43 Years Old, 5'1", 215 Lbs. New year= New me! Houston, TX

My journey is just beginning for the second time. I will be having a revision from lap band to gastric sleeve. I had my band done 8 years ago. I have had complications with my band, nothing serious, more just a fluke I guess. When I got banded, I was so excited, ready to live my life! My band was put in in May 2007. All was good! 6 months in and I'd lost around 30 lbs. not too bad with the band :). I'd gone in for another fill and doc told me that would be my last because we were officially "full" and my band couldn't hold any more after this. Ok. That's good, I think this will be perfect I thought. Well, that day and even that night, I was great. No problems at all. The next morning, when I tried to drink water, it felt heavy. I thought, ok, this is the tightest it's been, this is going to be good, maybe this will be a big loss month. Well, a couple of days went by and I wasn't able to keep anything down. Even water was hard to keep. I felt like I was starving! I called the doc and they told me I need to come in right away to take out a little fluid because it's not good to be that tight. I went in and he took out .25cc, not very much. I went home and was able to eat a little and felt better. After that though, there felt like there was no restriction at all. After a couple of weeks, I called doc and let him know so he sent me for a swallow test to look at my band and make sure there was no slippage. By band looked great (and still does), no slippage and my pouch is as it should be. Then I went back to the office and he filled it back to capacity again. Still no restriction. Very frustrating! I decided then that I'd been given what I asked for which was a jump start. I could do this! I was determined that I would still lose down to at least the 50 pounds minimum that I wanted to lose. Well, as you can see, that didn't happen. I am happy to say that for about 5 years, I did keep off most (within 5 lbs) of what I'd lost. Then it started to creep on. Almost 2 years ago, I had to have emergency back surgery, followed by some heart issues and have gone all the way back to my starting weight. I do think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have been afraid to move. I have always been super active. I've said a lot over the years that I may be fat but I am actually pretty fit, it just doesn't look like it. I could walk for miles and I did on lots of occasions! Hiking is one of my favorite things. After my back surgery and not moving at all for about 8 weeks, it was hard to get back to "normal". After a year went by, I was feeling pretty good but started having some heart issues. I have an irregular beat and PVCs. That scares me. I am afraid to exercise because I don't know if my heart will stop. I do know, logically, that it won't. I have had 4 stress tests to prove it but that doesn't take away the fear. So here I am back up to 215lbs and hoping for a fresh start and a new lease on life. So far I am 3 months into this leg of my journey. I've done 3 weight management classed, a nutrition class, weighed in each month, been to the cardiologist, gynecologist, primary doc, been through a battery of tests and we are almost ready to file with insurance! The only thing we are waiting on now is the operative report from my first surgery. The doctors office isn't releasing it. I called and the lady gave me a guilt trip asking why I didn't come back there. That this doc does revisions. I felt bad. After hanging up, I realized that I didn't go back because 7 years ago, he said there was nothing else we could do. He didn't mention that we could do a revision in the future or anything else. Now I am just irritated that they think they can hold my information hostage to keep me from seeing someone else.mi might have to go there to get the report. I don't want to though, I am embarrassed that I have gained back all of my weight. I will though, if I have too!
So, here I am... Ready, hopeful, determined! Thank you all for sharing your stories! I have been on real self for 4 days straight just absorbing everything!

Super excited/nervous today. I heard on Tuesday that my doctors office has all of my info together and was ready to file with insurance yesterday! I'm Realizing today that this will be my last thanksgiving before being sleeved! I am always the cook. I have cooked thanksgiving dinner for 12-20 people for the last 15 years. I think more than not being able to eat all that I cook, I am worried that I won't want to cook anymore. Cooking is my therapy. I love to cook and bake and to feed those that I love. That's a part of me that I am scared of losing. Does anyone have anything to share as far as your experiences with still wanting or not wanting to cook anymore?

I got a call from my doctors office today. Insurance is still reviewing my case but my patient rep is staying on top of them to try to hurry them along.
I am hoping that this is the right decision for me. After reading all that I have, I am afriad that this will fail like my band did because let's face it, it is still just restrictive just not adjustable. What if I fall back into old bad habits? What if it feels like there is no restriction like my band does? What if it doesn't work? What if I don't lose anything, or worse, only a few pounds? What if I wind up with bad reflux like some cases I've heard? I have so many fears and questions. The closer I get to setting a date, the more I feel like I am trying to talk myself out of it. I think maybe I need to start going to a support group beforehand to see about getting these burning questions answered. I am just venting here hoping for some reassurance while trying to keep my thoughts positive and not let fear control me. It really is the fear of the unknown....
So many people were super prepared and so well stocked up only to find out that they can't tolerate the stuff they used to before surgery and have to start over. I tried Isopure, fruit punch flavor, for the first time on Wednesday. That was interesting. When it first hits your tongue you think, hey, this is pretty good. Then all of a sudden, you think eww, not so much. Then you swallow and the aftertaste is terrible! I did drink almost the whole bottle and to my amazement, I wasn't really hungry for dinner. I also bought some unflavored protein powder thinking I can add it to my broth. I would never have guessed that broth only has 4 grams of protein in the whole can! I don't want to stock up too much yet I case I don't like anything right away. I found a pretty cool website where they will send you samples (of course, you have to pay for them) of any kind of protein powder they have. I am thinking I will order several flavors and brands for after surgery so I will be able to figure out what I like with my new taste buds :)
Is it just crazy to be so afraid of something but want it so bad all at the same time? I just want to run, to breathe easier, to cross my legs at the knee, to shop for non plus sized clothes, to not be embarrassed or judged by the way I look. I want to be healthy and eat to live not live to eat!