Guess who got knocked up! -___-

Oh [RS bleep] I really wasn't expecting this, I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and no, I'm not happy about it. I already have four beautiful children who mean the world to me, and my youngest and a few days shy of 9 months. I never even thought about having another child I was moving forward with my life. I was working towards getting my sexy back and I was feeling good. I was losing weight eating semi right taking my vitamins and looking forward to the future. I guess all that positive energy turned something on in my man cause he was more affectionate towards me ([RS bleep] him). I was primed to get pregnant and I didn't know it. I don't get pregnant easily, we've been together for 12years. This was a shock, I didn't consider that the folic and all the other vitamins boost the bodys ability to become pregnant. I missed my period a couple of days ago and I knew it. I don't know what to do right now. I love my kids and can't imagine not having them and I look in their eyes and I'm like F***K. I was told that I could take the abortion pill and I have five weeks to decide if I want to do that. I just don't know if I can do that, even though I never planned for this. I don't think I can even control five children I might forget one in the park. I don't know, five is a large number, but then I remember that my grandmother had 15 and my sister in law is pregnant with twins giving her a total of 7 and she's not even thirty. If they can do it why can't I? That thought scraches the back of my mind alot, but I'm not like them, when I get prego I can't do [RS bleep], I cant walk, I can't even stand to take a shower. I get super big and alittle down cause I cant do [RS bleep] but lay there and eat. I can't do this, it's too much for my body. I should of tied my tubes when my doctor told me to. Then I think, I just lost my friend and maybe God is blessing me with a new life. And I also question who the [RS bleep] am I to end someone's life. It's not like I'm some twenty something girl who got knocked by her bf that shes not sure about. I'm 32 and I've been with my man for 12 years we have four children together. He is in as much shock as I am and he's saying he thinks we should take the pill and I looked at him like wtf? who are you right now? He said not right now our baby is still young and if we want to have a baby in the future we can, I should go get my surgery bla,bla, bla. but if I don't want to do that he would support what ever decision I make. I don't know what to do. We've had two abortions in the past and I regret having them we're talking 9 and 10 years ago. I just can't swallow a pill and be done with it not after all I've been through. We have a happy home life and our kids are happy. Money is not an issue cause I know we can support another child if we have too. I just wish I wasn't going through this right now. If you have any thoughts or advise please share them. I'll let you ladies know what I decide once I figure it out. And yess I know its not wise to get pregnant after a tt, I'm not listening to his bull. Its either we have this baby or we don't. I know I sound stupid right now I effed up. Not ur regular run of the mill update huh? I'm waaay off topic!

Hello RS Ladies,

I just found out two days ago that my bestfriend died on Monday. We haven't spoke in a while and I was pissed off at her for some thing that she said while she visiting and even though I missed her I would remember and stop myself from calling. Its been over a year since I spoke to her and I'm so angry at myself for being so selfish. I'm trying to see if I can fly back home for her funeral. I'm in shock and I still can't believe that she's gone.

Yesterday I went to get my hair done and one of the Ladies at the salon is leaving March 2nd to get lipoed and do the bags around her eyes. She's trying to convince me to go with her LOL. No way! I'm no way near prepared and I damn sure aint just gonna show up and go to some random Doctor. I love the fact that she dosn't want me to go alone but I don't think leaving on the fly is any better.