I initially wanted a BA before kids- I'm naturally...
I initially wanted a BA before kids- I'm naturally small. I waited till after kids and still wanted the procedure done but I wanted to wait until I was over my self-loathing; I wanted to accept myself and not care what other people at the nude beach thought.
Two years ago I came to that point. I scheduled three consults, but didn't act. I did a 180 and decided I liked my boobs as-is, no surgery.
I am back to considering a BA (we will have to put off buying a house for a few MORE years...). I am happy with myself, I have figured out what I'd like to achieve with a BA-
1) I would like my breasts full enough to support my nipples. As it is now they fold in/over when covered by bra or bikini.
2) I would like to fix the empty baggie look when I bend over.
My husband found Dr. Pousti through RealSelf and the consult is scheduled.
I scoured tumblr for some images that will help give my PS direction while I'm on the slab. Most of them are a little larger than I'm hoping for but I'm hoping they are all similar enough in shape and volume and rise and elevation.
Pre-op scheduled for third week of July
I've been so busy gathering guidance photos for my PS. I know I don't want upper fullness, roundness, gravity defiers, or high profile. Do I want boobs at all? Haha. Sometimes I do stop and think, what am I spending our money on? I've been able to answer that doubt confidently- It's a restorative surgery and I'm ready.
I've also collected a few "please don't let me wake up looking like this" photos.
My pre-op with Vanessa and Dr. Pousti was yesterday.
I spent the month between my consult and the pre-op filling out the pre-op paperwork, worrying, changing my mind and changing it back, and going through tumblr accounts. I took screen shots of all the breasts that looked like an enhanced version of my own. I sifted through them with my husband over the weeks then had them printed. I arranged them on foam board with a couple examples of what I did not like or want to look like with simple descriptions (top-fullness, round, cleavage), and a few examples of the MAX size I would be comfortable with and a summary of what I hoped for from the BA (I want my breasts enhanced not changed, I want to maintain my level of activity and not be slowed down or encumbered by my breast change, I want to continue to be able to go bra-less without stressing about gravities effects on them).
At the pre-op I took the pee-strip pregnancy test, Vanessa went over my paperwork, verified information, gave me my surgery time, prescription orders... Then detailed what to expect the day of my surgery- who I'd meet with, when, where, what to wear/not wear (button or zip up top, no metal in/on the skin), what to bring (small amount of water, drugs, crackers). She also detailed what to expect for recovery- T-rex arms, leave surgical bra on and alone for four weeks, no wetness around the incisions (baby wipe baths), sleep and sit elevated, ice packs, no driving, no lifting, etc.
I tried on the largest sizers, 350 cc for me, again under some clothing to try to estimate how much I'd have to invest in a new wardrobe- a fitted blouse, a running top, a strapless sundress, a white tight T. I don't think I'll have to replace much if anything at all; I guess that's good. Haha.
I showed her my 'Dream Board'. She said it is exactly what they hope for.
Dr. Pousti came in asked me if I was nervous or excited- both. Looked my boobs over again, looked at my board and said he was confident he could easily achieve what I was hoping for, asked if I had any questions, we spoke for a little while, then he left.
My operation is in the first week in August. The most difficult part of this journey so far has been being ok with spending the money. I have worked so hard at conquering my self-consciousness/loathing, and am so accepting of my body now that spending $6200 for a tiny bit of gel so my nipples don't sink and my skin doesn't have the milk-sag seems like a waste. But then I also know I will be happy to not have the sunken, folded nipples or the milk-sag so it's a toss up. In a toss-up shouldn't saving money win? Sigh. It didn't win this time. I hope I'll be ok with that.
one week left
I'm down to 7 days and I'm battling slight anxiety. I bought snacks for the kiddos and myself- nut clusters, fruit strips, plain pop corn, frozen fruits for smoothies, almond milk, etc. I'm starting some chicken stock tonight. I'll pick up my meds on Thursday along with the Hibicleanse. This weekend I will put together a menu and last minute food prep for my husband. Then it's the waiting game and getting my last few sets of laps in at the pool for the next month or so.
Tomorrow AM is go-time
Im chugging liquids for another 2 hours before my cut-off time. The hide-a-bed is set up with extra padding, tons of pillows, a make-shift bed tray, a shelf for my meds.
I'm super nervous that I'm going to wake up with huge knockers and just want to die. I don't want to be sad about my breasts. I'm not anxious about any other part of the surgery tho so that's nice. It's a fear of the unknown and that will be over with soon enough.
Done and done!
wow. This update is going to take me all day. Keeping my eyes open makes me a little nauseous and I did not sleep well last night.
Day of: prep nurse was good. Due to dehydration and coldness and nerves my blood vessels had disappeared. She worked some magic and got the IV drip working well enough but it was uncomfortable. I was doing pretty good at keeping my nerves under control but after the IV and being cold I started to tremble all over.
Two of Dr Pousti's nurses came in to go over my desired outcome ask me if I had rashes, latex allergies, etc. the anesthesiologist came in, detailed how everything would feel (painful cold through the IV) then lights out. Then Dr Pousti came in. At that point all anxiousness was gone. I was nearly euphoric. He reiterated his interpretation of my goal end-product, looked over my photo board in detail and the I was escorted to the OR. It was cold.
The staff surrounded the bed everyone was happy and calm. They rubbed my hands and feet, I felt the painful cold ended my hand, the room went hazy and I tried saying 'adios' and I was out.
I woke up groggy and tight chested but the anesthesia was still at work. I dozed during discharge the was wheeled to the car.
I've kept the pill schedule strictly. I ate only pop corn at first to test my stomach then added an apple pineapple smoothie before and after my Percocet and Valium. And lots of water.
i was not prepared for the discomfort that was last night. Sleeping was fine but getting out of bed to pee made me whimper. I wasn't even using my upper body- as far as I could help it. I finally had to tell my husband he just has to pick me up out of bed because my abs weren't cutting it. I also had him add more pillows behind me so I was more upright.
My butt is also sore, reclining at more than 90 and less that 140 just makes my derrière ache.
This morning I've been walking around a little so that's been nice. Also sleeping. And I'm going to go pass out now. :)
You say drink, i say vomit! You say eat, i say vomit! You say pills, I say vomit! Story of my last few days. Long miserable days. Listen, I followed my pill schedule to a T and took the perc with food and the Valium with food. I drank plenty. I had my bone broth, dried fruits, nuts, even popcorn for when I needed something lighter. On top of that I had a killer headache.
Colace wasn't helping the bowels either. I couldn't keep my eyes open because it made me nauseous.
My breasts however felt great. Lol. The rest of me was dying those boobs were just fine. They had just the slightest tightness across the top but the surgical bra and band is holding everything in place even through my most violent of barfing episodes.
Day three was my follow up. I was super groggy because the appointment fell right on my Perc schedule. I was holding back vomit the whole time too so I was irritable. They told me I needed to drink more water and eat more. My husband gave me a bit of an 'told you so' look and I lost it. As much as a doped up nauseous person can (basically whining) that I was doing all that. Sob They said I could switch to Tylenol if I really wanted to and that was all i needed to hear. Freedom!!! They also said I could take one laxative since I felt that the blockage was adding to my inability to keep food and drink down.
So day four and I'm Perc-free and eating and drinking just fine.
I was left alone today while the family was at morning Devine service and I really wanted chocolate milk. Two more days of t-Rex arms. ????
My back and shoulders mildly ache. Other than that I'm very comfortable.
Infinally took the surgical bra off to do a sponge bath of my chest. My skin has been peeling and it's grimy; time to wash.
Seeing my breasts for the first time freaked me out. They are huge BALLS. Huge. I was expecting smaller but I suppose that happens as they settle- I hope. I don't have boob-envy I have boob-dread. I don't want big boobs!
I have my second check-up tomorrow and massage techniques will be demonstrated. I'll mention the size fear I'm dealing with. My husband is delighted tho, I must say. I just really wanted to be able to continue swimming and running without any adjustments to what feel like right now- Bimbo Boobs.
I'm sure I'll be fine; big boobed girls can run and swim.
Before/1 week post
I'm a little tight across the chest still thus the poor posture.
Two weeks tomorrow
I've mildly over done it a couple times this week. I did an 8 mile hike and walked the zoo for 2.5 hrs. No major problems but my shoulders ache and my breasts swell and seem to rise back out of the pocket I've been massaging them into. I started massaging 4 days ago- very gently; I'm afraid of ripping a suture.
I didn't realize that my PS recommends patients to continue keeping arms to sides for like 4 weeks? I've stopped teaching for things and my soreness lessened. Maybe something to it.
On a side note I realized last night that I wish I hadn't had the operation. I don't feel negatively about myself, my choice or the outcome but I realized I liked the way I naturally looked more than I thought I did. No sense in dwelling on the past as unless there is a medical reason these tits are here to stay, it is a just a reality I'll have to deal with.
Three weeks tomorrow
the pain and aches across my shoulders and upper back have subsided/lessened. I was a bit worried for a while that adding half a pound of gel would give me back problems (jk). I've been doing my 'downward massaging' for an hour every day while watching Star Trek or Cheers. My husband really wants his investment to look good so he's been very supportive, even doing the dishes so I can go massage.
My nipples never lost sensation- that is a huge relief. I did bring it up with Dr. Pousti's assistant and she hadn't had any of his patients report a loss of feeling in the nipple area as the nerves for the nipples are more to the sides of the ribs not in the nipple area- but I was still slightly nervous. I didn't loose any feeling under the breast either (one of the steps toward wearing underwires again).
I'm still not sleeping well; I just don't like sleeping on my back. I'm also still sleeping elevated so that's an annoyance but I'm not comfortable lying flat yet.
2//3 week photos
slight dropping barely noticeable.
Under my left boob is sore in the mornings. I'm thought at first that it was due to the surgery bra's under strap being secured too tightly but I loosened it and my under boob still ached in the morning. The ache goes away quickly once I start walking around which makes me wonder that it doesn't worsen with gravity. I have a check-up tomorrow so I'll mention it. I'm also going to bring up my nagging concern about the left nipple's incision. The right never oozed but the left oozed intermittently for two weeks leaving just slight spotting on my gauze pads on occasion. And with it being so much more sensitive than the right nipple...I'm a worrier.
I'm hoping to some answers. I think at 4 weeks they will check the sutures. My tape coverings are looking a bit dingy but are holding fast so that's good; I was told by Vanessa (Dr. Pousti's assistant that's been working with me) that the longer the strips stay on the better for healing.
Tape is off
Dr Pousti decided with all the drainage build up it was best to take the tape off. My stomach turned as I anticipated the incisions popping open.
I survived. The right incision (clean tape, no pain, no discharge) looks pretty good.
The left (discharge, slightly more painful, tender) is the problem child but the incision is clean and will heal up nicely- I'm just going to have to be patient. I've been having waking nightmares that the incision pops open and the implant falls on the floor. Gross. It's totally not that bad at all.
i took the bandage off (the bandage is just to keep the skin from catching on the gauze) to let the incision air out a bit.
at this last check- up Dr. Pousti gave me the go-ahead to burn my surgical bra if I so desired. I don't mind it as long as my shirts cover up the closures.
I did order some zip-front sports bras for this very day. My current sports bras are all size small and they leave marks in my skin. With a zip front it would also allow me to keep my arms lowered.
I ordered these at week 2.5 and the size 34d is too loose but it's also a less stretchy bra, more of a compression style. I think a 32c would fit better. That makes me smile.
With the left incision healing up I've finally felt safe doing my massages more aggressively. Last night I really felt the left implant pushing into its 'pocke't- that was weird.
Looking down at my breasts the left nipple seems more off-centered than the right. I'm thinking I might lean to the right in my sleep so the left implant has been slipping over night after night. That would explain the full pain every morning. I'm going my to try leaning more to the left this week in an attempt to re-balance myself.
With the tapes off my husband has been more gropey and I don't really trust him or my bags of gel; give me another week and all will be well...maybe.
they look more even from this angle than straight on in the mirror.
4th of August to 4th of September. No tape, no stitches, still no swimming. The left incision is looking better and better. Behind each incision is still hard and painful if I squeeze it. I hope that the massages break up the scar tissue there.
Nipple tenderness has subsided drastically which is a huge improvement. The implants seem to be settling in well and everything feels good. There is still some hardness around the incisions but the tenderness around that has gone down also.
17 Nov 2015
3 months post
The implants are settling in nicely and softening slowly. The scar tissue is still present but dispersing. Overall I'm becoming more and more pleased with the outcome and enjoying my look.