30 years of struggling with my weight took its...
30 years of struggling with my weight took its toll on me mentally as well as physically. I remember thinking "no point exercising and eating right now, my body is beyond repair." with my skin baggy and stretched like an old mother cat. I was 5'3 and 243 lbs when I was finally brave enough to step on a scale ( I imagine that i was around 260 at one point maybe more.) I am amazingly blessed with a wonderful, encouraging and loving husband, no matter what my weight. He told me to set a goal and whenever I was comfortable with my results he would get me the breasts that I was so strangely NOT blessed with. Yes, with all my aunts, both grandmothers and my mom all well endowed, I, even at my largest, could not fill out a "b" cup, and lets be honest, most of that was "armpit fat." Having tiny boobs and a very broad chest and back made finding a bra impossible, I was left using two extenders at a time and battled my straps falling of my shoulders non-stop.
10 months of watching my calorie intake, workout DVDs and Just Dance on Wii and I lost 63 lbs and hit a plateau of epic proportions. I was satisfied with my progress, made an appointment to see a doctor and checked my schedule for some tentative dates. The experience was not at all what I expected. How could he suggest that I, with my always tiny breasts need a LIFT also. He also broke the news that, they weren't just small, but were misshapen, DEFORMED even. He went as far as saying that I "was dealt a lousy hand." and I could "definitely benefit from a tummy tuck as well. The he flippantly suggested that I lose the last 30 lbs before making an appointment for the $30k worth of procedures I "required." I was crushed. We moved to a new city. I met a friend and finally felt confident enough to join a gym.
18 months passed and my plateau was still in full force, I hadn't lost any weight, but I hadn't gained any either. After much soul searching I finally mustered up the courage to try a new doctor. I made an appointment and tried to keep my exceptions low. Dr. Hayley Brown didn't sugar coat anything but she didn't leave me feeling like a sideshow attraction either. She confirmed that I did need a lift as well as an implant. She explained that scars are part of the deal. What she didn't say was "the Oz doesn't wish to see you today to grant you the flat stomach and full breasts you want. "Come back in 30 impossible lbs!" She said that if my weight has been stable and I am comfortable being a size 12 that she could make my belly smooth and contoured just as if I was never any bigger than this and give me the perfect sized breasts to fit my frame. SOLD!!
After my first appointment with Dr. Brown I scheduled my surgery date for Feb. 12, 2014, giving myself right at a month to prepare. My husband works 40 hrs a week + commute and though he is not helpless, he is used to having a house-wife. We also have an insane, 9 mo old puppy that must be watched constantly. Step one was calling my Dad and asking permission to borrow my mom for post-op. He was extremely positive and encouraging about the tummy tuck and suggested that I keep mom for as long as I thought I needed to.....I may have left out the news of the breast implants. I have read over and over how important a healthy diet is after surgery so over next 4 weeks I started to eat better. I cut out fried foods, bread and all drinks besides water, I also started to eat 5 small meals a day. I continued my Zumba, elliptical and weights regimen. 15 lbs fell off me in no time !!! February 6 th was my pre -surgery appointment. We spent a half hour going over every possible hurdle that I might come upon but Dr. Browns confidence shined through dark words like seroma and necrosis. I just trust her completely. We talked about all my concerns and discuss size. Ahhh, size,this is a touchy subject. As a teen I never woke up to full breasts; I just skipped that part of adolescence. So now, at 33 waking up with boobs was a scary prospect. I was terrified that they would be HUGE, and obtrusive and have that ulgy "butt crack" looking cleavage. OH and worst of all that they would be so high that I could barely see over them!!!! At my first appointment, Dr. Brown suggested that I would go with a 540cc bag/ D cup and explained because I have a wider chest that I really needed to have a large bag to fill the space. This all seemed legit and yet, still huge to me. I was please that with my extra little push on weight loss she felt that a 460cc would do the trick. I have to say that I was surprised that I didn't spend time with spacers or try on pre filled bras to pick a size. I didn't even stand in front of a mirror......I just relied on the trained eye of a professional /women that knows best.
The night before the surgery I spent a long time alone with my camera, trying to get unflattering pics of myself in and out of clothes. I wanted mementos of every bit of flab and every ripple. I thought that I would best be able to appreciate my results if i could compare the before and after. I have spent years and $$$$ on spanks, corsets, control top pantyhose and push-up bras to try to camouflage ALL of my body flaws and though I don't think I fooled everyone, always, I am sure that most didn't have a clue what I have been living with. I made sure to get respectable covered pics with no undergarments so at my discretion i could show people my "befores."
I kept waiting to get scared and nervous but it never came. I was prescribed Valium but didn't need to take it. The bible passage that kept playing in my head was Philippians 4:7 "Peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind ."