8 months post-op and new pic - 265cc's

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I am a 31 one year old woman who has wanted...

I am a 31 one year old woman who has wanted breasts even before puberty hit. Maybe I played with too many Barbies as a child, but ever since I can remember I always looked forward to having breasts. When puberty hit and I remained a scrawny stick figure who people mistook for a 12 year old (when I was in fact 17) I felt like my body betrayed me in some way. Where were my boobs? I felt embarrassed about my body. It was even worse when many different people in my life would point out the fact that I was missing boobs. "Grow some boobs" or "your flat!" were common things I heard.

I eventually learned to accept that I was flat-chested, and glad that I had a small frame to at least go with it. Then I gave birth to my first child. For the first time in my life, BAM, I had boobs. I have never felt so feminine or sexy before. I was a small C cup while I breastfed my son. I weaned him at 10 months and all of a sudden the rug was yanked out from me. Not only was my chest smaller than it had been before I was pregnant, but my nipples were stretched out and droopy, too. Great! I made the decision that after I was done having children that I should get a BA.

I gave birth to my daughter in October 2009 and went through the same cycle with breastfeeding her. I had these beautiful breasts and then when I weaned her they were once again gone and my nipples were left even more droopy. Awesome.

I have been saving up money and going through all of the freak-out moments many of you have described. I had my first consult about a year after my daughter was born and then another one this fall where I scheduled my surgery date and paid my down payment. My biggest freak-out moment was a couple weeks ago where I almost threw in the towel. I go back and forth all the time, but ultimately I want this so badly. I need to do this for myself.
I have a great husband who loves me no matter what I look like. He is probably very annoyed with all of my "Oh my god!" moments leading up to the surgery. I have been obsessing about this for years.

I will take some pics and upload them as soon as I can.
I am 5'1 and 108 lbs. I am a runner with an athletic frame. I am getting Allergan Silicone unders at a small 265 CC. I am terrified of going too big and want a natural look for my small frame.
I am a little over a month out from my surgery so I will try to post as often as I can to reflect my thoughts leading up to the surgery.

So, I am honestly afraid of going too large with...

So, I am honestly afraid of going too large with my implants, because I don't want to be "all boobs" but in the same sense I know that 265 cc's are pretty small. My PS told me that if I want to come back in at any time to see bigger implants and bring someone with I can do that. I think I am going to bring my husband in just to make sure I'm happy with the 265's. I wouldn't go much bigger if I went any bigger at all, but gosh... why is it so hard to find the exact right size? My PS recommended 265, but he said I could go a little bigger if I wanted to. I think I've had too much time to think about this before my surgery date, lol!

I will be going in next Wednesday to try on the...

I will be going in next Wednesday to try on the sizers one last time to determine that 265cc is the size for me! I am bringing my husband this time. I also received my prescriptions in the mail today along with some paperwork. I am feeling more confident as the date approaches and getting really excited!

Yesterday I went back into my PS's office to try...

Yesterday I went back into my PS's office to try on the sizers once again. I brought my hubby with me this time. I thought he would be helpful, but he seemed a little clueless about what to say... I think he was afraid that I'd feel pressure from him or something, but I don't so it was almost more frustrating to have him there in a way. I tried on the 265's I originally picked out, 286 and 304. My hubby said he couldn't see a difference between all 3 implant sizes, but I could. I decided to pick the one in the middle, the 286cc. I liked the 265 and I am still scared of going too big, but I do not want to look back and think, "Oh man, I should have just gone a tad bigger" and I know the 304's were just way too big for my frame. The bummer part is that they made me pay a $40 restocking fee, because they said they already had ordered my 265 implants even though my surgery is still 3 weeks away. I was kind of annoyed by that, but I know $40 is a small price to pay for peace of mind. The brand and style of the implant is Natrelle silicon style 15.

I've been nicely distracted with the holidays and...

I've been nicely distracted with the holidays and all of the hustle and bustle that goes along with it, so although I've been obsessed about boobs and the surgery, it hasn't really hit me yet that in one week I'll be going under the knife. I am a very nervous person by nature so I know I am going to be a wreck next week. Honestly, I just want to get the surgery part over with so I can just focus on healing and recovering from it.

Major concerns about surgery:

My surgery is on a Wednesday and the following Monday I am going back to work. I've heard driving for some is very difficult this soon after surgery. Thoughts?

I will need to bring my 3 year old daughter to daycare that morning and drop off my 6 year old son at school. My son is very self sufficient, but my daughter is very stubborn and a lot of times won't get in her car seat unless I pick her up and put her in there. I know I won't be able to do this, she will have to get into it herself no matter how stubborn she is, but even buckling her car seat buckles (a five point harness) takes a lot of muscling around to get it snapped into place. Thoughts? Is this going to be too much for me?

I also have to carry my laptop bag with my laptop obviously inside of it into work. Then, I will be thrown back into my busy desk job where stress is high right now about a lot of projects going on. I am afraid of how much I will be feeling by day 6. I don't manage pain well and I need to mask it in front of my coworkers.

Last but not least, the pain pill I received a prescription for is vicodin. The only other time I've been put under for surgery is when I had my wisdom teeth remove. Whatever pain pill they gave me (I can't remember what it was since it was years ago) it made me so sick and I was throwing up. Does anyone know if vicodin can give you an icky tummy? I get sick really easily and I am thinking I might want a pain pill that is easier on the stomach if vicodin is known to upset people's stomachs.

Happy belated Christmas everyone!!

I just paid my balance in full... definitely a...

I just paid my balance in full... definitely a little surreal. It's a done deal, and now there is no backing out. In one week I'll be 1 day post-op. So excited... okay, and scared sh*tless! ;)

For those of you who have picked up the Arnica...

For those of you who have picked up the Arnica Montana, do you know if I can get it from a drug store like Walgreens? I am planning on filling my prescriptions this afternoon and thought I would look to see if they had it, but I've been seeing a lot of you have ordered it off of Amazon. I have also read that bromelain is useful... anyone use that before surgery? Last but not least, for the scars how soon after your BA did you start applying a topical agent?

I filled my prescriptions yesterday. I had a...

I filled my prescriptions yesterday. I had a antibiotic to fill and Vicodin is the pain med that my PS prescribed for me. I am kind of setting myself up with the expectation that I will be nauseated and pukey after surgery. This simply comes from my only other experience of being knocked out for surgery (wisdom teeth) and how I reacted after that. I really wish I could remember what kind of narcotic pain med I was given for that surgery, because it made me really sick to my stomach so I went without a pain med and man... that was probably one of the most painful experiences of my life and this is coming from someone who has given birth twice.
I'm the kind of person who likes to prepare for the worst so that I'm taken by surprise if things end up better than expected.. I think I might even bring a puke bucket with me for the car ride afterward.
In some ways I feel a little alone about this entire journey so I'm glad I have this site. I haven't told my parents or siblings about my surgery and I have only told two girlfriends about it, and of course my husband knows. My husband has been supportive in the sense that he's fully prepared to be cooking dinner every night, taking care of the kids, etc... while I rest. But, he's not the kind of guy to tell me to take it easy. So, once I go back to work I have a feeling he's going to expect me to be fully back into the swing of things. This will only put me at 6 days post-op and I am concerned about being projected back into work, the kids swimming lessons, dance schedules, grocery shopping, and house work. Plus, we are having a belated christmas party with our friends 10 days after my surgery and I just feel like there's going to be a lot of pressure on me to have the house clean, food prepped, and I don't think I can do it all on my own. It's not that my husband absolutely won't help if I don't ask, but if I need something to be done and if he doesn't feel like it's important then he just won't do it even if it's important to me. That upsets me. I don't know why I'm going off on a tangent about this right now, but I guess I have no else to vent to since so few people know about my surgery. Maybe I'm having pre-surgery blues?

My PS's office just called and confirmed I need to...

My PS's office just called and confirmed I need to be at the surgical center at 6:30 in the morning. I need to shower that morning, no make-up, no acrylic nails, etc... I asked if I could wear deodorant though and they said yes thank goodness, lol. They said the surgery will start around 8:00 - 8:15.
Here's the kicker... my husband has to bring the kids to daycare/school that day but my son's school doesn't even start until 7:55 so we're going to have to drive seperately. I'm going to have to leave my vehicle there until I am able to drive again. I'm kind of nervous about sitting there alone waiting for surgery to start. I feel so alone in this journey sometimes... I know it's my fault for not telling anyone about the procedure, but I just don't want a lot of people to know at this point in my life. I will tell my parents and siblings this summer when it will be evident. My parents own a lake cabin and we spend every weekend in the summertime at the lake in our swimsuits so it will be VERY obvious especially since I've been the butt of all bad jokes my whole life about being flat-chested in my family. Everyone else has had boobs but me. So, it will be like, "HELLO!"
Getting nervous, but excited... and I'm way more calm than I thought I would be.
I cleaned the 2nd floor of our home today... I'm talking deep cleaning. My house is shining. Tomorrow I will focus on the 1st story and finish up laundry, etc...
I'm mostly just excited to get the surgery over with so all of the anticipation can be over with.

Well, tomorrow is the big day and I got lucky...

Well, tomorrow is the big day and I got lucky (sarcasm) by getting my period today. I knew it was coming so it's not a surprise, but now I have these irrational worries about how that's going to affect me during surgery, mostly... do you get to wear underwear during surgery? If so, can you wear your own or do they give you underwear? I keep worrying (this is probably TMI, sorry) that my tampon will leak on the table or something gross like that. Sorry for the details, but this supposed to be a "real" blog so there you go. Anyone else have their period during surgery? Can you wear undies?

Well ladies, I am on the other side of boobyville...

Well ladies, I am on the other side of boobyville and I am... well, in a lot of pain. I have a very low threshold for pain though so please keep that in mind.
I got up at 5:30 yesterday morning, and showered, took off all my jewelry and put on my comfy clothes and left. I was very nervous and scared. Luckily an old friend of mine works at my PS's office in the billing department so she sat with me as I filled out my paperwork. After I filled that out they brought me back to a room and went over all of the paperwork in greater detail. Then the anesthesiologist came in and spoke to me about the type of anesthesia she would be administering and what to expect in the operating room until she would put me under. The staff was incredible. She put my IV in and this is when my hubby arrived. She gave me my antibiotic via IV and I suddenly got very light-headed to the point I thought I was going to pass out and there was a loud ringing in my ears. At this point I got emotional and started to cry. My husband and the anesthesiologist were very good with me and helped talk me down. I started to feel better. They let me wear my own underwear as a side note before I forget to mention that.
I went to the bathroom one last time and then I walked into the OR. I had forgotten about a piercing high up in my cartilage on my ear that I've had for about 12 years and haven't once changed the earring. It was a steel ball type earring and I had no idea how to get it out so a nurse got a little plier thing and got it out for me.
They got me comfortable on the table and gave me oxygen and told me to breathe deeply. Then they said they were giving me something to help put me under and I felt my body getting more and more relaxed and I even said, "here I go!" and then I was out.
I woke up in recovery and I felt immediate pain my breasts. I had the sweetest nurse who was so attentive to me. I remember her giving me my pain med and my antibiotic. I was in an out of consciousness because at one point when my husband was there I said I had just gotten into recovery when I had been there for over an hour. I started to get really nauseated. 2 different times I dry heaved really badly for an extended period of time but I had nothing in my stomach to throw up. I kept drinking water, because I had the worst cotton mouth of my life. I also had a horrible sore throat from the breathing tube. I finally drank enough water so that the next time I got nauseated I had something to throw up which I was grateful for because after that I didn't get nauseated again.
Before I knew it the nurse was helping me get dressed and then we were out the door and on our way home. We only lasted a couple blocks before I made my husband stop at a gas station to get me a bottle of water because my cotton mouth was very severe. I tried chewing a piece of gum but it turned into paste in my mouth because I had no saliva to wet it down.
I got home and we had set up my guest bedroom so I was at a 45 degree incline. I pretty much slept all afternoon. I tried eating some toast but again it turned into paste because of my cotton mouth. I felt a significant amount of pain the whole time.
I finally got out of bed around 6:00 last night and walked around a bit and watched some tv. I kept coughing and breathing deeply as I was instructed to prevent pneumonia from settling into my lungs.
It was around this time I looked at my paperwork and I discovered something... my PS put in 265 CC implants when I had ordered 286 and even payed a restocking fee for them. I am a little miffed about this... he had even confirmed with me that morning that it was 286CC that I was getting. So either they screwed up and never switched my implants that were in stock and gave me a smaller implant or I'm trying to give my PS the benefit of the doubt that maybe there was a reason he went with 265... but no one told me this yesterday after surgery. I have my post-op this afternoon so I am going to ask at that time. I will be pissed if it was an error on there part... does anyone know if I have any rights here and what I could do?
I slept okay last night. My back is hurting from the 45 degree angle, and I am feeling less "twilght-zoneish". The pain really comes and goes... mostly it is just so tight and uncomfortable. How soon until some of you felt at least a little bit of relief with the extreme tightness and discomfort?
My hubby is at work so my girlfriend is picking me up and bringing me in to my post-op. I'll update after that appointment. I am so thankful for the support of this site. Yesterday as I waiting for surgery I kept reading through all of your kind comments... it means so much to me!
Oh, and I will post pictures tonight. I get my bandages off today so I will snap some photos once my hubby gets home.

Well, I had my post-op today and I brought up...

Well, I had my post-op today and I brought up using the 265 instead of the 286 implant. They argued with me that I said I wanted the 265 prior to surgery. I was horrified. I told them I would have never said that... why would I have paid a restocking fee and everything? I felt like they were ganging up on me. I told them I am okay with the smaller one being used, but I just want my restocking fee back. I do like how they look and they fit my frame perfectly, I don't want any negative energy surrounding my BA experience so I'm letting this go and not going to worry about it. It is what it is and I think they look awesome. I can't wait for them to drop and fluff. I'll post pics as soon as I can!

Yesterday was a rough day emotionally and...

Yesterday was a rough day emotionally and physically. I was still in so much pain. My PS told me I could stop taking the hydrocodone if I wanted to since it causes constipation so I started taking tylenol instead. Big mistake. I was in so much pain. I broke down crying in front of my kids and husband and then went into a tangent of, "why did I do this to myself, I'm in so much pain, this sucks!" and my husband convinced me to take the hydrocodone again. It didn't take long for that to kick in and it took the pain away, but my muscles were completely achey and sore. I kept up with the hydrocodone all night and slept great which shocks me considering I am typically not a good sleeper if I'm not laying flat and I was sitting up all night. I think the hydrocodone knocks me out and makes me loopy. I'm a little worried how I'll sleep once I stop taking that. I think I might try to skip a dose of it again today and supplement with tylenol but if the pain starts to kick in I know I'll take it again. I only had surgery 2 days ago so I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
I have the clear to shower today so once my husband comes home and I can have help taking off my bra and getting into the shower I'll take some pictures. Yesterday when they took off the bandaging at my post-op my boobs are very flat on the bottom below my nipples. I think I'll be a large b or small c cup. I'm a little worried that once the swelling goes down that I will think they are too small... this is why I originally wanted the 286.... grrr... again, I'm not trying to let the negativity get me down. I still have WAY more than I ever did before.

I am uploading pics that I took last night before...

I am uploading pics that I took last night before my first shower. I was afraid to look at them. I was terrified I'd be disappointed or scared. The way they look from the front scares me... I know they look in the realm of "normal" but it still freaks me out to see them like this. When I took my bra off I felt like they were going to fall out... anyone else have this sensation? When I put my bra back on my incision on my right breast burned horribly. I had not taken hydrocodone all day, just tylenol, so I finally caved and took some and even then my incision burned. My husband helped reposition my bra strap and the gauze and it immediately felt better... I wonder if I was rubbing the incision wrong? I go back to work in 2 days and I want to sob... I don't feel ready. I know I have all day ahead of me to see how I feel so I'll take it one day at a time. I took my last hydrocodone at 3:00 a.m. and it's 9:43. I took a tylenol this morning and I'm hoping I can take just that all day. I have not gone to the bathroom since the day of my operation on Wednesday. I have been taking stool softener. I look severly bloated and pregnant in my opinion. I am hoping I can go soon, but I know I have a few days to go before I am in panic mode about not going especially since my appetite has been terrible the last few days and I haven't really eaten much of anything. Anyone else have a decreased appetite? I feel like such a wuss... I can't wait to start feeling normal again.

I feel like today is a big turning point for me. ...

I feel like today is a big turning point for me. My pain has lessened considerably. I still feel incredibly tight and I'm still afraid of my breasts appearance. I know they are doing fine, but I am very squeamish about scars, blood, etc... so until they start to look more normal I will likely be content to keep them out of sight. Yesterday, with the help of my hubby, I made dinner and it felt good to do something I enjoy. Today we are picking up my car which is still at the surgical center. I am nervous to drive, but I feel much more prepared for it than I did 2 days ago. Tomorrow is the "scary" day when I have to get my kids ready in the morning, bring them to school, and then go to work for the full day. I am terrified of this, but prepared to leave work early if I feel like it's too much. The best part is that my pain is hardly there and manageable with tylenol. I still haven't gone to the bathroom... I will panic after it's been a week so I have a few days. I haven't stretched out my arms completely yet or lifted them over my head. I was instructed NOT to do this until I go back for my 1 week post-op. I am not supposed to start massages until my 1 month post-op as well. Anyway, just wanted to report that day 4 post-op was the miracle day when I started feeling relatively normal (I use that term loosely).

Today I am 7 days post-op and each day is better...

Today I am 7 days post-op and each day is better and better. Yesterday my back hurt me all day which is probably my biggest complaint since being back at work. My chest still feels foreign and tight. I go between loving my boobs and feeling weird about them. I have such small implants, but considering I was so flat beforehand I feel like they are gigantic on my frame right now. It's just a matter of getting used to it, I know. I am no longer taking tylenol, but yesterday I overdid it and at one point when digging through my freezer I pulled my chest muscle really badly and I spent the rest of the night holding myself in pain. Last night was also the first night I lowered the elevation on my pillows so I wasn't sitting up anymore when I sleep, but laying at more of an angle. I slept like a baby. My hubby came down with a stomach bug so tonight I'm on my own with the kids unless he feels better. I'm exhausted, but one day at a time. I'll post more pics once I see a more dramatic difference. Right now they are still high and tight and feel foreign.

I had my 1 week post-op yesterday. They are...

I had my 1 week post-op yesterday. They are starting to round out on the bottom, and I am really starting to like what I see. I don't have full mobility in my arms, yet. They said not to push it. It still feels like foreign objects are on my chest, but not as dramatically as before. I have no pain, just tightness, and a few of the "zingers" started yesterday. I am feeling great! I'll try to take pics again sometime soon so you can see how they are rounding out some more. I love the size, I think they are perfect for me.

I feel almost completely normal. I have morning...

I feel almost completely normal. I have morning boob as everyone else describes first thing in the morning. They are still pretty firm, but are slowly rounding out on the bottom. I love the size. So far I feel like the 265's were a great size for my frame. I am about the same size I was pre-op with a mega-padded bra on. That was what I wanted post-op so hopefully they don't shrink anymore!

Tomorrow will mark 1 month since I had my surgery....

Tomorrow will mark 1 month since I had my surgery. It feels like I've had these boobs forever. First of all, I love them. They are the perfect size for my petite frame, and NO ONE can tell I've had a boob job which is exactly what I had hoped for. They are still really small boobs, and I love that as well. I can start running again on Monday which I'm really looking forward to. Sometimes I think they are a little too small, simply because I had wanted the 286's and my PS goofed up and put the smaller size in me. Whenever I think about that I try to let it go, because I still don't want to accept any negative energy around the surgery or my new boobs. They are beautiful, and I am happy with them so I don't want to change my attitude about that.
I had my 1 month post-op appointment yesterday. My incisions have been raised, and just about a week ago the scabs finally fell off. I had felt my boobs a bit, but stayed away from them for the most part to let them heal. At my appointment yesterday they told me they want me to start massages. What they showed me aren't really massages, but more so pressing really hard into the implant all around the nipple. They said I need to press as hard I can and should probably even press myself into a wall to get enough force. I was kind of surprised by this, and while practicing it was the first time I could actually feel the implant inside of my breast. I could feel where the breast tissue was and where the implant was. It felt so strange to me.
Also, they want me to press on my incisions with my middle and pointer fingers pretty hard. This is to help the sutures dissolve and they said the incisions won't be so raised up anymore. This hurt. Pressing on my breast didn't hurt, but pressing on the incisions did. Part of me doesn't understand this... it seems like by pushing on the incisions that I will have the risk of making the scars of the incisions bigger. Does anyone have any experience with this, or feel the same way? I don't even know if I remember reading on here that anyone else had been asked to press on thier incisions as part of their massage therapy? Any insight would be helpful. I will try to take some updated pictures soon so you guys can see how they are looking. To me they don't look a lot different than the last set of pictures I uploaded, but you never know.

This week I started running again. I know a lot...

This week I started running again. I know a lot of women are curious what the experience is like after a BA so I wanted to update. I actually did not buy any bigger sized sports bras, but bought some new ones without padding which was surreal for me to keep a womanly shape while wearing an unlined sports bra. I just wore one bra the first two days when I ran. They didn't feel like they were bouncing around at all, but I was a little sore toward the end of my run. My boobs just felt a tad bit achey. So yesterday and today I wore two sports bras and they were very secured in place. It took away that achey feeling. I took about 5 weeks off from running after my BA so getting started again has exhausted me. All week my leg muscles have felt stiff and sore, but it's that good soreness when you know you've had a good work-out.
I do find myself still thinking how small my breasts are. However, even though my breasts are still on the small side I don't think I'm disappointed by it. I think I am more curious about the "what if". I am so used to their size now that I feel that pull toward, "more" even though I know I never wanted large breasts... I just wanted breasts in general. I love the shape of my breasts and I love being able to fill out tops and clothing I never could before. I love that I can wear a t-shirt around the house at home and not feel like a teenage boy in front of my husband, but like a sex kitten wearing nothing but a t-shirt. It's just changed my attitude and perspective about my own sex appeal. It's empowered me.
I also know one day in the future I will upgrade, but hopefully I won't need another surgery for a really long time. At that point I will go bigger, but for now I know my risks are low for complications with such a small implant so I'm choosing to be content with my decision even if part of my brain "goes there" wondering "what if" I had gone bigger.
I do know this is the single best decision I have ever made for myself. I encourage anyone who is debating on getting a BA to just go ahead and do it for yourself. Women these days are so over-worked in all aspects of life while giving so much of themselves to others. It's time to give back to yourself. I know I don't regret it.

I am a little over 3 months out, and I really need...

I am a little over 3 months out, and I really need to update with pictures. However, I finally went into Victoria's Secret today and got measured. I am a 32C. I tried on some beautiful lace demi bras and I wanted to cry tears of happiness at the way I looked. They weren't padded and they were beautiful and made my boobs look beautiful. I am so happy with my size for those of you out there who are considering a smaller implant. They look so realistic for my frame and no one would EVER guess I've had a boob job.

When did the rest of you ladies start wearing underwire?

I think I am truly an example that you don't need...

I think I am truly an example that you don't need a huge implant to increase a couple cup sizes. I love the size of my breasts. They are realistic for my frame and I can be active without any interference. I am running a half marathon in 2 weeks and training has been no problem. This is the best thing I ever did for myself!

Updating the title of my post

Updating the title of my post

8 Months Post-Op - 265cc

I am absolutely in love with my new self. Having this surgery was the best thing I have ever done. I have never felt sexier. I had a good friend of my husband's ask me if I've been working out more or something because, "I look great". I secretly knew it was because of my new additions, but it's not super noticeable when I'm clothed... just enough to make someone think I look better, but they can't quite place it. If you are on the fence about the surgery I would recommend biting the bullet and just doing it. You won't regret it!
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