Facial feminization for Cis-female, 50 at time of surgery

Zoom about did me in. SnapChat doubled-down. My face had never been my best feature, but I felt "cute enough" that mirrors never bugged me. But somehow on Zoom (almost daily between meetings working full-time in IT and classes in the evenings) I was horrified every time I saw myself. And then that SnapChat filter where it turns you into an "idealized" man or woman? The man one turned me into my brother. Okay, fair enough. But the woman one turned me into a gorgeous woman-- someone I did not recognize at all. I realized that somewhere along the way I'd deviated from "cute enough" to "practically a man" unless I was dolled up like a pageant girl. I had to delete the SnapChat app because I was mesmerized by that feminine beauty, so much so that I would get a jump scare when I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface. Yikes! Who was that ugly old man?

I had always wanted to "age gracefully" and so I decided I could live with it, accept that women's faces get more masculine with age, and be thankful that I had a "cute enough" run, lots of long hair to distract from my face, and plenty of other good qualities more important than appearance to take up the slack... but then I remembered one of those good qualities is that I don't settle just because it's easier or less scary... and another is being open to changing my mind when presented with new data. The new data was that I was not turning into a cute old woman as I had expected. I was turning into an ugly old man. Surgery was a scary proposition, but I decided avoiding mirrors and windows for the rest of my life was worse.

I don't care much what other people look like, and I don't treat them differently because they are gorgeous or unattractive. But I did not like what I was seeing and I couldn't come up with a good reason to not change that. Why should I be unattractive just because that was the hand I'd been dealt when there are ways to mitigate it? I am not superficial or shallow, but plenty of people are. I was embarking on a new and hard-fought-for career and I wanted to do it feeling confident when I walked into a room. It wasn't about looking younger. I am fine with getting older. I am not fine, however, with transforming into a man without my consent. And I was so sick of needing to wear bangs or wearing hats to hide my ridiculously high forehead. With my new career, hats would not be an option. I'd be relegated to mandatory bangs for the rest of working days. Why would I not just do something about it?

So I researched theories of aesthetics and gender norms, and my research naturally led me to providers who do a lot of transgender women's surgeries-- who better to help a cis-woman who is too masculine for her liking than a doctor who helps transgender women look more feminine. I looked at procedure possibilities and confirmed my belief that most non-surgical procedures do nothing or next to nothing (the amount of money people, especially women, spend on the-emperor-has-no-clothes placebos for no results other than deluding themselves is utterly ridiculous) and decided on hairline advancement/brow lift with some minor bone shaving, face-and-neck lift, blepharoplasty, and lip lift (with possible buccal fat removal and rhinoplasty).

I decided Dr. Cardenas was the doctor for me because of his impeccable credentials, largely fantastic reviews, and some convincing pictures-- plus Guadalajara was a good fit for me. I speak some Spanish (not fluent, but better than most non-latino Americans), the flight from the USA east coast was not cost or distance prohibitive, and due to the lower cost of living and strong dollar against the peso at the time, I could afford to do what I wanted to do! Plus I don't suffer from American-exceptionalism and, having worked with medical and IT professionals from all over the world and especially Central and South America, I know that other countries-- even ones that get bad-mouthed by certain American media outlets-- especially in their urban centers (Guadalajara is the second largest city in Mexico) have excellent, modern medical facilities and highly educated doctors who take their profession just as seriously as doctors in the USA and care about their patients. There are no guarantees anywhere.

I went alone instead of attending my graduation and stayed in the European Suites hotel rather than a recovery house. Their breakfast buffets were amazing and just what I needed for recovery. I stocked some basic easy-to-eat foods in my fridge before the surgery. Uber and Uber Eats were easy to use (though I downloaded the app while in Mexico and could not get the app in English after I got home and finally had to just delete it). The pop-up taqueria across the street each night was heavenly.

If RealSelf lets me edit this later, I will, but for now I will just generalize and say my experience was really good. Dr. Cardenas is personable, professional, speaks beautiful English, and I was able to converse with him in my baby Spanish before the surgery for much of our discussions and he was very tolerant :) After the surgery it felt like the Spanish had been surgically removed from my brain; I had not realized how much effort it took for me to speak and understand in Spanish and I was simply too exhausted from major surgery.

After care was great. I stayed a mandatory night in the hospital for a reasonable fee (so there was someone to clean me up and hold a bucket when I woke up vomiting from five hours of anesthesia) and went back to my hotel the next day. I was exhausted, but the pain was reasonable (even with no opioids). Energy levels were up and down for weeks... but better and better after the first few days.

I had mild complications, but nothing worrisome.

My body did not like the stitches. They were tolerant of my worries that something was not right, but once the staples and stitches came out it was (and so I was) much better. I stayed a total of 18 days, including a couple days before surgery to do blood work and the consult and such. I would have left two days earlier but did not have results from my COVID test which was necessary for me to fly home.

I had an infection at my hairline a couple weeks after I got home that was handled quickly by urgent care with an antibiotic. Most of my scarring is good, but under my nose from the lip lift it is not so good, but to attribute that to any fault of Dr. Cardenas would be silly. People heal differently and needing to tweak results to get an optimal result is normal.

My only regret is listening to one of his assistants (who was wonderful, kind, smart, lovely, but wrong) who said he did not think I needed the buccal fat removal. I was worried about money and glommed onto his comment to reduce costs and should have stuck to my original belief and had it done. He thought the face lift would do enough to smooth out that area and that it is not good to look too sunken as we age, but I have chipmunk cheeks that are detracting from an otherwise great face lift. The fat at the bottom makes the cheekbones (where we lose fat as we age) out of balance with the bottom of my face.

Hairline advancement can only remove so much forehead, so last fall I went to Cyprus to visit some friends and had hair transplanted in TRNC (fabulous experience) which covered that scar completely and filled in the areas at my temples.

Now I am planning to go back to Guadalajara to have my nose and buccal fat done... I believe when I go back, Dr. Cardenas will tweak that scar a bit and smooth out the one under my chin, too. It is not terrible, but he strikes me as the consummate professional and he is not going to like it the way it is now.

I would never have been able to have as much done as I did in the USA and femeninization is a whole face sort of thing. I am so glad I was able to do what I did.