice shape and to fill out what I have, IS anyway really happy with their 250? I would love to hear from you im worried I went through all this for not much change, I think the idea of ppl noticing got the better of me :( Pain wise totally manageable, today my ribs are very sore but. My hubs has been great, would I do it all over again YES. WHO loves their small implants? when its all said and done Im worried that after the swelling goes down Im going to be left with nothing much than I started with? HELP! I"M kicking myself for not going with the 275 both sides. :( IM hardly swolled and NO bruising :)

Good and Bad

It's been 3 days. I know its too early but the good I feel like the recovery isn't near as hard as I was expecting the only time I struggle is when I'm trying to get up from a lying down position. Hubs has been a huge help. The bad..... I think I got nervous about size we didn't confirm until just before surgery, I went with the safe conservative approach but it was her idea to use two different sizes because of my asymestery. Well I have always hated the shape of my breasts yes they were small but also had a pointy quality to them ( not tuberous). But now that hasn't changed. they look the same (still pointy nipple) I really wanted full round perky boobs. Is it too early? I'm very sad. I'm already wondering if i'm going to get a revision :(. I'm not happy with what they look like. I will probably end up being a b cup. Which would be better than a double a which is what I started with. But all this time/recovery and money and I'm still not happy? Help! Any advice I would love to hear :)

IN a much better place now !

WoW. I don't know what came over me post op. Everything went great. For some reason MY hubby's comment "well you don't have to worry about anyone noticing". Freaked me out! I thought he was maybe disappointed. Weird because when I started this journey I had to convince him I DID NOT want large boobs just nice boobs. Mabbe my Hubs got boob greed!!! LOL I Had to remind myself what my goal was.....nice conservative, perky boobs. And I thought how iingrateful am I my surgeon spent 2 hrs. in ORon a procedure that should have taken 1 hour. and very little discomfort, I think my recovery is going better than I would have expected!!!!. So I need to focus on the positive! I lost it for a moment!. Let me say that this site has proven invaluable to me!!!!! you gals are amazing. I wouldn't have had the courage to go through with this without all the encouragement and to realize were never too old to want to look our best!!! Thank you. IM still off work. I feel good but certain cant even think about teaching a strength training class right now :( So since pics have been a huge help to me, thought I would share. I spoke too soon about the no bruising... it showed up yesterday. NOt painful but this post op bra is driving me crazy. IT hits right where my incision and the bruises are :(

spoke too soon. bruising

So a bit of bruising. Still, I can deal with that. I thought I would share my lovely post op bra pic too. I bagged up all of my 34A?34AA today. Going to donate to the needy OH HAPPY DAY! I STILL HAVE A BAG FULL OF BRA INSERTS< LOLI cant wait till I can to go bra shopping!!! I'm guessing I will be a B cup and that's ok with me. Its still seem surreal to me. I have been wearing the same size bra since I was 13. no joke1 NOw I get to shop in the big girls dept! yay!!!!!!!!

! week follow up:)

Went to my 1 week follow up today. Had to have a couple of stitches out no biggie. Hubs went in with me Can I say that this is so worth it when he looks at me .......I can see that he "approves" of the upgrades:) sorry if that's tmi :) They are pleased a
how I healing. very little bruising. I was forbidden to workout AT ALL! She said even no walking!. With the exception of daily activities of course. She wants me to keep my heart rate under 100bm. And no scar cream. ummmm. MY hubs tells me he believes I got just what When IM dressed. no one will realize that I did anything, But undressed. Just enough:) I told him if I ever needed a revision I would probably go slightly bigger..... I ask dr if this was the size IM probably gonna end up with and because not so much swelling. it prob is. Im ok with that.I certainly don't want to be smaller. Wow didn't take long for boob greed to set in, right? LOL Happy healing all.

forcing myself to take it easy! ( while I can)

Last Friday I got cabin fever so bad I drove about 40 min round trip. I debated about turning around and going home. I really should have. The turns were difficult and caused some discomfort, and the next day I was pretty sore! Up until then I feel like I'm recovering well. Now I feel like my little drive set me back! I'm still sore! I decided I'm going to be very lazy and keep my arms down the next few days. I go back to work next Thurs. That's not really worrying me but Friday is another story I teach fitness classes. Friday I have 2!! I don't know if Im ready for that. Geez the drive to work might do me in LOL!. Hubs tells me I should just instruct and not try to do the workout. I think that's reasonable. I know Im not going to be ready to workout. The dr told me to keep my heart rate under 100 for the first 2 weeks. Sit's going to be tricky. I didn't tell anyone at work about the ba. So I will see if I can pull this off without arousing too much suspensions ;) In terms of noticing my size I seriously doubt that anyone will. I have been padding up over the last year in prep, I'm hoping to get some pics up soon. I'm beginning to love them:) Yesterday Hubs said........."Your boobs look good today" LOL I hope that's not tmi :) I wanted to share because girls I have NEVER heard that statement before lol .As I get used to my new bod. At first it seemed unreal but I think already I'm starting to take ownership of them. I feel like the size suits me :) I hope all is well with everyone. Happy healing :)

17 days.

So I ended up with a terrible cold. Called in to work Thursday and Friday. Blessing in disguise perhaps? So didn't deal with the class. That comes Monday. But I'm sure that I'm only going to instruct. I couldn't do much more if I wanted to! I tried a few stretches and walked yesterday. I am shocked at how much endurance and strength I have lost. I guess that's to be expected. Pain wise, not been an issue for several days, with the exception of my sinus headache :( Mobility in upperbody is definitely improving. I'm just now able to lift my arms without any discomfort. I have had to use button up and zip front tops for the past 2 1/2weeks.It will be nice to wear what I want. I slept in my bed for the first time last night, since the surgery! It was great! My bed sits high. I'm 5'1 sooo I have always had to use my arms to get in. My hubs madet me a stool :) It still would be difficult to get out of (which I discovered quickly), unless I'm propped up in my 45 degree angle. It's nice to get back to normal stuff. So my only issue now is I have noticed I'm losing a lot of the swelling and. I'm worried that I'm going to end up being too small. Yes I didn't want large breasts. I decided before the surgery that I would rather be a bit too small than too large. However, I like them where there at now. I don't want them to get smaller. I'm fitting into a b cup. I'm starting to freak out. I am not going to shrink down to a size A after all this am I? Hubs says I'm worrying for nothing. He says that haven't gotten smaller there just starting to drop. I have noticed this as well. But seriously how much size can I expect to lose? thoughts? I know I really need some updated pics. sorry.

Harder than expected!

Yesterday was my first day back to work. It was much tougher than I anticipated. I'm thinking my ps said 2 weeks total rest and little movement. I did my classes. I told them about my "pulled muscle" so I couldn't do the work out .All were fine with it but I thought I may be ok with extremely light weights and some of the ab work. NOPE. Afterwards, I ached in my chest, abs, ribs. Originally my ps said under 10 lbs after 2 weeks. I used much less than that just to demonstrate. Well I have classes Wed and Friday as well. I'm not going to do ANYTHING! I have determined that I'm not ready! I spent all evening propped up on the couch. I know that my inactivity for over 2 weeks is contributing to making this difficult. But, I really think I need to slow it down .I have waited too long for this, so if that means taking it easy for a bit longer that's what, I need to do. Honestly bouncing back from this surgery is much harder than I expected! It took me 2 1/2 weeks until I could comfortably, put on a shirt without front closures. The pain immediately after was what I expected but, Full recovery takes much longer than they tell you! some how in my head I was thinking 2 weeks, back to my life. So not the case! I don't dare get on the scale! Too much comfort food and too little activity. Sorry if this seems like a vent. I suppose it is. I'm surprised that "bouncing back" is going to take longer than I expected. Thanks for reading :)

3 weeks!

Today marks 3 weeks post op! So the main thing that I'm dealing with at this point is EXTREME sensitivity. my entire breasts nips and the skin almost feels like its been sunburned. Very sensitive to touch. From what I understand this is not uncommon. Back to work this week, its been rough. Monday I tried to do too much and I was achy in my ribs, abs, and chest. I couldn't wait to get home and prop myself on the couch. Since then I have resolved to do as little as I can get away with at work :) Pushing too much is Just not worth it! I'm looking forward to seeing what my final result is going to be. I have noticed that my left side seems like its dropping. This makes sense because its the smaller of the 2. I was thinking the swelling was mostly gone until Monday when I was so achy, I thought they looked like a bit swollen. I'm posting a pic tonight. I decided I need to do this to keep track for myself. I felt like the left looks pretty small. My hubs says it starting to look like "a real boob"LOL My incisions are still kinda scaby but scabs are almost gone. I think in this pic they look smaller to me than they actual are. Angle, lighting. I'm not sure. I am having a lot of trouble practicing patience. I know I need to wait and see. I keep reminding myself that no matter what they end up like, it will be better than what I started with :)

4 weeks!

OMG, just wrote a long review and lost it!!!!! Well, lets see the highlights are this.......appearance wise, I'm not sure, there have been a lot of changes. my right is still sitting higher. but I know this is common. so trying to be patient. my incision is finally losing its scabs. I have noticed they seem softer. My ps, did not recommend scar cream or massage. I don't see her for another 2 weeks, I'm going to ask her about the massage. Seems all ps have different routines. I'm wearing a sports bra 24/7 for 6 weeks.I tried on a 34C yesterday and it fit!!!! I couldn't believe it. That's 3 sizes up. I know I'm early in the recovery and it could change a lot. But it doesn't seem that I have a lot of swelling at this point. I'm still uncomfortable and chest feels tight. Driving is not comfortable yet. manageable but every turn I feel my pecs flex. But the day to day activities are getting easier. I'm still severely modifying my classes. My plan is to have my supposed " pulled muscle" for 2 more weeks. From what I understand that is the point when most ps release to workout. So it's not without challenges, but, every time I look at my new boobies I think its worth it!!!!! I decided, if I ended up a large B and have nice perky boobs, I will be happy. I'm resisting buying bras, because I know my size will change. It's hard. I 'm still struggling with the whole patience thing!!!!

5 weeks one day :)!

Really not much has changed. Which is surprising to me. I still have trouble sleeping. I wake with my chest aching. My guess is I'm trying to roll on my side, maybe? I still notice tightness and I'm careful not to do anything that involves the pecs, very strange sensation. I know I sound pretty negative, I suppose I was just hoping I would be further along by this point. They are still not softer. AND, I have a odd shape to my right breast, my larger implant. It has always seemed like the implant is sitting in the crease. I was hoping that it had something to do with swelling, but, it al most seems like the implant is too big. I'm not sure what to make of it. I started to get VERY upset about it, but. I have an apt to see the ps in a week so. I'm trying not to worry about it until I see what she has to say. After the long journey I'm hoping and praying that its something that is going to resolve itself. AND my hubby reminds me that, they weren't "perfect" before and they are better now. I couldn't agree more. If they stayed just like they are it would be a huge improvement!So I'm still better off than when I started. I'm just hoping to avoid any issues or complications. So I'm trying to relax about it, easier said than done. After much research I cant even guess what the issue is :( I had to stop researching because it was stressing me out too much :(

6 week update

Hard to believe it's been 6 weeks. I hate to admit that it continues to be a rollercoaster of emotions. I thought by this time, I would be enjoying my new boobs and not giving them much thought. At this point , I'm concerned about my right (275cc), it is oddly shaped and has been since day one. I originally thought that it was just swelling so I would give it time. I still think its odd looking. I'm wondering if its the start of a double bubble ( one of my biggest fears going into this) or implant malposition. Seems like, I can feel the implant a little too well in the lower pole. So I'm trying not to drive myself crazy. I see the ps next week. I thought about trying to move the appointment up , but it hasn't gotten worse. So I don't think waiting will make much of a difference. On a positive note, Im still 34 C. This is a surprise to me, my implants are relatively small. So as a stated before........."They are better than what I started with". I decided that I don't need/expect them to be perfect,after all they weren't perfect before. I was just hoping for an improvement. Happy healing all and thanks for reading :)

6 week post op appt

Dr seems to think that I'm overanalyzing, when I brought up my odd shape on the right. She seems to think its fine nothing to worry about "looks good" I ask her if she thought in time it would smooth out. she really couldn't tell me. She said it could be some post op edema lingering. And I'm still not softening up much which could be due to I have Tight skin on my breasts and not much of it :) tight skin..... at 51 that's a surprise! LOL. I don't go back for another year! I'm ok to wear any bra I want, except underwire. And I have no restrictions on my workouts!!!! Yay! I have a lot of work to do......I'm getting pretty soft:(But I feel like I finally don't have to be so careful with them and can get back to normal and stop worrying about something going wrong.

9 weeks, ummm

Here I am at 9 weeks. I didn't post a pic because honestly, I'm not sure they have changed much. I still have no lower pole fullness, I think its a weird shape. I wouldn't call it a double bubble. It almost looks like my pec muscles wont relax. I don't know just a guess, because when I ask my ps, she wouldn't even acknowledge the shape was odd.She eventually said I didn't have much skin to start and my natural breast is sitting on top of the implant, ( isn't this a doublebubble?) When I asked if it would correct itself in time. The response I got was "maybe, maybe not" I don't love the results. I would say that I "like" them better. I really wanted to LOVE them. I still haven't given up hope that I will eventually. As I have said before they are better. They are starting to feel a bit softer, still not "squishy". So that makes me think that I'm not at my final result. However, I have noticed that they seem a bit smaller lately. On the bright side, I am starting to feel like my old achy chest, sleeping good, etc. Thanks for reading :)

11 weeks bittersweet

Almost 3 months. ! 1week and I will be at 12 weeks. I'm not sure how I feel about my results at this point. I'm still pretty firm, I have just now noticed that the larger implant on the right seems to be a bit softer. I'm starting to think I may not get a natural result. I'm very round. which is ok. My lower pole looks exactly the same as it did early on. I believe my old crease is persisting. I think that's what is causing an odd shape. I still keep hoping that the implant will stretch the skin there and it will work out. My ps is quite hands off regarding follow up. Although her office manager is awesome. I emailed her and asked how to ask the ps a question. she said I could ask her and she would find out. which is wonderful of her to be so helpful but I cant help but feel that the dr wants it this way, so she doesn't have to be bothered. My question was did she think massage would help my lower pole ( no dropping and fluffing, happening). The response was the dr does not recommend massage unless the implant is subglandular. I thought that was odd..... this site is full of dr who recommend massage. So to massage or not? At 3 months its probably too late to make any difference. Although I know some ps recommend it indefinitely. So I'm not sure, what I think of it.. One nipple is slightly pointing down, but honestly I think there was some slack preop. So... I'm not loving them yet and kind of upset that I don't. I'm trying to remain positive and give it ANOTHER 3 months to decide what I think of it. MY title is "bittersweet" Well the "sweet" part. Is.... tried on bras this week at Victoria secret, drumroll please.............32D! What! I was hoping I would end up with a b but a D, ok that's awesome! I never dreamed I would wear that size, I know VS has vanity sizes but. I would never buy anything there in the past, because what was the point ? right? Pretty big jump from swimming in my A cup. So I love filling out a bra, I'm just hoping that everything settles and they look good when its all said and done :)

12 weeks

Picture day :) as you can see not too much has changed. Lets see.... I'm in a c cup or D in Victoria Secret :) That's quite the surprise. I'm still waiting for the infamous drop and fluff. I have to say I don't think its going to happen. I think they have dropped only slightly, lower pole could still improve. But I decided if they don't I'm ok with that. I kind of wanted round perky boobs. I know they look less natural, but the only one who is going to see them knows they're not natural :) But I am not crazy about the size difference I had 2 different size implants to balance me, my right breasts was sitting higher and it was smaller initially. I 'm hoping it balances out in the end. I think my profile leaves a lot to be desired, The smaller implant looks a bit flat :( From what I have read... I should hold off on the final verdict for 6 months post op. So I wait some more :( I know it seems like I"M waiting for perfection. I suppose I am, I have had to come to terms that and realize I was less than ideal to start and "better" is good enough. I don't want to get caught up in the pursuit for the "perfect" boobs. I should just be thankful for no complications and a decent outcome :)Thanks for reading

3 months

safe place to log my journey

I love this site. 'm not comfortable with my boob pics, just sitting on my phone or computer. So I feel like the ones I post here are safe. I really need pics to look back on and watch my progress or lack of it :( Tonight I'm posting more. These pics blow my mind. I think the front view, I look so big and round! It usually looks like this toward the end of the day. It would be a stretch to consider that I still swell, wouldn't it? I like the way this looks but I don't think they look like this all the time. I know that sounds crazy :( I'm not sure what to make of it :) thoughts?

I cant believe this journey has taken me to a "deadend"

As stated in my previous post, I feel like I have an odd shape to my lower pole. I decided since my ps seems unconcerned I would post a question on here to get the opinion of our wonderful dr on RS :) I was afraid of what the answer would be! It could be dubble bubble (one of my big fears going into this).or implant malposition.... great, either way it will probably require revision. Well 2 major issues with that: 1. My dr I have a feeling its going to take a lot of convincing her. 2. MONEY. I cant afford another surgery. and....... I don't want another surgery!!!!! I still don't feel like my self as it is. I cant believe this would turn out so bad after I have waited so long and spent so much money. I am so discouraged! I'm not sure this was worth it to me. I haven't told my husband yet what I'm thinking. He will want me to let it be I think. I may just do that It turns out I just traded weird small boobs for a set of weird larger ones. I have tried throughout this experience, but the truth is I probably should have learned to live with my "inperfections" As always thanks for reading.

6 months post op

I just lost a long updated! Grrrr. Maybe that's not such a bad thing :) Well lets see I tried to wait until the 6 month mark to post. Not a lot has changed appearance wise. I think except I was concerned about the shape for awhile. I think I was flirting with the dreaded double bubble but I think its straightened out. I'm not crazy about the smaller implant "250" on the left, looks smaller. I believe the ps rational was to even out my asymestry (even nipples?) because I didn't notice it before, She said my right side was smaller and now my left side is smaller, how is that better? Emotionally I have went through a lot of changes. I went through boob greed, for sure. Because for all the time and money I don't know if it has made that much difference. But then I remind myself of what my original goal was, modest increase perky boobs. I think for what I had to work with I probably got the best possible outcome. I am very round ( no fluffing) here. The ps tells me I had very little skin in the lower pole so I'm sure that that is the reason why. I think they look pretty fake, but the only people who are going to see them knows they're fake :) So no biggy. So I cant help but wonder if I should have went bigger. My ps had to lower my crease for 250/275, so I'm sure the crease would have had to be even lower. Not sure I would have liked that, now, I feel like they sit a bit low anyway .My hubs says I'm boob obsessed. I can't disagree. Perhaps I'm looking/wanting perfection? I try to remind myself that they're better than they were, and its ok if they aren't perfect. But sure is a lot of money not to get perfect! ha! On a good note, I'm thankful for no complications and a relatively uneventful recovery. It's taking some time to get back to my old self though. My workouts have suffered. but I am more comfortable now but anything that flexes my pecs still feels odd. Not bad but strange. So I can wear #32d in VS 34c most other bras. This surprises me. I was so thrilled I was out of the A dept, that I bought a ton of bras! Now Im Not sure that was a good idea, because I noticed lately that the 32D VS seem slightly loose in the cups...... Sure hope I'm not going to get smaller! I waited 6 weeks to buy bras. So I suppose if I land on a C cup that's pretty good :) I have thought about maybe a revision down the road but I hate the thought of going down the recovery road again! And the money! So I figure nothing lasts forever, who knows maybe I will need a revision at some point, I can live with my results now :) Thank you for reading! :)

1 year post op

so here I am 1 year later. I waiting to see my dr soon for 1 yr follow up. this has been a tough journey for me. I had such a long wait and struggled with the decision to have the surgery. I realized that I may have had many risk factors associated with the double bubble deformity But, I took the risk, because I hated the fact that I didn't full out a 32a. I regret to report that I now see a double bubble on both breasts. granted it's not sever but, I can see my natural breast sitting on top of the implants. u am trying to decide if I can live with it or do I want to explore options to fix it and Am I willing to put my life on hold again for the recovery, and risk god forbid it might be worse! I'm do tired of worring about my boobs! I didn't post pics because, I didn't want to share my disappointment but, I think this site needs to be "real" Not every ba gets us the boobs of our dreams:(

1 year post op appointment

Went to my 1 year post op appointment this week. it has actually been 1 year 1 month. So I asked about the slight double bubble. She acknowledged it and said that its a risk with someone who has my anatomy. The only way to avoid it would be to use smaller implants and any smaller it wouldn't have been worth the trouble. I asked if ( in the future) if I exchanged Them for bigger implants would it stretch /smooth them out. She doesn't recommend that, it could make the problem worse. So I do not want another surgery any time in the near future, so its so slight that, I'm not going to do anything right now or maybe never. She seems to think that my implants will last my lifetime :) So I feel back to normal and flat chested is a vague memory :)This experience has been a rollercoaster of emotions for sure, am I glad I did it... YEP
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