Getting Closer - Hamilton, Victoria Australia

I'm actually a little scared about this surgery.. well not the surgery it self but the being skinny thing. I dont know how to be skinny. I've been big my entire life and being Big Bec has always been me, I finally become happy and not caring what others think and now I'm going to change it. see because of my weight i dont care what i look like, well i do but not to the extent of putting make up on everyday, doing my hair differently, stuff like that, but being thin means you should care about what you look like, dressing nice, hair done, all that but ive never done that before.
everything about changing scares me and i just hope its worth it. which i know it will be. i'll be healthy, find a man, start a family, all the things i have always wanted but its still scary.

anyway bit of an update on what happening so far.

So i went and saw the dietitian the other day and she has put me on a shake diet, it replaces 2 meals a day and i have to do this so i can lose as much weight as i can before surgery.

I still dont have a date set tho. its kind of bumming me out because i just cant wait for all the pre stuff and waiting to be over with.

I'm thinking about taking up swimming. its something i like and good exercise and i dont like doing gym things. might take up an aquarobics class or something as well.

So I've been talking to a few friends and we have all decided to quit smoking together.. which is a relief for me because I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it by myself and I have to otherwise I can't have surgery..

I am also working on losing weight which slowed a bit over Christmas as I was super busy and take away seemed easier then stopping what I was doing and cooking. I have a diet that I'm going to stick too.. last time I did it I lost 20 kilos (44lbs) in a month so I'll do that so I'm way under hospital weight regulations.. I just don't want to risk it..

In other news I have to go to see the dietician on the 6th and that s all the hospital visits so far.. I just have to sit and wait till I hear from the surgeon or nurses or whoever and see when my surgery is or whatever else I have too do..

Well anyways hope everyone had a good Christmas and have a good new years..

Hey there.. things are at a bit of a stand still till I see my dietician in January. I'm trying to lose weight and quit smoking before then but it's really hard..

So becaude theres not much news I thought I would write a list of the things I'm looming forward too after surgery.

I can't wait to see the weight coming off and the dress sizes going down instead of up.
I can't wait to feel good about myself
I can't wait to go out and find a man
I can't wait to become a mother
I can't wait to get a job (I feel as if my weigjt plays a big part in not getting a 2nd interview)
I can't wait to be able to walk into any shop and buy clothes
I can't wait to go shopping or out with my friends and feel like people go "oh she's the fat one of the group"
I can't wait to go to restaurants and peoples places and not worrying about breaking chairs
I can't wait to sit in the backseat of a car and have the seatbelt fit
I can't wait about not being embarrassed at the pool or beach
I can't wait to see the "wow she's big" look on people's faces when I first meet someone
I can't wait to go out with my brother and feel good about meeting people he knows and not feel embarrassed for him having a big sister like me
I cant wait to have a pair of shoes longer than 3 months without the insoles wearing out
I can't wait to make my parents proud and be the person they wanted me to be
I cant wait to get more tattoos
And last but definitely not least I can't wait to look in the mirror and love what I see instead of hating everything looking back