Nervously in Pursuit of Beauty in the Land of Plastic (375cc) - Durban, South Africa

I saw a cute (tongue in cheek) quote on Facebook yesterday. "Having a pretty ass doesn't matter, what really matters is having a pretty heart, a pretty mind and a pretty soul." To which I responded - "Sadly the reality is that if you have a pretty ass, none of the others are required." I'm a 34 year old beautician in a hair salon, surrounded by real women on a daily basis. Shifting in their chairs, looking back at their reflections in the mirror...sometimes with glee, sometimes in horror. A little hair salon is just the place to get a healthy dose of reality. And the reality is Women must never age. Their hair should never thin or go grey. They should certainly never get fat. Wrinkles are lines across a piece of art to be avoided at all costs... as if it were a choice. Look, this is not all a bad story, Im not trying to rain on everyone's boobie parade. Truth is this is so much more than 2 lumps of silicone in your chest and cleavage in your tanks. It's about self image, how sexy and feminine you feel with or without it. So my story begins. Iv been overweight since I was 11 years old. Have mostly suffered with low self esteem and poor body image for most of my life. Have yo - yoed up and down the scale for years but have recently lost 20 kilos, yet again, and am thankfully managing to keep it off. I have a serious fat person complex even at a healthy weight and being well above average in looks. Somehow the idea of being sexy has always made me feel awkward. Heels and boobs, tight jeans and low cut tops were for someone else. Not for fat people. So I woke up one day and thought, I'm being ridiculous, I'm sexy and I need to come to terms with it. Get comfortable in it. Even enjoy it. So I pulled out my unscuffed heels and started wearing them. Put on false eyelashes. Started stuffing my bras with chicken fillets and socks. Religiously smacked on make up even when I was too lazy to. And all this started making me feel much much better. To date, I feel much more comfortable with myself. The closer I get to this ideal. I got my lips plumped with restyline, threw in some hair extensions and decided I'm going to be in the hot group instead of the fat miserable group. Cut a long story short, I'm getting a boob job, to the sheer delight of my fiance. My surgery is booked in June and is only around 6 weeks away. I've been reading reviews and looking at boobs for days on end...fiance has been very helpful with my research. I've been looking at the implant reviews AND implant removals. Very interesting to see how ladies feel about their assets 10, 15 years down the line. Ive been talking to all my boob job clients at work, young and old. The young ladies are loving them and a lot of the older ladies...not so much. Am I going to be able to live with the size? Although my sad little boobs are not a picture, they are user friendly and don't feel like foreign bodies. I'd like to hear from everyone of the ladies who rave about their boobs after having them done what they feel like down road. Not just a 1 month post op. Very few give details of what they feel like after a year or more when the dust has settled and they are faced with the permanence of them. Every action has a repercussions. I got eyelash extensions, lost half my eyelashes and am not sure if they will fully recover. Yes I LOVED them when they were first in. Same with my tattoos. Loved them. But now there are things I'd like to change on them. The restyline lips are cool. I love having fuller lips, but now that the product has settled my lips are uneven and they need more product to even them out. I'm brave. Il go through an extra ordinary amount of pain if the result is worth it.... but you will only find out once it's done. I've decided to go between 360 and 400 cc moderate high profile, silicone on top of the muscle. I'm 60kg, 5'7 and pear shaped. I'm not sure about these rice sizers... fiance has had much fun assisting me in this area. My plastic surgeon is great and comes well recommended. But what if he's having a bad day, like my last tattoo artist was and ends up going squew. I want the boobs. But I am nervous. They have the same permanence as my tattoos and I just want to love them and not regret them later.

Too much information can also be a bad thing. I had to give the reviews and research a rest as I was seeing double and almost thought I'd change my mind. Just a month away from my surgery and am feeling better about my decision. I'm naturally a worrier so got myself into a bit of a state. I've been talking to my clients who have had boob jobs and they have been really reassuring. Find myself looking at ever women's breasts that walk by.... and thinking, I'm sure I will enjoy them...my chicken fillets have had their day. I don't even know where those fillets have disappeared to, they are lost in my wardrobe somewhere. 3 weeks till my pre op. I have SO many questions. I'm very happy that I will be going over the muscle. It was a big concern but for so many reasons it suits me better. My Dr explained the benefits of going over the muscle. Quicker recovery. Not going to affect my chest muscles( some lady's work out and as the muscles contract the implants are moving in crazy directions) The breasts fall naturally. Whereas under the muscle the breast implant doesn't fall with the boob and you can get a double boob. I don't like the idea of the muscle contracting over the implant all the time without any support under the breasts. If my boobs look a lil [RS bleep] coz the implants are on top of the muscle, that's fine with me :-) I want the cleavage right. Besides I'm not getting 1000cc s. Probably btw 350 and 400 cc. So il be ok. ........tick tock tick tock

Can't believe it's almost here!