I did a BA 12/30/14 and knew it was a mistake...
I did a BA 12/30/14 and knew it was a mistake soon after
I'm 5'3" 118 lbs got silicone gel unders 265cc and 234 cc
Results are beautiful and not one person has told me to take them out. I just feel uncomfortable. These aren't for me. I miss my lean, athletic look. I miss the freedom to move around without pain.
I'm so torn and conflicted.. Flew in to Hawaii to explant only to cancel because I had second thoughts that day :/. lost half my money that day. I decided to wait six months and possibly do it in August.
I am a healthy person and eat clean and take care of myself. I wonder what possessed me to put something in that would possibly cause problems later, require more surgeries or even change my old breasts which were just fine. I fixed what wasn't broken.
I look to this site for support because no one can understand what I'm feeling, no matter how well meaning they are. So thank you all for your posts and experiences.
I'm wondering what my window of time is to remove and look normal
Without sagging . I went from small 32A to full 32B or 32C. It's beautiful which confuses me more, but when I really think I know I don't want them in when I get older and eventually Ill remove anyway. I need to move and be me again.
Surgery in three days
Well, I made a huge decision and scheduled my explant for this Friday. I'm paid in full and had my preop and bloodwork. There's no turning back.
It what I know I want deep down inside, but I still doubt myself. :( I need some encouragement.
The only reason I had on my reasons for keeping list was - "pretty". Haha.
Today's the day
13 Feb 2015
Day of treatment
I go in in two hours. Saying goodbye to these implants. They aren't me. I know it's early but the left side hurts when I touch or lean forward and I worry about complications in the future. This is what I need to do... Hopefully I snap back to 32A :)
They're out!- hopeful for quick recovery and good retraction
After seeking counseling and really listening to my heart I realized I would have an explant sooner or later. I got the courage up and took the first available appt and did it! It was strange, after deciding there were so many emotions and tears. Then I never looked back. Other people's well meaning opinions became irrelevant and I did what I needed to do.
I arrived 9am and they finally got me started a bit late, at 11:15 or so. I got nervous right before but just tried to be calm . Then the anesthesiogist administered medicine into my IV saying ID get to see what the operating room looked like etc. i wasn't actually interested and mercifully I was out before they even rolled me in .
I think it was about an hour long and relatively straightforward.
I woke up just after and felt immediate relief. No heaviness on my chest. No lookjng down to foregn objects! Yay! I didn't get a photo yet but they were flatter than before. Nipples kind of stretched and sad lookjng, but I've seen you all bounce back to well so I was hopeful for good skin retraction :). I actually was so happy I don't even care.
It's funny... All the sadness, stress and anxiety I had felt since getting them was gone and I felt happy and like me again.
He stitched drains into my armpits where he entered. Those are going to be fun to conceal til my tuesday appt thanks to the long weekend.
Pain was minimal. I used two prescription pain killers before I left. Felt great and had so much less pain than last time. I could pull the car door shut with two hands slowly. I could reach back for the seatbelt but let my friend buckle it...
We sat around and ate a banana and talked and celebrated my outcome from 2pm til I felt groggy later at 4 pm.. But I was so energized I couldn't nap.
Last time i was in so much pain and so tired... I had to consciously dismiss those negative thoughts of a slow horrible recovery before surgwry while waiting around... And it was better this time .
We watched the sun setting at the beach nearby for like 15 minutes. Then had a soup and salad around 7. By 9 we had the idea to see a movie... I had a baggy sweatshirt on and some jeans and you really couldn't tell I had drains so I went:
After I removed my sweatshirt and realized my left side drain exit point under my armpit had gauze that was competely soaked. I finally reached and woke the doctor worried it was coming out but he told me to replace the gauze...wish they gave me some and a heads up because I was scared! We did but had no gauze so I basically fashioned two pantyliner back to back and cut a slit half way through the center and slipped it around the tube and we used medical tape to fasten it all. I felt like a nurse :). I'm pretty sure I've been well versed enough in BA and explant terms and procedures to earn some sort of degree...!
That's it for now. It's middle of the night. I took two extra strentgh tylenols before bed and went to sleep only to wake at 4:30 so I typed this. I'll lay low today and rest for healing.
Surgery done and hoping for good recovery and skin retraction
Surgery went smoothly and lasted about an hour I think. I was calm beforehand but had a final moment of emotion before going in to the OR. No capsules removed but drains placed to prevent seroma. So far I've collected , measured and disposed of some blood every 3-4 hours . It was deep red but fading in color. At 11:15 pm I removed my black hoodie to reveal blood soaked gauze under left arm where drain was placed and at entry point for this surgery.
My initial feeling when I woke at noon or so was relief, confidence that I made the right decision for me and an emotional and physical burden lifted! I was happy and me again.
The pain was sooo much better than BA . I had to consciously dismiss the feeling of BA pain and long recovery in a moment of terror before surgery. The chest wall does feel tender but I can open the fridge , doors, car doors gently. That is way better than last time! I will take exercise slowly and heal properly. Can't wait to put the negative parts of this journey behind me...
Couldn't sleep when I arrived home at 2. Had a banana and light snack. Lots of water. Went to the beach to watch sunset but just from the car. oh and went to a movie too after a salad and soup dinner. I was so happy I couldn't sit still!
I'll post photos soon but they are similar to other people's posts, initially smaller than before and slightly deflated. I know they will retract more and "fluff" . Hoping to be 32A again.
I do however feel instantly thinner! Yay! Like 5 lbs lost - hah. So happy
I also made them give me my implants. Wanted to see what I just ridded myself of. They were yellowish and shell was cloudy after 6 weeks. Those did not belong in my healthy body.
Thanks for all of your support !
Post op day 1
Smaller than before. Deflated but I think this will resolve
Post op day 3
I've been feeling pretty good. A little tired but minimal discomfort compared to the pain of the BA. I'd rate my pain a 2 as compared to a 8-9 last time. I've been home resting and trying to eat healing foods and drink lots of water.
My incisions under my arms where drains are placed are a little sensitive. I finally took off gauze and had a full shower and washed my hair yesterday but it took a while since I had no help that day.
I feel like breasts are coming back to life but it's like watching water boil... So I'll refrain from obsessing over it and continue to feel thankful that I had the means and courage to just take them out knowing I wasn't going to be happy with them in!
After BA my right side which had a smaller implant (234) healed ok. The left (265) never did feel right. So much pain to touch, numbness , sharp pain when leaning forward. I refused to put up with that since I plan to be active again.
I was told over and over again that it would resolve but I sort of felt like it might not.
Left side hurts more than eight after explant. Nothing unbearable.
I take two extra strength tylenols maybe two or three times a day. Probably don't need it now.
Still tired but I feel like going shopping to celebrate my new old body!
Thank you all for your support when no one around me understands exactly how I'm feeling.
Post op day 4, drains are out!
I had my first post op appointment today since they are closed for the weekend and yesterday was a holiday. Everything looked fine and the nurse said drains can be removed when there is under 20 cc of fluid collected in a 24 hour period. That was the case since day one. The drain removal was a little painful on the left side. Basically they tell you to take a deep breath and the nurse will gently slide the tube out from the inside of your chest up through my armpit in my case. Ouch. My left side has always been more painful than the right and it was the same with the drain removal. Soon after though, it wasn't a problem.
I started driving yesterday and it's easier than last time. With BA I started driving out of necessity at day 5 and it was pretty painful. This time it's not bad at all.
So now I'm back in my old bra and feeling like my old self. I bought a new bra to celebrate after :). My cousin confirmed that I look slimmer this way. I feel like that's the case for me.
Some pre BA photos
Feeling good today but get tired if I'm out all day. Sharp pain in my left breast once today and once yesterday. That side was always painful.
I got Mondor's cording with my BA and they hadn't resolved by the time I explanted at 6 weeks. They're frustrating and limit range of motion. Otherwise I have almost no pain except when I try to lay on my left side and prop myself up with my elbow.
I think my breasts are pretty much where they were before except less full on the left which apparently was smaller to begin with but I never noticed. The left nipple is a little caved in but no big deal I guess.
I was able to jog starting last week but stopped when I felt some minor but sharp pain on left side. Today I ran ok for a short while with no pain. Also did some light kettlebells with swinging and can do a full plank now. My chest muscles still feel weird when I flex but I have no visible flex distortion. I can't do a push-up which is frustrating and I wonder if I'll ever be back to normal again. It was same after BA so maybe it'll heal but I'm starting to wonder.
One month today
Well it's exactly one month today and I feel a lot of improvement. The Mondor's Cording is improving but still there. At least it's much less painful and doesn't inhibit my movement as much as before.
I can raise my arms over my head. With the transaxillary approach I really lost a lot of range of motion. It's been frustrating but I've felt great improvement this week.
Swelling under my arm and around the side of my chest is getting better. I'm still numb on the left side of my left breast since BA and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll never regain that feeling :(.
Basically the left breast was smaller to begin with pre BA. After BA he had put in a larger implant (265cc) which really wasn't that big, but it was very painful from the start and it never went away. The numbness is all on my left side too.
Size is about the same which is tiny, but ok. I'm trying to remember if I was like this before.. Even just 6 weeks with implants really messed with my mind as far as what is a normal size for me and what is not.
But I'm still so happy I got them out. My friends don't really understand , but I'm happy to have all you ladies to help me along. I am light again, I move more freely than with implants, I'm not self conscious of my large breats, and I'm all me!
No longer obsessed
Implants do a weird thing to some people. Before the implants I was obsessed with choosing the perfect size. Of course I didn't get it and they were too big and very painful. I was depressed which was a first, crying and regretting for weeks. Sick and tired laying on the couch- also unusual. I had a bad taste in my mouth the entire time.
Three days after I got my implants I knew I needed to get them out. Everyone thought I was crazy. I worried about the health risks because I had read more after they weren't feeling good and I became afraid of the possibility of complications down the road and further surgeries.
My obsession and switched to explant-- where, with which surgeon, timing, aesthetic outcome... My poor friends- they were so patient with me on this little journey.
I'm happy that I did my explant just six weeks after my implant knowing my heart that they just weren't right for me. I think it was a good learning experience although I wish I never had done this. I could've been driving a nice car!
It's been six weeks now and I have to say that I am no longer obsessed with my breasts. I do experience the normal insecurities that I had before every now and then but I remind myself that I'm okay how I am. I'm also happy to be leaner feeling and lighter and able to move and not have to wear a bra all day and night!! Boobs are overrated. Haha
The mondors cording has resolved for the most part and I'm back to sports so im happier. It will still be two weeks before I can do a push-up probably. Oh well.
Left nipple is caved but I also had a nipple length reduction so half of it is gone from before. I can certainly walk around the house without a bra undetected now!
Left side still numb which is the most annoying part of this and leaves me with the most regret. Left side is smaller.
With my old bras I look exactly the same. No one can tell I went through two surgeries in 6 weeks. Ouch.
I hope you're all healing and doing well on your journeys too!