35 Years Old, Want to Be my Natural Self

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Hello everyone. I'd like to start by saying that...

Hello everyone. I'd like to start by saying that I am not judging anyone at all. My words are personal and my advice is honest and meant to be supportive and not judgmental. We've all had hard times and have made bad choices in our lives.

I've used this website to help me make the decision to have my implants removed. I had 400cc silicone implants under the muscle. I had it done in July of 2012. I had lost 22 lbs (from 126) and was traumatized by a life changing discovery about my husband that prompted the surgery and I went through with it at a time when I had no business making such a huge decision. For a little while it was a good distraction for me, but ultimately it was not the "fix" I needed. My change needed to come from inside. Putting silicone implants in my chest was not the answer to happiness. I breastfed each of my four babies for almost a year each. In addition to that I was an athlete and loved CrossFit, which also led to a flatter, more muscular chest. I was never happy with the implants in. Every time I flexed my chest muscles my boobs would go in different directions. They looked great but didn't feel great. Then I started to notice myself in pictures. They looked very fake and that's what they were. I started to CrossFit less, slouch more to hide myself and realized that I was beautiful the way I was. My natural self with my tiny little abused boobies and stretch marks and zero breast tissue…..that was beautiful because that was ME. I have 2 girls and I don't ever want them to grow up thinking they have to surgically alter themselves to be "enough". I also want to be the healthiest I can be for my kids and for myself. It's healthier to have those implants OUT of my body. I followed through with the explant yesterday. I'm sore and completely flat. I finally built up the courage to take a peak. But I'm also relieved and grateful. It was an expensive lesson to learn but I have myself back. I've come a long way since that dark and painful summer when my life fell apart. This was a giant leap toward embracing me for me. For anyone who is having a hard time making the decision….don't let the world tell you what is beautiful and what is not. You were created to be yourself and you are beautiful as you were meant to be. Embrace your post baby bearing body. Those are your battle wounds! Those scars and sagging boobs tell a story and symbolize your sacrifice and love for your precious child or children. Be true to yourself.
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