Took the Risk Hoping to Brave the Reward - Houston, TX

Took the Risk hoping to Brave the Reward

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." ~ Arnold Bennett

I am hoping to posts updates of my journey, as others have helped me by sharing. After 20 years of large breasts & ridicule (even if THEY felt it was flattery - be it family, public, dating & Yes, especially WORK - oh the things said). I took the risk this year to get insurance approval for a reduction, after contemplating for years. May 9th I received my approval that my suffering (mental & some physical) was validated by Drs & Insurance without Proving myself jumping through hoops. I am blessed in being on an HSA insurance this year I met my deductible early on due to my Crohn's medication, so this surgery will be paid in full.

Such an incredible relief yet the nerves are setting in my surgery is set for July 22nd, unless something changes Thursday. So many questions & my first consultation with Dr. Cohen was in March but I go back on Thursday, June 6th to get them answered & settle a bit more into this new reality of being "normal". I'll have to tell you about my "2nd Opinion" sometime - a real trip, and thankful for the surgeon I've chosen.

About me, 39 yrs old wearing a size 38K bra, however it doesn't fit me correctly but the "L" (wth they have "L"'s) was too large...and the Dr said he thinks a DD might be the smallest I can hope for. I have some fluff so I hope if I slowly lose the weight, I can make the difference I need & still be proportionate.

2nd consultation today, I hate downtown so per usual I got lost again...so I wasn't the calm collected I needed to be. I thought I had all my questions lined up, it was going to be GREAT...he was going to walk thru & be all smiles because I'm his "Cape Cod" girl (where he vacations) ...and he'd be nurturing, helpful like last visit. Not exactly, and I never feel like I see him long enough in my mind to not be taken back he's not the little white haired man I expect...as the nurse explained afterward he's a surgeon they are often focused/not all have fantastic bedside manners - but he's one of the best & extremely meticulous so as to get the best outcome. (Which i want).

I am so confused right now, I've seen many of these blogs - all the tips & pre-shopping lists shared, and all the pics good/bad...and they said you won't need all that, you'll be fine because of our techniques. Surgeon made it clear, we won't know what the new breasts will look like UNTIL it's over. He said there is no perfect,, they won't be a specific shape you ask for - they could be boxy...everyone is different due to their own circumstances the FNG could have issues reattaching to blood supply...but I will "feel" better & he will do EVERYTHING he can to make sure i have the best outcome possible my body will allow. I understand he has to give his disclaimer perfection & needing realistic expectations....but that's a very scary pill to swallow. Also hard was knowing an Intern will be assisting...though they are qualified/rigorous selection process - It's all so overwhelming. I was relieved to know I will be staying under a 23 hr observation at the hospital...According to the nurse I will be on his mind before the surgery & lucky for me he'll be in my home town vacationing...flying back the day before...so rested, happy & ready to give me my life free of this extra weight.

Regardless, I cried on the way home, feeling alone & confused. So forgive the way this blog might read. Any thoughts like this?

Finally made it to downtown yesterday w/o a hiccup & early which always makes for a smoother visit. PS came back from vacationing in my hometown & was happy - all right in his world. Demeanor was much more friendly & was easier when we had a serious discussion on expectations and really what was going to happen. Due the weight my breast are elongated/so wide - All that I know of (fullness) of my breast will be what is discarded. He may have done his "standard MO CYA" bit but he said due to the flatness I have where the breast needs to go he doesn't have much to build with, and is unsure right now how full he could make them. We were discussing D/DD but right now my fears are running wild that I will have flat banana boobs (forgive me for those who do have them) & a B/C cup and right now I'm a 5'4 200 pd curvy girl - take some of that curve I'm toast. I joked at the time and said look I've been know for having a great rack, please stay in there until you get something right. His entire staff and the PreOp surgery area just LOVE him and said he's a perfectionist & a wonderful man/surgeon I couldn't be in better hands. But it all just went by so fast that as I sat at work today, I started to realize how much would be removed; I am feeling fear of being disfigured. I see now why they used the word in my case "amputation". I thought some of the good stuff would be pushed up for fullness, not completely gone. I am single for the most part & resigned to not having children but I have been identified the last 35 yrs that my breasts exemplify my femininity & defined me both positive/negatively and I'm so worried who/what will I be - let alone if I'm mis-shapened, unhappy & how will that affect my future? I sure hope others have gone thru this (making it normal), but I know i have to muster up improving my mindset to be more positive in the next few days and focus on those cancer survivors and others facing far worse. But this is huge for me. Someone did call me brave though today for facing this journey - ha how's that working for me now. What is also not helping is my cycle is here (hoping it finishes by Monday) & some Caretaker Mother issues - so stress is high and I still hate the idea of being recorded etc & wearing no underwear...too much all at once. I hate how my coping strategy procrastinates. Thx for reading...