Just Wanting a Double Eyelid Surgery

I am 23 years old, going on 24 in May which is the month of which I plan to get my surgery. I have always wanted this surgery and I can actually say that I've been using eyelid glue for 6-7 years. I thought is be ok with it but everyday it just adds on another extra thing for me to do and sometimes the line I create flips or is too small. I'm so tired of it. I don't want to keep putting eyelid glue and for a couple times I did use tape which didn't work quite well as glue did. All in all, I want to be free from that hassle and overall but happy with the way my eyes look.

I finally had a talk today with my dad, something I have been dreading to tell him. He was supportive but in a I-dont-think-you-need-it-but-whatever-makes-you-happy-and-I-have-no-choice. I feel relieved now bc now I know it's actually going to happen. And I so can not wait.

So it's been awhile since I've last updated and I have had to push my surgery date back as alot of issues have arised. I had such trouble deciding whether to do double eyelid surgery or my rhinoplasty first. I also found out that if I was to do my rhinoplasty, my procedure would be called alarplasty as I'm just narrowing my flared nostrils. I'm still having so much trouble deciding which I want first. I hate the flare of my nostrils to the point where sometimes I just don't even want to go out in public bc I feel so self conscious. But I also feel like I can't keep going on with life using eyelid glue every single day. I've been using it for about 6 years and its getting so old waking up and using eyelid glue to make double eyelids. I know I should get my double eyelid surgery first but for some reason I just want my nose done first. I feel like the nose is the center of your face and its what makes you. But but but. It's such a hard decision to make. I'm starting to think I should save up for both procedures and get them done at the same time. I really can't decide. But I'm leaning more on the double eyelid surgery as its something I need more. It will make every day getting up easier. Perhaps I'll like my nose better once I get my eyelid surgery done. Such hard decisions. I'm still debating.

I think about getting my eyes and nose done every single waking moment of my life. It's just seriously that bad that I want to change the way my eyes and nose looks. I know that once I get my eyes and nose done I'm going to be so confident, more social, just everything that I want to do/be. I lock myself in my room when all my friends go out just bc I think I look ugly. I refuse to take pictures, I feel so insecure, I can't make any friends bc I'm afraid of how ugly my face is. I know it's harsh I say that about myself but it's the truth. And this is how I feel. Everyday I just ponder about how I'd look after my surgery. I know would be so much more happier. I don't want to be locked up and antisocial bc of my looks. I want to finally feel beautiful and just free.