Like so many others, I went from nothing to giant...
Like so many others, I went from nothing to giant with puberty. As I recall I went from nothing to at least a C. By middle school I couldn't find anything that actually fit, so I'd buy a much larger band size to get a bigger cup, then take it in to fit at the band. Yay for sewing skills. I continued getting bigger until my early 20s. I seem to have settled around a L cup or so. It's really hard to say because of variation in brands, nothing ever really fits. Of course over the years I've also gained quite a bit of weight, but the breasts never seem to change, only the band. At my highest I was 302 lbs. I'd lost about 20, and got pregnant. I managed to keep the weight stable and even lose some with the pregnancy. The day after my child was born I was ~250. I was SO thankful that through pregnancy and breastfeeding my breasts didn't get any bigger (was kind of disappointed they didn't get any smaller). Since then my weight has fluctuated a bit, but still in the 245 range. So even with ~50 lb weight loss the only thing about my chest that has changed is the band size.
I know it's a better idea to get closer to my goal weight before surgery, but I just don't know how that can happen. In addition to the typical problems finding enough support to exercise, the extreme back pain, etc. There's also the psychological issues of every time I look in the mirror it's a giant reminder that no matter how much I exercise or what diet I follow they will never change. Nothing I can do on my own will be able to make me feel like less of a side show freak. It's extremely difficult to stay motivated and on track when I get constant reminders that the biggest problem is never going to improve with my efforts.
I had a consult with a surgeon a couple years ago, and man, he and his assistant (especially his assistant) really need an attitude adjustment. He said there was no way to even attempt a reduction without FNG because there'd be no way. I left there with zero confidence in his abilities in this area. The assistant had no tact.
Yesterday I had an initial consult with Dr. Pan. Her office staff has all been very nice and helpful. Dr. Pan was amazing. She answered all my questions, even a few that I didn't even know I had. Was able to show me pictures of former patients that were shaped similar to me, that had great results. She told me she does 2-3 reductions a week, and over her career she's only had to resort to FNG in less than a handful of instances. She thinks she can get me down to a DD or DDD, and thinks it's likely that a FNG will not be necessary. Of course no one can ever make promises about such things, but the way that she answered questions about technique, etc. I definitely left her office feeling excited and hopeful.
I'm getting the ball rolling to get this submitted to insurance for pre-approval. I'm hoping I'll be able to do the surgery before the end of the year.
Oh For F Sake
Just got a call back from the Dr's office saying the insurance company needs additional documentation. Seriously? How can anyone possibly look at my pictures and/or measurements and NOT see that it's medically necessary? Irritating, but not entirely surprising.
Called the insurance company to find out specifically what additional documentation they need.... they don't see a request on file. The rep called over to the pre-certification department to get info from them.... nothing has been submitted.
WTF? Is it just the Dr's billing department that wants more information before they even submit it? Is this normal?
Too much waiting. I wish I had actual answer as to if they have all the information they need or not. Last I heard my primary doctor has sent a statement over to the surgeons office, they've confirmed that they've sent it to their billing department. No idea if they now have enough information that they'll actually submit it to the insurance company. Argh, I hate feeling like I'm in the dark. Do they have enough information or do they not, I want to know so I can deal with this.
Yay! Minor progress!
After calling the Dr's billing office 3-4 times, today they actually gave me an update! They've actually submitted it to insurance. Called the insurance company, and their automated system actually says there's a pre-certification in the system, in a "pending" status. Now I've got bigger knots in my stomach about the anticipation for a decision. *crossing fingers*
hopefully the end of waiting is close
Talked to the insurance company again today. They said they finally got the last of the information they needed from the dr's office yesterday. So as of yesterday it's actually in the process of being reviewed. So I should, theoretically, have a decision in the next 4-5 days.
Insurance pre-approval status is no longer "pending", it's APPROVED!
3 more days
I'm having some problems uploading pictures, but here goes for some before pics.
2 days to go, more before pics
Phone won't let me upload more than a couple at a time without crashing, sorry.
I'm so ready to get this done with
Over the past week I've realized that stressing over what needs to be done for work, and before surgery, and the waiting, and just EVERYTHING has kicked me into a bit of a bipolar drop. The other night I spent about 2 hours crying over the stupidest thing. Crying lead to coughing, coughing lead to puking, which lead to more crying.
I know many people have mentioned depression and having a wide range of emotions both before and after surgery, but I wonder if there's anyone else that's got chronic mental health issues. Bipolar 2 (which is where I fall)? Clinical depression? Anxiety disorder? Personality disorders? I'd really love to hear from anyone that's got these kinds (or related) issues and how surgery effected things or additional coping tips.
Just got the confirmation
Show up for surgery at 10:30 am tomorrow morning. I was hoping for the butt crack of morning, but hey, I'll take it.
The back of my throat is all itchy. I'm kinda concerned. I'm pretty sure it's just an allergy related thing. I've checked my temp several times, all normal. Otherwise feeling fine. It shouldn't be a show stopper, right?
Made it though to the other side
30 Nov 2016
Day of treatment
Wow, what a day, but it's done. Husband says they took 1800g from each side, so about 8 lbs total. They're keeping me over night because of potential sleep apnea. VI siting the bathroom is NOT a pleasant experience. A painful IV in each hand (they wanted an extra to gI've nausea meds through) to get bonked around. I've had IVs before, but never had one that hurt like this...and there are two that hurt that bad. Just got them to take one of them out. I was already watching the clock waiting for more pain meds...and then i went to the bathroom, which made it worse.
Im surprised that I'm really not feeling any tightness. Even the bandages are just comfortably snug. The incision across the bottom BURNS. (And a couple other spots since the bathroom excursions. When I get home I'm going to just romp nude. Clothes be damned. I blame wrangling them for the bathroom pain).
Will post all the thi
Finally resting at home
I was doing great most of the night in terms of pain. But moving around to get dressed, bumpy wheelchair ride, then a bumpy ride home. I was hurting so bad I wanted to throw up. 4 hours later (yay! Finally time for more pain meds) and I'm still paying for that car ride. So much napping. Feels like it should be later than it is.
I really wish I could stand up straighter, and suck in my gut, but it ain't happenin.
I don't have a good side view, with a bra, for before. This is the best I've got. Also a couple swimming suit. Sorry about the quality on all of these. :/
Post surgery realizations
Less than a week out, and I'm already able to move a lot better than I thought I'd be able to after surgery.
Other random realizations:
I already have more lap to snuggle my child. (Best. Thing. Ever!)
My husband was tucking me in the other night, placed a hand next to me on the bed as he leaned in to kiss me. Then he said "hey, I'm not going to have to worry about accidentally pinching nipple any more." I laughed entirely too hard at that because he's totally right.
No more annoyance of nipples randomly brusing against or getting pinched against things. Office desk. Walking past a chair. Kitchen counter.
I realized the other day that the next time I'm able to plank (braless), my nipples won't be nearly touching the floor.
I'm going to be able to do full sit ups (or much closer to, I'll still have belly in the way for now).
Downward dog won't be a semi-suffocating move.
My sister pointed out I'm going to be the only one of our sisters that could maybe buy a bra from Victoria Secret.
I can already fold my arms in front of my chest in a way I've never been able to do.
Today my husband helped me take a half shower (bandages aren't allowed off for another 3 days). That was already weird. The first full shower I get to take is going to be a complete fucking TRIP.
I'm going to be able to actually buy clothes that feel more form fitting than a tent. It'll actually be worth the effort to try on empire waist or those cute shirts that cross in front. I might be able to find a one piece dress! I won't have to buy tunics to make sure I have enough fabric in the front. Ooh, maybe even a one piece swimming suite. Or at least a two piece that isn't sold separately.
I'm actually going to be able to buy a MATCHING bra and panty set!
There's actually hope of pretty lingerie fitting!
:/ I'll no longer have built in life preserver vest.
I'll be able to lay flat on my back on a flat surface without having to push boob out of my face.
No more boob under the arms while laying.
I'll be able to get on roller coasters easier, and actually be able to get locked in without the person pushing their hardest to get the over the shoulder bars to click good. (This is both a blessing and a curse).
I'm going to be able to ride my bike without my hands going numb from boob pressing on the inner arm nerves. And I'll be able to not feel like I'm constantly going to roll forward (in the bad wrecking way down a hill).
OMG!! I'm going to be able to cook without having to worry about Mrs. Doubtfire moments.
I might be able to run.
I won't have to hold my chest to be able to rush down stairs.
I'm going to be able to wear scarves, maybe even as accessories, without feeling like I'm fixin' to pull me a train heist.
Washed hair: +75xp
Full hot shower: +100xp
Bandages off: +25xp
Got to touch new breast: +weird xp
Washing new breasts: +total fucking TRIP! (I've never washed breasts without having to lift and shift and wonder if I've actually gotten full coverage on the first pass)
Surgical bra: +25xp
Other totally bizarre things today:
Tried on an old hoodie. It zips up the front and has a built in tie around waste level. In the past I could use the tie as support when I didn't want to wear a bra. Now there's at least 2" of space between end of boob and tie.
I've lost 11 lbs since the day of surgery.
My husband is a terrible "take pictures for me to document and share with peoples on the internets" photographer. He is, however, an excellent hair washer and shower assistant.
Under the left breast is still oozing a tiny bit, not much. It's a bit more bruised and swolen.
Both nipples are alive and looking GREAT. (The left one looks like it's got some bruising. It's a little purplish.) Definite sensation in the left one, the right one I don't feel touch, but it perks up when it's touched, and it's nice and pink. The areola look TINY!
Thoughts on the WHY of it all
I've really only told family and a few close friends. I'm sure once I get back to school events parents of kid's friends will notice. But I don't think anyone would question why in my case. Everyone with big boobs will be their own kind of different, bit in my case, they ended up taking 4 lbs off each side. To put that into perspective think of those small bags of sugar or flour. Having two of those strapped to your chest 24/7 would suck enough on its own. But now instead of the compact, hard, easy to handle, easy to stack bags are waterbaloons the same weight. You can no longer hold it with one hand because it'll flop over and cascade off your hand. It's impossible to hold in one place. Every time you move, they're doing what free unrestrained (because honestly, even if you can contain the mass, its still not fully restrained. Thats why you have to hold them to run) mass does, it continues in the direction it's going. I know the big chested girls probably haven't thought about that, but you know what I'm talking about. You go up, they want to go up. Gravity always wants to pull them down. And to a certain extent you have to constantly compensate this with the rest of your body. If you hadn't developed such great balancing skills over the years you'd fall flat on your face every time you bent over. Even if we're not talking about the work your body has to do to balance, think of the strain on all the tissue that's holding those bad boys on. Skin and connective tissue. That's it. Unlike an arm or a leg, they don't get muscles and tendons and ligaments to help support and control them (yes, I know there are some ligaments associated here, which are very apparent over the years with sagging. But let's be reasonable, there's not enough for this much boob). That's why it puts such a strain on your back and neck especially. Even when you're not moving while standing, all the muscles you use to make tiny adjustments that allow you to stay up and balances still have to compensate for the tiny movements in the girls.
Now, with all that being said, let's talk about how much they get in the way EVERY time you try to do ANYTHING...
Fun notes. While talking to my family about it, a lot of size analogies have come up. In no particular order:
- two 4 lb bags of flour/sugar
- one large newborn baby
- two very small newborns (my niece was 4 lbs) (weird thought just now. Now that they're small, handling twin babies should be a piece of cake, right? If I managed the big ones with one newborn?)
- ...crap. Dad came up with some weird ones, but now I can't remember.
I put on a regular t-shirt today. I swear it's magically 5 inches longer in the front. Now I have no worries about it covering my belly, even with my arms raised to put my hair up. It's so liberating!
Today has been a very tender/sore day. It feels like a back track. I keep reminding myself that I'm tender because of the switch from bandage to bra, and all the extra activity yesterday with the shower, AND I've been on tylenol only all day. I'm debating taking the prescription stuff for bed, but this morning I woke up to a seriously pissed off stomach that I think was due to nother taking the meds with food before bed.
In other news, this morning the scale says 14 lbs down since last week.
I'd ordered some surgical bras... they sent me the wrong size. So before I decide if I should send them back or not, I broke out the measuring tape. So much disappointment. 41" chest, 49" bust, which calculates out to a 42H. H. Freaking H. The only comfort is that the incisions continue all the way under both arms, nearly to the back (where does side end and back start), and there's a whole lot of swelling associated with that, too. There's no way humanly possible that these little things are still an H. Eh, even if they do end up as H (which there's no way) I don't care. It's still worth it! I've got headlights instead of ground effect lights. They have some shape of their own, not just floppy squishy. I can see nipples when I look down without having to lift anything other than my shirt/bra.