Still Coming to Terms with It - Gloucester, UK

Hi girls First of all I need to apologise for my English, I am sure you will find some mistakes! I have posted part of my story through this website and I think now it is time to tell my story more in full, mainly to seek help or illusions, I don’t know! I had my implants in June 2005 by TMG in London to boost my confidence, I did it just for myself (I liked to wear strapless tops, low tops and look more curvy just with a t-shirt). After the operation I was very happy, not too small not too big. I had 310cc under the muscle, I was a small A cup and went to a C cup. I loved it.

They were relatively soft to the touch, I never had problems! In 2012, I heard, as everyone else, the scandal of PIP implants and having kept all the documentation I knew mine were PIP. I tried not to worry about and convinced myself everything was ok, but then something had to be done so I called TMG. After making few phone calls finally they called me back for an appointment. To make the whole story shorter TMG offered a free removal or paying £3000 for replacement. I was really disgusted by their offers especially when they said they are not making profit on it, please don’t tell me one silicone implant costs £1500! This really put me off! Even more when I had the scan done few weeks later, my right implant was ruptured showing silicone around my lymph nodes!

My first and final decision was the removal without replacement because I was and still am sick of the whole failing system and luck of support we have and also I didn’t want to give a penny to TMG! I decided to get them removed from NHS because I felt TMG were patronising people, playing mind games, hitting you where your weaknesses were! Even though I made the decision I felt really sad to remove them, I was happy with them, still soft and no change of shape whatsoever (without the scan I wouldn’t have known I had a rupture). What will I look like? Will I feel still sexy? Will my husband still love me? I had so many questions in my mind and most of them; they couldn’t be answered until after the operation! I looked the internet and saw so many bad and good pictures, which one would be me? The date was set for the 9th of August, I was so nervous, I cried so much (I still do). As soon as I woke up I had a pick … I felt so sick, I cried so much, the hospital had to call my husband.

Anyway today it is the 22nd of August and I still find really hard to look at myself, it makes me sick touch them, I don’t feel sexy anymore. So far I can’t see much of an improvement; I try not to look at them too much! I manage to take a picture maybe with the hope of a miracle but I think my expectations are too high, I should accept my self for what I am but I can’t, not at moment! I always said: I rather live a short and happy life then a long and miserable one; should I have left them without thinking of the consequences? Or will I recover and understand the real meaning of life which it is not only bum and [RS bleep]? The fact is I do understand boob is not everything but as soon as I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t know what happens, I just start crying and being miserable like there is nothing else in life, not even a loving understanding husband that would do anything for me! It is so hard!