29 years old, 5'8", 125lbs, 34A or AA, 375cc implants

I've been looking forward to having boobs since I was about 5 years old - even then, I was puffing out my lungs and pretending they were breasts (like Ariel's!) I got breast buds when I turned 11 and then eagerly awaited the rest. I perused those "your changing body" pamphlets and couldn't wait until my chest rounded out and filled in. As a teenager, I held on to certain shirts because they'd look good "when I got boobs." Oh, the impending disappointment...

I had my first child at 24 and was pleasantly surprised to find that I could actually breast feed, and that was a boost in self confidence - I may not have been able to fill an A cup, but I could feed my baby! But of course, the boobs left when the milk did, and these days I'm left with barely a bit o' breast tissue.

It took me a lot of years to decide to actually go through with this. Despite desperately wishing I had breasts, I didn't want to be unnatural. Periodically, I'd research breast augmentation only to decide it was too expensive, too risky, and it would take too much upkeep. I also spent some time in a a religion I took pretty seriously and a large part of me felt that to get a boob job would be too worldly; that I didn't have my heart in the right place. I actually prayed often that my breasts would either grow or that I would somehow just be okay with the size they were. Ha!

I now have the cash ready to go, and scheduled my surgery for June. I was giddy the afternoon that I scheduled and put my 10% down, but my emotions and thoughts regarding this are kind of a roller coaster. I go back to my original hesitations and wonder, is this really going to be worth the hassle? The cost? My husband has his own reservations about it and while I'm pretty sure he's going to enjoy the results, I know he couldn't care less whether I do it or not - in fact, I think he might rather I didn't.
I'm not thrilled that I'll likely have to replace my implants 10-15 years from now. I'm nervous that I'll get capsular contracture. I'm even a wee bit afraid that I'll end up with an infection or something that will eff it all up. I'm worried that I'll lose my nipple sensitivity. I'm not excited about being around my (still religious and anti-vanity) family and in-laws. I'm actually even self-conscious about wearing a swim suit AFTER the surgery, cause I don't want to call attention to myself with fantastic breasts. I mean, I WANT fantastic breasts, but I want them for me, not for anyone else! It's a freaking roller coaster, I tell you.

Bottom line: I'm tired of the mind-over-matter approach. I'm tired of 12-year-old girls (and some boys) looking more feminine than me. I'm tired of wearing padded bras to look remotely normal and STILL not achieving proportion.

I also still worry too much about the impending judgment I'll receive (or will feel like I'll receive). I personally no longer care about the "worldly" aspect - I don't believe the things I used to.

At this point, the pros outweigh the cons. I'm ready to stop exerting so much emotional and mental energy trying not to care about it/trying to decide on surgery. I'm ready to take on the associated risks and make a move toward a solution, even if it is relatively temporary. I fully intend to be rich by the time I have to get them replaced, anyway, so that shouldn't be an issue ;)

So, June 11th it is! Although I had a consultation with one doctor in Bountiful, UT a couple years ago, I'm choosing to move forward with a different surgeon - Dr. Fryer in Draper. He's highly rated on here and on Google. Since I'm traveling for the procedure, it's not realistic to go to multiple consults.

I don't yet know what size I'll be getting. I'll decide on it the day before surgery. Ready or not, these boobs are happening!

This site is fascinating. Last night I clicked on a few breast reduction and even rhinoplasty reviews, and it is striking how similar everyone’s stories are – about different body parts. It’d be nice (and cheaper) to not have body issues, but it’s really nice to know that so many other people have the same feelings. Especially reading others who are/were in the same situation as me – tiny breasts and finally did something about it! It’s wonderful to read these other reviewers who are writing my own thoughts and feelings down and relaying similar experiences. A few women I’m closer to (mom, sister, best friend) are supportive, but I’m not sure everyone really gets it. It’s nice to come here and know people GET IT.

I don’t intend to really tell anyone that I’m doing it, though I have a handful of friends who know that I’ve planned on this. I’d like to just let it come and go and not say much about it. When I have spoken about it, I feel like it’s always been met with a little bit of judgment and sometimes complete misunderstanding. So, I’m choosing to stay more private about it in the future. Because of that, again I say, I love this site! I can hammer out all my thoughts and observations about it to people who actually want to hear it!

One of my (pseudo) friends actually seems to think that I can’t wait to start walking around naked and making passes at her husband. Unfortunately, my husband seems to have that same notion – that I’m going to leave him once I feel more confident. I get it, but I hate that he feels that way. He has absolutely nothing to worry about. He’ll only benefit from the happier mentality. But he keeps referencing a stupid meme he saw on Facebook that read “Every guy who’s bought his wife boobs only paid for another man to enjoy them,” or something like that. I comfort him by saying “You’re not buying them, I am.” It’s a joke – all our money is OUR money - but I recently finished carrying a child for another couple and the compensation from that has allowed us to make a few awesome large (and small) purchases without impacting our savings. This is another one of those purchases. Anyway, these boobs are for me. Not for attention or provocation – just for me. (I realize attention is a highly probable side effect, but it’s not my motivation.)

In fact, I anticipate wearing more modest clothes than ever. I daydream most about how a plain ol’ t-shirt will fit me after this. I mean, a fitted one with a feminine neckline, but not tight, and not too low a neckline. I also think I’ll be more willing to go without mascara and stuff like that. Not that mascara is exactly a form of compensating, but all the little things that I do to feel comfortable in public? I think there will be fewer once this big thing is out of the way.

I’m getting my first (probably my only) tattoo this weekend. We’re going to see a bunch of family just a couple of weeks before my surgery. I definitely didn’t want to have the surgery before that trip; my mother-in-law might faint from the double-whammy of a tattoo + boobs (though the tattoo is going to be small and fairly discrete, on my wrist. I hope to be able to cover it up with a band or bracelet.)

The one downside of my surgery date is that it falls just a few days before my daughter finishes her school year. I’d kind of wanted to just disappear for the summer and when other parents saw me again in the fall, they wouldn’t remember if I’d always looked like (that) or if it was new. As it is, my daughter will be absent from school for a few days and when we show up for the family picnic on the last day of class, I’ll still be swollen, healing, and much larger-chested. Ah, well.

I hope it’s as life-changing as I anticipate. All self-doubt will dissipate; I’ll become a totally motivated go-getter; a published writer; a social butterfly; a better friend, wife, and mother…right? Hahaha. Perhaps no, but, at least I’ll look good in a t-shirt.

One of my big hang ups regarding a BA is what it would be teaching my daughters. I have a 6- and a 4-year old. It's hard to imagine that they won't both notice, but given my youngest's personality, I think she might not know the difference. My oldest, though, is going to.

So I talked to her about it yesterday. First we discussed what a secret it is, and I stressed the importance of her keeping this one between us and her dad. Then I asked her, "You know how sometimes you pretend to have breasts? And you know how some women have larger ones and some have smaller ones?" I told her that in a couple of months, we'll be going down to Utah for me to have a surgery that will make my breasts bigger. I told her I could explain more about it when she's older; that it's a tricky thing to explain to a little kid, but that she could ask us questions about it when she wanted to (in private.) She did ask why I wanted bigger breasts. I told her that's one of the things that's hard to explain. She asked, "Could you just try to explain now, before I grow up a little, and just SEE if I understand?" I agreed to, but we got interrupted by my youngest then, and when I went to revisit it, she said she'd ask me tomorrow if she wanted to. So we dropped the topic.

We just talked about it again. I told her that my breasts are so small that it makes me feel like a little girl, and I want to feel more like a grown up woman. I also don't like the way my clothes fit and want to be able to dress in ways that I feel good. I asked her if any of that made sense. She said, "kind of." I said it'd probably make more sense when she's older. I'm just glad she's being cool about discussing it - not too shy or uncomfortable.

I want to be honest with her about it. She's already got a very similar body type to me and there aren't big boobs in my husband's family or mine, so I think there's a good chance that she'll have tiny breasts, too. I don't ever want to give her the impression that they'll grow in at some point, since they likely won't.

I'm not totally sure what's age-appropriate, but I tend to lean toward being frank. If she doesn't understand, we can revisit it later.

Anyone else ever have these concerns? What did you tell your kids?