Still Coming to Terms with It - Gloucester, UK

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Hi girls First of all I need to apologise for my...

Hi girls First of all I need to apologise for my English, I am sure you will find some mistakes! I have posted part of my story through this website and I think now it is time to tell my story more in full, mainly to seek help or illusions, I don’t know! I had my implants in June 2005 by TMG in London to boost my confidence, I did it just for myself (I liked to wear strapless tops, low tops and look more curvy just with a t-shirt). After the operation I was very happy, not too small not too big. I had 310cc under the muscle, I was a small A cup and went to a C cup. I loved it.

They were relatively soft to the touch, I never had problems! In 2012, I heard, as everyone else, the scandal of PIP implants and having kept all the documentation I knew mine were PIP. I tried not to worry about and convinced myself everything was ok, but then something had to be done so I called TMG. After making few phone calls finally they called me back for an appointment. To make the whole story shorter TMG offered a free removal or paying £3000 for replacement. I was really disgusted by their offers especially when they said they are not making profit on it, please don’t tell me one silicone implant costs £1500! This really put me off! Even more when I had the scan done few weeks later, my right implant was ruptured showing silicone around my lymph nodes!

My first and final decision was the removal without replacement because I was and still am sick of the whole failing system and luck of support we have and also I didn’t want to give a penny to TMG! I decided to get them removed from NHS because I felt TMG were patronising people, playing mind games, hitting you where your weaknesses were! Even though I made the decision I felt really sad to remove them, I was happy with them, still soft and no change of shape whatsoever (without the scan I wouldn’t have known I had a rupture). What will I look like? Will I feel still sexy? Will my husband still love me? I had so many questions in my mind and most of them; they couldn’t be answered until after the operation! I looked the internet and saw so many bad and good pictures, which one would be me? The date was set for the 9th of August, I was so nervous, I cried so much (I still do). As soon as I woke up I had a pick … I felt so sick, I cried so much, the hospital had to call my husband.

Anyway today it is the 22nd of August and I still find really hard to look at myself, it makes me sick touch them, I don’t feel sexy anymore. So far I can’t see much of an improvement; I try not to look at them too much! I manage to take a picture maybe with the hope of a miracle but I think my expectations are too high, I should accept my self for what I am but I can’t, not at moment! I always said: I rather live a short and happy life then a long and miserable one; should I have left them without thinking of the consequences? Or will I recover and understand the real meaning of life which it is not only bum and tits? The fact is I do understand boob is not everything but as soon as I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t know what happens, I just start crying and being miserable like there is nothing else in life, not even a loving understanding husband that would do anything for me! It is so hard!

Thanks to all of you for your support, even though...

Thanks to all of you for your support, even though I still feel very upset, reading your comments it makes me feel better.
I have posted my after ops photo, I really hate them, I still avoid to look at them as much as possible, I just can't stand them.
I didn't like them before the operation because they were far too small, now they are smaller and saggy, I don't know how they are going to change in the future, at least not in better! :-(

Just to let you know, I just came back from my...

Just to let you know, I just came back from my last consultation with my doctor for a check up, it is all good, my left scar is better then the right one but they are healing ok. I have uploaded a photo so you can see the rapture of the right implant. I have caught it on time as the silicone hasn't become liquid yet!
I have to thank you all of you and this website for the kind support I am receiving, I really appreciate it!!!!

I went bra-shopping today, I wasn't looking...

I went bra-shopping today, I wasn't looking forward to it, but I ended up buying a 32 D and 32 DD bras!!
Of course padded one, I don't even dare to wear no padded bra!
I bought some silicone enhancers from Silicone Sally, they are great, I had to increase my cup size to DD (of course, I guess, it depends on brands). Then I bought a D cup bra from Ann Summers the one that increases your cup size, it looks good, I hope.
Of course I can't see myself naked, they look awful, or even with a normal bra in my normal cup size, I am a B cup (I didn't know that) but quite an empty B. Anyway will see what the future will bring me!

Just uploaded few more recent photo, the dent...

Just uploaded few more recent photo, the dent hasn't been filled.
They don't look any better then the first photo, gutted!
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