During puberty I noticed over time a difference in...
During puberty I noticed over time a difference in the size and shape of my breasts..one grew larger and more rounder than the other. By the time I was 19 I saw my gp, who took one look at me and suggested cosmetic surgery on the nhs! At the time it was a scary thought and I decided to wait until I had had children before going ahead with the op.
Pregnancy and breast feeding (which I could only do from the larger breast) made the problem worse. There is now at least two cup sizes between the breasts. Clothes shopping is so hard. I feel like a freak. I have missed out on a lot over the years because of confidence issues. My husband of 15 years had at least two affairs, and I can't help but wonder if my hideous boobs made things worse... I always hid my body from him and felt he was short changed having me with my breasts :'( We are now divorced, I have started dating but cannot bring myself to remove my bra during sex, so any relationships fizzle out quickly.
I want to move on with my life and stop hating my breasts. My local authority appears to give breast reduction/augmentation for a difference of over 30% (which mine is) after monitoring my bmi for a year. I have a gp appointment tomorrow, where I'm hoping he'll agree my smaller breast is tuberous, as that will allow an instant referral rather than having to wait a year first.
Failing this, I will look into getting it fixed privately. I can't afford it really, but life's too short to be miserable forever.
My mom and older sister are pretty furious with me, they think I "should be grateful for what God has given" me. They keep trying to talk me out of it. I sent them a photo of my boobs, hoping once they saw how weird they look they'd understand, but instead they just said "well no one will see them but you anyway". It's a confidence thing, it's for my benefit, but they don't care :'( Has anyone else had similar problems with lack of support, and what did they do?
My ex husband is very supportive, as is my best friend, who said she'll come on this journey with me and attend each appointment. So fingers crossed for tomorrow...
saw gp yesterday
So yesterday I braved the GP. I had taken a photo of my boobs which I had sent to a private surgeon, so I showed them to my gp and explained pretty much what I told you ladies the other day. My GP was very nice, he said I should not call myself a freak and said that all women were asymmetrical to certain extent. He said he is referring me for the surgery for mental reasons not physical ones.
It really does seem I am blessed to be living in an area with such a generous policy....as I am a non smoker, have a healthy bmi (22.3), have reached sexual maturation (I'm 39!) , and there is a difference in size of more than 30% (he estimated 50%!) then I tick all the boxes. I told him I had arranged a private consult for next week but will struggle to meet the costs, but he said the nhs should fund it. There are no guarantees at this stage of course.
It looked like the referral was made by email there and then. He said I'll hear back from them within 2 weeks...from what I've read I'll have an appointment to check my bmi is healthy and also a full scan of the boobs to check the difference.....this appointment itself might be weeks or even months ahead though....then it all gets sent back to whoever makes the decision...and then I get an appointment to see plastic surgeon. So lots of waiting but it'll save me thousands which I haven't got anyway so I'll have to be patient.
I left feeling so excited! This has been like a shameful secret for so many years, and the thought of feeling "normal" would be fabulous. I am well aware that they might choose to just do a reduction (am currently an A and C cup), but even being a small A in both would be a million times better than feeling like a freak! I have already started looking at backless dresses etc I could wear if that happens. I'm very petite all over, so my body wouldn't look too strange with small breasts.
It's been suggested I post a photo. I'm scared it'll get leaked to the wrong places and I'll be made fun of, as my boobs are without a doubt more extreme than any I've seen on here. I do value your support though, perhaps I'll post individual photos of each instead.
Love to all,
So individual photos of my C cup left breast, which is okay ish, just a bit droopy, and my awful A cup right boob, which has constricted growth, that one didn't produce breast milk and I think it's tubular. Hopefully now you'll all understand why I've felt like a freak :'( and why I need support in getting these fixed x
private consultation update
I met with the infamous Adrian Richards of Aurora clinics. For anyone considering seeing him, feel free to reply with any questions, but in a nutshell him and Aggie were fantastic and I would thoroughly recommend them. He didn't make me feel like a freak, said he'd dealt with two very similar cases in the past fortnight, and that there were more severe cases out there than mine. They were very respectful and reassuring and the whole experience did not make me feel at all nervous.
Now for the bad news. He would recommend a double procedure - firstly a reduction of my left C cup to match the size of my right A cup, and at the same time a lift on both. Then, at least three months later, a breast augmentation on both. He said this is the only way to get symmetry, both in the short term and long term. And the cost......"The final price is £10,570.00 with the initial procedure costing £6040.00, followed by the second procedure at a cost of £4530.00"
Bear in mind I'm a single mum of three young kids, I simply haven't got that amount of money available. At a stretch I could afford the first op, and live with small A cup breasts, but he said because my right is slightly tuberous they wouldn't even be rounded, just tiny pointed things. This would be very strange to me having looked like a C cup for so long......
About two weeks later my nhs appointment came through. He had a very different tactic. He said there was nothing wrong with my larger C breast and they would strongly advise against reducing it, but instead would recommend an augmentation of the A cup. They will then do a lift of the C cup and move nipples etc to match as best as possible. But there will never be proper symmetry. Having one real and one fake breast means they will look and feel different. The nhs aim is for symmetry when wearing a bra but not when it is removed.
This would also involve two ops. During the first they will fit a breast expander. I will have to stay in for 2 days. After that, for 1-2 years I will make clinic visits to get the expander filled to match the size of the larger breast. Once that is done there will be a wait of a couple of months for it to drop and take what wold be its final shape. They will then replace the expander with an implant, and lift the natural C cup.
He felt very confident I would get the funding as I ticked all the boxes. I know how difficult it is to get things from the nhs and how stretched they are, so I fully appreciate how lucky I am.
So....mixed feelings. I'm never going to have symmetrical breasts, but surely two C cups of different shapes will make me feel way more confident than my current A and C cups do. Plus, I have never had a partner with an issue with by breasts, all three have discouraged me from having the op. And everyone says all women are slightly different in size anyway. And obviously, not having to find the money makes this one a viable option.
This will enable me to shop and buy an normal bra or bikini, how amazing would that be?! I could choose any top I wanted to wear, rather than having to make sure it wasn't too low cut, didn't have stripes, etc etc.
He said the waiting time was about 17 weeks, which brings me to January..eeek.
I don't understand why the filling of the expander would take 1-2 years, from what I've seen online it's usually just a few months? I'm really quite impatient about all of this now ...x
pre op assessment date
I've received a letter saying I have my pre op on 2nd Nov. I assume this means the funding was approved? I have no idea when that means the op will be. Eeeek...so excited!!! x
Tomorrow's the day. I'm going in to have a temporary tissue expander fitted into the left breast. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I am excited at the thought of starting the journey to no longer feel such a freak, but scared in case something goes wrong and I die on the operating table. When I told my mother I was considering the surgery she said I was being selfish risking leaving my kids motherless, but it's a thought I can't get out of my mind.
My mother and sister do not know I'm having it done. My oldest two sons, a handful of friends, and my newish boyfriend do, but that is all. Following the op I'll be staying at my best friend's house for a few days.
These breasts have been the bane of my life. I need to get it fixed for me. We only get one life. Tell me I'm doing the right thing ...?
Morning of surgery
I have written a huge piece which has got lost! Aagh. It was when I tried to attach a pic so I'll do that first.
I have been weighing up for some time whether to post proper photos of my boobs. I don't want them misused and mocked. However, I have not managed to find anywhere pictures from anyone else in my situation, so have decided in the spirit of mutual support to post away. If you do find these useful please"like" or comment so I do not lose my nerve.
Here is before surgery. You can see in ink below the breast the area he has to lower the fold to, to make it symmetrical with that of the other breast.
Pre surgery consult
Key points which I will elaborate on at a later date if they become more relevant
1- I am having a the surgeon who initially examined me and applied for NHS funding. He will follow through completely, doing the fills and the second op.
2- he does not wish to rush the fills. He said we will be looking at 6-12 months with fills every six weeks, before the second op. He said it's not about a race to quickly rush filling them. It's about taking time to gently stretch the skin and tissues. Maybe it's different for tuberous breasts, I don't know. But I respect his opinion.
3- he is using atomically shaped tissue expanders which theoretically can be left in. This is fabulous for many reasons.
4- he said he'd be releasing the constricting bands in the initial surgery.
5- he emphasised again that the aim is for symmetry within the bra. Said I'm not going to want to sunbathe topless
Shortly before the op I was given an anti nausea and anti reflux tablet. It was good to be able to have them with a sip of water as I was so thirsty by then. I was fitted with anti embolism stockings and then walked into theatre. It was all kept very light hearted and when the surgeon arrived to take a couple of chest photos (no face obviously) I joked about how I couldn't stop myself from pulling my stomach in and pouting. The ladies got behind me and pretended to check their lipgloss etc. I then lay back and started breathing into an oxygen mask. They gave me something that would "make me feel as though I'd had a large glass of wine", it did ;-) and I joked about singing karoake. They told me I would be going under soon and we briefly discussed karoake and then I was out like a light.
To me I was woken instantly, though of course it was a couple of hours later. I remember telling the nurses why I'd had the op done and how my ex husband had cheated on me. I was wheeled back to my bay and texted my boyfriend to tell him I loved him. I almost immediately started looking and feeling my boob, there is already a noticeable improvement.
Post op, 40 hours
Yesterday I met with the surgeon and discussed what he had done. He said there were many constricting bands which caused the tuberous shape, and it is amazing how the shape of my lower breast is changing already. It feels far rounder... Just as a normal breast should.
He has inserted an allergan 150 permanent expander. This already contains 100cc of silicone and he added a further 80cc of saline solution. He said the maximum it goes up to is 300cc, which should be enough. He will only fill 20-30cc at a time every six weeks or so, so it is very much a case of playing the waiting game. Frustrating as I am so excited at the thought of having a normally shaped right breast, but I have to trust the man. He said he wanted to deal with me personally each time and be there every step of the way.
I have to keep my dressings clean and dry for a week, then they will be removed on Monday or Tuesday. It'll be interesting to see my boob without them! Then my next appointment with the surgeon for the first fill isn't until 28th June. *Sighs* I think that's 9 weeks. I must learn some patience.
I am staying with my best friend. In a bit I'm going to have my first post op bath and she'll wash my hair. I then want us to have a look at my various bra inserts and choose which ones to use between now and the next fill.
Here's a photo just taken, 40 hours post op. Probably doesn't look much different to anyone else but it certainly feels it. The major improvement will be once the fills start expanding the base of the breast to give it the desired rounder shape.
Symmetrical in a bra
I can't believe to explain how pleased I am...I don't need any extra padding in the right cup....Not even the small chicken fillets...
I am well aware there is still much work to be done on my boobs, that they still look weird and deformed....but to think I never have to wear a sweaty plastic thing against me all day long....Well wow!
Obviously I should still be wearing a post surgery sports bra. This is one of my old bras, just to give me a little more shape as I'm going out on a date tonight xx