Fat, Sick, Tired & Feeling Nearly Dead - Kansas City, MO

This is my first post but I have been reading a lot of post for the last 3 months. I am 25++ (;))married with 2 children. I am very much over weight & need all the help & support that I can get. I've had my initial consultation with a surgeon & nutritionist but I have to wait until the end of this month before my next visit. This infuriates me because all I have to do is these 2 appts. & then I can schedule my surgery! For this second appt it has taken a month and a half to get it. I also have another surgery scheduled for my hip & knee but I would like to have my sleeve done first. I am nervous about the surgery but so excited to have a healthier life. Also, I don't want anyone to really know because of how judgemental people are. I started gaining weight when I was in my mid twenties & I was placed on lots of steroids & other medications for my autoimmune disease. I then got pregnant & was placed on bed rest for the whole time therefore gaining 80 lbs. I never dropped any of that weight instead I have continued to gain. Last year I was paralyzed on my left side due to arthritis in my spine & the bones sitting & injuring the nerves. I gained 65 lbs during this time. I finally took my chances & had surgery. That gave me some relief & I only have numbness in my feet & partial in my legs. ...but I can walk..it's painful but I can walk. So I'm hoping that with this surgery I can decrease the weight on my bones & tighten up my core to help my back. I'm needing to be PAIN FREE!!!

So, I have had my second consult today. It was with the therapist & the nutritionist. I am so impatient! Lol I feel like this was a waste of time & money to see them today, again. I'm just so ready to have this surgery. I feel like they are stretching out the info for more appointments. But over all, I know that some people need all these visits & reminders. I know that I will need all the help I can get, lol, but just hurry up already! Lol
So, my PCP has been running test on me. I have had blood work, PFT (which should restriction ????), EKG, Echo, chest X-ray, emg, CT, & MRI. I am scheduled for a sleep study at the end of April. Bummer. I'm hoping that I can tell the Dr & find another location to get it done sooner. It has to be a home sleep study per my insurance! Never heard of that but the place states that that is what insurance is doing to a lot of people. ????

The surgeon's office states that I now have to wait for my primary insurance to deny the claim & then they will submit to my secondary insurance. They will cover a portion of it but I can expect to wait another MONTH before I hear anything. After they get approval then I will be scheduled to come back to meet with the nutritionist again & advised of the liquid diet & post op info. Again, did I say that I'm impatient & they want me to wait one whole month!!!!! Uuuuggggghhhh in my Charlie Brown voice! ????
So, since I first when in I have gained weight, which is sad. I purchased a scale. Lord knows I haven't had a scale in at least 17 years because my daughter was like I have never seen one in our house before. ...lol
I am scheduled for hip & knee surgery at the end of April. Now, that is the artery I'm afraid about. I want to be able to walk without pain but I'm afraid that it will still be there afterwards since I have major neuropathy in my leg.
OK so I have been afraid to take pictures & don't really have any to post nor am I at a point where I could just do a selfish right now. I'm trying to overcome this ASAP so that I can have before & after pics. Pray for me as I will be praying for all of you guys. I've got to get over this!

Current weight.....262
Height.....5' 7"
BMI. ..41 (I think)
Within the last week I have now been placed on high blood pressure medicine & told that I have high cholesterol. This surgey is definitely needed.

Hey guys, I hope everyone is enjoying their day. I have been trying to pick up a couple of items to try & see if I like them. So far the protein shakes are so hard to 'stomach' but the protein that is like watered down Kool-aid I can drink a couple of Oz at a time & not think dang I have to drink more! Lol what are some of your favorites to drink? I bought another water bottle because my current one has a straw on it. I love drinking through straws as I feel that the water hits higher in the back of your throat & it feels good. (Crazy, I know but gotta stay hydrated) So, one of my autoimmune diseases is Sjorgen's & it keeps my mouth so dry. I worry about how I will feel with only getting some few oz in & not being able to drink after surgery.
Well for now I'm just still praying that I get a call this week to schedule my surgery & pre-op appt.
Oh BTW, I've been weighing myself daily & I have been losing about 1-2 lbs daily! I hope this.scale is right!
Many blessings to you guys

OMG!!!!! Monday, April 4th was so busy that I was asleep by 8pm! I picked up my imaging reports & found not so good news but I didn't let it stress me. I called the nutritionist to see if I could take the patch multivitamin but had to leave a msg.
I returned home after a long day to have a few voicemail 's on the phone. When I listened I had 2 from the bariatric Center. One was the nutritionist tell me that I need to take a certain kind of vitamin & the patch would not be enough...bummer!???? The other msg just said to call them back, so I did this morning & they gave me a surgery date!!!!!!! Yippeeeeeeeee ????
So, I will literally be in surgery in 2 weeks! OMG 2 weeks! I have my pre-surgery appt in 2 days & more testing. I hope all of these test come back fine as I'm so excited & can't wait! I'm hoping to have a little weight lost by my daughters graduation May 22 that will be one month post op.
I'm dancing in my seat with excitement. Who would think that someone would get excited about surgery BUT this surgery YES road to a healthier life!
So only my husband & I know about me having this surgery. The funny thing is my dad asked me this morning about me needing to lose weight & if that would help with my health issues. I told yes, I need to & I'm trying. Yes, it would help with some issues but not all of them. I wonder if someone said something to him about how big I have gotten because my dad never brings up weight. So now he knows that I'm going to a nutritionist to help get the weight off. ????
Please keep me in your prayers that all goes well & on schedule! Many blessings

So, today I went to my pre-surgery testing appt. This only consisted of a blood draw & nasal swab. Pretty cut & dry. I then met with the nutritionist & found out what is approved & what's not. I also found out that I only do a 5 day liquid diet. They also progress you back on different foods pretty fast too. :)
The longest meeting was with the nurse. She explained everything to me again & gave me a packet of instructions to read. I have to watch a 3-4 min video on falls. &we went back over all of my health history. They are very thorough.
So, I plan on reading everything tonight & tomorrow I will start picking up & trying more items. That's of course if my son doesn't continue to bother me.
I'm so looking forward to being on the 'other' side!

How do you rotate the pics?
I finally took some pics to upload & they are side ways! Lol my luck

Good morning!

Today I started taking my multivitamin that the nutritionist recommended. I have a hard time swelling pills without food so I chose the Chewable version of Bariatric Chewable. Goodness grief they are nasty! I could barely chew it twice before I started gagging! Please help what are some other multivitamins that your doctors have approved?!

This is the vitamin that I tried.

So I see that with trying to start the liquid diet 2 days early that this is going to be hard if I go anywhere. Smh.
I did good this morning but then I had to go have a MRI & during the whole all I could rh8nk about was a Sprite, then a burger. I finished & stopped & had a smoothie. I ordered a burger to but then asked then to cancel it. I feel really bad that I did that, eating out that is.
I have got to get this under control!
So, I am going to fix me some chicken broth & isopure jello for later.

Hey everyone! I have been on this liquid diet for 2 days now. I have found that my hardest time is in the evening around dinner time as well as when I need to take my medications. I have always had trouble swallowing pills & thought that I could do it with the protein shakes but that has not worked! :/ so, I have not been taking all of my meds since I can't get them down.
I forget to drink the protein shakes even though they are already prepared. I set an alarm on my phone to remind me to drink those shakes. Lol makes me feel like an old lady.
Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins..smh I purchased the vitamin patch since it matched pretty darn close to the nasty vitamins that my nutritionist recommend ed. In regards to that what they don't know won't hurt them. I have had good luck with other vitamin patches in the past so we shall see. (Silently praying) I made my own broths & they have been yummy but now I need to purchase a ice try to freeze some for the next week. Did any of you guys do that?
I got gas x strips...has these worked for anyone? I still need to get liquid dynamite aka Mira lax. I don't know if I can get it down though but I will try if needed. 4 days out...any suggestions?

Hey all,

This morning my hubby & daughter went grocery shopping. The hubby wanted to continue to tell me what he was purchasing from the store even after I said I didn't want to hear it. While gone he calls me & asks can you drink any kind of coffee? We are at Starbucks & I wanted you to have some. Really!! I had just told him yesterday & the day before that I couldn't have coffee because I have to have creamer in mine. Ugggghh
He then comes home frustrated with me & starts telling me ' I just went to the store to get some' naming all the foods. I cut him off & to say that it is fine but I just don't want to hear about it. Yes, I got upset I don't want to think about what I can't do right now just focus on what I can do! Are my emotions just really high right now? #Lordhelpus

As posted earlier I haven't own a scale in at least 17-20 years! So I bought one to help me see the little victories. I will weigh myself every Monday but decided to see if I had lost any thing today since my attitude was needing a uplift.
Well guess what? .....I weigh 248! When I started this process my first weigh in was 262! I will take this victory & look forward to many more to come.

As I am seeing here waiting to be called back to prepare for surgery my NERVOUSNESS HAS SET in!
In also afraid that my dad will find out what surgery I'm having. I don't want to tell him because he will not understand because he has struggled with keeping weight on! Go figure!
So I'm ready to get this party started & done so that I can be on the sleeved side! However, when I he ked in the receptionist stated that I looked like I had lost some weight! Score! I haven't heard that in years. I weighed my self at home & I was at 244, I can't wait to see what the 'official' scale states. Please keep me & my extremely stressed hubby in your prayers. I can do this! It's going to be the best day ever! ( in my SpongeBob voice)

The doctor stated to my hubby that everything went well. The only complications were my potassium was double the high normal limit & they had to wait for it to come down & check my heart to make sure it was OK. After that all clear that struggled with getting an iv in me 8 pokes! After having the iv team come & get my line started my oxygen levels dropped. So I was on oxygen until about 7 pm last night. They said that all of that was from my sjogrens. I was in a lot of pain & just remember constantly asking someone to help me. My hubby told them that I was allergic to morphine but I'm not anymore. So they gave me dulaudid & I don't peri encephalitis stomach pressure with that so that was horrible. Meanwhile my blood pressure continues to climb & I have to take another pill. Sigh they come back with fentyl 75mcg & that did not a thing for the pain. But put me asleep for about 30 min. Since I was still begging for something else. They finally got gave me morphine & toradol even though she said it's less strong as the others..it worked. I was getting it every 2 hours b3cause my blood pressure will not go down & I am going to the bathroom every hour! I asked for some jello but was told I could only have I ever chips or water! I am starving!!!!! I'm team no sleep so I did get up & walk around the unit a couple of times. My drain has had to be drain twice & is still draining. Yes get all of that fluid out now so it won't cause any pain or problems. The scale here said the same as the one at home so at least I know my scale is accurate.
With all the set backs my dad had to leave so he still doesn't know what's going on. The staff was very awesome about keeping him in the blue & having him leave my room before the Dr came in to talk to me. So I'm going to try & get a few more minutes of sleep before they start coming back in here...hopefully with some jello! Lol

There are a total of 4 incision but only 2 hurt. The only at bra l8ne & the one that has the drain in it.

First off I would like to say that I don't even remember making my last post!!! Next I'm sorry for not keeping you guys updated.
On the day of discharge the Dr said for the next week or 2 you will hate me....well I don't feel like I hate him but I have thought what have I done to myself! I still think a couple times per day why did I do this. The adic reflux is so horrible & there are variable pains & pain levels!!! Since I have started taking the reflux med on a regular I have had diarrhea but 'bad' kind.....change your sheets & make sure no one is close by when your in the bathroom because they will think they hear rapid fire! Tmi maybe but truth! Lol
I'm so full & miserable after 2 tiny sips but still hungry. I feel like my liquids aren't getting to the bottom of my stomach & are just stuck at the top. I'm hoping this gets better because something I get the spasm like pains in the same area. I think I have hunger pangs more then I know but have grown afraid to eat/drink.
I had a return visit to the hospital on Thursday but all labs were OK so they sent me home. I felt like they should have checked more the cbc & bmp. Urine should have been checked as well but who am I? So I've been stuck in the bed every since surgery & haven't done much walking. I feel like my abdominal is pulling down on one side. Also, I I turn over or make any sudden movements I will get pain & nausea! What about you guys?

This is probably the worse part...not being able to quench your thirst! Holding the water in your mouth helps BUT I really just need to gulp down some refreshing h2o. I know I need more protein but I want WATER PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME WATER!!!

So I have been complaining & complaining about how I feel after this surgery. I think in my Acme (Tooney Tunes)brain that I would not feel a thing! Lol
My days are spent trying not to get nauseated. I can tell it's all from acid reflux. I think no I know I'm one of the few that were lucky enough to make my reflux worst. I seconded guessed getting the by pass because of this but was reassured that it get bad then way better. I'm waiting for the way better part & from previous post you guys know that I have no patience.
I have to take 40mg of Prevacid twice daily to have any type of relief. Any quick movement & there's pain & nausea. Thank God that I have a sleep number bed with an adjustable base! I have to sit up& 'lay' up all the time. The setting zero gravity was my fave but now the head is toooo low& I'm about 3/4 of the way up. Funny part is I thought the message feature would make me sick but instead it still relaxes me.
I found out on my own that some of my pains were in fact hunger pangs. Also, since I'm lactose intolerance the protein shakes were making my stomach queezy. So I added the non flavored protein to a cream soup like & my problems improved. When I drink isopure I get 'full' but I'm still having hunger pangs!!
Actual pain in my stomach from incisions is very minimal& only on the right side. Everyday is a small improvement & I'm taking all victories I can get!! I will have my check up tomorrow & see what the Dr has to say.
Hw 262
Sw 244
Cw 238
Many blessings to you guys

I had my one week check up yesterday @day #9. The Dr said I was doing OK but my advice reflux is on the worse end. He states that it should start to get better & added another medication so I have 2 different reflux meds to take. #bummer
My biggest concern has been my fluids input & output. I'm drinking (not enough) & my output was only once yesterday. I told the Dr & he wants me to try new med & see if I can get more fluids down by Friday. He states it's had to believe that my in/output is so low since my electrolytes were normal last week. I told him that was by the Grace of God.
I'm hoping I'm on the down slope of this adic reflux pain gas pain & etc. I've got to get my protein intake up! So I'm just hanging in there & praying constantly.
Many blessings

After having so many complications with acid reflux & water the last week one would think that I would follow all the rules! But nope not my hard headed butt.
I had been having dreams of food & would wake up & not have any problems with wanting what I dreamed about. I did start craving meat just any kind of meat. Weird I know. Lol
So, Saturday I woke up & was like I feel pretty good!!! I walked longer, played with my dog & took a bite of tuna! I chewed it very well & had no problems. I was full & happy. I then took a nap & all I remember is that I wanted a grilled sharp cheddar cheese sandwich. I dreamed that I was just sacking on the cheese & butter flavored bread. Delish!
Apparently I woke up & asked my daughter to make me one. She said she told me that I couldn't eat it but I said I would spit it out! So she started making it & my husband finished it. He brought it to me very upset about. He kind of startled me but the smell over came me & I took a normal size bite. I didn't chew well & as soon as it went down the PAIN, Lord the pain kicked in! It was like air was in my esophagus & everywhere else. That bread would not move for hours! I was so scared & I would drink anything because I didn't want it to swell up in my stomach. But after about 3 hours I started sipping on water non stop. I could feel the air bubbles in the back of my throat when I held the water in my mouth. Smh. I tried to watch movies 5o distract myself but it didn't work. I tried to walk around but no relief. I finally came back to bed & took my pain medicine. It gave a little relief & I could get more water down. I am so mad at myself & scared that I have busted my staples! I can't sleep & four hours later I have to take pain mess again. I still didn't fall asleep until almost 4 am. When I awake I'm not feeling well at all & it feels more like day 1! What did I do to myself I think! & why am I so hard headed. So I have struggled all day today. Everything hurts going down. The old gas pains are back & I have set myself up for all of this mess if not worse!
I took a Zantac to see if it would help my situation. This is the first pill that I've taken since surgery. All other mess were liquid. I could feel that Zantac going down & sitting in my stomach. I start to think what did I do now. It's the cool mint flavor & it's making it worse! Next thing I know I running for the restroom. Smh pain. Relief. Pain. Relief. Some relief & now I lay back in my bed with the head of the bed upright. My stomach is a little quezzy but I continue to sip on my water that I want to guzzle up again but I digress.........tomorrow is a new day & I will feel better & eat better!

I have had a lot of ups & downs in this short period of time BUT I have never & will never be out! Thanks to you guys for the encouragement it is always needed.

Still not back to where I was before I made that stupid mistake but I know it will just take a little time for me to heal & get back there. I'm still being positive & don't regret having the surgery. I have never lost any weight & could never stick to a diet. This is forcing me to be a better me so I know there will be good & bad days.
I've been resting today...had a lot of fatigue due to no protein intake that last couple days. I'm getting back to it.
So here's today's weight 233. That's still on the downward slope slowly but surely. Almost 30 lbs down since March 30.

Hey everyone!!!!
It has been over 2 months since my last post. I am so sorry about that but I wanted to make sure I was in the right mindset to post as well as giving a honest opinion & not an emotional opinion. ????

So, I had the worse 2 months of recovery, even my Dr said that I was his worse patient in regards to issues. With that said PLEASE know that I'm special! Lol
After coming home I battled with dehydration. I just couldn't get enough water down. I drank my shakes, ate my jello & did all the right things. However, it was not enough for my body & therefore I got to where I was only urinating 1 or 2 a day. Then came the constipation.
After continue to battle those things the adic reflux was so bad that I couldn't sleep or add anything new to my diet. I would feel like I was choking & I was short of air. The Dr continued to change my advice reflux medicines to try to give me some relief but nothing worked. I then was told to try crystal light with a liquid Zantac & I had a allergic reaction to it! For the next 4 weeks I was receiving steroid shots to help with my breathing & another shot to help with the reaction.
Still no relief for the dehydration, acid reflux. I'm tired, frustrated & upset about what I did to myself. I'm not moving around just laying in bed all day. If I move much it causes pain in my back &/ or will cause me to vomit. I'm praying & praying everyday. Finally, God made me get up & take my own actions like I use to do. ..you know think for yourself & do what has always worked for you!
So, after my 2 month appt I went to my local natural grocery store & spoke with the manager of vitamins, etc. She allowed me to try out some items. I combined what she knew & what I knew for a perfect combo for you acid reflux. Since I have been doing my home remedy I have had very little problems with it & it has caused me to be able to start functioning again!

I am down 50 pounds! I am working out at least 2 days a week & trying to stay active in any way that I can. This is major for me because when I had my surgery I was still barely walking with a walker! They say I still need to have another back surgery but I will put that off until I lose more weight.
My weight has been fluctuations but I'm more concerned about how I feel, how you close fit, & just staying active.
My desires for some foods are gone but I do notice at times that my appetite is increasing. I'm probably the laziest person so I don't weigh or measure my food. I eat until my soft full feeling. When I crave something I eat it. But I must say I have only had cravings for 2 bad things ...soda which is really hard to get rid of & chips & cheese dip. I've had both by the way but small amounts.
Continue to pray for me & I will be praying for you guys. Many blessings

Yay! Despite all the things that I have done unintended self sabatoge I have made it to onederland! It's been about 15 years since I have been this weight that I I'm at. It feels awesome! Now I just have to get back to eating healthy & drinking only water.
My weight loss slowed down quite a bit when I started lifting weights then I had a vacation & are bad but oh so good. I know what I have to do now just to do it. My body tells me what it likes & dislike likes so taking notes. * Just keep swimming just keep swimming!*

Forgot to add pic

Hey all!!!
I wanted to talk about our victory. I want to say this because I have to remind myself & maybe it will help someone else.
Everyday no matter what we need to find our victory! We woke up this morning! #Victory We are able to walk #Victory we are able to eat & have food to eat #Victory so when we look in the mirror & our bodies don't look like WE think it should let's just be happy that we can see our bodies because someone is blind would love to be able to see.
Every pound, inch or reshaping of our body is a major accomplishment! Major! I know when I gain or haven't lost in a area I get frustrated but we have to remember that 'all things work together for the good'. We may not understand it right now (I know I never seem to) but give it a chance & we will see a difference. So take all your victories & celebrate them, be happy, find something to do for all the greatness that is coming your way. Remember there is someone that didn't wake up from surgery or just this morning period.
Also, please, please, please!!!!! Don't compare your body to someone else's
Just because you all had the same surgery doesn't mean that you will have the same results or have the same body type/shape. I have noticed that a lot of people compare themselves to others & body shame themselves because they haven't lot enough weight or are not shaped like an hour glass. I have done this myself & had to kick myself out of it. Know that you are made wonderfully & perfect the way you are. Know that what ever weight you stop at & whatever body shape you have looks great for you! God doesn't make mistakes! Work on the things that you don't like but work on them because you don't like them not because someone else doesn't or because you don't look like someone else! We have to love ourselves. You can't be compared to anyone else because you are unique! There is not another one like you!

Many blessings