29 years old, 5'8", 125lbs, 34A or AA, 375cc implants

I've been looking forward to having boobs since I was about 5 years old - even then, I was puffing out my lungs and pretending they were breasts (like Ariel's!) I got breast buds when I turned 11 and then eagerly awaited the rest. I perused those "your changing body" pamphlets and couldn't wait until my chest rounded out and filled in. As a teenager, I held on to certain shirts because they'd look good "when I got boobs." Oh, the impending disappointment...

I had my first child at 24 and was pleasantly surprised to find that I could actually breast feed, and that was a boost in self confidence - I may not have been able to fill an A cup, but I could feed my baby! But of course, the boobs left when the milk did, and these days I'm left with barely a bit o' breast tissue.

It took me a lot of years to decide to actually go through with this. Despite desperately wishing I had breasts, I didn't want to be unnatural. Periodically, I'd research breast augmentation only to decide it was too expensive, too risky, and it would take too much upkeep. I also spent some time in a a religion I took pretty seriously and a large part of me felt that to get a boob job would be too worldly; that I didn't have my heart in the right place. I actually prayed often that my breasts would either grow or that I would somehow just be okay with the size they were. Ha!

I now have the cash ready to go, and scheduled my surgery for June. I was giddy the afternoon that I scheduled and put my 10% down, but my emotions and thoughts regarding this are kind of a roller coaster. I go back to my original hesitations and wonder, is this really going to be worth the hassle? The cost? My husband has his own reservations about it and while I'm pretty sure he's going to enjoy the results, I know he couldn't care less whether I do it or not - in fact, I think he might rather I didn't.
I'm not thrilled that I'll likely have to replace my implants 10-15 years from now. I'm nervous that I'll get capsular contracture. I'm even a wee bit afraid that I'll end up with an infection or something that will eff it all up. I'm worried that I'll lose my nipple sensitivity. I'm not excited about being around my (still religious and anti-vanity) family and in-laws. I'm actually even self-conscious about wearing a swim suit AFTER the surgery, cause I don't want to call attention to myself with fantastic breasts. I mean, I WANT fantastic breasts, but I want them for me, not for anyone else! It's a freaking roller coaster, I tell you.

Bottom line: I'm tired of the mind-over-matter approach. I'm tired of 12-year-old girls (and some boys) looking more feminine than me. I'm tired of wearing padded bras to look remotely normal and STILL not achieving proportion.

I also still worry too much about the impending judgment I'll receive (or will feel like I'll receive). I personally no longer care about the "worldly" aspect - I don't believe the things I used to.

At this point, the pros outweigh the cons. I'm ready to stop exerting so much emotional and mental energy trying not to care about it/trying to decide on surgery. I'm ready to take on the associated risks and make a move toward a solution, even if it is relatively temporary. I fully intend to be rich by the time I have to get them replaced, anyway, so that shouldn't be an issue ;)

So, June 11th it is! Although I had a consultation with one doctor in Bountiful, UT a couple years ago, I'm choosing to move forward with a different surgeon - Dr. Fryer in Draper. He's highly rated on here and on Google. Since I'm traveling for the procedure, it's not realistic to go to multiple consults.

I don't yet know what size I'll be getting. I'll decide on it the day before surgery. Ready or not, these boobs are happening!

This site is fascinating. Last night I clicked on a few breast reduction and even rhinoplasty reviews, and it is striking how similar everyone’s stories are – about different body parts. It’d be nice (and cheaper) to not have body issues, but it’s really nice to know that so many other people have the same feelings. Especially reading others who are/were in the same situation as me – tiny breasts and finally did something about it! It’s wonderful to read these other reviewers who are writing my own thoughts and feelings down and relaying similar experiences. A few women I’m closer to (mom, sister, best friend) are supportive, but I’m not sure everyone really gets it. It’s nice to come here and know people GET IT.

I don’t intend to really tell anyone that I’m doing it, though I have a handful of friends who know that I’ve planned on this. I’d like to just let it come and go and not say much about it. When I have spoken about it, I feel like it’s always been met with a little bit of judgment and sometimes complete misunderstanding. So, I’m choosing to stay more private about it in the future. Because of that, again I say, I love this site! I can hammer out all my thoughts and observations about it to people who actually want to hear it!

One of my (pseudo) friends actually seems to think that I can’t wait to start walking around naked and making passes at her husband. Unfortunately, my husband seems to have that same notion – that I’m going to leave him once I feel more confident. I get it, but I hate that he feels that way. He has absolutely nothing to worry about. He’ll only benefit from the happier mentality. But he keeps referencing a stupid meme he saw on Facebook that read “Every guy who’s bought his wife boobs only paid for another man to enjoy them,” or something like that. I comfort him by saying “You’re not buying them, I am.” It’s a joke – all our money is OUR money - but I recently finished carrying a child for another couple and the compensation from that has allowed us to make a few awesome large (and small) purchases without impacting our savings. This is another one of those purchases. Anyway, these boobs are for me. Not for attention or provocation – just for me. (I realize attention is a highly probable side effect, but it’s not my motivation.)

In fact, I anticipate wearing more modest clothes than ever. I daydream most about how a plain ol’ t-shirt will fit me after this. I mean, a fitted one with a feminine neckline, but not tight, and not too low a neckline. I also think I’ll be more willing to go without mascara and stuff like that. Not that mascara is exactly a form of compensating, but all the little things that I do to feel comfortable in public? I think there will be fewer once this big thing is out of the way.

I’m getting my first (probably my only) tattoo this weekend. We’re going to see a bunch of family just a couple of weeks before my surgery. I definitely didn’t want to have the surgery before that trip; my mother-in-law might faint from the double-whammy of a tattoo + boobs (though the tattoo is going to be small and fairly discrete, on my wrist. I hope to be able to cover it up with a band or bracelet.)

The one downside of my surgery date is that it falls just a few days before my daughter finishes her school year. I’d kind of wanted to just disappear for the summer and when other parents saw me again in the fall, they wouldn’t remember if I’d always looked like (that) or if it was new. As it is, my daughter will be absent from school for a few days and when we show up for the family picnic on the last day of class, I’ll still be swollen, healing, and much larger-chested. Ah, well.

I hope it’s as life-changing as I anticipate. All self-doubt will dissipate; I’ll become a totally motivated go-getter; a published writer; a social butterfly; a better friend, wife, and mother…right? Hahaha. Perhaps no, but, at least I’ll look good in a t-shirt.

One of my big hang ups regarding a BA is what it would be teaching my daughters. I have a 6- and a 4-year old. It's hard to imagine that they won't both notice, but given my youngest's personality, I think she might not know the difference. My oldest, though, is going to.

So I talked to her about it yesterday. First we discussed what a secret it is, and I stressed the importance of her keeping this one between us and her dad. Then I asked her, "You know how sometimes you pretend to have breasts? And you know how some women have larger ones and some have smaller ones?" I told her that in a couple of months, we'll be going down to Utah for me to have a surgery that will make my breasts bigger. I told her I could explain more about it when she's older; that it's a tricky thing to explain to a little kid, but that she could ask us questions about it when she wanted to (in private.) She did ask why I wanted bigger breasts. I told her that's one of the things that's hard to explain. She asked, "Could you just try to explain now, before I grow up a little, and just SEE if I understand?" I agreed to, but we got interrupted by my youngest then, and when I went to revisit it, she said she'd ask me tomorrow if she wanted to. So we dropped the topic.

We just talked about it again. I told her that my breasts are so small that it makes me feel like a little girl, and I want to feel more like a grown up woman. I also don't like the way my clothes fit and want to be able to dress in ways that I feel good. I asked her if any of that made sense. She said, "kind of." I said it'd probably make more sense when she's older. I'm just glad she's being cool about discussing it - not too shy or uncomfortable.

I want to be honest with her about it. She's already got a very similar body type to me and there aren't big boobs in my husband's family or mine, so I think there's a good chance that she'll have tiny breasts, too. I don't ever want to give her the impression that they'll grow in at some point, since they likely won't.

I'm not totally sure what's age-appropriate, but I tend to lean toward being frank. If she doesn't understand, we can revisit it later.

Anyone else ever have these concerns? What did you tell your kids?

This is the bra I always wear.

I can't believe I'm posting naked pictures of myself on the Internet.

Between now and my surgery (hopefully closer to the "now" end) I have about 10 pounds to lose. I had a baby via c-section in January and shaking the residue is taking some effort!

I want to get down to my regular weight so that my body is in the very best shape and the way I prefer it most before I add to it. I think it will help size them appropriately, too.

Maybe abdominoplasty down the road, too, but once I have breasts, I'm not sure the other will bug me as much. We'll see.

I'll add another photo like this one right before the surgery.

I found a great shirt for surgery day yesterday! But I'm keeping the receipt and the tags on it because I also found the "implant removal" reviews and it's got me freaked out all over again. Ugh.

I wish there was a way to filter the reviews to find those who have had them for 10+ years and still think they were worth it. I'm reading stuff about rashes, acne break outs on their chests, the implants being hard and painful, some other health issues. ..

I remind myself that most people (according to this site, anyway) say it was the best thing they ever did for themselves and it was totally worth it. But again, how long have they all had them?

I don't know. I think I'm going to go through with it. I told my husband yesterday that I really DON'T want to have this surgery, but I don't want to NOT get it just a little bit more.

Have you guys watched any videos on the actual surgery? Made me nauseous to watch, but I've been curious how they get those in there! I believe this is the same way my surgeon does it. Very little bleeding. Enjoy!....?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6UwKP4ZDnw

Figured I should do a bit o' collecting of results I'd like to see. If they look familiar, it's probably cause I stole them from you.

My hips do measure fairly wide, but when I'm at my ideal weight (125-130) I'm pretty thin, so I don't know how big I can get away with without them being ridiculous. I prefer a more natural look. One of the photos I took from my doc's site was 475ccs, the other was 400ccs. We'll figure all that out at the consultation, though.

I'm currently 5'8" and 136lbs. I intend to be between 125 and 130 before surgery. I've been through 3 pregnancies and nursed for a total of 17 months, but my breasts are the same size now as they were before my first pregnancy. Nursing (especially with my second, pulling, biting little monster) just stretched my nipples out.

I like BA results where the breasts and nipples kind of slope to the sides instead of sitting right in front like a couple of headlights. I'm starting to notice though that that kind of shape seems to depend on your natural shape. Looking at my before photos, I think I stand a chance of getting that more natural settling.

I hope to also get most of the fullness on the underside of the breast and not the top; I don't like when the nipples are pointing at the ground or when the breasts are pointy or torpedo-like.

...and I had another freak out all over again this afternoon. EFF! It's so hard. A huge part of me feels like this is one of the stupidest things we can do to ourselves, what with all the risks involved.

Then I googled "glad I got breast implants" and after reading some of those, I feel better and more excited again.

Still, I feel like it is very much up in the air, whether next Friday will find me with boobs or not. NEXT FRIDAY! AH! (Surgery's scheduled for Thursday. I just mean I'm so freaking close to having this done, finally. If I go through with it.)

I'm driving myself crazy.

Anyone else feel like they are/were just sick of thinking of it? Not even just the doubts and worries, but the excitement. I'm looking forward to my appointments this week and specifically surgery on Thursday, but I'm kind of just done running it all through my mind. I just want to do it already and move on with my life.

Kind of had a shitty self-esteem weekend, and haven't been motivated to do much of anything for the past few weeks. Also been feeling like withdrawing from most people. Suppose I'm just in a bad mood altogether.

My doctor is not local; we leave on Tuesday for the trip. Still a few pounds shy of my weight goal. Gotta get to bed so I can get up early for some exercise. I'll post my final "before" photo later this week.

It has been less than 24 hours since surgery, but so far, so good! I think my results are going to be freaking fantastic.

I will post a more informative, detailed rundown next week sometime when I'm back at my computer, but wanted to post my surgery photos. I put my day-of photo next to my day-after. So happy!

Okie dokie, artichokie - time for a real update. It has been a whirlwind of a week. I'm 3 days past surgery today, or 4, depending on how you look at it, I suppose, but I'm going back to Wednesday to go over my consultation/pre-op appointment.

I chose my doctor based on his online reviews, and not because I went to multiple consults and liked him better. Local PSs to me charge significantly more for BAs and some of them even charge for the consultation. I DID go to a consultation with another doctor 2 years ago in Utah, whom I didn't particularly care for, and his prices were higher, so it was easy to dismiss the first doc when I found Fryer's reviews. He is about 5 hours away from me, but I have family we stayed with and they watched our children while my husband and I went to my appointments - a big help! But because he is so far away, I didn't do a consultation or my pre-op within the weeks before surgery, the way I would have if he'd been local. My consult/pre-op was on Wednesday, surgery was on Thursday, and my post-op appointment was Friday morning. I actually got $100 knocked off my price (for a total of $5,100) because I put my surgery on the calendar within so many days of the consult.

I had filled out most of the paperwork beforehand (they'd mailed it to me), so I brought that to the appointment on Wednesday. We didn't have to wait long after checking in. A nurse brought us to a consultation room and went over some health questions (am I allergic to anything? Am I on any meds? Do I smoke? That kind of stuff), then Dr. Fryer came in.

I'd seen his photo and sort of had an idea of what he would sound and act like. I was off. I guess I expected him to be kind of a fast-paced, energetic, incredibly friendly guy. I mean, he was friendly - but also professional. He seems older in person than he does in his photo. But what really surprised me was his voice - Dude has a really deep voice.

I didn't walk out of there feeling like we could be buddies (honestly, he didn't seem to have much of a sense of humor), but he was fine. I was actually slightly turned off by how much he encouraged us to give him a good review. According to him, he doesn't do any advertising other than word of mouth and those reviews - which is really smart, and I appreciate that approach, but I wish he would have left all of that suggestion until my post-op. Dude's most likely going to get a 5-star review from me anyway, but I'm just saying - it was a turn off.

It was during this appointment that I finally remembered to ask what the difference in profiles was (and had I not asked, they would have informed me, I'm sure.) I originally thought that I'd be more interested in a moderate profile, but because of my narrow frame, they suggested high profiles instead; or if I was going with moderate, to only go up to a certain amount of CCs. This is one of the things I dig about Dr. Fryer - he took my measurements and assessed what I wanted, why I wanted the BA in the first place, and put a lot of emphasis on the FEELING I was going to have about my implants and not necessarily the LOOK of them. Obviously the look leads to the feeling, but in his words: pretty much every sizer I tried on was going to look better than what I currently had, but at some point during the consultation I was going to put a size in that felt right, and it wasn't necessarily going to be the biggest. Based on my frame and measurements, he sent the nurse back in with a range of implant sizers that would work best for my body. If nothing else, I could see that seriously reducing the stress of choosing a size. I already had 300 to 350CCs in mind from reviewing profiles and from my previous consultation. I settled on the 350 ultra high profiles (UHPs), which determined that Dr. Fryer would place 375 UHPs. It didn't take me long to come to that decision.

As I sat there with those monsters in the bra and my clothes back on, waiting for Dr. Fryer to come back into the room, I thought of my mother-in-law, whose grouchface and silent disapproval taunts me from time to time. Not then, though. I suddenly realized: I could not care less about what she thinks of this, because it feels AWESOME. I LOVE IT. EFF the nay-sayers and criticizers! It was a pretty great moment for me and I hope it lasts into the first time I'm around my in-laws, ha!

I asked Dr. Fryer why he chose plastic surgery as a profession. He replied that he'd leaned toward surgery in general, and plastic surgery won out because he's a perfectionist. It bugged him that they would do, say, some kind of abdominal surgery, finish it all up, and then the surgeon would say "Okay, staple them up!" (Instead of finishing up in an aesthetically appealing way, is how I took it.) Dr. Fryer actually was doing microsurgery in addition to PS until recently (reattaching arms and fingers, working with nerves and stuff.) THAT is something that I think sets him apart. I'm no medical expert, but I like hearing that my PS is skilled at incredibly intricate procedures and is a perfectionist. I also asked him if and how PS's stigma affected his choosing it as a career. I liked his answer here, too: everyone's got their own plastic surgery - whether it's the car they drive, the clothes they buy, the house they live in - most people's vanity manifests in some shape or form. PS may be a bit more extreme, but it's just another thing people do to accomplish a feeling about themselves. Score, Dude. Works for me. And helped me feel a bit better about the vanity aspect of choosing to have the surgery. Well done, doc. ;)

We talked about the Keller Funnel, the device he uses to insert the implant without touching it, thereby reducing the chances of bacterial contamination. It literally looks like a cake decorating bag - Google it! It's pretty neat.

I was sent on my way with some anti-bacterial soap to shower with that night and the next morning (morning of surgery.) We stopped by an adjacent office to pick up my scar cream (included in the cost of surgery). I had to fill out a tiny amount of paperwork for that, but I think only for their own marketing purposes (so they could send me annoying emails I didn't want.)

Surgery was scheduled for 2:45 the next afternoon. I had to fast all day for it; nothing to eat past midnight Wednesday night, only water to drink but only up until 10:45am day of surgery, then no more.

Periodically throughout that day I'd revisit the selfies I took with my sizers on to renew my excitement. No more freak outs, and nerves didn't really ever set in. The appointment had gone great - couldn't wait for Thursday!

I'll update about surgery day tomorrow.

The day finally arrived! After years of wishing; hoping; praying; WILLING my body to grow breasts, it was time to make it happen.

My surgery was scheduled for the afternoon; 2:45pm. I waited until about 11:30 to take a shower and use my antibacterial soap again. I was instructed not to use any kind of lotions, make up, or perfume. I wore sweats, a thin zip-up hoodie, no bra, and Sanuks (slip on shoes.) I didn't eat anything all day and stopped drinking water before 10:45. I thought fasting would be harder, but I think I was so distracted by what was coming that it didn't bother me a lot.

We called about an hour and a half before my scheduled time to make sure they were running on time. They were, so we hopped in the car and headed that way. My husband was getting more nervous than I was.

Once we were there, we hardly waited at all before they brought us back for the final consultation. I was allowed to keep everything on from my waist down, and they gave me some warm, ugly socks to wear, as well as a pink paper vest and a robe to put on over that. The nurse took my vitals and reviewed some questions again.

Then Dr. Fryer came in and went over what implants we were putting in. I had kind of grown paranoid that I'd picked too large a size over night, so I asked him about stretch marks. He said he has seen very few of his patients get stretch marks. I'm guessing it's because he gives them a reasonable size range (but I don't know what he does if someone pushes to go bigger than his suggestions.) He reassured me that what I'd chosen was within the range he thought would be good for my frame, though it was at the higher end of it. I said let's do it. He marked me up for reference, and then we waited for the anesthesiologist.

At some point while we were waiting (it did seem like we were in this room for a while), my husband was looking at me anxiously and said "You don't need to do this." Still, he was supportive. Definitely way more anxious than me, though - I was all smiles and ready to go. No nerves at all.

The anesthesiologist's name was Jared. HE was cool. We liked him a lot. I hugged and kissed my husband and followed Jared to a surgery room. The nurse in there complimented the waves in my hair (pointless detail, but it was a nice touch ;)). I climbed up on the bed and they talked to me about what they were up to. This happened really fast. Jared had me pump my left fist, then injected my inner elbow with numbing solution, telling me that it would burn for a bit, but that would be the worst of it. Immediately after that he inserted the IV needle and told me it would "feel like a couple of drinks." Within seconds, I felt it, and said, "Oh, yeah, there it is." And that's the last thing I remember.

Waking up was a bitch. The nurse and I chit-chatted, but I was SO out of it. I was asking her questions, but I was speaking so quietly and remember thinking "How can she hear me?!" I recall walls of metal drawers - I think I asked if they were refrigerators, but she said they were for warming blankets. She had long dark hair. She said she'd had implants for 10 years and hadn't ever had a problem with them.

I remember getting into our car, and the nurse talking to my husband, but I can't connect a visual to any of it - I swear I was sleepwalking for the next 2-3 hours. We had been at the surgery center for longer than expected, I think because I wasn't waking up. I slept all the way back to the Ogden area. The nurse had sent me with some saltines and apple juice, but my mouth felt dry and both those things were awful to me.

We ordered pizza and had ice cream with family and then we checked into a hotel. They all swam while I lied on a lounge chair, doped up on Percocet and chillin'.

I didn't sleep well that night. We were near the Air Force base, so there was a lot of loud air traffic. I'm not used to sleeping on my back, but it wasn't too terrible. I slept with my ice pack on. My husband took great care of me. The biggest reason I slept poorly was because I was too freaking excited!

My post-op was scheduled for 9:45, and we were about an hour away. We splurged on room service, then got moving. My husband walked around outside with our kids while I went to my short visit with Dr. Fryer.

As usual, I met with a nurse first. She said my breasts looked great - symmetrical and everything. Dr. Fryer said the same thing. He said he saw no indication that, after settling, my nipples would be in anything but an ideal position (I had expressed concern that they would point down; that my breasts would be top heavy.) I was thinking the same things - they looked ridiculously large, fully, and pretty damn firm, but they were SO BEAUTIFUL!

I told Dr. Fryer that at some point the previous evening, while thinking about how relatively good I felt, I remembered that some of the women I know who had BAs had drains in afterward. He kind of rolled his eyes about that and said it was one of those many things that other surgeons do that aren't necessary. Along those same lines, he mentioned antibiotic prescriptions - which I'd read in his BA Planner that he prescribed, but I hadn't received an RX for - why was that? He replied that the latest research showed that the antibiotics tend to introduce more problems than they prevent, and that they're not necessary, so he no longer prescribes them (instead, he uses the Keller Funnel, soaks the implants in antibacterial solution before insertion, and has patients wash with the special soap a few times before surgery.) I actually dig that because I'm prone to yeast infections and the last thing I wanted while my boobs are aching is to need Monistat, as well. Ugh. Plus, because of the reasons he listed, I'm not a huge fan of antibiotics in general.

He said he tries to base his practices on fact. This whole conversation we had about the antibiotics was a selling point to me. Dr. Fryer doesn't get complacent in his practices. He's observing the field, continuously educating himself, and adjusting accordingly. He's a progressive doctor.

Not only that, but I wasn't bruised, my pain was totally manageable, and my breasts already looked incredible. My experience is limited, but these were all things that were suggesting to me that indeed, I made a great choice of surgeon.

My husband had some work to do that afternoon, so we grabbed some sandwiches at Jimmy John's and the kids and I hung out in the hotel room for the rest of the afternoon. They watched TV and played on the tablet - they did so well. I did take a shower that afternoon; even shaved my legs. We went out to dinner and then everyone swam again for a bit. It was a nice day.

We stayed one more night (slept much better the second night) and headed home the next morning; about a 5 hour drive. Dr. Fryer instructed me to get out of the car every hour and a half or so to move around to discourage blood clots, and between those stops, to stretch my legs and move my feet around to pump blood through my calves.

I stuck to a rigid schedule with the Percocet that day and was in bliss for the drive home :)

My pictures from this day are in the post above, titled "I did it!"

I mean, let's be real - I'm not going for a jog or anything, but I'm amazed at how good I feel.

I stopped taking Percocet during the day time yesterday; only used Ibuprofin.

We slept in, then showered and ate, and headed out for a bit of shopping. After a couple stores and not a lot of food in me, I was not feeling too hot. A little food and a short nap better had me doing a bit better.

We had a get-together we had to attend. I was moving kinda slow and hunchy, I'm sure, but we made it, and it was a good time.

I've been wearing regular tshirts every day since surgery. You can't even tell anything has changed when I have them on - it is not obvious in the least. I've actually felt pretty frumpy. My stomach has been distended from the constipation and bloat (I weighed 128 the morning of surgery, Thursday - on Saturday afternoon, I weighed 135!), and I'm ready to wear a tank top again, or something that flatters, anyway. Without a shirt on, they look wonderful; with a shirt on, I can't see them! However, that's kind of what I wanted. I can supplement with a padded bra in a couple of months if I want to.

I'm now getting relief from the constipation and dropping the weight (back down to 129), but I'm eager to start exercising and getting my stomach into better shape - strength-wise and aesthetically. I'm excited to stop hiding the rocks and let them see a little light after they've softened and settled. I want to massage them, but I'm not supposed to start that until one week has passed. For now, I continue the stretches (and other stretching) cause my body just feels so tight.

We had sex last night. My nipples - or whole breasts, really - are numb. Please-oh-please, let that be temporary. On the other hand, I felt preeeeettttty sexy.

I walked for about 30-40 minutes today. I was very sluggish.

I know I'm probably missing some details I wanted to include, but I need to sneak a quick nap in before I have to make dinner, so I'm going to add some pictures and check in later.

It's good to have boobs. Even if they hurt a little all the time and I can't get my kids cereal in the morning without feeling it.

They seem to be dropping a bit the last couple of days. Today it seems like, with a bra and shirt on, that my right side is lower. Naked, my left nipple always seems to be pointing down more. All together, I don't notice a ton of asymmetry. I like the front view :)

So, many, photos of BOOBS on my phone.

My husband has always liked my, uh, "prominent" nipples. I feel like they're exhibitionists now. Like they're stretching forward to cross the finish line before the rest of the boob.

Anyway...

I took my dressings off in the shower this morning. I'd pull a little at a time, let the water run on it while I shaved my legs, then go back and pull some more. Pulling the tape - not the steri-strips, but the tape over the top - especially hurt on my right side, for some reason. The skin just felt very tender. But the water definitely helped the process and I'm happy to have that crap off of there.

Oh, that reminds me - shaving my armpits is a new ballgame! It feels like the implants are right in there, hanging out. I hope that changes in the coming weeks. Anyone else noticing this?

For the last 5 days I've only taken Ibuprofin during the day (I'm not very consistent about the schedule or amount) and then I add a Percocet at bedtime to help sleep well. Sleeping on my back is not my favorite thing. Between my back and my morning boob, it takes some shifting and stretching to feel well when I get out of bed.

Sometimes I feel like my chest muscles are twitching. It's bizarre. The rice crispies thing stopped after the first couple of days. I thought it was bizarre-neat and was kind of sad when it went away, ha.

The only other surgery I've ever had was a Cesarean about 6 months ago. With that recovery, I had to try to use my arms and not my abdominals when sitting up and standing. Now, it's the opposite; I try to only use my abs and engage my arms as little as possible. I took me a couple of days to get that down.

Overall, I can't really complain. I've mostly gone about my daily life as usual, just with some discomfort, and I feel extra wiped out at the end of the day.

On Tuesday (two days ago) I wore a fitted tank top with an approved sports bra underneath. My BFF said she couldn't even tell the difference; "You must have been wearing some really padded bras before!" Yeeeeppp.

That day I also went grocery shopping with my kids. A Costco trip was probably a stupid idea. I mean, yeah - it was not "probably" dumb - it definitely was. I spent that afternoon and yesterday being paranoid that I may have given myself a hematoma or two. But so far, so good - I think. I'll include a picture on this post of the color difference on my skin around my areolas. On each breast I have a large pinkish circle around the center. It's kind of hard to make out. I don't know what to make of it, but I sent it with my one-week email to my doctor's office; we'll see what they say.

I'm waiting to hear back from them before I start massaging.

My 4-year-old hasn't said a word about the new look. I talked to my 6-year-old about it about a month ago, but we haven't talked about it since. They've asked questions like "Why are you sore?" and "Why is there tape on your chest?" but nothing specifically about how I actually have breasts now. I've just answered their questions really vaguely or simply - I'm sore because of my doctor's appointment; I have tape on my chest because there are little cuts underneath. I did notice my 6-year-old eyeing my chest this morning, though. I don't know what she was thinking. It's been a relief, though - having two daughters, I've always had a lot of unease about this surgery. I'm not really sure what's age appropriate to talk about. They'll likely be flat-chested too, and I don't want them to automatically think there's anything wrong with that. Countless issues run through my head when it comes to them and this, so I'm relieved they haven't really asked anything directly yet. I'll deal with it when they do.

My 6-year-old's last day of school was yesterday. They had a family picnic on the lawn. I had originally wanted my surgery to take place AFTER the last day of school, so that when I saw those parents again, they wouldn't remember how I looked before. I just wore a loose shirt, and I'm sure no one even thought anything of it.

Yesterday I dragged them around the mall while I looked at clothes and tried some stuff on. I didn't buy anything (except for some expensive sports bras that are too big and I'll be returning. It was kind of nice to know that a "large" is too big - at least in that Jockey make) but it was SO.COOL. to try on some dresses and have them fit the way they did.

On the other hand, even with my fuller breasts, I still have my belly pooch with a bit o' saggy, stretched skin; forward-sloping shoulders; curved back and terrible posture. I can work on the posture. I may have Dr. Fryer do a tummy tuck in a few years, but jeez, the recovery on that is a bitch. Who's got time for that? Anyway, my point is, I love the boobs and I'll love them more as they settle - I'm especially glad for how I'll look in swimsuits now - but the surgery certainly didn't turn me into a smoking hot babe. But hey, who wants that kind of pressure and intimidation factor, anyway? ;)

We went to the pool last night. I hate not being able to get in. Hopefully this time next week I'll get the green light. It seems like 3 weeks is the norm, but I saw another gal's review today (who used my doc) who was cleared for baths/swimming at 16 days post. Crossing my fingers!

And again, very eager to get back to exercising. I'll keep up the walking in the meantime so I don't have to completely build back up. I snuck a few lunges into my morning constitutional the other day. I don't feel too bad about it since it wasn't upper body strength I was using. I just don't want to start completely cold in 4-5 weeks!

How's everyone else doing? I really love seeing others' updates. Such good reference points!

Hello, boob friends.

I just got back from the pool with my kids. I only stood in the water up to my waist, but it was nice to be in my suit and to get some sun on my boobified chest. We had the place to ourselves for about 30 minutes; it was nice and peaceful. It's been a good day.

I did some cleaning this morning, which was a little slower going than usual cause I was trying to go easy on my muscles. But good gracious, it's nice to walk on clean floors again!

I cut myself off from Percocet last night. I never could relate to addiction until I tried that stuff. It's so good. Whiiiiich is why I knew I needed to stop, even though I knew I wouldn't sleep as well without it. I took 3 Tylenol instead, and I slept okay. Haven't taken anything during the day for a while now. Driving is finally not uncomfortable anymore!

Still pretty sore in the mornings, and my nipples/underside of my breasts are painfully sensitive throughout the day. Yesterday, I felt a lot of small shocks going off in my left breast. Bizarre! But hopefully it's true what they say about it being the nerves getting back together. Joyful reunions...I hope it means my husband can make contact with my nipples again and have it be enjoyable instead of excruciating.

He's pretty well terrified of the boobs in general. He doesn't want to hurt me, it feels weird to him still, I think he's feeling some insecurities...Time will take care of all of it. I'll heal, they'll soften and settle, he'll realize he still has my heart, mind and body to himself, and then I hope he'll love them the way I do! He's going through a bit of a rough patch in general. We are good to have sex (there was some discussion about this on one of my previous posts. I checked with Dr. Fryer's office and was told that I have no restrictions for sex, as long as my heart rate stays below 120. I can do that. At least for 4 weeks ;) ) but for all those things I listed, he's not particularly in the mood. Told me it's just different and hard to get used to; that I felt a certain way for 10 years and now I'm different. It kind of made me sad. No, I'm not different - I'm still your loving wife, who's feeling sexier and I want you to enjoy this with me!

Massaging is going fine. Sometimes it hurts worse than others. Kinda weird. It's fun to know that I already love them and that they are (hopefully) only going to get better.

I've been buying bras like crazy - just soft, no-wire bras. I also bought a dress the other day that I'll wear to a wedding this weekend. It's a Prana; the kind of outdoorsy-brand dress I've always wanted to wear but never could. It has a built-in bra. I am PSYCHED.

Wish my incisions would move along so I could really be in the water. I'm ready for the 4 week mark...ready to build up some strength and move on with life! But - still very happy in the meantime :D

I gotta get moving, so I'm off to upload photos.

In my one-week post I mentioned that I had these kinda pink circles around my areolas. I forgot to post the picture, so here it is. I heard back from my doc's office that day; was told that it's nothing to worry about and that it will go away with massage and time. I don't see them anymore. All is well!

I am starting to wonder if these monsters are ever going to drop. I have to continuously remind myself that I'm not that far past surgery; not that far into recovery in terms of when they'll be fully healed and settled.

My incisions are healed up pretty well, though the scarring is a little freaky. See today's pictures: when I lift my arms, you can see the skin stretching. I've been massaging my scar gel into each one every time I get out of the shower. I put a dab of the gel on my middle finger and then rub a good, hard, 50 strokes across each scar. Hopefully with more massaging of the breasts and the scars, that'll all soften up and go away.

I'm a little disappointed to see that when I press my breasts together, I have a dent on the inside of my right boob. My right one also doesn't lift up as high under the skin as my left does. Neither one of those things matter much, since my breasts are rarely in a state of being pushed firmly together or pushed as high as they can possibly go, but it signifies less than ideal healing. I continue to massage the crap out of them and am optimistic that it will help those things go away.

I stopped taking anything for pain a couple of days after the two week mark. Morning boob has significantly decreased, thank goodness!

My nipples still often feel very tender, though, as well as the underside of my boobs.

I went ahead and got all the way into the pool on Tuesday, as I felt my incisions were healed enough to do so. It's nice to get in the water again, though I still can hardly swim. I do the bare minimum and move my arms pretty slowly. I think it will be a good way to ease those muscles back into action over the coming weeks.

I think VS's semi-annual sale is going on right now and at 3 weeks, I'm cleared to wear "regular" bras without underwires. I'm tempted to go get sized, but since they really haven't dropped at all, I don't think I will. Plus I'm bra-shopped out. I'll wait until they've settled a bit more and then go check the situation out.

Last weekend I got to wear a Prana dress with a built-in bra - something I'd never have been able to pull off before. It was glorious! We went out to dinner and then attended a wedding. My husband said a lot of men AND women were looking at me. I felt equally squeamish and happy about that. It's nice to feel attractive, but I only like getting attention to a certain extent. I mostly just don't make eye contact and then I don't notice whether I'm getting looked at or not. I like that solution. :) I had taken a photo of this but I deleted it without thinking of sharing it here.

Still feel like this was the best $5,000 I have ever spent, even if they were to stay as fake looking as they do right now, ha! Could do without the little pain strikes here and there and the general sensitivity, but will hope that another 3 weeks will see some of that disappear.

Jeesh, this is way past due. Oh well. Here are my boobs, 6 months after surgery. Never had any complications. I dig 'em.

Got sized at VS a couple of months ago. Apparently I'm now a 32DD. Doesn't make any sense to me; they're not that big. But the bra fits well, so I guess. I don't really care about the official size - those numbers and cup sizes all seem so arbitrary to me - I just like the way they look and I think they suit my body well.

I've been around family quite a bit and I don't know that any of them have suspected anything. I've yet to wear a swimsuit in front of most. I don't really care anymore, though. I'm glad I did it, so I don't care what they think.

That's about it!

All the nerves, the do-I-or-don't-I? back and forth...I'm so glad I did it. I just took advantage of VS's semi-annual sale and actually bought my first push-up bra since the surgery. Yikes! It was bizarre to order 32DDs (a size I'm both mortified of and ecstatic about ;) ), and have them fit well without even having tried them on.

I mostly prefer these simple sports bras, though. Comfortable and they look like camis under tank tops, without the adjustable hardware on them.

You can see how wonkily unbalanced my right and left are from each other in these photos, but it's something I laugh about. I'm just happy to have breasts. :)