Pre-surgery - need Support and Input - Illinois

So, for those few people who are keeping up with my soap opera, I decided yesterday while he was at work to sit and write down my feeling, I am so bad at talking and expressing when I keep getting interrupted, so I wrote like 2 pages on my feelings for him and why I wanted to do this operation. Instead of having him read it I read it to him. he still doesnt understand why, and he told me to save my money up and maybe next year.I know him, and next year it will be the same. he will have some excuse why we cant afford it. He is just trying to get me to shut for now! I was really hoping to have this done by summer or at least during this summer. I even tried just asking for his help getting enough money for a TT instead of the mommy makeover. He still said no, not now.It just baffles me that he doesnt want to do what ever it might take to help me feel better. Im sure those girls he checks out when we go anywhere feel real good though! Especially when they see me right next to him! He isnt a bad guy but he's a man. He wouldnt cheat on or leave me but it still hurts when i see him look.I just wanna feel like a woman for once, feel normal. I havent since I was 17. Boy if I knew then how i would look now I sure would have worked out more and ate better through out the years.

Oay, so I posted a question on this site about how much lipo is on inner and outer thighs. One of the docs on here, to me, seemed a bit rude. I am new to the whole surgery thing and when my fiance was going to help me he wanted to know the exact amount before he got the loan. I had already been on sites searching and reading about doctors and and reading what everyone puts on here about their docs to try and find a good one. I cant afford to travel far so I was looking in my area hoping there is a good one here. Then when I found a couple that I liked I checked into them and read about them and checked out before and after pics. One is a lot cheaper than the other but I know this is extremely important and you don't wanna go cheap! Then I set up consultations with both but cant get in til June. So anyways this doctor told me that I am not doing this the right way that I am too worried about cost and that could get me in trouble. WHAT! All I wanted to know was how much lipo might run me, now i know there is now exact cost it depends on everything and only your doc can tell you cost. I looked into what I wanted, checked for docs, then read up on them and viewed photos and called. I was trying to find out how (about) much lipo was so I could let my penny pinching fiance know so he could get a loan for everything. Obviously the doctor who replied didnt read my whole comment. i dont know, Just added to my frustration when I read his reply. I thought I was doing all the steps right for someone who has never done this before. I dont wanna get botched if i do do this so I know not to go with cheap. I have searched for doctors before I even got on here. The doc on here said I was too worried about cost...arent we all? How can I get a loan for everything if I dont know what its all gonna run me? Oh well doesnt matter know. Im on my own with this and probably wont get to do it anyways. Just wanted to tell you guys.

Well it is only the day after I started writing this review and last night he told me that he would apply for a loan so I can do this if this is what is going to make me happy. I was so excited I could cry! I dreamed that night of getting the surgery done and how wonderful i would feel and look finally. I think I slept with a smile the whole night. Then this morning on my way out to work he said he changed his mind. He wasnt going to help me get the money because he thinks that I will leave after the surgery since I will have this new self esteem. I did cry then...well not in front of him, but the whole way to work. I held tears back the whole day then as soon as I got in my van to drive to get my daughter I broke down again. I have since been online looking for lenders who loan to people with bad credit. Not much luck. Im gonna see if my mom will co-sign, I can make the payments cause i work I just dont have the credit to get the loan. I was injured on the job in 2004 and was off work a while and got behind on bills and credit cards, thats why my credit sucks. I might have to limit my surgeries to just one...maybe at least a tummy tuck. But I will still be unhappy with the girls...oh well, beggars cant be choosey right!